Scheduling Conflicts

Not really a conflict. It's more of a consequence. Before we could mow, we needed to pull stinging

nettles. They have these really pretty white flowers, but the little buggers are nasty and tenacious. If you rub against one, it pokes you with these nasty thorns that stay in your skin. The thorns are small and hairlike. They are extremely hard to see and very painful. We needed to pull them or mowing them would have spread them even further through the yard. It took us quite awhile, then we mowed, then we worked on the back patio, then the compost pile.

The results were lots of things marked off our list and lots of sun. The top picture is me. That's my back in all it's sunburned glory. It hurt for a couple of days, but not as bad as I thought it was going to. I could wear a bra and that's saying alot. The bottom picture is hubby's back. I put my hand on his back. It turned out to be a great picture. My best advice for a sunburn would be heat. Take a really hot shower or get in a hot tub. It will sting like the dickens, but it is so much better when you get out. It helps take away the sting.

We get to do more this weekend. Yea! Or not.

Stuff

I haven't forgotten you. I just haven't blogged on here. I've posted on the other one, just not much to say here. You know how that happens. Now I have things to say and not enough time. On the bright side: bullet points.

1. I know my kids like her, but if I have to hear one more freakin' Taylor Swift song, I think I will go postal. Poor baby really can't sing. She's cute enough I guess, but her voice is awful. My van and my iPod have become the official "No Taylor Swift" zones. I have lots of stuff on my iPod for those long waiting periods that kids have a hard time getting through. It keeps them occupied and me happy. But I just cannot do it. She's almost as bad as Miley Cyrus. At least Taylor Swift enunciates and doesn't sound like she's speaking with rocks in her mouth. Great, now I have the heebie jeebies.
2. Franklin Graham has been banned because of his views of Islam. Here's an idea: if they stop blowing people up, Franklin Graham might change his mind. I'm sorry that a few bad apples are spoiling the bunch, but you don't see the peaceful, loving muslims on the news. You see the ones, hear about the ones, that want to kill people because they dared make fun of Muhammad. You hear about the ones that say the earthquakes are because women dress too promiscuously. You hear about the ones that spread hate and violence not peace and love. And, although it may seem like it's coming to an end, this is still at the moment a country of freedom of speech. Now, because he says they are evil, and Obama is one, he can't come pray at the capitol. Lots of words to say and none of them good.
3. Speaking of bad apples, did you know that one really does spoil the bunch? It's the same with pears, too. They release a chemical from the spoiled spot that causes the rest to spoil. When we open the pear box at our co-op, they are indivdually wrapped in paper to keep them from touching. If one is bruised, it won't effect the others too badly until we can get them out of the box and away from each other. They apparently don't play nice. Can you imagine opening the box and seeing fighting apples or pears? I'd pay a little change for that.
4. We have given up major gardening this year. We may still do tomatoes and onions, but we have missed our window of opportunity. With all the rain and the cold we just weren't able to get everything done we needed to. Our garden area is overgrown, our compost pile isn't anywhere close to being ready. We have one little planter that is full of compost that we could plant in. Hubby even transplanted some squash from the compost pile to the planter. They are doing very well. He says they're pumpkins, I say squash. I don't care which one they are. I'm just glad they're growing. Now to get the rest of the way off our butts.
5. We had to schedule a weekend to do yard work. That's how busy our schedule got. It was bad. We swore we wouldn't be that busy this year, but we are. Volunteering for youth has really taken a huge chunk of time out of our weekend. I will say that it is worth it. The downside is that we have to cram a bunch of stuff into Saturday. But working in the yard this weekend, not going anywhere but the grocery store was so nice. We have decide that we need to schedule two weekends a month to just stay home, work around the homestead, and spend time together. We got a ton done and we have the sunburn to prove it.
6. I had to go back to a menu. I had let it fall by the wayside and have been regretting it. I have been frustrated, making meals that I would probably not do. Hubby and I sat down, and figured breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next couple of weeks. We made a grocery list, mostly stuck to it, and so far, so good. We decided that on our really busy days, we would plan some things that hubby doesn't mind making. Not that I am a gourmet by any means. But if it seems too complicated, hubby freaks a little. Me, too. I just take a breath, look at everything, and then decide. Of course, we added some favorites like burritos, and hamburgers on the grill. I need to look up a recipe for sweet potato french fries. I'm the only one that likes sweet potatoes, so I'm looking for ways to cook them that the family will eat them. If you have a recipe you would like to share, please do.
7. My friend, M, is having a Pampered Chef, couponing class tonight. She had me at Pampered Chef. I love that stuff. My favorite by far is the bar pan. That thing makes everything great. I can cook chicken nuggets, cookies, breaded fish, whatever, and it comes out beautifully every time. No muss, no fuss, just great. I think I'm going to buy another one. You can never have too many bar pans. I may get a cutting board as well. I like those, too. If you have the money, or get the money, to invest in great cookware or gadgets, that is really the best way to go. Love their stuff.
8. Speaking of coupons, I have been having fun with them lately. I went to the store yesterday and saved $32.38 and spent $11.04. I love those days. I was even able to get organics. Makes me wish I had my deep freeze. It also makes me wish I had somewhere to put a freezer. I got two bottles Scrubbing Bubbles for 54 cents. That breaks down to 27 cents a can. I got three bags of organic frozen french fries for $1.94. That breaks down to roughly 65 cents a bag. I also got three bags of organic tater tots for the same price. You can do it, too. Plus, I got free stuff.
9. Family drama, family drama, family drama. I am so sick of family drama. At least it isn't my side this time. On a bright note, hubby's oldest brother has been calling him more. I'm not sure if it was us trying to move to Texas or what, but there seems to be something growing in that relationship. I don't know if the brother is seeing hubby as a postive influence in the changes we've made or brother is changing or what. I'm just trying to rise above. Don't think for a second that I won't get down in the muck. I seem to be drawn to muck. Some days are better than others.

