Apologize

There's a song out now that I am in love with. It's been out for awhile and I liked it when it came out, but the other night a group of a cappella singers did their version on the Sing Off. It's called Apologize and man, has it ever brought up alot of things for me to think about. And if you have never watched the Sing Off, you need to. Amazingly talented singers with no music who are some of the greatest artists I have ever heard. Incredible show and talent.

With all the tension that radiates this time of year, that song has hit a nerve with me. Although the song is about a love affair, it could just as easily apply to any relationship. At the park today, the big girl's friend AF was at it again. It seems like a non-stop thing with her. If she isn't being mean and snarky to someone, she isn't happy. To top it off, today she apparently put on a stellar performance for her mother. She had another friend's mom charging to the park on the warpath to chastise and punish her daughter for something that didn't quite happen the way AF made it seem. After talking to the mom, we calmed her down. She does want her daughter to aplogize for her behavior, but really she was defending herself. To apologize seems wrong to me, but I understand her reasoning. And, really, not my family to make the decision. To agree or not is not my place. We did all say our piece to the mom, and hopefully it helped. But will AF apologize? Probably not. Will AF accept any responsibility for her actions? No, because she plays her mom like a fiddle. But things are about to back fire. The big girl and her friend have decided that they can no longer be her friend. They need to take a break and regroup, so to speak. They need to walk away to save themselves. Walk on.

The incident today made me reflect on my relationship with my SIL. I was the first in the DIL line. She came after me. But when we first met, we were civil and friendly to each other. Things took a turn for the worse. For many years we were barely civil, saying things and doing things that were very hurtful to each other. Somehow, when we started having babies, we were able to be friends again. That went well for awhile. Then, she sort of dumped me, if you will. She didn't agree with a decision that hubby and I had made so she pulled back all of her support, including her friendship. There went that relationship. It was back to hurtful and spiteful. I did eventually apologize for my words and actions and took responsibility for my part in the hurt. I will never be her friend again, but that is what it is. I didn't apologize to her expecting one in return. That would have been stupid. But what still gripes me is that she has taken no responsibility for her words or actions, like it was all my fault.

What is that about? Why do some people think they have done nothing wrong? If I have offended you, tell me. I will apologize for hurting you. I may not apologize for my words. I firmly believe that if you have the balls to say something, you need to have the balls to own those words. Regardless of the situation, whether there were circumstances involving anger or alcohol, or both or something else, be responsible for what comes out of your mouth. And I will never say anything behind your back that I won't say straight to your face.

Apologizing doesn't mean that all is right and we can go back to status quo. I liked the way I put it in another blog. I will give you enough rope to hang yourself, then I will kick the chair out from under you. I carry the feelings of any situation with me. If it was happy, I feel that joy when I tell about that situation. I feel the anger or sadness or excitement or whatever emotion came with that experience.

Because I feel those emotions, I used to have a hard time forgiving. Forgiveness is so freeing though. I can still feel anxious and uptight when I see certain people, but that doesn't mean I haven't forgiven them. I can forgive, but I need to learn how to forget. I don't mean forget the action or word or deed, but forget the emotion that came along with it. Taking responsibilty for yourself is so freeing to the other party as well. You can take all of that emotion and focus on something else. That is a hard lesson to learn, but one that is so worth it.

The only person I can control is me. Have you ever tried to control me? Honey, that is a full time job plus some. When hubby and I talked about getting married, I told him I was more woman than one man could handle. He said he was up to the job. Let's just say, some days are better than others. To wrap this up, take responsibilty for yourself. Apologize if you need to. Saying you're sorry and not meaning it is one of the worst things we can do. "I'm sorry" is useless. Apologize and mean it.

Enough is Enough

I just can't take it anymore. The stress of the holiday season is just too much this year. I don't know what has made it harder. I don't know if I am weaker at heart and soul or if people are just stupider. Thanksgiving made it clear to hubby and I that we just cannot go through this year after year after year. Done. So we made some decisions. They are pretty important decisions and, on the surface, will make things easier. But I know the phone calls will start soon.

We are not spending Christmas with his family. We just cannot do it. When hubby and I married, we decided it was us against the world. I have always said that I don't care if we live in a cardboard box as long as we have each other. When the kids came along, it was as long as I had hubby and the kids. We just cannot do the fighting and arguing and the little snarky digs. Done. Enough is enough.

I've already told the kids, but he has yet to tell his parents. I am so stressed out I am on the verge of tears every time I turn around. Hubby's ulcer has fired back up, and very painfully. We try not to let the kids know what's going on, but they know that something is happening. I have very intelligent kids. It's not worth our sanity, our marriage, our family, our peace to go through this. Enough is enough.

Hopefully we will have a stress free holiday. Well, as stress free as we can. Hopefully, we can enjoy the holiday for the real meaning, and not the trap of commercialism and outdoing our friends and family. Enough is enough.

Gobble This

Thanksgiving sucked for me. I should preface that statement by saying that the holidays usually suck for me. I miss my family. I miss the way we did things. I miss being around people that generously and unequivocally love us. I have come to the point that being around hubby's family just sets me on edge. And since my day started with fighting, me saying I wasn't going, and telling hubby I would have a bag packed and ready for him to get out when he brought the kids home, I would have to say that yes, my day SUCKED. On a bright note, I did go, practically told my MIL that she was a stupid bitch for coddling her sons, and hubby still lives with us. I guess all's well that ends well. Almost, anyway.

I don't have time for whiners. Yes, I may whine and complain, but at least I try to face whatever issue it is. To condone bad behavior, to coddle a fool, is not what I am made of. Cowboy, or cowgirl, up and ride. Figure out what needs to be done, ask for help, but to wait for karma to kick someone in the ass is useless. Kick 'em in the ass yourself and let's move on. I do not suffer fools.

Depression is my illness. Today it wrapped itself around me like a well worn, comfortable blanket. The problem is that although it is well worn since I have had it for as long as I can remember, it is not comfortable. It is grating and prickly. I actually had to pull away from my family today to sleep, to block out the voice that were whispering in my ear how useless I am, whispering that my marriage was a wreck and I was to blame.

My feelings are hurt. My emotions are raw. I need to be numb. I do not want to feel this tonight. Tonight I will numb myself with Wild Turkey, which I don't usually do. I would much rather have a big, fat sack to roll and smoke and forget that I hurt, but that isn't happening. Tonight I hide from the pain, I hide from myself, and I hide from my issues. Tomorrow I face them head on. Tomorrow seems so far away, but will be here before I know it. Tonight, I just don't want to feel or think.

You want honest, well there it is.

Party Planning

I can throw you one hell of a party. I am a great party planner. I try to plan for the occasion, picking out activities that the attendees will enjoy. I can't stand to go to a dull party. I am telling you now, though, unChristian as it may be, I am done planning events for our church. It is not worth the headache, the hassle, the snarky ass attitude it produces in me.

I planned our annual Trunk or Treat again this year. Last year was phenomenal. We had about 20-25 cars, all decorated and full of candy. You have to love sno cones and popcorn and bounce houses. We had 2 bounce houses, 1 for big kids and 1 for littles. Tons of kids showed up. I ran out of candy, even after opening a couple of bags of donated candy. We even ran late because of the number of kids we had. Clean up didn't take that long and we were out and home in record time. Fantastic! Except for the fact that I got bitched at because it wasn't on Halloween. Are you serious? Fine, be that way. Nevermind the tons of people that came and enjoyed and couldn't believe it was free! Nevermind the kids that laughed and played and smiled and went home happy, happy, happy. Nevermind your crotchety attitude.

This year, it was a youth sponsored event. This year was about the same. We had candy, popcorn, and snocones. Instead of a bounce house we had a slide. We even added pumpkin painting this year. After a big snafu with that, one of our youth volunteers got them for free. Nice score, S! That was a hit. Everything would have been great except for one thing. We only had 10 cars this year. Last year they were packed in as tightly as they could be. This year all but 1 belonged to a youth parent or youth. Are you kidding me? The kids that showed had a great time, but even that attendance was down. We had so much candy left over, we could start our own shop. And where were the people that bitched at me last year that the event was on the wrong day?

They weren't there, that's for damn sure. I am very frustrated with the attitude of the people at our church. If it does not directly involve them bitching about something at the church, it's not important. We had hired a company to come in to teach our church how to be a church. It isn't working. Know what I'm going to hear now? Why did I plan the event on Halloween? Because that was the day that was available for us. That was the day that the youth had decided to do it. That was the day we did it, you didn't show up to help, so kiss my ass.

I am trying to focus on the fact that the youth did an outstanding job. I am trying to focus on the fact that there is a core group of people that support our kids. I am trying to focus on the fact that hopefully the kids that were there had a great time stuffing candy and junk down their throats before they went home. I am trying to remember that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him participate in church events. I am trying to hold my head high and know that a great event was planned. And I am glad it was my last one.

It Is What It Is

That has become my mantra. I probably say it a million times a day. I say it to remind myself that there are some things that I can't control, that I can't change. It isn't always easy and sometimes I have to bitch. Good thing I have a blog where I can do that.

I have a friend that had an interesting post the other day. It was about how people assume things just by the way we look. She gets asked all sorts of questions because she looks Asian. She was, however, adopted and knows nothing about her biological parents. People ask her really stupid questions, but they aren't trying to be rude. They have made an observation based on her appearance. I get that. I mean that literally and figuratively. I understand that that can be a conversation that she is tired of having with complete strangers. But I also get that same type of questioning. Because I have dark eyes, hair, and skin, people assume that I am hispanic. I'm not. I've had people tell me that I don't appreciate my heritage. Now, that one pisses me off. If I was hispanic, I would be proud of it. I'm not, though. People walk up to me speaking Spanish. I understand more than I speak so my response is no habla. The kicker here is that it is what it is. People are going to assume. They are going to make asses of themselves. I am going to make an ass of myself. But we can accept it's going to happen and get over it or we can wear a big sign that says, "I'm not what you think I am". Can you imagine the questions that would cause?

