Goodbye, and Good Luck

2013 is almost over! Thank God!! What a crappy freakin' year this has been. It has seen:

1. Home mortgage refinance- what a joke that is! Sure our payment is almost cut in half, but Wells Fargo created a 40 year loan for suckers like us and didn't forgive the $55,000 our home is upside down. Our property is worth $45,000 at this time and is unlikely to gain any value in the next 3-5 years. Really, you bunch of crooks? And the refi delayed the bankruptcy. If we had declared, they wouldn't have refinanced us and we would be stuck with an awful payment.
2. Bankruptcy- that is a painful process, for sure. I get it. I really do. But the process itself sucks ass. And to have to delay just threw us for a serious loop and almost left us more broke, and broken, than when we started. The loss of any available overtime hurt our bottom line and almost broke hubby because he has a harpy for a wife and an asshole for a boss.
3. Strife between hubby and wife- yeah, it rhymes. I needed a little joy. The first 2 came between us so badly at times, I wonder that anyone makes it through the process. We have seen some serious stuff during our time together, but the stress from the above can be a killer, for people and a marriage! Hubby sat one weekend and almost had a breakdown. I do not use that term lightly.  
4. Family sucks!- and I mean mine, too. My only bright spot: Big Sis!!! Go, Big Sis!! Hubby's family needs a serious beating, and sometimes so does mine. Forgetting birthdays, judging our choices on raising our family, not taking responsibility for their words and actions. What. Ever.

I am optimistic about 2014. I won't say "It can't be any worse" because that when it rains. For days. And floods the world. But I do have high hopes. High hopes that hubby and I got through 2013 and 18 years of marriage. Hopes that our family can grow stronger and smarter. Hopes that we win the lottery and can buy that island in the South Pacific. Come on, 6 numbers!!!

Happy New Year!!! May it bring you peace, and joy, and fruitfulness, and prosperity, and much, much love!!!!!!!!!

The More Shit Changes, the More Shit Stays the Same

It's a Christmas wonkies, random kind of blog night. I got a little gin and tonic working, so there's no telling what I'm gonna say. Woot, let's get a move on!

• We bought a Roku. Best $50 we ever spent. I am not kidding. One of the channels we added was Netflix. We stream Netflix in the living room through the Wii, and wanted something in the bedroom. I have added so many shows to my list. House of Cards is a great show. I watch that in the morning while I'm taking some quiet time for myself. When I get caught up with that, Breaking Bad is next, followed by Drop Dead Diva. I haven't been able to watch some shows because of our lack of cable, which I am more than ok with, but also because of the kids. Breaking Bad isn't something we can sit down and watch as a family. Some of the channels are added were crap and got deleted almost immediately. I had added a channel of war movies. Yeah, that was a bust. Just a reminder that sometimes, free means crappy.
• One of my favorite shows that I am finally getting caught up on is Sons of Anarchy. Oh my, Jax has an amazing ass!! Sometimes, I just hit pause and stare at it's loveliness. But it's also just a good show. I even have hubby hooked on it. We are almost done with season 5. As soon as 6 comes out on DVD or Netflix,  whichever comes first, hubby and I are all over it. I have a friend that won't spoil the show for me. I am all about spoilers. Which brings us to number 3.
• I am all good with spoilers about Walking Dead on that social site. Again, I have to wait 'til the season updates on Netflix or hits video. The big girl and I are almost done with season 3, I think. We have time over Christmas break to spend snuggled under the covers in my room catching up. I see the spoilers and it gives me an idea of what to expect. I have friends that just can't stand it. I say bring it on!
• Today was the last Christmas performance for my kids dance company. As much as I love my kids dancing, I am looking forward to having a couple of Saturdays off. Rehearsal for recital starts in January, so Saturdays off are a rare thing around here. Hubby and I bought a camera and it took me forever to get the hang of it. I finally got video today, because I am slow. The first or second performance the batteries died. My fault. I forgot to check. Grrrrr. But I got it today. They were amazing...
• So now I get all political, because that's what I do. There is talk of raising minimum wage. Do we all understand what the impact is when minimum wage goes up, especially n this struggling economy? That means that businesses will raise their prices. Why? Because they won't eat the cost of extra wages. We get to do that. If they have to pay people more money, but can't really afford that, guess what happens then. They lay people off. That means higher unemployment. What happens when they've laid off as many people as they can and still can't make it? They close their doors, laying off the rest of their staff, and unemployment goes up again. The price of everything goes up. Transportation prices will go up. If that happens, food prices go up, clothing prices go up, housing prices go up. And at that end, guess what happens? People can't make a living on minimum wage because everything is too expensive. Do you see a big, ugly cycle forming? I do. And in the meantime, let's distract the public with things like naked pop stars on construction equipment and reality stars giving opinions in magazine articles. It's a distraction from the important stuff. Now you know.
• I live in the snowbird capital of the freaking country. Do you know what a snowbird is? It's retired people that live up north, but come down south during the winter. Just like birds, they head for warm weather. I am so ready for them to go home. They clog up our roads. They drive super fucking slow in the fast lane and pull out in front of you because they are 800 years old and don't need to be driving. They fill up the restaurants and stores and complain about having to sit near or be around kids. Just send us a check for the extra tax revenue you give us and stay home please. And thank you.
• I think I am in adrenal fatigue. I looked at the signs and I have all but 2 out of 10. Ugh! I am so tired all of the time. I think part of it is stress. Goodness knows I don't have enough of that! I have been researching and most studies point to magnesium as the thing to help bring the adrenals back to normal function. On a bright note, magnesium also helps during menopause and it helps with headaches. Hopefully, I can kill 3 birds with one pill. My next research project is progesterone. For many years, estrogen was thought to be what women need during peri-menopause and menopause, but research now points to progesterone. It is widely believed that excess estrogen leads to breast cancer. Do not get me started on my mother and estrogen, or I will get super pissed off because that's what she was treated with many years ago. I can't even go there, I get so angry.

That's about all I have for now. I think I need another drink. I'm not going to tell you I already had 2 drinks while I was writing this. Wait, I think I just did. And I need to go wrap some presents. I am excited about this Christmas. I'm almost ready. How about you?
  

Throwing in the Towel

I am done. Stick a fork in me. I cannot do it one more day. Only I will. Time moves on. Life will carry on with or with out me, because that's what life does. And that's the problem.

I despise the holidays. The last few years have been much better without the family drama. Only there is still that little bit of guilt tripping. Hubby gets it when he goes to his parent's house. His mama kind of mopes around making comments about cleaning and cooking "in case people show up." Big. Sigh. He finally told his mama that if she wanted to see him and the kids on the holidays, she would need to call me. And talk to me. And invite me over. We'll see how that goes. But that isn't the reason I'm done.

I miss my mom. Holy cow, every day is a struggle to get out of bed. Every day is a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. But the holidays just rip out my guts. We always called each other and talked about menus. We always called and talked about what the plans were. We always talked about the inordinate amount of drama that came about at the holidays. We always talked. I miss that.

