7 Kinds of Hot Mess

I love that expression: hot mess. What does it really mean? I don't know, but that's what I feel like. It's time to work out the kinks, and I don't mean the 50 Shades kind.

1. Speaking of the trilogy of the year, did you hear who's playing the lead in the movie? Charlie Hunnam. Oh. Hell. Yeah! That man is soooo fine. If you have no idea who he is, watch Sons of Anarchy. He's Jax. I'm not sure the book will translate well to film. If you don't want it to be porn, the sex will have to get toned way down. But the sex plays a major part in the books. And if the truth be told, I may not even see it. It's kind of irritating when they take a popular book and mess it up on screen. We'll see.
2. 2 of my kids didn't get birthday cards OR calls from my side of the family, except for Big Sis, who is awesome at that stuff. If you've spent any time reading my blog, you know that I have a very acrimonious relationship with hubby's family and rarely have anything good to say about them. I always thought my side was the one to step up. WRONG! My kids are heart broken. No call from my dad or my step dad. Not a card. Nothing. I have to say that although the social media site is great for keeping in touch, it is highly impersonal. I may wish lots of people happy birthday on it, but it's not usually the people that are in my life. My kids got NO COMMUNICATION AT ALL!!! What the hell is wrong with you people?!?! These are kids!!!
3. Since we're talking about my step dad, it is time for me to get real about that relationship. The truth is, there is no relationship. I wasn't in Texas while he and my mom were together except for visits. There were a couple of times I was packing my shit to go home when my mom stepped in. He made my mom happy and I will always be grateful for that. But he and I are like oil and water. I could use the excuse that the time difference and our busy schedule make it hard to call and keep in touch and it does. Sometimes, it's 10 o'clock here before I have time to make a call. By then, I'm going to bed. I am not up for conversation. I even asked if the kids could be pen pals with him like they were with my mom. He nixed that idea, saying he wasn't good at writing. So you don't want to try? Nope. Well, put me in my place. I get it. But then I get a voice mail the other day. He's bitching at me because I haven't called. Why would I? You don't bother to call me, but when you do, you're going to shake my tree? Screw. Off.
4. I have been in a depressive rut lately. Between the bankruptcy and the loan modifying, hubby hasn't been able to work any overtime, even when it's available. That makes our budget extremely tight. Like, not making it to the next payday tight. Running the cars on fumes 'til payday, hoping the food lasts since I have hungry people that live here and wondering when the hell this stuff is going to be over. We still owe the attorney $700. Freaking yea. And what did we do? We let the kids take more dance and try out for company. Why? Because we thought it would be ok with the expense, since we got a lower house payment and weren't paying the credit cards. Well, that may backfire with the whole no overtime thing. I have eaten everything I can. Did you know that a 6 piece nugget at McD is a buck? Do you know how much I campaign against them? Do you know how many nuggets I've eaten lately? A lot. In multiples of  6. Or 12, which is a multiple of 6. The stress level is high in our house right now. I quit working out in the morning and I've gained 10 pounds. My dermatitis is back and now I'm mad. Mad enough to get back to eating like I need to and getting this 10 pounds off! I dance one day a week and walk with my friend N while our kids dance. It's so nice to be moving again. All that sweat makes me feel better. Damn endorphins.
5. All of this angst may be a part of the fact that I am not being spiritually fulfilled at church. We haven't been all summer and I don't feel like going back. Except my kids are missing it. I am making an effort to get them to youth even though they are late. They get there in time for the lesson and to hang for a little with their friends, so bonus. Hubby and I don't want to church shop, but we both feel like we need some connection as well. We had thought about starting a bible study group, but when is that going to happen? Like our days aren't busy enough. And just what is a cowboy church? We have a couple in our county, but they aren't that close. Maybe I should call and ask. Anyway, our pastor just isn't doing it for us and neither is the congregation. They are loving and wonderful, but we are just done. The last time we were at church was announcement day, which is when they announce which pastors are staying at the church and who's leaving. Ours is staying. Hubby and I looked at each other and knew that was our last service for awhile. 
6. I know part of the problem is that I have control issues. You would be amazed at what I have let go of over the years. But you would also be surprised at what I hang on to. Like starting sentences with unnecessary conjunctions and ending them with prepositions. Or not letting auto correct fill in the word for me, even when it's right! No, I have to type that bad boy out. I CAN DO IT SO LET ME! At least my kids get to dress themselves now. Mostly. On a good day.
7. This high school stuff is for the birds. There is so much work the big girl has to do, and sometimes not enough time in the day. Our state has great homeschooling laws, but the state agency that regulates the scholarship money apparently thinks we sit around picking our noses all day. We have to jump through hoops that public/private school students don't. And it makes me mad. Like you couldn't tell. Our days are super packed with school work. She has a study/finish my work day. It also coincides with chore day, so she is not happy about that. Neither am I, but it's what we do.

I made 7!! And I feel like a weight has been lifted. Now to get the rest of this weight off. Like off my shoulders, but specially off my hips!