There is a girl in the big girl's dance class whose mom is crazy. Every time it comes up that we home school, she actually turns her nose up. She has nothing good to say about it or me. But, you know what? It is what it is. She has her opinion. I just try to represnt this family and our home school community with dignity. I could bitch slap her (so tempting sometimes) or I can just let her make a fool of herself. The fact that her husband was on the local school board at one time should make her realize what a great option to public school home schooling is. Instead, she gets that tone in her voice. Instead of focusing on the negative things she has to say, I only talk about the positive. Don't think I am freaking PollyAnna, though. I'm just saying that she and I in a dark alley is not a good combo.

We have some things working that I can't discuss yet. That part is killing me. When we have confirmation, I will. But the waiting is killing me. I just want people to realize that lives are waiting for the yes or the no. Not their lives, but still. I have to sit still and tell myself it is what it is. Worrying, waiting on pins and needles isn't going to make the decisions happen quicker. It isn't going to take away the stress. It's going to eat me alive if I let it. Sometimes I like to wallow around in it and be miserable for a little while. Then I'm done.

Overtime this summer has been almost non existent. We had made great strides bill wise last summer, but there we go digging the hole again. We live on overtime. Without it, the bills don't get paid. We end up relying more on credit cards to get us through. Then we're back in the same hole when it's all over. Hubby and I have taken a couple of steps to try to change that including some serious budgeting that works most of the time, but not always. It is what it is. We do what we have to do to feed our kids, keep a roof over our head, whatever. Worrying about it at this time isn't going to help. Doing what we can, what is best for our family will. And prayer is a phenomenal thing.

So that's my list for what it's worth. Even that is what it is. Just keep repeating it over and over. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is.

What?!?

Has it really been 10 days since I blogged on here? That is just the craziest thing if you ask me. No wonder I feel so ugh. Bullet points, please.

• I have a headache. I am doing everything I can to keep it from going to a migraine. I have had migraines since I was 5. I have a sneaking suspicion that our trip to the chocolate factory has something to do with it. I have so much medication in me, I feel itchy and I can't sleep. I will sleep for about an hour, but it's that floaty in and out of dream land sleep. So, I only took meds this morning and have tried to take things very carefully. Hot showers with the water pounding straight onto my forehead help me, too. Lots of those. Somehow, I did manage to get six loads of laundry done. And I only fussed at the kids once.
• Referring back to the first bullet point, we took a field trip to a chocolate factory. OMG, I could not work there. I would weigh 800 pounds and always have a headache. Not good no matter how you look at it. We went to the beach after and had a blast. I love going to the beach in October.
• I got to help my friend M get ready for a local craft fair that is HUGE. She recently started her own candy company called Ambrosia Candies. Fantastic stuff. It's made from a family recipe that has been handed down from generation to generation. The candy smelled so good, it was all I could do to not lick every piece that came by me. On the bright side, every piece that came by me was already shrink wrapped.
• Hubby and I will not be making our trip to Hawaii next year. We have been saving, but some recent things came up that needed to be taken care of. Slowly but surely, our savings have dwindled. So we are hopeful that we can get some other things taken care of and continue to save. We are looking forward to 2012. Maybe. If the world doesn't end. I need to call my dad and let him know. I am not looking forward to that conversation.
• I have been unmotivated lately to do anything. I think my depression had set in. When I get like that, I would rather spend all day on the couch and watch TV then cook or clean or blog apparently. I finally feel like I am coming out of it. Most of the time, when I am depressed, it leads to a lack of motivation. I still get us where we need to go, it just takes me longer to do it. It wreaks havoc on my already nonexistent time management skills. But, I feel the upswing coming.

That's all you get for now. I'll be back. Now, I think I'll go make dinner. That's something I haven't felt like doing in a long time.

Conflicted and Convicted

Nothing like staring it in the face. Nothing like taking the bull by the horns. I could metaphor this half to death, but instead I'll just get on with it. I use this blog as my therapy, so what happens here, stays here. This is MY place to let it all hang out and feel safe about it. Here I go.

Hubby and I are firm believers that when our kids are involved in a program, we need to be involved. We can monitor content, make sure our kids are safe and cared for, make sure our kids are getting what they need from the program. Hubby and I have been volunteering for the last year and a half with our youth program. We have enjoyed getting to know all the kids. It has been awesome to be accepted by them, loved by them, trusted by them. That last one is hard to earn. But we have two other kids that aren't ready for that program yet.

Once again, we are involved with a program with a small group of core volunteers while no one else from the church steps up and takes advantage of an amazing opportunity. Once again, I am burned out and exhausted and overwhelmed at times. This was not what we signed up for, but we knew what we were going to get. Our church has talked about change and even hired a company to help us change. But what I feel like we've gotten is Obama on a smaller scale. Pay us lots of money and we'll give you very little in return.

Case in point: our new youth director. As a person, he seems very sincere. As a youth director, he's starting to irritate. I am a very type A personality. Can you tell? Anyway, get in, get it done. I am not one for lolly gagging when there is work to be done. I like to get the work done so I can rest on my laurels. He hasn't done that. He has slowly worked his way around, observing, trying to figure out the dynamics. Here's a clue: I'm the loud mouth that will fight with you and go toe to toe for what I believe is right for the kids. I am the one that will express my opinion and express it loudly. Here's my opinion now: jump in. Take control, do your job, let the kids know that you are there for them. Quit hanging back and let the kids know that you want this job and you want them.

We have been so busy with our youth kids that our younger two have made the sacrifices. That is so not fair to them. While hubby and I volunteer, they are watched by people that don't love them nearly as much as we do. While they are adequate babysitters, they can't possibly give our kids what they need. We keep hearing reports from two of them that the baby is giving attitude. She was, don't get me wrong. But hubby and I took control of that. I'm not sure what they are talking about now. I asked the boy, who is always up for a way to get his sister in trouble, what was going on. He has no idea. Hubby and I are tired of hearing it.

We have decided that a changes need to happen. One is that hubby will stop volunteering. Our youngest two need some parental attention, so they are going to get it. We have relinquished their care to others for too long. Our youth director may need to step up now that he is the only male. But our focus is on our family. Our focus is on what's best for our kids. I am going to pull back some, and hopefully make room for someone else to step in. I doubt anyone will, but the new youth director has a wife that may be able to fill my shoes.

We lost focus for awhile. We feel like we need to change the direction of the race we are running. We feel like we cannot possibly do our best for the youth, for our family, if we are conflicted about our responsibilities. We need to stop, take a breath, and listen for guidance from the one who needs to be guiding us. God is who leads us, but we have been trying to lead Him. So, with some sadness, but also with great joy, we are convicted once again to put our (my) pettiness aside and put our attention and our efforts where they should have been all along.

Some Things to Say

It's just another random blog. I have a few things running through my brain that need to come out. The more junk I get rid of, the more I can replace it with. Between my addictions to curriculum and bullet points, you would think there wouldn't be room for my addictions to chocolate and shoes. At least here I can indulge my bullet point addiction. Speaking of which, here they come...

• GMA is looking for an advice guru. I thought about applying, but I don't want to get fired. Hubby says they would have to edit my advice anyway. Something about bleeps or some such nonsense. I can keep it clean, I just choose not to sometimes. And really, stupid people piss me off. I'm not sure I could take it. My politics don't match the politics of that particular broadcast. I don't like Obama, they kiss his ass. May not be the best match ever.
• Childhood obesity- who's fault is it? It's the parent's. You don't know that? Look at what you feed your kids. Do you stop at McDonald's and feed your kids more than you go to the grocery store? We pack snacks wherever we go and my family brings water bottles. It takes a little extra effort, but my kids fight over apples like other kids fight over french fries. OK, they fight over those, but only because they don't get them very often. It's too expensive for our family to pull through the take out window. Stop blaming the schools and take responsibility.
• I had a great Facebook debate with someone I don't even know. A friend had posted a comment about the POTUS that I liked, Apparently, her friend didn't. I tried to defend my friend and got into a vigoroue debate. Hubby is not one for confrontation and gets a little nervous when I debate politics with people. I am very confident in my debating skills. The best thing about an online discussion: no yelling. Well, not that the other person can hear.
• I am ready for elections to be over. Stop all the finger pointing, the blaming, the blah, blah, blah. Shut up! I want to know what you want to accomplish. Don't tell me what you are going to do because you are lying. Yes, I called the politicians liars. Most of the things they promise won't come to fruition because it's all about the committees. It doesn't make it through the committee, it doesn't make it. Watch "I'm Just a Bill" from SchoolHouse Rock. It'll tell you how it works.
• Finally, cooler weather. Love it. It was 72 in my house this morning when hubby and I got up. Love great snuggle weather. I wish hubby was here to snuggle. My kids are snuggled in their beds. I can open the windows and let the breeze blow through and clear out the stuffy air. Good thing I have the neti pot to clean out the pollen and dust when it settles in my sinuses. To every down side, there is an up side. And I have some great chili recipes that I really want to try. Chili in the summer is just not the same. I'll eat it, don't get me wrong. It's just better when it's cooler.
• Bald is beautiful. I am watching Bruce Willis and I think he is just getting sexier and sexier. My blog, my opinion. Moving on...
• The pool is no more. Hubby and I are going to start filling in the hole. The frame work is aluminum, so it's going to be recycled and put a little cash in our pockets. The liner we are either going to return, or try to sell. But at long last, the pool saga is winding down and coming to an end. Ahhh, closure.

That's it everybody. Thanks for helping clear out the junk. You can almost guarantee I'll be back with more.

Parental Rights

I guess I have parenting on the brain or something. I am not an expert, I just know what works for our family. I also can tell that some things are not working for others. We are raising our future leaders, people. If we raise a bunch of whiny, sniveling, snot nosed, it's all about me kids, I can only imagine how our lives will go. Case in point...

