Free Your Mind, But Hold Your Tongue

I am a child of the 80's. I like the music and the movies and the big hair. Short of shaving my head, I will always have big hair. One of my favorite groups from the that era is En Vogue. They sang Free Your Mind. Well, I freed my mind yesterday. And my tongue. I didn't realize what a good time I'd had until hubby and I were talking about it when we got home.

Yesterday was Easter. That means a gathering at the in laws. Y'all know how much I love that. The last couple of gatherings, I've been quiet and reserved. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn't want to rock the boat. I was ready to scoop up the kids at the first sign of trouble and skedaddle. Not so much yesterday. I told hubby to watch out. That, and there were extenuating circumstances.

The house across the street from my in laws is for sale. It's a 4/2 and they want $24,000 for it. Hold on, let's not get excited. Have you seen it? I did yesterday. It's a dump. It needs so much work. With the asking price, you could hire someone to do all the work. Keep in mind it's been empty at least two years, maybe three. Hubby and his brothers grew up with the kids that lived there. It's at least 40 years old. And the fact that it's across the street from my in laws is somewhat of a deterrent. At least for hubby and I. It was definitely a topic for discussion. I did get to throw my two cents out there, though. It went a little something like this.

The first question I had was how often were the grand kids going to be allowed over. Were they going to be allowed to come over willy nilly whenever they wanted or was my SIL going to respect my IL's privacy and not allow them over all the time? My FIL and BIL don't want them over there all the time. They've said as much. But my MIL is a sucker. My advice was that they must still ask to come over, or my MIL could go over there. Personal boundaries are important. And although my MIL doesn't mind if people just drop by, there are also two other people living there. And she isn't the private sitter for my niece and nephews when my SIL has had enough of them. Got my mind emptied on that one. I all but shook my finger in her face.

While the adults were still eating, the kids were done and wanted to go play. Well, go then. One of my BIL stopped and got a slip and slide. Thanks for the heads up, dude. I would have brought suits for my kids instead of let my 7 year old in a white shirt get an early start on her wet tshirt career. My kids were wet before I couls do or say anything about it. My niece conveniently had a bathing suit in the van. She's 7, too. She came walking by us, covering up. SIL comments that if she had a body like her daughter, she wouldn't hide her body when wearing a bikini. I don't think it's appropriate to make comments like that to a 7 year old. She smiled at me like she expected me to agree. I didn't. I commented on the fact that we don't do bikinis. We are raising our children to dress with modesty. We only do tankinis or 1 piece suits. To tell the truth, it popped out before I could stop it. That shut her down pretty quick.

When talk of the house came back up, SIL said they were going to talk to her hubby's boss about it. He's handled lots of real estate and knows all about it, was her comment. I suggested she go through a buyer's broker. They get paid by the seller and can save the buyer quite a bit of money in closing costs. She said he knows all about their situation. I could so comment on that, but what I said wasn't anything like that. I said that as her hubby's boss, he shouldn't be involved in their situation. It created a conflict of interest. This was personal and the boss should be about business. And what if he did help them get a house? He's already cut BIL's salary a couple of times. What was going to happen when and if his salary had to be cut again, or worse, BIL got laid off? If the boss is involved in helping get the house, what would happen if BIL did get laid off? Would the boss try to take the house or would they be renters in their own home? If he loans them money to get the house, how are they going to make the mortgage and pay back the boss? She looked at me like I had four heads. No, I just have a really big mouth.

There were a couple more times when my mouth took over. I did actually slow myself down once. We were talking about coffee. She likes a flavored coffee. Hubby and I like the brand, but we don't do the flavors because of all the added stuff that makes it flavored. "We don't do flavored coffees. They add so much junk...you know what, never mind." Then I went on to talk about the ones we like. It just seemed like I couldn't help but contradict whatever came out of her mouth.