When hubby and I first moved out here, I incorporated as many of my family's traditions into our holidays as I could. The first time I made broccoli cheese casserole, he kissed me. I love him. We started some traditions of our own, and as the kids started coming we added/changed/got rid of some as well. But always there were those things that made me feel like I had my family around me. One of the biggest parts of my life is gone now. And I am filled with angst and yuck.

We are scheduled pretty tightly until the end of the year. It is what I have to do to keep the feelings from overwhelming me. The busier I am, the less time I have to think about it. I have friends that say "You are so organized." No, it's me trying to maintain control of those few things I can control. I don't feel like I can control my emotions very well. I feel like I am on the brink of breaking down so often. I have had to walk out of the kids' practice a couple of times just to have a moment.

I am so tired of being strong. I am so tired of being the one that has to take care of "it", whatever "it" may be. I feel like I need some time to just be. To just breathe. To just grieve. To just...

So I'm taking it. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm taking some time for me, just for me, to readjust my attitude. To readjust my mind. To recharge my batteries. And to drink beer. And eat some chocolate. Beer and chocolate make it all better. I just need to be quiet for just a few minutes. Then I'm putting one foot in front of the other. Again and again and again.

Because Big Sis Made Me!

Not really, but I got a text last night. It said, and I quote, "For the love of all that is holy! Blog, woman, blog!!!!" I love that woman like nobody's business! I had planned to blog yesterday, but I ran out of time yesterday. So, to make Big Sis happy (and clear out a note in my phone), here we go.

• My children have lost their minds today. When that happens, their butts usually get sore and their electronics and privileges get taken away. When the dog barks to go out, that should be the cue for all involved to get that done. Apparently, this morning they were clueless, which led to me yelling and dropping the f-bomb a couple of times. My big girl thought she could fuss back at me until I came storming down the hall. That shut her up good and proper. I told them next time they had to go, I should lock their bathroom and not let them in. I'm not really, but it sounds good, doesn't it? Crazy ass kids!
• You know I have to weigh in on this whole insurance debacle. We have the stupidest President ever. I am so scared for this country. Not only did he outright lie about keeping our insurance if we liked it, but now that he got caught, he's telling the insurance companies to give the policies back. Which he can't do. And he's an idiot. The insurance companies said ok, but it's going to cost more money if we do that. Who do you think is going to pay for that? We are!!! Yea!! This whole thing is incredibly stupid. "We have to pass it before we find out what's in it"? And why did we let them pass that? Shouldn't that have been clue number 1? It's not that everyone needs insurance, it's that insurance needs to be revamped. Get a clue, POTUS!
• Our bankruptcy is finally filed. The paralegal called yesterday and said we were assigned a great trustee. Thank. Goodness. The bad news? We have to pay for vehicles. That are already paid off. I hate that part. The good news is that he reduced the amount we have to pay and spread the payments over 12 months instead of 10. Now we wait for a court date. Ugh! I hate driving to the big city. The traffic is horrible and people are crazy. Almost done, almost done! The amount of stress this has caused is insane. But that's for the next bullet point.
• The stress made hubby almost have a mental breakdown. I am not joking at all. He spent one weekend kind of shaking and freaking out. It was a tad scary. I can only imagine the stress he was under with his wife harping about not working overtime, and his boss harping he needed to. So I took myself out of the equation. I realized the pressure was too much, so I backed off. If he had to work it he had to work it. If we had to delay filing because of it, then fine. I wasn't bitching about it anymore. I'm still not. There's not much I can do about it, so what good does it do? And really, overtime only lasted a month anyway and there wasn't that much. But that led to some tension between the 2 of us. I hate that. We've worked through most of it and we'll keep working through the rest. It is what we make it. We can make this a deal breaker or we can not. We choose not, but after 18 years and a ton of crap during that time, we can get through anything and be stronger on the other side.
• I want a camera. A real, bona fide, takes great pics and video camera. My 2 oldest have a ton of performances coming up and I would like to get them on film. My phone is ok for pics and videos, but when there is lighting on the stage like a concert or where they'll be performing, it sucks. Really, really sucks. At the concert series at Epcot this year, I was looking at some of the pics and videos people were taking on their phones, and they were really good. And they were able to get a great pic even when zooming from a pretty good distance away. We've been looking online and in stores and every time we go into a store, I head to electronics. The kids' first performance is the day after Thanksgiving and I don't see it happening. Stupid bankruptcy...
• We did spend a little money and got a Roku. We watch Netflix through our Wii, but it's in the living room. Which means no Netflix in the bedroom. Do you know how many times the kids have been watching something and I just wanted to watch Sons of Anarchy? I can't do that with the kids. Besides, seeing Jax naked is a pleasure I want to have all by myself. Meow!! Now I can. And when hubby is watching crazy people preparing for the apocalypse, the big girl can be watching zombies and the people that fight them. Best $50 we ever spent. Love it!
• I have been revisiting the Blood Type Diet. I like that book. It has been very on target for the way I need to eat. I don't think that because the book says so, but because it highlights things I have already discovered about my body and what is the proper nutrition for it. Hubby started reading it, too. We have discovered we are opposite eaters. He is a B and I am an A. I need a mostly vegetarian diet and he needs a carnivorous diet. There are very few things that are on his list and mine. We're making a list and checking it twice to see what we can eat that's the same and how we need to prepare our meals. It's going to take some time and some work. We're going to try it for a little bit and see how it goes.

That's all I've got for now. I guess that means I need to start a new note!

7 Kinds of Hot Mess

I love that expression: hot mess. What does it really mean? I don't know, but that's what I feel like. It's time to work out the kinks, and I don't mean the 50 Shades kind.