1. I was at the library. All my local readers and friends know how much I LOVE our local library. It's the people that work there I have issue with. That's beside the point, so back to the point. As I am standing in line the other day, the woman in front of me was getting on my nerves. She had three kids, the oldest maybe seven, the youngest was about four. The oldest boy, who is the middle child, was all over the place. Big sister had to go get him as he was running through the stacks screaming, "Come find me." Really? Sister brings him back to the counter where he promptly boosted himself up to see behind the counter. All short kids do that. It was the fact that he was still screaming. What did mom do? Nothing, really. "If you don't stop, we'll put all the movies back." Empty, idle threat. She wasn't about to put them back. You know why? Then they wouldn't be occupied when they got home and she would have to deal with them. He was everywhere, running at top speed, running into people while mom said meekly, "Stop that and come here." Yeah, not working, mom. Be the parent.
2. I have a friend that is a public school teacher. She is getting flak from a parent because she chastised a student for improper dress. Teach her how to dress properly, mom, and this wouldn't come up. You should see the pictures from a Texas high school of the girls that were not allowed into prom. Apparently, there was more haging out than was covered up. I would never let my daughter go out like that. The excuse I hear more than any other regarding school uniforms is that it stops fighting about what your child is wearing to school. We never had that argument. Want to know why? Because I would pick out the clothes. This home is not a democracy. They don't get a vote. Be the parent.
3. A friend went to a girl scout meeting last night with her daughter. The meeting before, the leader had asked that no one play the piano or play with the basketball goal. You would think should have been enough. One little boy promptly picked up the basketball and started playing. My friend asked him twice to stop and he didn't. Well, he did, but only until she walked away. She went to the mother and the mother was rude to her. I wonder where the defiant behavior comes from? Another played the piano. Same thing happened. And we wonder where kids today get their sense of entitlement? Be the parent.
4. There is not supposed to be any cell phone use during class at our local schools. Half the time, the kids are texting or posting on their Facebook pages, or Tweeting. At one of our schools, it's supposed to be an automatic suspension. When the teachers won't say anything, when the parents get the text or see the post on Facebook and they don't do anything, either, what are the kids supposed to think? One teacher I know said she was afraid she would get beat up or shot. Good grief, people, grow a spine. Be the parent.

Our rights as parents mean that we need to BE THE PARENT. We are not their friends, we are their mentors, their support, their parent. While I have great children, they are not perfect. They are, however, polite, respectful, and know they will get whooped if they even dared to think of half the stuff these other kids get away with. This is their life we are talking about. This is our future as well as theirs. Be the parent.

Short Skirts and High Heels

About a year or so ago, I got sucked into Facebook. Man, oh, man. Sometims it's a good thing. I have reconnected with some old friends, I am able to see pictures of family that I haven't seen in years, and it's yet another way to keep in touch with those that are far away. It's also horrible for my self confidence.

I had lots of dreams when I was growing up. Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? I do. For a long time I wanted to become a veterinarian. Then I found out how much school is involved. I was in middle school when I found that out, so that much school was more than I wanted to do. Then I wanted to join the Air Force and become a helicopter pilot. Ooh, bad attitude and the military, not a good combination. This was, by the way, during the time they could still yell at you. I would have gotten myself in some major trouble. Then one day, I was watching TV. I watched TV every day, but this had a profound effect on me. It was a story about Sea World and the dolphin trainers. That was the one thing I settled on. It became THE dream.

I took three years of biology and loved it. I also had the best biology teacher ever. I was set and ready when I graduated. I had already decided that I was going to go to a junior college (also known as a community college) to start with. Get all the basics out of the way in a little more relaxed atmosphere and call it good. I even got a freshman scholarship. I took 16 hours my first semester and 14 the second. It was free and I was going to get as much out of it as I could. One problem, though. I expected help to get through the rest of college. I didn't get it.

I was expecting help from my parents to pay for college. I didn't get any. None. Nada. Zip. To be fair, after they told me they would help me, it was at the end of my freshman year. I had gotten through with straight A's. I was so angry at them, I decided that I would put myself through school. I was almost done when I got a job transfer that I really wanted. I told myself I would go back. I didn't and still haven't. I would like to complete my degree soon, but right now, homeschooling three kids, I don't think I could give them the quality education they deserve if my nose is shoved in a book studying.

So back to Facebook now that I have taken you on this long road trip. I look at the roads that my friends have taken and feel like putting my head under a pillow. I have friends that have gone on to become doctors, lawyers, and Indian chiefs. I was expected to go on and do great things with my life. I was supposed to be working at Sea World (in San Antonio, not Orlando) with dolphins as my best friends. Instead, I'm a stay at home mom. I had someone tell me I was too smart to just be a mom. Thanks, but what does that mean? It apparently means that I am not living up to my potential.

It also means that all those insecurities that I have rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune time. It digs at my self confidence until I feel like I can't do anything right. It means that I can't wear short skirts or everyone will see my insecurities for what they are. It means that I am human and have issues and, finally, I am Ok with me not being perfect. I am finally free to live my life the way it is, not the way it should have been.

It means that I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about my life. Am I living up to my potential? Hell, yeah. I am teaching three smarty pants kids about life and books and the love of learning. I am teaching my family about love and kindness and the right way to say please and thank you. I am raising three children to become bright, upstanding people that are shining stars in this world. It also means that every time my insecurities start showing, I lower the hem on my skirt so you can't see them.

We all have moments that make us feel that we have taken the wrong path. We all have moments that our insecurities are on display for everyone to see. We all have those times, and these are the ones that need to stay in the forefront of our minds, that we know what we are doing with our lives is so much better than anything we could have planned. The next time I see that a friend has gone on to bigger and better things than I have accomplished I will probably allow myself a little whiny time. Then I will put on my short skirt and my high heels and embrace myself, insecurities and all.

Parenting Sucks

Notice I didn't say being a parent sucks. It doesn't. I love my kids and I love being a mom. It's the decions that suck. Some days, I just don't want to be the parent. I want to be young and irresponsible and make decions based on wants instead of need.

Our big girl is getting to the age that some of her activities conflict with other activities and we have to leave her. Or we don't want to sit around for an hour while she takes voice or practices with the band or dances or whatever. We have talked about getting her a cell phone. Is that not the scariest thing? Your child needs a cell phone? I would have loved to have a cell phone when I was a kid. I don't remember hogging the phone at home, but I remember Big Sis hogging it. Mermie had to finally get us our own phone line. I would like for it to be that simple. Just add a line at the house and call it good. Hubby gets a discount on a home phone. Cell phones are the bane of my existence. I'm not giving mine up, just so you know. Unless we get a free one when we add the big girl in a couple of months. Then I get the free one and she gets mine, because that's the way the world works. When the kids start driving (I cannot believe I just went there), they get hand me downs, and hubby and I get the new.

I had to drop my tap class. I love my tap class. This year, schedule wise, we would have been in the same predicament as last year. It would have left us with a very long Wednesday and four snarky people at the end of the day. Or we would have to drive home to turn around a couple of hours later and make the trip again. Not doing it. It's over an hour round trip. That's great for listening to a book on CD, but not so great for trying to get anything done. I don't like feeling like I have to hurry and get things done because I have to leave the house again. We plan trips with multiple stops so we don't have to go to town too often, or just for one thing. It saves time and gas that way. So do I give up something I love so the baby can dance? Well, yeah, that's what parents do. I would rather see her face light up with joy. That gives me more joy than any other thing. I love for my kids to be happy.

How do I make all their dreams come true? How do I make sure that they are well rounded individuals? I love them. We have been blessed that we have found pretty inexpensive ways to foster their dreams. Dance is our big expense. It really isn't that bad, and we get alot for our money. I like that. We have a friend giving the voice lessons, and we got a great deal on it. The big girl gets lessons from a classically trained singer and we get to help someone work her way through college. Book club for the big girl at a local library, chess club at a different library for the boy. Both of those are free. Foster the love of books in the big girl and get the boy to develop thinking and reasoning skills.

Will we buy them their first car? No, but we'll help them. They need to get a job and their own money and learn how to handle their own fundage. Will we pay for college? We'd like to be able to. Depending on where they go, we may need some hefty grants and scholarships. We will do what we can to help our kids reach and surpass all their goals and dreams. If we keep making right decisions.

Griping

That's what's on the agenda for today. You would think after not posting for awhile I would come up with a really great political post or even a thoughtful, rambling post. Nope. Tonight, you get bullshit. Ready? Let's go.