It was a great day. I have to say, when I am able to let it go and I don't hold my tongue, it is freedom. I feel like I am flying. I think it's the endorphins. Some people get them from exercising, I get them from letting my mouth say whatever it wants. I try not to be catty or vicious. I know that my excuse of "stupid people piss me off" doesn't excuse the things I say. I was really more handing out great advice I pulled from my butt (long story about where I get my advice and the book I'm going to write). I don't think we need to get our 7 year olds worried about whether their body is banging in a bikini, business is business and your boss shouldn't be involved in your's, and boundaries are important to keep relationships from boiling over (that comes from a history with SIL).

When hubby and I were talking about it later, I realized there were a couple more things I popped off about. Hubby started laughing at one. He had a little twinkle in his eye. "You did have a great time, didn't you?" he asked me. Why, yes I did! I got some stuff off my chest. I popped off some great one liners (my specialty). It was a great gathering. For me, anyway.

Goodbye

I'm not leaving and I'm not gonna stop blogging. I'm saying goodbye to a relationship that has fallen apart. Not hubby and I, so it's ok. Sometimes, instead of being angry, which I have been and am very good at, you just need to end it. It is what it is. Yesterday at the park I was talking to a friend and said: I cannot make anyone be my friend. If someone doesn't like me, too bad. I'm not chasing you down to find out why. Like me or not, I'm not changing. It was kind of an aha moment.

I'm not sure how or why things got messed up, because I can't get her to talk to me anymore. We went from talking everyday in one form or another and seeing each other several times a week, to nothing. To being treated like I don't exist, I'm not important. I think the lack of communication is what is hurting me. Talk to me and let me know what I've done that has made you so mad at me that you take it out on my kids, who love you and are very sad that they can no longer spend time with your family.

I think that's what makes me angry. It's not just me. It has encompassed my kids and their feelings. Stomp on me all you want, but leave my kids alone.Why punish them? Because you would have to see me if our kids saw each other? Because you don't have the balls to tell me your mad? Because you would rather wallow in your own pain than face it?

Whatever the reason, if you're reading this, wallow away. Drown in your misery and sorrow. When you need a hand out of it, call me. When you're ready to talk, I'll be here. I won't shut you down.

For now, though, I wish you many years of love, peace, joy, and prosperity. I wish you happiness beyond all happiness. I wish you were still my friend.

Random Again

Can randomness be planned? I've been making a list of things I want to write about but my ADD is kicking in so I don't want to talk about them for long. Might as well get on with it.

• I have a headache, so, sorry if I'm snarky. I've had it since Sunday and it can go the hell away. I am not a stranger to headaches since I've had migraines since I was 5. Yes, the ripe old age of 5. This one would be ok if it were a real headache, but it's really just pressure. Nothing has worked. I even used the Advil pressure stuff and nothing. Pissing me off.
• I got new glasses. I'm still not sure I like them and I've had them for a couple of weeks now. They are bifocals, but they must be a very light prescription. I can tell a little difference when I look out of the bottom of the lenses, but it's not much of one. The weird thing is that I don't need reading glasses when I'm wearing my contacts, which are single vision. I think I need to have them adjusted some. They seem a little loose. One day when I go that way...
• I have taken to borrowing CDs and DVDs from the library. You don't pay for them and you can watch and listen to some really cool stuff. I had borrowed Little House on the Prairie once. The kids liked it. I was surprised. Yeah, I know about the reruns on TV, but those aren't always on when I want to watch them. I was thinking about some other shows from when I grew up. I'm just worried it'll be like the songs I used to listen to. I'm scared something extremely inappropriate will show up that I'll have to explain to the kids and I'm not ready to have that conversation. I'm thinking Happy Days is next. I could always change my mind by tomorrow. 
• While on our journey to become more healthy, I have changed more than what we eat. I have gone to all natural beauty products, BPA free water bottles, and all natural bath and laundry soap. The parabens and phthalates in those products can reek havoc on your body. It can lead to organ failure people. But we continue to be sheep and keep on with the same ol', same ol'. Do your research and get away from that well marketed stuff. It was time to order laundry detergent a couple of weeks ago. They had a new product that I had to try: soap nuts. They are the seeds from a plant and are completely natural. They are naturally anti-fungal and anti-microbial. They are also organic. Love them, love them, love them. Look them up here. My favorite thing is that they come in a muslin bag that you put them in when you wash your clothes. So you get nuts and a nut sack. That makes me smile.
• Gray hairs suck. It's bad enough when you find them on your head. I almost had a heart attack when I found one on my hooha. But really, my eyebrows? That just means I have to pluck them more often. The joys of getting older.