1. Speaking of the trilogy of the year, did you hear who's playing the lead in the movie? Charlie Hunnam. Oh. Hell. Yeah! That man is soooo fine. If you have no idea who he is, watch Sons of Anarchy. He's Jax. I'm not sure the book will translate well to film. If you don't want it to be porn, the sex will have to get toned way down. But the sex plays a major part in the books. And if the truth be told, I may not even see it. It's kind of irritating when they take a popular book and mess it up on screen. We'll see.
2. 2 of my kids didn't get birthday cards OR calls from my side of the family, except for Big Sis, who is awesome at that stuff. If you've spent any time reading my blog, you know that I have a very acrimonious relationship with hubby's family and rarely have anything good to say about them. I always thought my side was the one to step up. WRONG! My kids are heart broken. No call from my dad or my step dad. Not a card. Nothing. I have to say that although the social media site is great for keeping in touch, it is highly impersonal. I may wish lots of people happy birthday on it, but it's not usually the people that are in my life. My kids got NO COMMUNICATION AT ALL!!! What the hell is wrong with you people?!?! These are kids!!!
3. Since we're talking about my step dad, it is time for me to get real about that relationship. The truth is, there is no relationship. I wasn't in Texas while he and my mom were together except for visits. There were a couple of times I was packing my shit to go home when my mom stepped in. He made my mom happy and I will always be grateful for that. But he and I are like oil and water. I could use the excuse that the time difference and our busy schedule make it hard to call and keep in touch and it does. Sometimes, it's 10 o'clock here before I have time to make a call. By then, I'm going to bed. I am not up for conversation. I even asked if the kids could be pen pals with him like they were with my mom. He nixed that idea, saying he wasn't good at writing. So you don't want to try? Nope. Well, put me in my place. I get it. But then I get a voice mail the other day. He's bitching at me because I haven't called. Why would I? You don't bother to call me, but when you do, you're going to shake my tree? Screw. Off.
4. I have been in a depressive rut lately. Between the bankruptcy and the loan modifying, hubby hasn't been able to work any overtime, even when it's available. That makes our budget extremely tight. Like, not making it to the next payday tight. Running the cars on fumes 'til payday, hoping the food lasts since I have hungry people that live here and wondering when the hell this stuff is going to be over. We still owe the attorney $700. Freaking yea. And what did we do? We let the kids take more dance and try out for company. Why? Because we thought it would be ok with the expense, since we got a lower house payment and weren't paying the credit cards. Well, that may backfire with the whole no overtime thing. I have eaten everything I can. Did you know that a 6 piece nugget at McD is a buck? Do you know how much I campaign against them? Do you know how many nuggets I've eaten lately? A lot. In multiples of  6. Or 12, which is a multiple of 6. The stress level is high in our house right now. I quit working out in the morning and I've gained 10 pounds. My dermatitis is back and now I'm mad. Mad enough to get back to eating like I need to and getting this 10 pounds off! I dance one day a week and walk with my friend N while our kids dance. It's so nice to be moving again. All that sweat makes me feel better. Damn endorphins.
5. All of this angst may be a part of the fact that I am not being spiritually fulfilled at church. We haven't been all summer and I don't feel like going back. Except my kids are missing it. I am making an effort to get them to youth even though they are late. They get there in time for the lesson and to hang for a little with their friends, so bonus. Hubby and I don't want to church shop, but we both feel like we need some connection as well. We had thought about starting a bible study group, but when is that going to happen? Like our days aren't busy enough. And just what is a cowboy church? We have a couple in our county, but they aren't that close. Maybe I should call and ask. Anyway, our pastor just isn't doing it for us and neither is the congregation. They are loving and wonderful, but we are just done. The last time we were at church was announcement day, which is when they announce which pastors are staying at the church and who's leaving. Ours is staying. Hubby and I looked at each other and knew that was our last service for awhile. 
6. I know part of the problem is that I have control issues. You would be amazed at what I have let go of over the years. But you would also be surprised at what I hang on to. Like starting sentences with unnecessary conjunctions and ending them with prepositions. Or not letting auto correct fill in the word for me, even when it's right! No, I have to type that bad boy out. I CAN DO IT SO LET ME! At least my kids get to dress themselves now. Mostly. On a good day.
7. This high school stuff is for the birds. There is so much work the big girl has to do, and sometimes not enough time in the day. Our state has great homeschooling laws, but the state agency that regulates the scholarship money apparently thinks we sit around picking our noses all day. We have to jump through hoops that public/private school students don't. And it makes me mad. Like you couldn't tell. Our days are super packed with school work. She has a study/finish my work day. It also coincides with chore day, so she is not happy about that. Neither am I, but it's what we do.

I made 7!! And I feel like a weight has been lifted. Now to get the rest of this weight off. Like off my shoulders, but specially off my hips!

Jumbled Stuff

It is time for a random blog. I've been taking some notes and you get the joy of trying to follow my zig zag trail. I love an adventure. Don't you?

• I am digging Rhianna right now. I have not been a huge fan in the past, and really, I'm not running out buying all her stuff and stalking her on fan pages. She just has some songs that are speaking my language right now. Stay is killing me!! I will always dance to We Found Love no matter where I am. Full out. Like NOBODY is watching me. Or maybe like EVERYBODY is watching me. Hmmm, there's a thought isn't there?
• Hubby and I have found a new source for jigsaw puzzles. We were in the mall, kidless for a couple of days and hit the dollar store for something. We had been wanting to work a puzzle, but have you looked at the prices for puzzles? For grins and giggles we checked the toy aisle. Jackpot! They had several, so we got three. They are 500 piece puzzles and we had a great time working them. And they were $1! I even sent hubby back to the store for 2 more. He ended up going to the big box dollar store where things are not generally a dollar (see what I did there? That was nice) instead of the place where everything is a dollar. Even their 500 piece puzzles were $1. I have to be careful, though. I could $1 us half to death with puzzles.
• We went to Disney for the big girl's birthday last week. That girl turned 15!! What the hell is that? I haven't aged a bit!! Anyway, I have noticed a trend. Those awful high waisted shorts are back in style. I just got to the point I like low rise jeans, don't put me back in mom jeans!! Not only are they ugly, but as far up as they go, is not how far down they go. In other words, the waist may come up to your ribs, but there's 8 miles of ass hanging out of the bottom! What's worse is that parents are letting their tween and young teen daughters wear them. I guess they don't check the back. And again, a trend is a trend because we allow it. Just slap a price tag on it and send it out the door. I was telling hubby this while we were filling our water bottles. And there was a girl wearing them standing there. Well, crap. But know what she did? She adjusted her shorts so they covered her butt more. Thank you!
• I joined a homeschooling Disney group. They are having a meet and greet soon and the kids and I are thinking about going. They've set up a scavenger hunt and a meet and greet then go do what you want at the park. They have several trips a school year or sometimes post that they are going if anyone wants to join. We are so structured this year, it'll be fun to maybe have a little spontaneous down time. 
• And now to get political. I have a friend that sells insurance. She and I were discussing ObamaCare. She mentioned that Native Americans would qualify for free insurance. Free, huh? Not interested. But you know I had to ask. I could say the devil made me do it, but it wasn't him. It was all me. "You know it isn't free, right?" Well, damn. She tried to insist that I wouldn't have to pay anything. Why could she not leave it alone? "Of course I'm paying for it. Every time they take money out of hubby's paycheck, I'm paying for it. The best part, though, is that every body else is paying for it, too. That's where our taxes are going. Thank you for paying for my insurance." And then I changed the subject. Needless to say, we don't talk about insurance anymore. I think that's for the best.

Well, there you go. I get to delete a note in my phone! Yea! And the journey wasn't that bad. There was barely a bump.    

A Pinch of This, a Dash of That

Don't you wish this was a recipe blog? I do, too, actually. That would mean I've been cooking. Let's not get excited, ok?