• Many years ago, after the boy was born and really for a short time after the baby was born, I had really let myself go. I wore my glasses all the time, my hair was always up in a scrunchy, I rarely wore makeup, and my clothes were to cover my body. I know people were wondering how in the world I could have gotten pregnant and if my husband was blind. I started to realize that hubby works hard for this family and he didn't deserve to come home to a slobby wife. I try to make my self presentable when he comes home and when we go out. I want him to be proud to be seen with the beauty that he married. That being said, what is the deal with women walking around in tank tops with bra straps showing, hair as messy as can be and up in a scrunchy, and flip flops? Do you not know how awful you look? They have these things you can now buy almost anywhere that will clip to your bra straps. It keeps your straps from showing. Flip flops lead to jiffy store feet. You know what that is don't you? It's black feet like you were walking barefoot in the convenience store. Nasty, ala Britney Spears. And do something with your hair. Make yourself look good, you make yourself feel good.
• There is a preacher in Gainesville that is having a Koran burning. I am highly opposed to burning books. I am highly opposed to terrorism as well. I know. There are peace loving Muslims out there. Where? I don't see them trying to foster warm fuzzy feelings about their peace loving religion. I know there have been many wars fought in the name of God. If you look at the history of many of those wars, they had nothing to do with God. God was used as an excuse. In this case, Allah is being used as an excuse. He is being used as an excuse to fly planes into buildings, to kill innocent people that disagree with rhetoric, and to keep our soldiers away from their families. All I have to say is we all have a right to protest in our own way. (Original comment deleted at hubby's request)
• I have said previously that I would not say a negative word about hubby. I changed my mind. Monday was mow the yard day. I like to mow what we like to call the back 40. I wish it was forty acres in the back of 1160, but it's the other half of our acre that's just yard. I like to mow it because I don't have to go around anything but myself. I make big squares, then when I've mowed enough it turns to these funky elliptical things because I mow crooked. Hubby is much better at backing up the mower and getting the corners. He doesn't freak out when he has to squeeze the mower through this teeny opening to get past the back patio and over to the tree. He works our 6 six year old, very poorly maintained, shakes and makes all kinds of weird noises lawnmower like it's a brand new, zero radius machine. He drives the lawn mower like he drives his work van. You can tell the man is confortable and confident with his driving skills. I have to make snake patterns back and forth to get a tiny patch. He's cutting most of the yard around the house in reverse. Whatever, dude, what...ever.
• I start dance tomorrow. Lovin' it. I have missed it so much. I haven't put my shoes on since class last year. I am so excited to see my dance friends. I am so excited to hear the tippity tap, tippity tap. I love to tap dance. It is amazing and energizing and fun, fun, fun. You should take a tap class, or any kind of dance that you are interested in, at least once. None of that nonsense about no rhythm or grace or any other excuse. It's not about that. And you eventually get just a little bit of that anyway.

That's it I guess. It's late and I'm tired. I'll try not stay gone so long next time. See ya' on the flip side.

Long and Winding Road

Not really. Just a long winded me. I've got another rambling blog. I can't seem to settle on one topic, so you get whatever happens to come out of my mouth. Or out of my keyboard.

• Last night was book club. I had a really good time. I like having the opportunity to maybe read some things I haven't read before. I also got to see some friends that I haven't seen for awhile. And the best part, I've already read the book for next time. I am really glad I do not have to fight the library. I am so tired of fighting them. At least the kids have turned in their books and are fine free. The people that work there drive me crazy.
• I have felt a little off kilter lately. I'm not sure why or what to do about it, but I have this foggy feeling. I don't feel disconnected, I just don't feel completely connected. Hubby said he's noticed, but he knows I get this way sometimes. I wish he knew why so I could fix it. If I've been a little snarky with you, sorry.
• I still have a hole in my backyard where the pool is supposed to go. I told hubby I'm done. I cannot be attached to the thought of a pool in our back yard. I have half a mind to ship the liner back and get my money back. I'm ready to fill it in and ge have my yard again.
• It's rained so much I haven't been able to use my clothesline. It is a blessing to have the rain, but my electric bill is higher now. On a bright note, it was so sunny today, I got to hang two loads out. I even managed to get them both in the house by the time the sky opened up and let it fly. Gotta love the rain.
• Lots of rearranging going on here. I have to clean out the big girl's closet, clean out ours, move a computer and a desk, get rid of a computer and move another desk, and buy a couple of dressers. Yeah, that shouldn't take long. I'll squeeze it in between bonbons and soaps. I don't remember the last time I watched a soap. I don't think I've ever had bonbons. I did just have a piece of ice cream cake that was really good. But it was dessert after dinner, not a mid day snack.
• I couldn't text for two days. I could receive, I just couldn't send. Hubby and I were looking at something and realised that some how some of the numbers weren't quite right. We fixed it and I can text now. I love texting. I hate paying for it, but I like having the option.

It wasn't too bad, was it? I tried not to keep you too long. Of course, after the boredom sets in, trouble shows up. I feel like that Mayhem guy in the Allstate commercials. Only cuter.

Random Blog

I'm in a rambling mood tonight. I've been watching too much Fox News, too much reality TV, and reading too many books. Wait, scratch that last one. There is no such thing as reading too many books. On with the show...

• I have read and read this summer. It has been wonderful. I can't even tell you everything I've been reading. I did read the Sookie Stackhouse books. Those were a fun read. I saw the HBO series before I ever knew there were books. I've requested the season 1 and 2 from the library. I did finally get to attend a book club meeting. I've been on the email list for at least a year now, but couldn't make the meeting. I even read the book. I've been reading the next book while I read about two or three others as well. I've read a lot of smut this summer, too. Just some really quick reads that are a little fluffy and some super sexy stuff. Books, books, books. I could never have a Kindle. I love holding the book, feeling the pages, hearing them turn.
• I've been watching a bunch of trash on TV. Summer is not good for me. I spend my days lazing around reading books and watching TV. It's too stinking hot outside to do anything else. I have to say that I am a Real Housewives of New Jersey fan. My favorite has to be Jacqueline. I like them all, but I seem to relate to her better. It is like watching a train wreck. You just can't stop watching while things just get crazier and crazier. I like most of the Real Housewives, except Atlanta. I just can't relate. It's a great marketing tool, but it's not for me.
• Computers suck. My desktop blew the modem somehow. We're having issues getting one to work. I find that funny since hubby installs them on almost a daily basis. I need a printer for my laptop, and I can get online with my laptop and print, so the modem thing is no big deal, except it IS a big deal, and I want it to work. Everytime I turn on my laptop for the last two or three days, my McAfee tells me it's having issues, but every time I try to fix it, it doesn't fix. Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! Like I said, computers suck.
• It's been raining here. It's not just the nice gentle showers I like. It's that pounding, blinding, scare the wits out of you thunder storms. I guess a storm isn't a storm without lots of lightning. We have had some serious boomers over the house. We love to have the rain since June and July were so blasted dry. It's been extra hot here, too, so the rain feels good in the afternoon. At least it feels good until the sun comes back out and it gets ultra sweltery. The rain keeps hubby working, though, so all I have to say is rain, baby, rain.
• I was having a conversation with someone one time and we were discussing writing and I think I got dissed. The comment was "I don't write all that flowery stuff." I have some pretty long sentences that tend to be flowery, so I was wondering if this person was talking about me. I'm pretty sure they've read my stuff. If not, sorry I brought it up. If so, to each his own. I still enjoy the way you write.
• I have been downloading songs left and right. I know there are tons of sites that I could get free music from, but I still choose to use iTunes. I get a gift card every couple of months and pay for it that way. That way I don't get a surprise on my credit card. The big girl has asked for some songs. Hubby even asked for one. Ok. I like having new stuff to listen to. I did splurge and buy Eminem's new CD. It is fantastic. I really wanted the not so much potty mouth version. I know that's weird coming from me, but it just gets to be too much. I couldn't find the clean version so I can't listen to it with my kids, but I can put it on my iPod.

That's about it, I guess. Just stuff. I'm sure I've left out a lot like my opinion of the first lady's trip to Spain. I told you I've been watching too much Fox News. You should check it out sometime. Curl up on your couch, grab a bowl of popcorn and a good book, and flip between the housewives and the news. There's an idea.

Oh, Baby

I want another baby. I have had baby fever for quite awhile now. I have wanted another baby pretty much since I had the last one. As the doctor was tying my tubes, I was bawling my eyes out. Hubby was the one that didn't want any more and he talked me into closing the factory. Lack of funds and poor management, two factors in today's economy as well, were both important, but not the main reason, hubby wanted to do that.

I do great pregnancies. It's the delivery hubby doesn't much care for. I do C-sections. Frankly, after 48 hours of labor with my first baby, mostly in my back, and an epidural that took awhile to take, I have no interest in natural childbirth. That is so not my thing. My next two were scheduled. I loved that part. I had a date. I knew when I had to have everything done by and most of it was. So much easier than the waiting around of natural. But after three, hubby was done with me being opened up. It was too much for him.

I would love to carry another child, but we are very open to the idea of adopting. The issue with adoption is the money. Please know that when I say we can't afford it, that means that I have $36.24 in my checking account until payday. We cannot afford adoption. Unless, by some miracle, a baby fell into our laps, that option is limited to us. Foreign adoption is really out of the question. We wouldn't mind that, but once again, fundage is prohibiting that route.

I have a couple of friends that just found out, or have known for a little bit and are just now sharing, that they are pregnant. I see pregnant women everywhere. I miss that feeling of moving baby inside me. I miss holding that little squiggler. Or a little snuggler. I miss the milestones. I miss the bottles and the diapers and the up all night. I miss taking the huge diaper bag everywhere we go. I miss trying to change the poopiest, messiest diaper with 2 wipes and prayer. I miss the baby food and first tastes. I miss it all. I feel like I could do one more, and I was cut off too soon.

If it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm not sure how, but if not, then it wasn't meant to be. My heart is ready, my body is ready, my soul is ready. I'm ready.

Traveling Feet

One thing that hubby and I have always had in common is our love of travel. We love to go here, there, and everywhere. I really wanted hubby to stay in the Air Force so we could travel for free. It wasn't what he wanted, so he didn't, and I'm good with that. You would think that as much as we like to go, we would at least have a passport. We don't, but we have some new ideas about traveling.

When we take a vacation, we usually visit family. That's great, but we don't usually go anywhere. Well, we go to dinner and shopping, but we don't go see local historic sites, or even some not so local. We just hang out and talk and visit with people. We are planning on doing some different things next time.

When we go to Texas, we are going to take a couple of days to go to Austin and the capitol. I would love to see the Governor's mansion and all that stuff. I would like go to the bridge and watch the bats, if you can still do that. I would like for the kids to see UT. It might give them Longhorn fever, you never know. And then a drive down to San Antonio to see the ALAMO. I would love to go to the River Walk and La Villita. And, of course, a huge mall. Is the mall still on the River Walk? See, it's been so long, I don't know if half of that stuff is still there. I would love to stay at the hotel right there on the River Walk. We could take the little boat tour. Lots of stuff to do.