I told you I had things to say. Now I have to prepare for the day. Good thing the breakfast on the menu is cereal. It's not teaching the kids to cook, but at least they won't starve. Now I need to teach them to open a can of soup. You can never have too much in your repetoire. See ya'.

Unsocialized

Usually the first question out of people's mouths when they find out we home school is "What about socialization?" Because this is my blog, I feel perfectly comfortable saying they don't learn how to socialize in school. They learn how to go to class with kids their age, only speak and connect with those said kids, and how to follow directions. But generally, my response is,"They don't have to go to school to learn that." If they only knew.

I Facebook. I started for hubby. Two of his brothers were on it and it was a way for him to keep up with them. It got to the point that I started to have more friends than he did and it was just easier to switch it to my name. I can do all kinds of things on Facebook. I keep up with friends, I have reunited with friends, I upload pictures, I download pictures, I tag photos, I set up events, I answer messages. There are so many things to do on Facebook.

I have not one, but two blogs. I love my blogs. I'm going to set up another one for my writing. I have all these people in my mind that are screaming to get out. I can do lots of things with my blog. I keep family and friends updated with pictures, I add links to websites or specific articles, I added a button and changed the look of the blogs. I would add video, but we have dial up, and that would take forever.

We just added texting to our phones. I know, not the most techy thing we could do, but still. It's something we needed to do. We got new phones and decided that was one more way for our youth kids to communicate. It's also a way for me to communicate with my friends and family. I held two texting conversations today. I like feeling like I'm not interrupting someone's life like with a phone call. We could have gone iPhone and all that entails, but that was more than we want to spend every month. We might as well get rid of our computers if we did that.

So now, if you need to get hold of this unsocialized person, you can call me at home or on my cell, text me, facebook me, or IM me. If you can't get a hold of me so we can socialize, you don't want to get a hold of me. I'm more socialized than the law should allow.

True Love

I've been kind of blah since Easter. Holidays are hard enough on me, then you add family drama and I could just sink under all the ugly. I could let it overwhelm me. Tonight was the lift I needed. Hubby and I were talking about young love. That first little feeling of maybe, that hint of emotion that becomes bigger and stronger as time progresses. The first shy stages of getting to know each other.

We have this young couple at church that have just started dating. They are too cute together. Their last names are True and Love. Wow. The moms and I were talking the other day about how cute they were and how great they were being with the relationship. We got busted, too. They made us admit we were talking about them. I hate getting busted. Anyway...The topic came up of their last names. Put them together and what a great statement that is. True Love. I would hyphenate just for the attention it would draw. That's just how I am.