• Hubby and I just had a mini staycation. It was lovely. He dropped the kids off Monday morning, he was off Tuesday, and hubby will pick the kids up on his way home tonight. School is getting ready to start and then co-op, then dance. We all needed a little down time. Hubby and I had planned to go to Disney, but the weather told us we should stay home. We went to dinner, worked a jigsaw puzzle and hung out in the garden. It was amazing. It doesn't sound like much, but it was nice to just be, take a breath, and hold hands. We snuggled on the couch, listened to music, played games, and just spent some time. Lovely, lovely time.
• I should be spending my time catching up on some things while the kids are gone, but I find myself blogging instead. I need to get some laundry done, organize the book shelf, vacuum the living room. Yeah, I'm blogging, watching Downton Abbey on DVD, and I'm going to read when this disc is done. And eventually I'll get a shower and brush my teeth. Maybe...
• I have a huge stack of books I need to get to. School is right around the corner, like 5 days from now. Maybe between the rest of the stuff I have to do. Or maybe instead of the stuff I have to do.
• A bit of excitement during our time off. I got a text from a friend a little after 11, asking if we were ok. That should be clue number 1 that something was wrong. We looked out the front window and above the tree line, the sky was glowing, blazing orange. The propane plant had exploded. It's about 5 miles from us. Then my phone just went crazy with texts from friends asking if we were ok. I couldn't answer them because we were on the run. I grabbed the important papers, threw on a bra and some shoes while hubby corralled the dog. We eventually stopped on a hill and watched the flames and the explosions of the small tanks. After about 45 minutes, it was all clear and we got to go home.
• Downton Abbey  is one of my favorite shows. I borrowed this from the library and I only get it for 3 days. It is such a good show. I love the clothes, but I have to say that the formlessness (is that a word?) drives me a little nuts. I'm not saying they should wear skin tight clothes since that's not what they wore. I love the hats!! I have so much hair, it's hard to find a hat that fits. My head is actually kind of small (my ego, however, is HUGE), but the amount of hair makes it almost impossible. It's a good thing I like big, floppy hats because that's about all that fits me. And if I may be frank? I would love someone to dress me!! I know it sounds horrible, but oh, to be pampered that way...

That's all I have for now. I'm going to watch the rest the season and eat some lunch. Right now I'd settle for someone to do the laundry, much less dress me. Ah, the life...

Finally, A Summer That Doesn't Suck That Much!!

Boy, do I ever need one of those!! 2 summers ago it was my mom with breast cancer and last summer we buried her. I'm still pissed off about that. I think I always will be. But I digress. Duh. Things have been moving along at a nice little clip this summer. It isn't much, but I will take a silver lining every chance I get.

I have read my brains out this summer. I haven't read the classic fiction I keep swearing I'll get to, but I've been reading none the less. My request list at the library is constantly full. I've requested books and movies and CD's and whatever else I can get my greedy hands on. I have a list from all my book sites that I've been using to request books. Summer is my only real reading time. I may take a book with me to dance, but I usually end up talking with my dance mamas instead of cracking open the book. During school, I'm so busy schooling my kids, my reading list falls to the wayside. I picked up 10 books yesterday and what was my first reaction? Yea, I get to request 10 more things!! But I gotta do it soon, since we start school at the beginning of August. I've even been making the kids trade TV and video game time for reading. The downside? I don't want to do anything else. Not make dinner, not work out, not anything. I have to drag myself off the couch to get anything done. Know what helps with that?

Bowling. The last few summers, I've signed the kids up for Kids Bowl Free. We would use it sporadically, and have fun. This summer, we've been going bowling with a group of friends. I have added and deleted kids from my account to take friends with us that aren't signed up. It has been amazing! My sweet friend, K, signed hubby and me up under her family pass, so we even get to bowl for free. The kids have had a great time. I even have my friend N and her daughter bowling with us. I'm not a great bowler, but I enjoy it and so do my kids. Hubby's only been able to go a couple of times, but at least he got to go. The kids have really made an effort to improve their skills and it shows. The big girl even broke 100 yesterday. Go on with it!

As much as I love my kids, I am with them all the time! What helps with that? Drop off days!! My friend M has been having drop off days at her house. I think she's nuts, but she would have to be to invite a ton of kids to her house and let the parents go. For 4 hours! Do you know how much napping I can get done in 4 hours? A ton! Last time I went to the big box book store, grabbed a couple of books off the shelf, copped a squat and read my brains out. It was awesome. I did need a coffee, because that much reading makes mama sleepy. If I could have curled myself in to a ball in that chair and napped, it would have been 10 times better. I think management would have frowned on that. One week I went to a movie. All by myself. I didn't have to share popcorn or my drink. I got to spend the afternoon with Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel. Um, hell, yeah! And the best part? Hubby is off for the next drop off day. We're going to go eat sushi. With out the kids! Oh, yeah...

This has been the year of stress for us. Between the loan modification, foreclosure, and the bankruptcy and a million other things, I have found that my attention span has shortened. My stress level just will not allow me to focus on more than 1 major life event at a time. As soon as we get through one thing, I can focus on the next. Sometimes. It has been a blessing to have friends that help, whether they know they're helping or not. It has been a blessing to have a mini vacation, if only for a couple of hours. And know what we're doing today? We're going swimming with friends. Working on my tan and swimming? Sign me up for that!!   

Refi, WiFi, Me, Oh, My!

I needed a break. I felt a lot of pressure to deliver a great blog, but found that for a while, all I could do was gripe and bitch. That's no fun. I put tons of pressure on myself, can you tell? Let's see how I do this time.

All these wonderful programs the POTUS has implemented to help the middle class, like Cash for Clunkers, have done nothing to help us. Not one thing. We either made too much money (I have no idea what that means), or didn't have enough equity, or our provider for whatever didn't participate in the program, or a million other excuses I could use. Then it happened. We got behind on our house payment. Hubby worked his butt off with overtime and on call to catch us up, but it got to be too much. I looked into several refi and modification programs and none of them fit us or would work for us. Then I saw a story on the local news one day. I don't watch a ton of news, but I was glad I was watching that day. We found out our loan was a Fannie Mae loan and that started the ball rolling. This is where I openly and blatantly state : I DESPISE WELLS FARGO BANK AND THE CROOKS THAT RUN IT!!! Glad to get that off my chest.

Wells Fargo makes the modification process torture. It's almost like they want you to get fed up and either pay them or walk away from your house. We were so close to just walking the hell away. I had even gone so far as looking to sell the chickens so we didn't have to take them with us. They stalled and dragged their feet at every opportunity. They even recalculated hubby's payroll stubs. Apparently, his company that employs 1,000's of people is full of idiots that have no idea how to figure payroll. WF even recalculated one wrong! They wanted a signed letter from a company representative as to why it was wrong. Until hubby explained it to our counselor and she explained it to them. They wanted a signed letter about every little thing. I had to write 2 letters explaining that I homeschool our 3 kids and don't work outside the home. They dragged their feet so long, we're in foreclosure. The good thing? They modified our loan! Our mortgage is almost half of what it was and our interest rate went down 2 1/2 percentage points. We make our first payment today. Next up, bankruptcy. That is a process you know I'll be blogging about.