When we go to Tennessee, we are going to Pigon Forge and Gatlinburg. We have been to Cade's Cove and seen the little town that's there and all the pretty deer. We didn't see any bears, but there's always next time. But I want to go to Dollywood. I really like Dolly Parton. Gatlinburg is so much fun. I might suck it up and go on the tram. I'll need to be highly medicated, but valium is a great thing. I just want to walk the shops and exhibits and take the kids to Ripley's. Yes, I know there is one close to here, but it's not the same.

Many of my friends this summer have been traveling fools. I have one friend whose husband sells insurance for a major company. They have incentives to meet to win trips. They went to Vienna this year after a two week camping trip up the East coast and a day in St. Augustine. Last year they went to Italy. What a great way to travel. One friend has a hubby that is an accountant. He had to go on a business trip to NYC. She got to go, too. After his meetings they got to visit and do the tourist thing. I have another friend that makes a two week trip to the Keys every year. I know yet another traveler that goes on a vacation with her in laws every summer. Their excursions are cruises to Mexico and the Carribean, among other things.

Hubby and I want to travel our great country. After our Hawaii trip we are saving for round two and three and so on. We want to go to South Carolina and rent a beach house. We would love to see Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. The Grand Canyon is another place we want to take the kids. Crater National Park in Arkansas and Grandfather Mountain in Georgia are two more. Our ideal life would be to travel the country in an RV and school on the road. The things we could see, the places we could go. What an amazing adventure that could be.

The Simple Life

I think that it's ironic that as I sit here listening to my iPod that is about to die so I must type quickly on my computer while my air conditioner is blowing nicely, I'm about to post on a simpler way of life. I'm nothing if not oxymoronic, or just moronic. It is what it is, whatever that is.

But seriously folks, at the park on Friday, a couple of friends and I were talking about a simpler, easier, slower life. Of course, by simpler, I mean so much harder than the life I live now, but more meaningful. We talked about each of us having a 20 acre plot and living a life closer to Little House on the Prairie than the current 2010. We can't afford it on our own, but together, pooling our resources, we could give it a go.

We talked about growing our own food. To have control of what goes on our food as it grows, to know the seeds haven't been genetically modified, to use compost we created, is a dream of ours. We are working on our compost first. We are researching compost bins. We are looking at different designs and different bins to try and decide if we want to build or buy. Right now, building is winning, but we aren't done yet. I dream about how beautiful my grandmother's garden always was. I think about what a great gardener my mother is. She can make dead plants come to life. I kill house plants.

We talked about having our own animals. We want goats and chickens. The kids and I want alpacas, but we need to start small. Farm fresh eggs are the best. And if you feed your chickens organically, they are so much better. And I am over the "not eating the chicken I named" thing. If it comes to eating or that chicken hanging around, I know which one wins. The goats we want for milk and hair. You can make cheese from the milk. I wonder if you can make butter? I've never heard of goat butter. Maybe there isn't enough fat? That's a research topic right there. We talked about cows, but that is a lot more work than I am after. They need more room than I want to give them.

Hubby talked about fruit trees and bushes. We can't grow apples because it's way too hot here. But we can grow citrus (duh), and avocados, and pomegranats, and some nuts (there's a bunch of those in our home), and some others. We can grow most veggies as well. He talked about a small orchard. We could can and pickle and jam and jelly.

We talked about a hard way of life. We talked about the care and tending the animals would need. We talked about the care and tending of the gardens and orchards. But we talked about the freedom that way of life offers. We talked about working hard, but reaping the benefits of eating food you grew. We talked about slowing down and spending time with family.

Do I think I could ever do that? I think I would like to try. I think I would like to try to garden successfully and raise animals. We are trying those things one at a time. We are starting with compost, then a garden, then chickens. We'll see how it goes, though. Baby steps, baby steps. My next one is home made bread. I hear there is an art to it. We'll see how I do.

Treat Us Like Mushrooms

I heard a very disturbing statistic a couple of days ago. It started as ways the government keeps us from focusing on what they are doing. For example, there was a total of 22 seconds of coverage on all three of the major networks regarding the man that is taking over the Medicare and Medicaid systems. On the flip side, a used-to-be-star going to jail got over 50 minutes of coverage. Why is this man important? This doctor is all about redistribution of wealth. He wants to take what we all earn and give it to other people. You do understand that's what redistribution means? It doesn't matter if you have nothing, your nothing will be evenly divided between the rest of us. Instead of putting this man front and center of the American people, he was slipped in the back door. And instead of fixing a broken system (again), the current administration would rather break it down further. Are you paying attention?

The POTUS keeps asserting that he was in charge of the Gulf oil spill from the beginning. That's scary. It has lasted more than 80 days, and may still be going on if this recent "fix" isn't right.But he's been there and aware of it from the start. Which is why he went on vacation, as did several high ranking officials that should have been taking care of this problem. He's taking care of it by going on vacation again. I cannot imagine the difficulties involved when you hold such a high ranking position and have young children. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to try to explain to your children that the family cannot go somewhere or take a vacation or whatever because daddy has to run a war, or clean up the oil spill, or attack one of the 50 states that belongs to this nation because they support immigration laws. I also cannot imagine how you could go on vacation with all of this going on. Doesn't it make you, Joe Public, feel important?

And speaking of immigration, let's talk about the "sanctuary cities" that are being touted in California. Apparently you can be illegal there and they won't hunt you down and throw you out of the country. Wow, but Arizona is getting a bad rap. Did you know that Tennessee recently passed a similar law to Arizona's? Where was that in the news? It wasn't. I didn't even hear one little blurb about it. Wait, yes I did, but it wasn't on one of the big three. It was on Fox News, though. Arizona is being treated as the red headed step child, but the handful of other states that are worried about this country and it's borders and who comes across those borders are OK. I know where my vacation dollars are going. I would rather support states that have this country's best interest at heart than one that is sucking up to the commander in chief. Hear that, California?

The thing I don't like about things like blogs is that you don't hear the tone that all of this was meant to be read with. You can add a vicious tone that makes me seem like I'm spitting acid. Or a sing-songy tone that makes it seem like I'm not taking this seriously. Take this somewhere in the middle. Or, if you have my number, call me and I'll read it you. I really am just trying to educate people. You know my mantra: find the facts for yourself. Do you own research. Make your own decisions. Just don't be one of the sheeple.

Spanking

I know I've blogged about this before, but I couldn't find it and I got tired of looking for it. I was watching the national news this morning and there was an interesting story about spanking. The debate started when a couple got mad at the grandparents for spanking their two young boys. Apparently, Grandma got a little irritated at one grandson for pulling her plants out of the ground. Then, the second grandson did something and she spanked him, too. The parents were "outraged" that she had done that and it started a rift. Then, of course, the experts weighed in on spanking and other methods of discipline. The general consensus was that spanking is bad and you should do other things so as not to ruin the delicate psyche of children. Whatever.

My mom was a spanker. She spanked for every offense, and sometimes just because. There were times when we definitely needed a good butt whooping. Sometimes, not so much. Time out was not very wide spread when I was growing up. My dad, on the other hand, only spanked us once. It was harder on him than it was on us. He never did it again. But Dad had the look. One of those and you knew you screwed up. It was worse than a beating, not physically, but mentally. Here's my take.

Spanking was and is a great discipline tool in our home. I was a big spanker for many years. Because of that, my two older kids know that I mean business. The baby took a little while to get the picture, but she has come around. The two older kids know that the serious tone in my voice and the elevated level of that voice is just a warning. I will only take so much and then I'm done. I will only be pushed so far.

We do incorporate other means of discipline. We do use time out. The problem with that is, once again, the big kids know the fundamentals. They are so good about standing in time out, I forget they're there. And they don't ask if they can come out, they just stand there. I have to set a timer to remind me. The reason they are so good at it is because they got spanked while they were in time out for not listening. Or the threat of a spanking instead was always good at getting them to stand. The baby on the other hand is stubborn just like her mama. I could have beat her every minute of time out and it didn't matter to her. She was going to do things her way. You're killing me, here, Baby Girl. She does have it down now, thank goodness. She will stand there just like the big kids. Whew!!

We also take away their fun stuff. Actually we take away any and all fun they might think of having. That means all video games, electronics, TV, movies, whatever. If we had planned something fun for them, they miss out. If that doesn't work, then we definitely spank. You can only take so much crap before you start throwing it back.

The experts' view was that you scar your children and make them unproductive members of society by laying your hands on them. I do not condone beating or abusing your child(ren). But I also think that without the proper discipline for your child, you are making them unproductive members of society. I think that if you coddle your children, if you do not make them responsible for their actions and/or words, you are doing them a great disservice. We are making another generation of people that feels like they are owed something by society in general. They will have no sense of responsibility, no sense of right and wrong.

Children do not fit into a mold. One size does not fit all. Isn't that the way with all of us? Find the way that works best for your child. Find what works best for your family. Just don't tell me what works best for mine.

MIxed Up

I was originally going to title this "Jealous Much", but that doesn't really begin to cover the things I feel like writing about tonight. I'm feeling a little maudlin. Stinkin' hormones. I'm up, I'm down, I'm spinning all around. Stop the insanity. Here's what I have for your reading enjoyment tonight.

When I started taking and being a distributor for JP, my upline was very friendly towards me. I know. They always are. But we knew each other before this. We were friendly before this. We attended the same service at church and spent quite a bit of time on projects and committees. But since the debacle of the breakfast meeting at her house, she doesn't speak to me. It wasn't my fault. I don't feel like I spoke out of turn. I didn't even call any names. I left with my head held high, and my dignity intact. So what happened? Is it because I chose not to be a minion anymore? She doesn't even speak to me at church. I wonder if she's embarrassed? I don't know why she would be, or even why she should be. It wasn't her fault or even a situation of her doing. I don't know. All I know is that she doesn't look me in the eye anymore, she avoids me when she sees me coming, and I feel like I have lost a good friend.