There it is. I am gonna go sit in a steamy shower and see if I can get my head to quit hurting. And start another list.  

Burnin' Bridges

I don't want to, but I'm gonna. Done dealing with craziness and the cold shoulder. Wish me luck.When you drag my kids into it, or I guess I should say start ignoring them after showering them with affection while showering other kids with affection in front of mine, it's done. I'm done.

Hard Hearted

I despise whiners. That is not a fact that I keep hidden very well. You can gripe to me maybe three times about something before you either have to do something about it or shut up. Go gripe to someone who will give you sympathy. I got none. Call me hard hearted. Or call me a bleeding heart. Sometimes it's about tough love. I feel like you need to face whatever the issue is. Deal with it like a responsible adult, take responsibility for yourself, and move on. Aren't you glad I don't run the government?

I am sick of listeneing to the Republicans and Democrats getting down to the wire, pointing fingers at each other. It's their fault, no, it's their fault. It's the fault of both sides, you big bunch of dumb asses. I would say, "Boys, quit fighting, you're all handsome." but this goes way beyond that. This is "Boys, you're all a bunch of idiots. Sit down and let a real woman handle this."

The government was on the verge of a shut down. That means all government run programs (Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, unemployment) would stop paying people. The problem with that is that all the other government employees wouldn't get paid. I call that collateral damage. We are in a crisis situation. I think that until the government gets it's shit together, maybe it should shut down. Think how much more money we could have in our paycheck. There would be no more paying into a broken system, no more supporting those who don't have and don't want a job. This is an actual comment from somebody on the system: "I just quit my job. They cut my food stamps, so I quit. I make more money being on the system than I ever could working." Wow. That pisses me off. I am at the saturation point. I can't, and don't want to, continue supporting people that have no interest in supporting me.

All over Facebook are postings that the troops aren't getting paid and Congress is. Who's got the really big guns and the tanks? Congress doesn't. I say intimidate. Use what the government gave you, Mr. and Ms. GI. I think the troops need to come home. Bring everyone home that is on the war front. Close those bases and bring them home. Think how much money we could save that way. No wars, no combat pay, no supporting government regimes that are gonna bite us in the butt as soon as we turn around. The question then becomes what are those people going to do when they come home? Are you telling me that the infrastructure of our roads and highway systems couldn't use some improving? Are you saying that the wall that needs to be built in the SW part of our country can only be done by Hispanics? Are you saying that we don't need more doctors and nurses and Indian chiefs? You'd be wrong by the way if you said we didn't.

The problem with our Congress is that they ask the wrong people. They ask "experts" who are using data skewed to how they want it. Instead of asking the people that do the jobs, they ask people that run the company. Well, Mr. Hospital Administrator, what is your problem? Well, Congress, we don't make enough money because of people that don't pay their bills and Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement is too low. What a crock. You keep your prices high so you can keep getting lots of money. I used to work for a hospital. I know the drill. Medicare and Medicaid haven't been revamped in ages. Times are changing and those programs need to change as well. All of the programs need to change. If that means some people don't qualify anymore, they don't qualify. Get off your ass and provide for your family. I am done paying your way.

I just don't want to hear them whining any longer. Put up or shut up. Don't promise me that things will change and then you go back to status quo. I am starting a write in campaign right now. Come 2012, everyone write my name in for President. Tell your family and friends. That'll scare the shit out of Washington, won't it? Oh, hell, here she comes to take over. No, I'm here to kick you in the ass. Bend over and take it like a man.