Everywhere you go is free WiFi. I rarely use my phone where there is no internet service. I've even had hubby just pull up to the redheaded little girl's hamburger joint so I can just use the WiFi. My local grocery store has it, the big box book store at the mall has it. Even the mall has it! My big girl has figured out the password to the WiFi at 2 libraries that we frequent. She's going to be such a good little computer hacker when she grows up. What I'm finding though, is that technology isn't always our friend. I really want to go back to the days where you can get a cell phone that just makes a call. That's it. I don't need a smart phone. It's nice having one, but I don't need one. I don't want to be tracked. I don't want to be marketed to. I refuse to use the self check lanes at stores. I'll stand in line for an hour before I use one. People need jobs, and that takes jobs away. I don't want to give my phone number and email everywhere I go anymore, so I don't. I just give then my first name and make them add any last name. Smith is nice. Bitch is better.

Lately, 2 separate airlines, South West and American, have had to delay or cancel flights because of a glitch in their computer systems. Hotels around the airport filled up quick. Some airports brought out cots for those stuck at their airports. Have you seen the movie Battleship? It was a little cheesy, but we still liked it. If you haven't seen it, here's a spoiler alert!!! What saves the day and planet earth? A 70 year old battleship that was built to last. What did the sailors complain about? Out of date technology they had no idea how to use. Thank goodness for the old timers that were volunteers on the ship that had actually WORKED on the ship. Ever try to call a company that has a computer answered system? We've all been lost in that hell. "I'm sorry. I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." Because you're a computer!! All of our cars are run by computers. Have one of those mother boards fry and see what happens. Been there, done that, had Big Sis push my car out of traffic with hers because of it!

Lots of stress in our home because of the modification and the bankruptcy. Combine that with my mom's birthday, my birthday, mother's day, and grief and anxiety and stress and that makes me a lean, mean, eating machine. Ok, maybe just mean and machine, but not so much the lean. Since February, I've gained 12 pounds. What the French, toast? I cannot keep food out of my mouth. I have done so well the past year keeping the stress and emotional eating at bay. Not so much lately. I know what to eat. I know how to eat for my body. I know what will break my body down. My body doesn't care. Not one damn bit. If it's sweet and delicious (it doesn't even have to be delicious), I'm going to eat it. If it's salty or savory or, my favorite, crunchy, I am all over it. Do not let me loose at a buffet. Good grief, there isn't anything left for the rest of the restaurant. The craving for a cigarette has taken hold, too. I am not going there again. Hubby asked me if I wanted him to stop and get a pack. Well, yes, but I will smack you if you do. I do not need to weigh 180 pounds and be smoking. Again. You should have seen that poor sweet potato chocolate cake. It never had a chance of making it through the night. Good thing I had help with that one.

My contract for my phone expires in a couple of months, and hubby's by the end of the year. We may be switching to phones that text only. If we can find them. I am going to try a cleanse and up my coconut oil intake to try to get rid of the sugar and food cravings. I'm working out because I want to be in the Gold Company at our dance studio and I want to be in top shape for that. Come September, our loan mod will be final and the bankruptcy well under way. By the end of the year, I should be a lean, mean, dancing machine. Hopefully not glued to my smart phone with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. And a drink. I could really use a drink...

  

Old Enough to Know Better

I really hate it when I tell somebody something and they disregard me. I think I got this. Really. If I say it, I mean it. I may say it in a hateful, mean way if you piss me off, but I am aware of my opinion. I'm not always aware of what's coming out of my mouth until it's out, but still. Case in point.

This past weekend was our dance recital. It was amazing!! My kids rocked it and I have to say, I did, too. During practice one day, we were talking about that social media site almost everyone belongs to. One of my dance mates was talking about unfriending people. I said I wasn't going to unfriend her. She went on to say that she disagrees with 90% of what I put on there. She was speaking politically. She said that we all have our delusions. She even said "Poor, Cristy." Um, ouch. I'm sure my opinion is the right one. You can't get me to agree with her politically, but that's ok. I even told her that. I just agreed that some of us are delusional and that we all live in our version of a perfect world. That kind of shut her up. She asked me one night at recital if I watch "The View." My response: not if I can help it. I'm pretty sure I know what I mean when I say that. That kind of shut her up for a minute, too. I just don't talk politics with her and we get along just fine.

I had to get a haircut before recital. I was wearing a side braid with some cool colored braids weaved in. It was heavy and I needed to lighten the load. Thursday morning, hubby and I go run errands and a haircut was one of them. We walked in to a chain place and the woman at the counter asks for my name. I give it to her. She asks for my phone number. I ask why. It was their way of tracking us. I don't like to be tracked. I know. Every time I log onto a website or print a coupon, I'm being tracked. That doesn't mean I can't limit what I want to limit. She asked for my email and address so they could send me coupons. No, thank you. She was a little taken aback when I declined. She took it in stride, though. The guy cutting my hair, though, is a different story.

The big girl did my hair for recital. We had put it together beforehand to see how it was going to work out. We figured out how much needed to be cut off and still be long enough for all the extras. I told the guy to cut off 3 inches. He insisted on 4. I was insistant that it would be 3. I explained to him, twice, what was going on and that 3 was all that could be cut off and still be long enough. He insisted on 4. I asked, calmly, for another stylist or 3 inches, one or the other. He cut 3 inches off. He said I need to come in more often to get a haircut. I said I know. Then he started in on how I think I may be saving a dollar, but it was important for hair health, blah, blah, blah. See, I know all that. I just interrupted him and said, politely, "Dude, I homeschool 3 kids. It's not the money. It's the time. Let's talk about something else." I won't be going back to him again. I'm pretty sure that I know what I mean. I even informed him that I had worn my hair long probably longer than he had been alive and it was time for him to hush. Politely, of course. I didn't want to come out bald. I could go on and on about how much of an arrogant ass he was, but that would be the whole blog.

Our next stop was the grocery store that was next to the hair place. They've started using digital coupons. You can sigh up on their website and have coupons sent straight to your phone and attach it to your debit or credit card. The cashier asked me if I had any. I said no, I don't like to be tracked, but thank you for asking. She continued with her spiel. Again, no, thank you, but thank you for asking. She looked like she was going to start again. I held up my hand, looked her straight in the eye, and said "No, thank you!" I handed over my printed coupons, paid for groceries, and out the door we went.

Hubby asked if eveyrone had lost their minds. I said hell, yea! I think I handled myself pretty well for being so damned aggravated. I didn't yell, I didn't scream. I did fuss a little, but that was because I was prodded. And prodded. And prodded!! It was definitelt an interesting day. I am thankful I got a nap or that evening could have ended badly!



   

Intolerant Is in the Eye of the Beholder

I am so sick of the news. I rarely watch anymore. I do have my TV on GMA in the mornings, but that is more of a timer. I'm usually on the internet or my phone. I should be doing so many other things, but what fun is that? I know the hot button issue right now is the Supreme Court getting ready to rule on gay marriage. I have an opinion, I just choose not to share that. Instead, let's talk about rights versus privileges.

It is my right to be able to live a happy life. Our founding fathers said so. It is also my right to bear arms and voice my opinion. It is my right to vote. It is my right to bitch about the election and people that aren't informed before they cast their vote. Our founding fathers said so. What we tend to forget is that if it isn't in the Constitution, it's a privilege.