I need to admit publicly that I am jealous of the families that can afford for their children to take multiple dance classes. There are opportunities to take tap, jazz, ballet, pointe, hip hop, lyrical, and modern. Then there is company. You have to take so many years of jazz, tap, and ballet to be in it. Then there are private lessons. You can schedule time with one of the instructors for one on one lessons. They go over fundamentals and offer extra practice. For just four classes, one for me and each of the kids, it costs us right over $100. If you take each of the classes listed above, it would cost one person $169 a month. Then you add recital costumes. If a dancer is in child sizes, it's $65 per costume. If the dancer is in adult sizes it's $75. Multiply that by the number of classes and we are talking some serious money. One mom I know is taking three classes herself, her daughter is taking five, and then there are private lessons. They can run as much as $50 an hour. Then add costumes to all that. I cannot imagine what that must run them after all is said and done. I would very much like to afford to be able to let my kids take more than one class each, but the money is barely there for just our four classes.

I have a tendency to be hard hearted towards people. Who, me? Yeah, me. We were having this conversation at the park with some moms. I'm not the only one, but that doesn't make it right. I will give you enough rope to hang yourself and then I'll tug 'til your feet aren't touching the ground anymore. I get offended mostly when someone has hurt hubby. I don't mean physically, but emotionally. His brothers are on my very short list. I get more offended than he does. I just absolutely refuse to let anyone say anything bad about my man. He works too hard providing a great life for us to be put down by anyone. He is a fantastic husband, a wonderful father, and just about the best person I have ever known. I made it a point that I would not demean or degrade or say anything negative about him on this blog or any other. Whatever issue he and I have is between the two of us. And if you think I'll put up with you saying anything negative, you have another thing coming. All of that to say, I have no nice things to say about his brothers, so I am just not going to say anything at all. I have no sympathy for their circumstances. I got nothing.

That's all I've got for tonight. It's not much, but it's something. Got anything you need to get off your chest? As Dr. Frasier Crane used to say, "I'm listening."

Quick Couple of Things

It's been a busy summer. We haven't been so busy that I feel disconnected, but busy enough to try to keep me out of trouble. I'm trying to make the busyness a little more routine. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. And then there's the occasional wrench that gets thrown in there. Cue lights, music. And bullet points:

1. I have been reading this summer. Oh, sweet books, I have missed you so. I don't have much time during the school year to grab a book, so summer is my time. The kids play video games all day and tear the house down. I don't see a thing. My Sookie books have been really good. I have also read a book for book club, and a book that I found in one of the Literary Guild magazines. I joined that group at one time (Don't do it. They will try to milk you for more and more money. Long story for a different time.) and I still get their magazines. I just read through them and request the books from the library. Then I have friends that love to read. One blog post leads to a frenzy on the library web site.
2. The baby slept on the couch last night. She came into the room last night but didn't seem to want to sleep in our bed. OK, do you want to sleep on the couch? Off she goes, only to come crawling into our bed later. Soaking wet. Baby girl, what is that? She wet the bed. Well, the couch, actually. That's one way to get woken up out of a really good sleep. And I didn't have hubby drag the shop vac in from the shed before he went to work. I could do it, but have you seen the mess that is the shed? No way, Jose. He made the mess, he can dig through it for the shop vac.
3. Melasma. Do you know what that is? It's dark spots that appear on a woman's cheeks, forehead, and/or above the mouth caused by a hormonal imbalance. It can start in the pre-menopausal stage and continue until the hormones are balanced. It can also occur during pregnancy. Guess what I've got? There's really nothing you can do about it. There is a cream that you can use that will lighten the dark spots, but it also lightens whatever part of your skin you use it on. I don't want to do that. So, I walk around with these dark spots on my cheeks until my hormones balance out. I'm hoping the imbalance is explaining this weight gain issue of mine as well. Hormones suck.
4. Do any of you know how to rebalance the drum in a washing machine? Ours is off kilter. While normally it doesn't affect anything in particular, if I do a heavy load, like towels or jeans, it's horrible. I am constantly readjusting the clothes until it will spin without thumping the damn machine half way across my kitchen. I can't start a load of towels and leave the house. I won't be able to get in the door if I do. The washer will walk wherever the imbalance leads it. That's funny. Me and the washing machine are unbalanced. You would think we could keep each other straight.
5. I was going to try to go more vegetarian this summer. Back off the red meat, eat more lean protein, more beans and legumes. Yeah, every time a steak or hamburger even crosses my path, it has no hope of survival. Maybe that's part of my imbalance. Maybe it's just the carnivore in me screaming to get out. Maybe I'm just crazy. There's always that option number three. I wonder if that has something to do with this weight gain?
6. I need to clean the piles in my house. I have piles of junk in every room. How can I yell at my kids to clean their rooms when the house looks like this? I have piles that have piles. I have clothes in the corner in my kitchen that need to be dropped off, but I'll be darned if I remember to take them anywhere. I started cleaning off my book shelves of curriculum that I won't be using and some that just needs to be tossed, but have I done anything with it? No, it's sitting in a pile next to the book shelf. I had great plans to get them all taken care of this summer. But on a bright note, summer isn't over yet. Now if I could find the motivation somewhere in one of those piles...

That's what I've got so far. It's not much, but at least I have a cleaner spot in my brain. Just in time to fill it with more useless drivel. Great! Another pile. See ya'.

My Blog, My Posts, My Opinions, My Words

I'm going out on a limb here. I'm stirring a pot. But here goes, because you know me.

This is my blog. All opinions expressed here are my words, my opinions, my thoughts. All things contained in this blog are my thoughts put into words. If you don't agree with me, then don't agree. I will not change any previous post to make you or anybody else happy. If I have misquoted something I will apologize. But again, all opinions are mine.

That being said, I got an email from JP the other day. Apparently if you are a distributor, you are not allowed to blog about the product, or more specifically, you are only allowed an approved script. OK, I can see that. We wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong idea that it can cure cancer (it can't) and not be happy with the company. The email was from a post I did back in June 2009. Really? I'm not bad mouthing the company. I think it is a fantastic product that can do your body a world of good. Although I am no longer a distributor, I still believed in the product and recommended it to people all the time. We have had great results with it.

The one thing I always tell you about any product, topic, or decision is to do your own research. Always look at all sides of an issue and make an informed decision on your own. Don't take what I tell you as gospel. If you do the research for yourself and come to a decision based on the things that you have found out, good for you. I am not the seer of all things great. This company asked me to remove something from my blog and replace it. I am not going to do that. What I am going to do is remove the post. I will not give further advertising to that company. The things that were in the blog were things that had been told to me by my uplines. While I am not a great fan of censorship in general, I have chosen to censor myself. I know, that should have happened years ago.

But if you are looking for a great supplement to help you feel better, I can't think of one. Do some research and get back to me.

Snarky

I think my hormones are out of whack. Maybe I AM just a bitch. I don't know. What I do know is that I am very, very snarky. And who has to take the brunt of that? My poor hubby. Bless his heart. That is not the "he is so stupid" version, that is the "poor guy has to put up with her" form of "bless his heart".

This morning as I was telling him we need to get on the same page about some stuff, he tried to make a joke. Normally, that's how I deal with a stressful situation. I am all about relieving the tension with a little haha, but today did it ever back fire on him. Then as we were talking, he walked out the living room and into the bedroom. Are you walking away from me? No, he was doing what he does at that time of the morning- getting ready for work. He could still hear me. It's not like our house is huge. I started to throw a fit and he said, at my suggestion, "Walk with me while I get ready." Just calm, cool, and collected, like I wasn't a raving lunatic. I love him. I don't know how he deals with me sometimes, but he always has a smile on his face when he comes home.

I think it's spreading. Or at least it must be in the air. At the library the other day, dealing with an issue that I have been dealing with for a while, a new lady stepped into the middle of it. I knew it wasn't going to end well when she huffed at her co-worker who asked for help. I hate being huffed at, specially when I ask for help. She did that great big intake of breath, and that set me off. Then when she started in on me, I could have beat her ass down right there. I thought I was going to have to use my customer service speech about me being the customer, blah, blah, blah. But I just spoke louder, told my story, and made her shut up. She told me that when the big girl's card got to over $5, she wouldn't be able to use it. I said fine, I'll use somebody's else's. She could do whatever she needed to, but I wasn't paying the money twice. She eyeballed me like she was going to beat me at this one. Kiss this, lady, right here. We both have snarky attitudes, and your's certainly won't beat mine.

And my final example, believe it or not, is the pool. Am I rehashing all that again? Yeah, because it just gets better and better. We got to the point, we thought, that we were ready to start construction. We even bought the liner, and it was $25 cheaper than it was last year. That's always a bonus. Hubby's brother, the one we got the pool from, said to let him know when we were ready and he would come on over. I knew it was too good to be true. He didn't. "No, man, I'm just going to take it easy today." There I went. The language was horrendous when hubby told me that. It was all I could do not to drive the 35 minutes to BIL's house, drag him out of his house by his ear, and drag him back to my house. Then, when I calmed down, we looked up what we need to do to set this pool up. It is hours and hours of backbreaking work. We need the help. I just broke down on the back patio and cried and cried. Hubby brought me a cup of coffee and stroked my back, and let me cry it out. See what I mean about hubby being the best? I did manage to pull myself together enough to help him work on the hole and start the leveling process. And the saga continues.

I am just trying to figure out my issue, or issues as the case may be. I'm just trying to take a breath and calm down. I'm just trying not to show my snarky to too many more people. Good luck with that.

Making Friends...Or Not

I blame my mother. Sorry, Mermie, there has to be a fall guy and you're it. It's not really that bad. You should hear the good stuff I say about you. There I go, round and round again. I think I have ADHD. I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, the way I tend to show my ass over and over. This time it was at a church council meeting. Look at me go.

