Thanksgiving sucked for me. I should preface that statement by saying that the holidays usually suck for me. I miss my family. I miss the way we did things. I miss being around people that generously and unequivocally love us. I have come to the point that being around hubby's family just sets me on edge. And since my day started with fighting, me saying I wasn't going, and telling hubby I would have a bag packed and ready for him to get out when he brought the kids home, I would have to say that yes, my day SUCKED. On a bright note, I did go, practically told my MIL that she was a stupid bitch for coddling her sons, and hubby still lives with us. I guess all's well that ends well. Almost, anyway.
I don't have time for whiners. Yes, I may whine and complain, but at least I try to face whatever issue it is. To condone bad behavior, to coddle a fool, is not what I am made of. Cowboy, or cowgirl, up and ride. Figure out what needs to be done, ask for help, but to wait for karma to kick someone in the ass is useless. Kick 'em in the ass yourself and let's move on. I do not suffer fools.
Depression is my illness. Today it wrapped itself around me like a well worn, comfortable blanket. The problem is that although it is well worn since I have had it for as long as I can remember, it is not comfortable. It is grating and prickly. I actually had to pull away from my family today to sleep, to block out the voice that were whispering in my ear how useless I am, whispering that my marriage was a wreck and I was to blame.
My feelings are hurt. My emotions are raw. I need to be numb. I do not want to feel this tonight. Tonight I will numb myself with Wild Turkey, which I don't usually do. I would much rather have a big, fat sack to roll and smoke and forget that I hurt, but that isn't happening. Tonight I hide from the pain, I hide from myself, and I hide from my issues. Tomorrow I face them head on. Tomorrow seems so far away, but will be here before I know it. Tonight, I just don't want to feel or think.
You want honest, well there it is.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Party Planning
I can throw you one hell of a party. I am a great party planner. I try to plan for the occasion, picking out activities that the attendees will enjoy. I can't stand to go to a dull party. I am telling you now, though, unChristian as it may be, I am done planning events for our church. It is not worth the headache, the hassle, the snarky ass attitude it produces in me.
I planned our annual Trunk or Treat again this year. Last year was phenomenal. We had about 20-25 cars, all decorated and full of candy. You have to love sno cones and popcorn and bounce houses. We had 2 bounce houses, 1 for big kids and 1 for littles. Tons of kids showed up. I ran out of candy, even after opening a couple of bags of donated candy. We even ran late because of the number of kids we had. Clean up didn't take that long and we were out and home in record time. Fantastic! Except for the fact that I got bitched at because it wasn't on Halloween. Are you serious? Fine, be that way. Nevermind the tons of people that came and enjoyed and couldn't believe it was free! Nevermind the kids that laughed and played and smiled and went home happy, happy, happy. Nevermind your crotchety attitude.
This year, it was a youth sponsored event. This year was about the same. We had candy, popcorn, and snocones. Instead of a bounce house we had a slide. We even added pumpkin painting this year. After a big snafu with that, one of our youth volunteers got them for free. Nice score, S! That was a hit. Everything would have been great except for one thing. We only had 10 cars this year. Last year they were packed in as tightly as they could be. This year all but 1 belonged to a youth parent or youth. Are you kidding me? The kids that showed had a great time, but even that attendance was down. We had so much candy left over, we could start our own shop. And where were the people that bitched at me last year that the event was on the wrong day?
They weren't there, that's for damn sure. I am very frustrated with the attitude of the people at our church. If it does not directly involve them bitching about something at the church, it's not important. We had hired a company to come in to teach our church how to be a church. It isn't working. Know what I'm going to hear now? Why did I plan the event on Halloween? Because that was the day that was available for us. That was the day that the youth had decided to do it. That was the day we did it, you didn't show up to help, so kiss my ass.
I am trying to focus on the fact that the youth did an outstanding job. I am trying to focus on the fact that there is a core group of people that support our kids. I am trying to focus on the fact that hopefully the kids that were there had a great time stuffing candy and junk down their throats before they went home. I am trying to remember that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him participate in church events. I am trying to hold my head high and know that a great event was planned. And I am glad it was my last one.
I planned our annual Trunk or Treat again this year. Last year was phenomenal. We had about 20-25 cars, all decorated and full of candy. You have to love sno cones and popcorn and bounce houses. We had 2 bounce houses, 1 for big kids and 1 for littles. Tons of kids showed up. I ran out of candy, even after opening a couple of bags of donated candy. We even ran late because of the number of kids we had. Clean up didn't take that long and we were out and home in record time. Fantastic! Except for the fact that I got bitched at because it wasn't on Halloween. Are you serious? Fine, be that way. Nevermind the tons of people that came and enjoyed and couldn't believe it was free! Nevermind the kids that laughed and played and smiled and went home happy, happy, happy. Nevermind your crotchety attitude.
This year, it was a youth sponsored event. This year was about the same. We had candy, popcorn, and snocones. Instead of a bounce house we had a slide. We even added pumpkin painting this year. After a big snafu with that, one of our youth volunteers got them for free. Nice score, S! That was a hit. Everything would have been great except for one thing. We only had 10 cars this year. Last year they were packed in as tightly as they could be. This year all but 1 belonged to a youth parent or youth. Are you kidding me? The kids that showed had a great time, but even that attendance was down. We had so much candy left over, we could start our own shop. And where were the people that bitched at me last year that the event was on the wrong day?
They weren't there, that's for damn sure. I am very frustrated with the attitude of the people at our church. If it does not directly involve them bitching about something at the church, it's not important. We had hired a company to come in to teach our church how to be a church. It isn't working. Know what I'm going to hear now? Why did I plan the event on Halloween? Because that was the day that was available for us. That was the day that the youth had decided to do it. That was the day we did it, you didn't show up to help, so kiss my ass.
I am trying to focus on the fact that the youth did an outstanding job. I am trying to focus on the fact that there is a core group of people that support our kids. I am trying to focus on the fact that hopefully the kids that were there had a great time stuffing candy and junk down their throats before they went home. I am trying to remember that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him participate in church events. I am trying to hold my head high and know that a great event was planned. And I am glad it was my last one.
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