Driving is a privilege. Nowhere in the Constiution does it state that I have a right to drive a car. That could be because there were no cars back then. I bet if you would have given Ben Franklin another few years, he would have come up with something. Technology has advanced while that priceless piece of paper has remained the same. Having a cell phone is a privilege. Again, technology advances while the founding fathers are not even dust anymore. And that will happen. Technology advances every day, but it provides us with privileges, not rights.

I am intolerant, bigoted, opinionated, loud mouthed and brash. I can be grating and belligerent. I don't look for conflict, but if you get in my face, I will jump back at you. Lord mercy, don't talk about my kids or hubby or I will bury you so deep they will never find you. I am also one of the sweetest, nicest people that you will ever know. I will go to the ends of the earth for my family and friends. I love to laugh and make other people laugh. My opinion is mine. Don't try to change my mind unless you come with facts, not opinions. I don't do mamby-pamby or wishy washy. I have little to no patience for whiners. I would rather spank my children than take stuff away or put them in time out. And guess what? Some of that is my right. Some is my privilege. Some is my honor, but that's a different topic.

Political correctness is destroying this country. The big, bad world is big and bad, hence the label. To tell the truth, I think it started when we started using the phrase "African American". Ok, if you aren't from Africa, you aren't African American. You're...wait for it...American. Now everybody classifies themselves as something other than good ol' American. I don't call myself Polynesian American. If hubby were to call himself Caucasian American, people would freak. Being politically correct is a privilege, not a right. And it's stupid. Can we call a spade a spade? Trash is trash whether it's white trash or niggers. See, again with the classifications. Why? Someone might get offended. Fuck that.

I think my biggest gripe is that if I don't agree with main stream media, or those that are pushing an agenda, I am intolerant. If I say anything against gay marriage, I am intolerant of gay people. If I say I am for it, I get vilified by the other side. I am intolerant of idiots and stupid people. There are both of those on each side of the argument. If I disagree with the president, I'm racist. Honey, I didn't agree with George W. either. Know what that makes me? Intolerant of red necks. Wait, what? I married a red neck, so take that back. I don't agree with the POTUS because he's an idiot. It has nothing to do with the color of his skin. We have black people that have openly said in interviews that they voted for him because he's black. Isn't that racist? Yes, yes it is. But not if we're being politically correct. I would rather offend.

My friend ALT at High Strung Musings wrote a great blog about being cream. It was about rising to the top like cream instead of sinking to the bottom like coffee grounds. I'm coffee grounds. I have no filter. Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer. But don't expect me to sugar coat it. Don't ask me to be politically correct. Well, you can ask, but it won't happen. I am not cream. I don't like being cream. I think people need to be offended. I think people need to be rattled to make them think. That is one thing that is sorely lacking in our society. Free thinking has become a crime where before it was celebrated. Having money and being creative have become reasons to be spurned. Who's intolerant now, bitches? Stop and think. Use that brain that God gave you. It's amazing! ANd wait 'til you see the world in technicolor!

Bringing It Up

I've been taking notes again. Every time I say "I'll remember that when I get home", I don't. Here's what I've got.

• I have noticed an influx of side ponytails. Why? I'm wondering why we thought they were cute. At our weekend confirmation retreat, there were many, many teen and tween girls wearing the infamous hairstyle. To tell the truth, though, I would rather see the side ponytail than the ugly, sloppy bun that a lot of girls are wearing. The sloppy bun says you don't give a crap what you look like. The side ponytail says at least you made an effort.
• 80's fashion is back. I can remember my mom saying something about 60's fashion coming back in style during the 80's. I guess it runs in cycles. My big girl will look at something and ooh and aah. I tell her the 80's called and they want their fashion back. Some of it should have died then. Some of it really isn't that bad. Just, please no ginormo shoulder pads. Yeah, I rocked 'em. But that was then and this is my era of better fashion sense. I even had the jumpsuit in bright, conflicting patterns that was form fitting, but had the huge collar and shoulder pads. Some styles need to stay dead.
• I am losing my boobs. At first, it was kinda cool. I actually went up a cup size. It has to do with the distance of your boobs from your chest, or something like that. I get it. I bought new bras. Now I'm falling out of them. I don't mean spilling over the top like I've been known to do. I mean slipping out underneath. That means the band is too big. That sucks. Now, it's more new bras. Bras are expensive. I hate trying on bras. But maybe now I won't be limited to minimizers and full coverage. I could actually get an add a cup size bra. Please, don't make me have to get a padded bra. That would really send me into a huge depressive mood. Like, for years.
• While we're talking about bras, can we talk about underwear? For a while, I had an issue keeping my undies up. I lost weight, they were too big. And we're back to that. I cannot keep them up. Again. I have even tried making sure the top is under my belt when I put it on. That helps not at all. I've been telling my friends I may just stop wearing undies at all. I don't dare wear a skirt. The only thing keeping my undies on my body most of the time is the fact that my pants have a crotch in them. Without that piece of material, they would hit the floor. And I would step out of them and keep walking like I don't know who in the world just lost their panties at the mall. Or Disney. Or wherever. Can you imagine? Losing you undies, not me without them. Well, if that floats your boat, that's ok, too. Just please imagine me without stretch marks, please and thank you.
• Hubby had the day off yesterday so we went to Disney. Duh. He was wearing his Longhorns t-shirt. A very nice employee asked if we were from Texas. Hubby said no, but I said I was. The very nice man said I was a good woman and hubby should hang on to me. I said I've been telling him that for 18 years. He was a very nice man.
• That conversation started the whole seceeding conversation and moving when it did. Hubby said he wasn't sure he wanted to live in Texas because the limestone under the state made it prone to sink holes. I said a huge sink hole could open under the whole state and it wouldn't matter. He asked why. I said because...Oklahoma sucks hard. Hahahahaha!! I know, old joke, but it had me giggling for the rest of the day. I'm even smiling now! I love a good state rivalry.

All right. That's all you get for now. I have to get ready for school. Oh, yeah, and a puppy. That's on hubby. And that's a story for another time.     

Overwhelmed and Underpaid

So much going on and I'm taking time to blog. How did it get to be Thursday already? I know. Tick tock, baby, as hubby would say. That tick tock needs to slow the hell down. Here's what I got.