I remember first love. The giddiness, the sweaty palms, wondering, hoping the phone would ring. And this was before the era of cell phones. I didn't have call waiting. Most of the time he called me while I was at work. The employee line would ring and I'd get all fluttery. Was it him? Sometimes, sometimes not. I'm still that way. He has a special ring tone and when I hear it I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs. I still get giddy. My heart still races. I can't get to the phone fast enough. He comes home from work and I'm the happiest I've been all day. It's not just that he can deal with the kids now, but it's happy to see him come home, to see that sweet man I love so much. And so he can deal with the kids. True Love

There is an older couple at church that have recently started dating. They have both lost their previous spouses. They are the sweetest couple to see together. They come in together and are smiling. You know they enjoy each other's company. The have that giddy look in their eyes. He has always seemed so shy, but since dating her, he has really come out of his shell. He seems more forthcoming, more welcoming. She has been very good for him. There are not lots of public displays of affection. It could be the generation, or out of respect for their former spouses. But he will touch her arm, or the small of her back. And she smiles when he does. They are so amazing to watch and see together. I told him today, that for whatever it's worth, I think they make a beautiful couple. True Love.

The Princess Bride is one of the sappiest movies ever. It takes the fantasy of many young girls and twists it. It distorts what most girls dream. They dream of falling in love with the prince. They dream of heros. As they get older they dream of pirates and develop an affinity for the bad boy. In the movie, the one thing that gets the main characters through every situation is True Love. They know that love will get them through anything. They will be reunited and will overcome every obstacle through the power of their feelings for each other. I love that movie. True Love.

I love to see people that are in love. I love to see true affection and playfulness and tenderness and respect and love. It is a beautiful and joyous sight. It lifts my soul to see hope and expectation. It did me good to see so much of that today. True Love.

Good News/Bad News

It's all in how you look at it. It all depends on which side of the fence you're on. Is it good? Is it bad? Sometimes it's a huge relief. Sometimes a gigantic let down. This is both for us. We have decided that the move to Texas is not happening at this time.

It's a relief that we can move on with our lives and all that entails. We can make plans. We can participate in some things that we were waiting to sign up for. Life can go back to our normal. That's good and bad. It's all a matter of perspective. People have asked why we wanted to move to Texas. Let me tell you my Easter story.

I asked hubby to call his parents and find out if we were doing something for Easter. Sure, I guess, we'll do a ham. Next question, what time? Whenever. I should tell you that question was asked more than once. The same response was given every time, whenever. See, I'm pissed off all over again. Will it always be this way? Will I always feel this much resentment at the way our family pod is treated? Probably. Moving on...

Sunday about 12:30, as I'm cooking brussel sprouts, hubby calls his parents to let them know we'll be there about 2. Want to know what the response was? "Oh, we wanted to eat about 1." Really? Then why the hell didn't you say that the FOURTEEN TIMES THAT QUESTION WAS ASKED? You're supposed to read that last part with your teeth clenched and yelling at the same time. That's what I did when hubby told me. Fine, can't do a damn thing about it now. Hubby tells his dad that we will be there as soon as we can, probably around 2. We left about 1:30, pulling in about 2. Know what?

They had already eaten. They couldn't even wait for us. We ate Easter lunch BY OURSELVES AT MY IN-LAWS. See previous instructions above about reading capitalized print. I was so angry. How do you excuse that? My MIL knew she'd fucked up, too, by how quiet I was. She said, four times (I know, I counted), "We thought we'd go ahead and let the kids eat." Yeah, but the adults, too? What the hell is that? Whatever. It was so much better that I kept my mouth shut. I was so angry I was on the verge of tears. Not sad, unhappy tears. Angry, pissed off, I will wrap my fingers around your throat and revel in sight of your eyes popping out of your head tears. I'm still as angry as I can be about it. Gee, can you tell? At least I only used the F word once, so far. I told hubby if he left my side for one minute, until I calmed down, I would not be held responsible for the damage that would ensue.

It gets better. Not really, but you know me. Not only did we have to eat Easter lunch by ourselves, my nieces and nephews were watching us, waiting for us to get done so they could hunt Easter eggs. You're going to feed the kids then let them harass us to hurry up? I finally growled loud enough to make them go away. Angry, angry, angry.

Hubby and I took a walk around the lake and through a nearby neighborhood. I had to. It was either that or my head was going to rocket off my shoulders. I ranted, I raved, and hubby just listened. Well, he fished, too, but that was alright. That was our cover story. I was not only angry, but disappointed and sad and hurt. This day was not about me.

To me, it was about my kids spending time with the cousins they never get to see. We live 30 minutes from them and never see them unless there is a family gathering. My MIL said as we were leaving, "We don't see much of you anymore." Why do I want to come over? Why do I want to subject my kids, my family, myself to feeling like we are second class to every one else? Why do I want to listen to your vicious diatribes against anyone that doesn't agree with what you say and what you want? I don't.