We have no youth director at our church. There is a core group of about 4 of us that have taken leadership and responsibility for the program and the kids involved in it. Every month we have a council meeting that encompasses all the committees and ministries of the church. Each sends a representative and we give updates and reports and answer any questions about recent activity. The core four of us have decided to rotate the attending of the meeting. I always seem to cause some kind of ruckus or another. Wouldn't you know Sunday was my day? Big smile!

We had two members of our congregation go to the Conference meeting. That is where all the churches in the state get together and talk about comings and goings. One of our delegates was giving the report on a speaker who's report was on Africa and how the United Methodist church can help. Apparently, the gist of it was that we needed to change the politics. It wasn't clear to our delegate whether he meant our politics or theirs. That's when I popped off at the mouth. I really need to stop that. My comment, which I didn't realize was as loud as it was until I saw every one turn and look at me, was "We need to work on the politics in this country before we can even think about helping someone else. We can't even get our own stuff straight."

You should have seen the faces. You should have seen mine when I realized that I did say it out loud. I wasn't there to stir the pot. I was there to listen and give a report about what our youth were doing. That was going well.

The next part was when the delegate was talking about the speaker's recommendation that we work closely with the UN. My snort was a little louder than I intended. My comment of "Why would we waste time working with them? They're trying to undermine everything the US has ever stood for" didn't seem to go over well. Oops. Once again, it got quiet and all eyes were on me. While I normally don't mind that, this probably wasn't the best time or place to air my politics. I know what tact is, I just don't always know when to use it.

The third point that was made was that the US should forgive the debt of third world countries to help them get on their feet and establish themselves. Yeah, well, there I went again. It was almost like I couldn't stop myself. "We can't pay our own debts. China owns more of us than we do. We should start collecting more of those debts and make everyone start standing on their own." I meant to whisper that. I did. I just whispered it loudly. To the guy sitting next to me, who kept rolling his eyes. I'm not sure if he was agreeing with me or waiting to get me alone so he could throttle me. Either way, the faces were all turned in my direction again.

I need to try to remember to use my powers for good. I need to try to remember that there is a time and place for everything, not every time and every place for everything. I need to continue to educate the masses about the trouble our country is in. I just need to pick a better time for the education. Thankfully, I don't go back to a meeting for four months. We'll see how much trouble I can get myself into then. God help them all, and me, too.

Reading My Brains Out

That is one of my favorite things to do. From the first second I could sound out a word, I have had a book in my hand. I would watch my mom read through books almost as fast as she picked them up. I'm the same way. It is not uncommon for me to be reading two or three books at one time. It's all about the mood. My idea of getting away is sitting in the local book store, grabbing two or three books off the shelf, and finding a nice, quiet spot to read my brains out. This is just a couple of things going on right now.

Charlaine Harris has written a couple of different series. The Sookie Stackhouse series has been turned into True Blood on HBO. I watched the first season because we had HBO, but am waiting for it to come out on video and our library to have it. I have a friend of mine that thinks they are a little risque. Honey, read a little Lora Leigh. That is risque. It's also what they call erotic romance or erotic fiction. It's porn. But she tells a good story. Back to Charlaine, though. I'm not reading Sookie in order, but that doesn't matter. I've seen the first season. Even though the show doesn't follow exactly with the books, I can figure it out.

She also has a second series that I started. The main characters name is Harper Connelly. She was struck by lightning and is now able to communicate with the dead. I have to say that so far, I am really enjoying that series. I'm only on the first book, and about four chapters in, but still. I like to have a series. I'm hoping that whatever happens gets wrapped up nice and tight. I like a series that ties all the loose ends in a nice little bow. When I'm done with this book, I'll request the next one.

I am also reading a book for book club. I have been on the email list for this book club for a year now, but for one reason or another haven't been able to make a meeting. I'm trying to make the one in July. Anyway, the book is Look Me In the Eye by John Elder Robison. It is written by the brother of the man who wrote Running With Scissors. I haven't read the brother's book, but I am enjoying this one. It is about a man that has Asperger's that wasn't diagnosed until he was already grown. It is amazing how normal he may seem, but the conflict that he goes through. Pretty good so far. Even if I don't get to the meeting at least I read the book.

I notice that Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand is supposedly being turned into a movie. That is one book that I have heard lots of conflicting reviews about. I'm still not sure I want to read it, but it may be one I add to my list anyway. I hear it is either really freeing or is about the fall of democracy. OK, whatever. I just know that I need to read it before it gets too much more press. Yes I know it's 30 years old and is still getting lots of press. I'm just sayin'.

The big girl is reading the Twilight series. I have no desire. I know, they're great books. I am just not interested. There is one mom at the park that won't let her daughter read it. She has even gone so far as to ask that the girls that have read it refrain fron discussions about it when her daughter is around. No, tell your daughter to remove herself from the conversation. Sorry, soap box. Wait my blog. Soap box is allowed. Moving on before I get too side tracked. The big girl is loving it. She is on the fourth book so far and has read each of them in as little as three days. It's almost annoying trying to get her to do anything while she's reading them. Then again, she reads like her mama. I guess I'm ok with it for now. Until I have to tell her three times to sweep or unload the dishwasher.

I like taking a summer break. We are usually so busy during the school year that I don't get much time to read. I am loving it right now. We enrolled the kids in the summer reading program at our local library. They have one for the adults now, too. Next time we go in I'm signing up. Maybe I can win a prize, or even find some new books I like. Who knows? Alright, that was my quickie post. I have books to read. Catch ya' later.

Politics or Business as Usual

In the state that I live in, we are in the middle of a race for the Governor's office. I really don't like politicians. I really don't like politics I should say. The job is to get elected as a "public servant". They then take that office, which they were elected into, and decide to tarnish every good thing it is supposed to represent. The only thing that is as bad as a politician running for office is business people running for office.

Politicians, by nature, will tell you what you want to hear. The only way they get a paycheck is if you like them enough to hire them. You hire them by voting for them. They promise you every thing you want. They will fight for and accomplish every goal. That's great. What most people don't realize is that there are safeguards in place that prevent one person, supposedly, from having all the power. Most of the promises are more about lying in your face to get elected. If they are running for a first term of an office, that's like being the last one hired. They are the bottom of the totem pole. It's almost like being in line to be the first one fired if the company takes a down turn. You have to have tenure to be able to get anything done. But people don't understand that. They hear what they want, see what they want, believe the bull.

Businessmen just piss me off. When I was in the business world, the word I had the hardest time with was delegate. If I said it would be done, the only way I could guarantee it would get done right was to do it myself. I still have that problem. I was taught that if you treat your people well, they will treat your company well. They will grow your business for you because they are content in their work environment. Business any more is about what the stockholders get. How much money can the CEO make? When hubby worked for Sprint, they went on strike. As someone who benfits from the paycheck he was bringing home, I couldn't understand why they couldn't get what they wanted in the new contract. Yes they wanted more money. Yes, they wanted increased benefits. They are also the first face that people see when it comes to the company. They are the ones that are yelled at by customers if something isn't right, regardless of the fault or praised for a job well done or a problem fixed. Did they get everything? No. Not even close to what they wanted. But the CEO got a multi million dollar raise when he closed the deal with Nextel. You can afford to pad his already huge bank account, but you can't compensate the guys that are doing the every day work, keeping your company afloat, making the customers that are paying that salary. With business, it's all about how much the top people can make and crapping on the little guy.

I don't think either should be in charge. To me, neither has the best interest of the people in mind as they go to the capitols, state or federal. It's about who can make the most money or who has the most power. I think there ought to be term limits. Maybe they should just put the names of all those that want to serve into a hat and draw names. That would keep someone from being beholden to monetary supporters. Then at least every body would have a fair chance at winning. Between filing fees, advertising, and who knows what else, most of us common people couldn't afford to run for office if we wanted to. I've got kids to feed, so I can't afford much anyway.

I'm just thinking out loud. I'm being inundated with political ads. I'm sick of listening to people tha are supposed to be representing me telling me I'm wrong when I don't agree with what they are trying to pass. Pointing fingers never helps. You did this when you owned this company. You don't understand the people you represent. Blah, blah, blah. I think they should all shut up. If I ever ran for office, I would just hand out the address to my blog. All of my indescretions have been posted about at one time or another. I can see it now:"Did you do THIS?" "Yes, twice because it was so much fun. Want to see the pictures? They're on the internet, just look them up." We should all be comforted by the fact that I can't run for president. I, unlike the man who sits there now, freely admit I was not born on American soil.

Over the Hill

Yesterday was my birthday. It was fabulous. I did what I wanted. I ate what I wanted. I played Wii until my thumbs were sore. My mom asked how in the world I got to be 40. Tick tock, Mom. The clock doesn't stop, dammit. I wish it would at least slow down a little. My friend, Z(J) said welcome to the top of the slide. Thanks. My response was, "The view is great from up here." Over my 40 years, I have learned a couple of things, believe it or not. Want to hear them? Of course you do. That's why you're reading my blog.