• I am teaching the confirmation class at our church again this year. We haven't had one in 4 years. I taught the last one, too. I think hubby and I may be done with "church" as it pertains to going to a building every Sunday. It is not my faith in God that isn't strong, but my faith in people. People are stupid and they piss me off. Not a way to sit in church and praise God. There is always talk about the youth being more present in the church and the church loves seeing the young people. Guess when the celebration of confirmands is happening. Palm Sunday, which is phenomenal, but at our 6 pm service. Which is attended by the band that plays. Not church members, not the general public. There won't be anyone from the church there to see the kids take their oaths. So what's the point? To generate more publicity for the service. Don't use these kids for that. Try advertising. I wrote an email. I had hubby proof read it so it didn't come off too bitchy. If it were up to me, it would be bitchy all the way. Hubby said something about tact, whatever that is. We'll see how that goes.  
• My desk is a mess. It gets that way, which isn't the problem. It's the stuff in the piles that NEEDS to get done. The boy has had his iPod on my desk since Christmas waiting for me to call Apple. He forgot his passcode. I finally called. The fix would have worked if his power button worked. Our new debit cards came in. I haven't activated them in the two weeks since they've been here. I finally got that done. There's a couple more things I need to do as well. I told hubby he needs to help me. I see that huge stack of paper and I freak. It's just easier to not do it than start at the top. Some of it just needs to be filed. Some of it needs to be shredded. It just needs to take care of itself, dammit. The teacher's guide to the big girl's Geometry needs to get on the phone and call for a return authorization. Some pages are falling out of it and it's brand new. I might con hubby into calling.
• I have been clipping coupons for Easter goodies. I do this every year. The Easter Bunny that comes to our house has taken to putting together baskets that are unique to each child. He told me this year he wants to put one together for the big girl that has makeup stuff and nail polish in it. For the boy, he wants to do a Pokemon/Nintendo DS theme. The baby will be fairies or Barbie. He is so cool that way. I'm clipping the coupons to help him get good stuff relatively cheaply. He's a good bunny. I wish he would leave me a basket...
• I am digging Rand Paul. Filibuster all the way, a la Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. If you haven't seen that movie, you are missing a classic. Pop some corn, grab a drink, and snuggle on the couch or in bed and start watching. I admire people that stand up for what they believe in, depite adversity. 13 hours! And thank you to those who helped him get it done. I hope people are more aware of why he did it (opposing a man who would use drones on American citizens, guilty or not). I am a Ron Paul gal. I was a little leary of Rand when he was first elected, but I am liking him more and more. Apples not falling far from the tree and all that.  
• Dinner almost wasn't last night. I am having the hardest time. I just do not want to cook some nights. Hubby cooked 3 times last week. Poor guy, he thinks that's alot. Our schedule went a little wonky last week so lucky hubby. I would go out every night if it didn't cost us an arm and a leg and wasn't so horrible for you. I say that, but I would get tired of other's people cooking after about a week. They just can't make it like mama can make it. The night before we had a lovely dinner of baked chicken breasts, roasted sweet potatoes and golden beets, and black eyed peas. Those peas were super yummy. Last night we ended up with BBQ meatballs, steamed broccoli, and brown rice with amaranth. It was so good there wasn't anything left.
• There's another thing that's on my list: amaranth. I was given about a pound as well as puffed amaranth. I have no idea what to do with either. I added a little amaranth to the brown rice just for giggles. It's small like quinoa, so I'm not sure I'll be able to eat it alone. The puffed amaranth is bigger (and puffier!) so that may not be so bad. It's just one more thing.
• I also get to plot the next 3 years of school for the big girl so I can make sure she's on track. I attended a Finish Well conference and I feel like I'm already behind. I hate that feeling. Already we may be looking at a second computer or lap top for 2 classes she'll be taking next year. Yea! Looking at all the components of her language arts, the rest of her curriculum, and her online classes, we're looking at 8 different things for her for next year. Good thing she has her own planner. Poor girl.

That's about as good as it gets right now. I am trying to focus on those things that did get done as opposed to the rest I still have to do. And naps. Naps help.

Lessons Learned...Well, Until the Next Time

Sorry it's been so long. I am not myself. That makes it hard to write. That and I lack motivation. Just some stuff rambling around my head for your perusal.

• I am having little mini anxiety attacks. If we make plans to go somewhere and hubby ends up not going, it's all I can do to get myself out the door. If I can back out of it, I will. I have gone to making plans with people so I have to force myself to go. Or if it's a paid event, all the better. Then I've paid for it and don't want to waste the money. It doesn't help that I am fighting a depressive episode with all that I have. Hubby has been watching Surviving the Cut on Netflix. It's about what sodliers have to go through to join elite forces in the military. You know, like SEALS, Pararescue (which is what hubby wanted to do), that kind of thing. They go through some tough stuff. Their bodies function on automatic just to make it through. They got nothing on me. Hanging on by a thread...
• You would think after teaching Roman numerals to 2 of my kids, I would remember them. Not so, my friends. I am on child number 3 and at this point I am thankful that I don't have to teach another one what I and V and C mean. Crazy, isn't it? Sometimes, I have to think about the end of movies or shows that have the date in Roman numerals and think about what year it was made and all kinds of stupid stuff to help me remember. I'm just glad that Egyptian numbers didn't take off. Those are pictures. Yeah, give me dots like the ones on dominos any day. I can count those!
•  You would think people would know by now that leggings are NOT pants. Good grief! Saw a girl at Disney one day whose pants were stretched so tight you could see the pretty pink flowers on her black panties. And trust me, it was not because I was looking! Workout pants should be worn by people that work out. And since I'm giving unsolicited and bitchy fashion advice, can we talk about flip flops? They are not appropriate shoes for everything. We spent some time at Downtown Disney and watched people heading for the clubs. Such pretty dresses. And then flip flops. Big. Sigh.
• There has been talk from the POTUS and his minions (I wish they were the cute kind from Despicable Me) that we need to come together as a country and forget racial lines. He's lying, by the way. He is the biggest divisor. My point is that the University of Michigan was teaching a class about how wrong it is to be white. White people apparently have all the advantages in this country. Yeah? Talk to my white, male hubby. He has been denied so many things. Want to know why? Yup, he's white and male. Can't we all just get along?
• I am FINALLY getting over my dermatitis. It has been hell. The scratching is enough to make me want to cut off my hands. I haven't been able to shave since Christmas. I did once and paid the price. Dermatitis doesn't like to be shaved apparently. Shaving made it worse. I didn't think that could happen, but it did. You would think I would have enjoyed the reprieve. Not so when I can braid my leg hair. I finally shaved again yesterday. Just very lightly. Lightly enough to have stubble about 5 minutes after I was done. So much better! I have one more week of cream. Hopefully this crap will go away and leave me alone.
• I downloaded some CD's into iTunes. The big girl asked me about a Bon Jovi song. I had no Bon Jovi. Then I realized I didn't have some other things as well. How can I have no Prince? That's just wrong. And Heart! And Van Halen! What?!?!?! I bought an iTunes gift card the other day. I do not buy music without one. I would max out our already maxed out credit cards. Not doing that! I downloaded Macklemore's Thrift Shop. Love that frickin' song! The beat is crazy cool.
• I went shopping all by myself yesterday. There just wasn't much out there that I was in love with. I found 2 shirts and a pair of shorts. I was wishing Big Sis was with me. That would have been much better. On a bright note, I got my ass in an 8 comfortably (it zipped and fit!) and my boobs in a medium. Not sure how that happened. That's a lie. My boobs are shrinking the more weight I lose and it sucks! I love my boobs.

On that note, I think I'm gonna kick hubby off the TV so I can dance. Dancing always makes me happy. Peace out!