So, why do I want to move to Texas? To be surrounded by family that want to spend time with us. To be around family that won't eat without us. To be around family that loves and respects and cares for us. To get away from the uneasy feelings when there is a family gathering. To celebrate with love. To spend time with nieces that I barely know, but would love to see grow up into the beautiful women I know they will be one day. To spend time with my mom and my sister that I miss terribly every day. That was made even worse by the possibility of being close to them again. To have my kids spend time with their Mermie that they think hung the moon just for them. For my boy to be able to snuggle with his Auntie, because she is his snuggle bunny. Because I grew up and learned to love and live in the great country of Texas, and would love to give that gift to my kids. Because, on days like Easter, I just want my mommy.

Why do I not want to move to Texas? Because I have fantastic friends that have surrounded my family with the love and respect that isn't coming from our blood relatives. Because we are supported by people that genuinely love my kids, as I love theirs. Because my heart would be wrenched from my body if I had to say good bye to them. Thank you, my friends, for the love and caring that you have shown us. Thank you for the sympathy, the empathy, the rantings and ravings you have allowed me, the broad shoulders, and the fantastic fellowship and prayer.

So, as I listen to Kenny Loggins singing "Celebrate Me Home" that just popped up on my iPod, I'll sign off. This one has taken alot out of me. I think I need a nap. And some Kleenex. And my mommy.

Speechless

That doesn't happen to me very often. I am that way now. I've started this blog 4 times and I still don't have a clue as to how to start. Let me just say, that for the most part, I could have just stayed home today. I wouldn't have had to wear a bra or pants and my stress and frustration level would not have been sky high today. Let's just say it was another family gathering at The Parents' House.

They say that you don't pick the family you are born into. True, but you do pick the family you marry into. If I had to choose knowing this family and having hubby in my life or not knowing this family and never knowing hubby, I would choose hubby and his whacked out family every time. I'm not giving him up for nothing, not even his family.

I hope you had a great Easter. Mine ended by making my kids peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a group hug. Wonderful ending to a mediocre day. I love my babies and their papa, too.

Heave, Ho

This isn't a post about ousting my sister (sorry, Big Sis, I couldn't resist). This is a post about my big butt. It is getting bigger and bigger. I should say wider and wider because it's doing that as well. I used to say that I didn't have anything to fill up the back of my pants, but I really can't say that anymore. Even though I carry most of my weight in the front, the back is trying desperately to catch up.

I have never been super skinny. Who am I kidding? I've never been skinny. I've been skinnyish, but that's as good as it gets. I've always said I was built like a corvette: curvy, low to the ground, and red and black are my best colors. Not only that, but if you're going to take me on, it will cost you lots and lots of money. I am very high maintenance. At one point, I was down to about 125 pounds. However, as men were having conversations with my boobs instead of me, I realized that wasn't the way for me. I like being on the curvier side. Just not this far on the curvy side.

I had lost some weight last year and thought I looked pretty good. "Don't you feel better?" was the question that several people asked me. I hate that fucking question. I didn't feel bad to begin with, you ass. It wasn't about feeling better, it was about having a larger selection of clothes when I went shopping. When you are short and extra large, the selection is either mu'u mu'u or mu'u mu'u. Omar the tent maker, here I come. I wanted to feel good about myself when I put my clothes on. I already felt bad enough when I saw myself naked. I swore to myself that I would not go back to where I was. Guess where I am?

I am an emotional eater. I eat no matter what the emotion is. Lately, I have been stressed and going, going, going, to stressed and sitting on my couch. Either way, the stress is what's been getting me. It all goes back to that stupid job in Texas. It has just gone on and on and on. There has not been a resolution yet. No phone call, no email. Hubby and I have decided that it probably won't happen. My thought is, as bad as I would love to go home, I don't know if I want hubby to work for someone like this supervisor. If there is a hang up in the position, or someone else got the job, communicate that please. We don't want to schedule too much and then realize that we're moving. And then the question. "Have you heard anything?" Sometimes I just want to cry. No, not one damn word. I would just like closure one way or the other.

I gave up chocolate, sodas, and dessert for Lent. You would think that eliminating those things would help. It did. Except that I replaced them with other things like cookies, and chips, and whatever I could get my hands on. Hubby and I were walking and then the weather got cold and rainy. There went that outlet. We used to snack on apples at night. That would be our before bed snack. Now it's chips and dip, cookies, whatever. No wonder I can't lose any weight. All of the healthy, organic produce I eat should be doing something. It's not, except settling on my belly, thighs, and hips.