1. Always make your bed. My mom says that no matter how messy your room is, if you make your bed, it looks neater. She's right. You ought to see my room right now. Messy as all get out, but my bed is made, so it's not so bad. I like the clean lines of a made bed. I like pulling back the covers and slipping in it at night. If I nap in my bed, which is rare, I use a throw. I don't like messing up the covers until bed time. There is something luxurious about getting into a made bed. Anything that can bring just a little pleasure, like a made bed, should be taken advantage of.
2. Get over it. Really. What ever wrong was done to you, short of bodily harm and financial ruin, get over it. Even the financial ruin isn't as bad as you think. Been there, twice. If somebody offends you, get over it. In the grand scheme of things, life is too short to carry that crap around. I'm trying to get rid of my burdens. I am trying to get over all of the "hurts" and "anger" that I carry around about certain people. If you carry it around, you give them control they don't deserve. If it's you, figure out why you did what you did and move on. Beating yourself up will not help. Picking yourself up, putting one foot in front of the other, and moving on will.
3. The person you are today is not the person you will be in 10 years. It's inevitable. The people you surround yourself with is what you will become, pure and simple. It's a flock mentality. My best advice about this is to surround yourself and your famliy with people that share your goals and values and morals. Surround yourself with people that are trustworthy and honest. Surround yourself with what you aspire you and your family to be. But remember that you are surrounding yourself with people. We are all malleable and we all make mistakes. When you do, or they do, see #2.
4. Love doesn't hurt. Love doesn't make you feel angry. Love doesn't make you feel stupid. Love doesn't make you feel bitchy. Love isn't a negative emotion. Love is beautiful, and joyous, and amazing. If you feel any negativity because of love, that isn't love. As bad as it may hurt at the beginning, as hard as it may seem, walk away from the negative "love" and you will find the beautiful, joyous, amazing love. Don't stay because of excuses. Leave because of them.
5. Excuses ARE like assholes. Are you giving reasons or excuses? Listen to the words and really think about them. If a solution sounds too hard, you are probably giving excuses. If you find yourself saying, " But you don't understand...", you are giving excuses. Quit whining and move on.
6. Your children are, wait for it, children. Egads, it's like a news flash or something. They are human beings with feeling and emotions and you need to nurture their ambitions and their confidence and their abilty to see the world with rose colored glasses. These beautiful creatures have been loaned to us by a gracious and loving God. We need to protect these precious treasures and teach them what love and joy and happiness is all about. The roughness of a kitten's tongue, the beauty of a field of blue bonnets, the wonderful healing power of a hug. These are the things that are the most important to them. Spend time getting to know the beauty of your children. Rushing here and there for this activity or the other is not nearly as important as talking with your child. Talk WITH your child, not to or at, but with. Amazing the difference one word makes.
7. I love you. Words packed with power. Say them as many times a day as humanly possible. Break your record every day. Mean the words when you say them, too. And remember, I love you.

That's what I've got so far. It's not deep and insightful. I don't have winning lottery numbers. I do have a wonderful life. I have a husband that was hand picked for me. I have three wonderful children that are constantly teaching me about life. I have had 40 years to get here. I am excited about the journey for the next 40. And beyond.

A Few Things

Hillside Hollow does a 7 quick takes on her blog. I don't know if I have 7, but I have a few.

• Recital is over. That means another year of dance down. I love dance. The kids were amazing. I posted some pictures on the other blog. I'll get the videos downloaded when I get to high speed connection. I would like to send a big shout out to the ladies in my tap class that participated. Much love to you, ladies. You were so very, very good. Maybe next year; I don't know. The big girl and I are thinking about taking jazz next year. I love my tap class, I just feel like a little something different. I think the big girl is ready, too. She's done hip hop for the last 4 years. We were going to try to take summer classes, but we just aren't going to be able to afford it. Oh, well.
• Our illustrious leader is an idiot. Because BP screwed up, he is shutting down the other rigs in the area. I don't know if that's to try to take the pressure and attention away from them and the mess in the gulf, I just know it's wrong. There goes the production of domestic oil, which means HUGE prices at the gas pump. Get ready for $4 a gallon prices and higher. That just makes us more dependent on foreign oil and Muslim countries and puts more Americans out of work. Way to go!
• I had a great day at co-op. I really like our veggie co-op. I call it veggie, but we get fruit from there as well. I really like the lady that runs it and feel like I have made a true friend. I have also gotten to know a fellow homeschool mom better. Love that. Good, solid, relationships are so important. It feels good to have surrounded our family with like minded people. The food is amazing. One lady says I have talked her in to buying the organic garlic. She won't switch back now. I'm not really sorry. It is a little more oily, but that makes more flavor. It's funny because I don't want to wash my hands. I like the smell of the garlic. I just look weird walking around the house smelling my hands. The kids just roll their eyes and give me that look. You know the look. It's the "My mom is crazy" look. Kiddos, you don't know the half of it.
• Hubby is mostly done digging the hole for the pool. I'm not excited. Yet. When the hole is done and the frame is going up, I'll be excited. When the pool is being filled up and chlorine is being added, I'll be excited. When I am floating and working on my tan at the same time, I'll be excited. Until then, the update is that the hole is almost complete.
• Hubby and I have put ourselves on a "no extras" budget. We are nickel and diming ourselves half to death. We look at our check register and see the same thing over and over and over. We have gone to making a menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We plan the meals around veggie co-op so we know what produce we'll have. Then I check my coupon websites and make a grocery list. There are a couple of things that always go on the shopping list: ground turkey, ground beef, milk, eggs, and bread. The rest is planned to within an inch of it's life. My friend M was a little surprised that we plan for all three meals, but we have to. I won't have something I need if I don't. And amazingly, hubby actually sits down and helps me. I love that man.
• We are going to eventually switch the pool to a salt water pool. Chlorine is so horrible for you. And if you get wrong levels, it can really do a number on you. Our water softener system and the pool will be salt. Huh, hadn't thought about that before. Of course, no real planning until the pool goes up.
• We are the proud new owners of three tomato plants, one cucumber, two pepper, and one eggplant. Hubby stopped at his mom and dad's and she loaded him up. They all have stuff on them already. We just need to remember to water them and we could actually have a crop this summer. Hubby is going to build a shade or cover for them. We don't have any shade, and it gets hot at noon. All that sun beating down on the poor little plants. They'll wish they could swim in the pool pretty soon, too. We'll see how we do.
• We are also the proud new owners of a hand me down computer. We put it in the big girl's room. It also belonged to my in laws. It is strictly for school. There will be no internet access to it. I'm going to load our Spanish program and typing on it. Hopefully, it'll get used. Apparently it got a virus. We need to check it out. We may need to wipe it clean and reset it before we do anything to it. Great. More junk. I need that like I need another hole in my head. It will go back if it doesn't work, that's for sure.

Wow, that was more than 7 and I still have stuff to say. Amazing. Not really because I like to talk. And talk, and talk. I guess I'll wrap it up. Until next time when I talk your ear off again. See ya'.

Legally

I have stayed away from the political for awhile. I was making hubby nervous. He's so funny. I am pretty opinionated and love to express myself. He's worried I'm being monitored. Let them monitor. I haven't made any inflammatory statements, so whatever. Moving on. I think it's about time to state my opinion on Arizona. Everytime I hear the name of the state, I think about Ron White. "They run two a day through Arizona." Hilarious. Anyway...

The feds are bad mouthing AZ. The people of AZ are protesting. There is a big push across the country to boycott the state and withhold much needed tourism dollars. All of this because of the immigration law they just passed. It's not even really an immigration law, but an illegal alien law. It doesn't really deal much with immigration, but it does deal with people entering this country illegally. And it isn't even a new law. It just says that the state will now enforce the law that has already been put in place by the federal government. The federal government just isn't enforcing the law. The state has had to take matters into it's own hands.

Arizona, specifically the Phoenix area, has a very high kidnapping rate, one of the highest in the nation. The majority of the kidnappings are those of illegal immigrants. Mexico is so busy fighting corrupton and drug cartels that they don't have much time to worry about it. But our resources are being spent on people that have chosen to live here, live off of our systems, and do this illegally. Most of the kidnappings are done to force the family to work for the drug cartels and for ransom money that the families don't have.

The president (do I really have to go there) has decided that instead of backing the state in their efforts to control who comes across our borders, instead of offering mad props to a state that has finally said enough is enough, has decided instead to bad mouth the governor and the good people of Arizona. Not surprising really since he seems to think that the root of all evil in the world is the US. You are not ingratiating yourself to a group that vote for you. They are illegal and do not have the right to vote. The US Attorney General, who is an idiot in his own right, has said that he does not agree with a bill that allows racial profiling (again, Ron White comes to mind. If you haven't seen him do stand up, please do. Funny, funny, funny.). This is the same man that is trying the 911 conspirators. They are prisoners of war and should be treated as such, but the arrogance takes over. The problem with both of these men is that they haven't read the bill. It specifically states that there has to be contact by law enforcement. That means that they cannot just pull someone off the street and ask for their papers. The police have to be called to a scene, or pull someone over for a valid traffic stop. Instead, they choose to bad mouth.

There are countries around the world that have very strict immigration laws. There are some countries that will throw you in prison for crossing their borders. What do we do? We tell them if they have a baby here, they can stay. Then you can have money from our broken system of welfare and we will support you. You can work really hard for money under the table that you don't have to pay taxes on to replenish the money you are sponging off the system. We will make it even easier for you by teaching your children how to speak English and go to our schools for free. Schools you don't support by the way because you don't pay taxes. We will even label our food products, signage, and everything else in your language because we need to make it easier for you to live here. That is the biggest crock of shit. Other countries require you to learn the language. English is not the language of the world anymore, but it is the language of this country. I know that we have more immigrants than those from Mexico and other Spanish speaking countries, but those are the ones that are making the most noise about this law.

I guess the big question is where I stand on immigration. I think that you need to do it the right way. I think you need to learn the language. I think that if you take from the system, you need to give back to the system. These are my opinions. Do not think for one miniute that the Obama loving main stream media is giving you all the info on this issue or any other. Do your own search. Listen to the 70% of the citizens of Arizona that voted for this law. Our next vacation may be to Arizona. We are choosing to support the laws of our country. I know, I've broken a couple. Some of our laws are stupid. But this one has to do with the security of our country. We aren't talking about parking your elephant downtown on Sundays. Look that one up. I think it's Georgia. We're talking about the security of our country in a time where it seems everyone wants to kill us or demean us or make us a socialist country.

I don't have all the answers. I'm great for ambiguity sometimes. But I do know that I am proud to be an American. If you live in this country, you should be, too.