I want to look half way decent in a bathing suit when we go to Hawaii. It's a year away. I need to start now. I've been giving it the half assed treatment. I do yoga when I want, we walk if one of us doesn't give some lame excuse. I even blew up the exercise ball. I love the exercise ball. I've used it once. It's almost like my mind and my body are fighting for control. My mind says to get up and move, put the food down. My body says screw you, I'll do what I want. Wouldn't it be nice if they could get along? It's like listening to my kids fight. You would think I would get smart and tell them both to shut up.

All any of this means is that I am miserable. When I wash my jeans, I CANNOT put them in the dryer. I have to hang them to dry or I can't button them. I can't fit into any of my nice church clothes. I had to go buy a pair of pants in my old size so I could wear something other than jeans to church. Hardly any of my other clothes fit, either. I have 2 pairs of shorts I can wear. Ugh!

I have always been one to feel comfortable whatever I looked like. While I have always been the heaviest of all my friends, it never stopped me from drawing a crowd in the clubs. Just last year, I had a couple of college guys hoot at me while I was rushing through the grocery store. Yeah, as a mature mom of three, I was so digging that. This latest weight gain is hurting my confidence, my self esteem. It's not about what I look like. It's about the effect it has on my mental state. It's not good right now.

I'm hoping that since I've put it out there, it will make me more accountable. I am hoping it will be the kick in the pants I need to help myself. I'm not asking for you to run up and bitch slap the hamburger out of my hand. I just need a little wink, a little nudge, when I make the right choice. If you focus on the bad choices, I will eat two hamburgers while calling you names in my mind, and sometimes out loud. Yeah, that's my bad attitude. Better choices, better body, feeling better. We'll see anyway.

One More Thing

Do you like Jackie Chan? We do. He's funny. I like to watch the bloopers at the end of his movies to see the stunts that went wrong. It's like watching a train wreck. Anyway, he had a cartoon out several years ago. It was one of our favorites, and we still watch the reruns when they come on. He had an uncle in the show. Uncle would always say, as they were trying to save the world from impending danger, "And one more thing..." Like they needed one more thing to worry about. They're trying to save the world, can we cut them some slack. And, of course, that one more thing was extremely important. Don't do this one more thing and the whole world will implode. That's how I feel sometimes. I need to do that one more thing or my whole world will implode. I have decided that is a fallacy, a trick, fake, false. I have been working on eliminating, or not starting, that one more thing.

I had an opportunity to apply as a reviewer for a homeschool magazine. I love curriculum. I make no excuses about my love for and addiction to curriculum. However, that would mean reviewing several different curriculums a month. It's not all curriculum. Several of my friends got to review some natural soaps that have been a huge hit within our homeschooling community. It has even led my friend G to take a more natural route with her life. She has influenced several of us to take a look at our lives as well. But receiving the curriculum also means changing every few weeks. You have to use it to know if it works and what the pitfalls or positives are. Then you have to write a review. You have approximately a month to do this. I need a little more stability than that right now. I also think my kids need a little more stability than that right now. Maybe in a couple of years I will feel differently. But right now, it just feels like one more thing. One more thing to take my focus away from what our priorities are.

We had our Easter egg hunt at church last Saturday. We were asked if that would be our last activity for JAM. The crew and I had talked about doing an end of school party. That was tabled. We decided that we should go out with a bang and the egg hunt was it. It would be that one more thing. It would be that one more thing in an already overcrowded schedule. That one more thing to take focus away from the things we are already doing at church. With a schedule getting crowded with activities for the youth as we make our final push towards earning money for camp, I don't need one more thing. So JAM is done for this year, removing one more thing from the plate.

The ladies I dance with want me to be in the recital with them. I love my dance class. I think if you ever need to do something just for yourself, you should take a tap class. I don't want to hear that you have no coordination or rhythm or whatever. It's about having fun. Do it. But being in the recital is just one more thing. One more thing hubby and I have to figure out how to schedule. One more thing that would take focus away. One more thing that I would have to worry and stress about. I already do enough of that. With three kids in the recital and all that accompanies that, I do not need one more thing. After seven years of doing this, I have it down to a science. I know what to bring, what to leave in the car overnight, what not to ever leave in the car, what kind of hairspray works the best, etc, etc. Being in the recital would shift my focus from what I need to do. It would just be one more thing.

We are choosing to focus on certain things. Our focus is on our kids, our church kids, and our marriage. If something doesn't fit into one of those catagories, it doesn't fit. We have chosen to simplify our lives. Our lives are not simple by any means. But we are choosing to focus on specific things, instead of one more thing. Is there one more thing weighing you down? Unload it. It's just one more thing.