Dis and Dat

I'm back to making lists. Who am I kidding? I have to or it didn't happen. Calendars are my friend. Most of our stuff goes on my phone calendar since I always have it with me. Then they get transferred to paper when I get home. I even add it to the lesson plan book so I know how to plan for each day. Big sigh.

• For the last couple of months, if hubby hasn't been working on a Saturday, he's been hunting. Lazy Saturday mornings are one of my most favoritest things, but I haven't had very many. Even with hubby gone, we've had one activity or another it seems. When I do have a lazy morning, I like to watch Soul Train. That is one of my very favoritest shows. It's all the reruns from a bygone era. I get to hear great music. I get to see so many artists that have gone on to make great music or some we never heard from again. I get to see classic performances. And I get to dance like a fiend in my bedroom! Then I get to collapse in my bed with a cup of coffee when it's all over. This past Saturday it was Elton John before he was Sir Elton and Morris Day and the Nights. I never knew that Philadelphia Freedom was the name of the tennis club where Billy Jean King played. The things you learn from watching Saturday morning TV. It was a lovely morning!
• I almost had a break down at the park the other day. I was talking to friends and the subject of crying came up. I told them that I had cried in front of my kids, but not the deep sobs of mourning. I said the words "When my mom was dying..." I knew she was and there was nothing I could do about it. Not one thing. All those feelings came back and almost swamped me. It was all I could not to just explode into blubbering. I just had to keep talking or I was losing it.  
• We got our taxes done. Yea for refunds! Now we wait for the IRS to start processing returns. We have gotten to the point we don't even itemize anymore. Our deductions aren't enough to matter. When we would take our taxes to people it would cost us an arm and a leg. They don't give you prices up front. $250 later and all for forms that said you didn't qualify. Forget that. I've already been looking at curriculum. Duh.
• It has come to my attention that I am spoiled. Again, duh. I love being spoiled. To quote Big Sis "I didn't spoil me." I could claim it wasn't my fault, but I let it happen. I didn't kick, or scream, or throw a fit. And I'm ok with that. 
• Hubby and I took time for date night last night. We went to dinner and a movie. It sounds cliche, I know, but we had the best time. We got to spend time with each other having real conversations, and not always about the kids. I sat and watched a couple next to us. The guy was watching the basketball game and never took his eyes off the game. The gal was talking, talking, talking. Really? A little courtesy would be great. Hubby said the couple behind us sat playing on their phones the whole time. Why? I just think that's sad. I don't understand it. I'm spending time with my favorite person and I don't want to ignore him. We got to hold hands and rest our hands on each others legs under the table and kiss and stare into each other's eyes. Ok, not so much the eye thing, but normally there is so much going on at our table we don't get to just be. At home, he sits at one end of the table and I sit at the other. That makes it sound like our table is 20 ft long, doesn't it? It's not. I don't understand the need to be distracted. Aren't we distracted enough? Crazy I tell you.

That's about it for now. I think I'm gonna go spend some time with my man. No more distractions.

Scrambled

My mind, not eggs. Although, I did overcook 6 eggs the other day. That's bullet point number 1, so more on that in a minute. I've been trying to be a good girl and keep a list, but that's been hit or miss. We're going all over the place today. Ready?

• I usually try to keep 18 eggs for us. Once we fill a carton, I set it aside and let it sit in the fridge for at least a week. Boiled eggs are one of those things we can take with us that are easy to make, easy to take, easy to eat. They have to sit at least a week, preferably closer to 2, before I can boil them, though. If the egg is too fresh, the white sticks to the shell when you peel it and you're stuck with just yolk. I don't mind that, I'm weird. Well, I have some to boil, so I did. And burned them. What the hell? How do you burn boiled eggs? You leave the pan on high and forget about it. Then, apparently, the eggs will explode when all the water boils out and they get too hot. Thankfully it wasn't an all over my kitchen explosion, more of a busting out of it's shell kind of thing. That was enough. It would have been ok, but I had also turned the toaster oven on to warm up before I put a sweet potato in. I didn't put the potato in, but the toaster oven just warmed it's little heart out. That'll teach me to do history and science with my kids. From now on, they're on their own! Not really, but it was kind of humiliating for me, the kitchen diva. Just goes to show, you should set your kitchen timer to get your attention. Maybe that would work.
• Moisturizing jeans? Really, Wrangler? I know that denim can be a little dehydrating to your legs. What I want to know is what kind of moisturizer is being used? The chemicals can kill you. Think of all the dye, the processing and now moisturizer? I think no, but way to be inventive.
• I made deodorant last night. I'm not sure it will be antiperspirant as well, but we'll see. I have a crystal deodorant I've ben using, but really those are hit and miss. We have one day of dance where we are at the studio for 4 1/2 hours. While I am not dancing that day, (well kind of, but I'll talk about that later), the waiting room gets very crowded, with standing room only being the norm. Many times I've made my kids sit on the floor to open some chairs. You get a room full of women laughing about stuff and watching Mr. Matt dance and the temp goes up. I can usually smell myself after hour 2. I don't want to do that. I have 2 friends that swear by it, so I'm going to try it. And there aren't any chemicals. It's cornstarch, baking soda, and coconut oil. Add essential oil for fragrance if you want. I'll let you know how it works.
• I went to the dermatologist. I have contact dermatitis. How the hell did I get that? You know it's bad when I lift my pant leg to show the doctor and she recoils and says "Ewww!!" Thanks. I needed to know I was gross. Don't try to cash that check. She wrote me a prescription for a cream. It has helped tremendously! I still itch. I'm still sore from the scratching. But it is clearing up, thank God! My legs and elbows are still bad, bad, bad, but not BAD, BAD, BAD. I have a feeling when all this is over, I'll be buff puffing to get rid of the scab scars. That sucks. I think it was all the junk I was eating during the holidays. Nothing else has changed. I think all the junk changed my bodies pH, and voila! But somebody has to eat the Unjunked candy. Why can't it be me? Because sugar no like me...
• I am ready for a new tattoo. I am unhappy with the way the color has faded on mine. I am unhappy with the way the writing has faded. I want to cover it with flowers and have it recolored. On my other arm I want my kids' Hawaiian names with maybe some flowers. We'll see.
• I have put some really unflattering things about our POTUS on the social site. I have a couple of friends that actually like him and voted for him. Why, I don't know, but I didn't say all my friends were well informed. It gets kind of awkward when I see them after I post. It won't stop me. If you want to have an intelligent debate, we can. All I ask is that you bring facts to back up your assertions, not just feelings. I have some feelings, too. He's an idiot. That's how I feel.
• I want a dog. I don't know why, but I do. So there. I don't want huge like a great dane or tiny like a yorkie. I want something in between. And I will walk, it, and feed it, and name it George. Probably not George.

That's it for now. Who knew I had it in me? I did!

I'm Back, For a Minute Anyway

The start to this one is political. I tell you that so you can back out now. Just sayin'.

• I think it is awful that the President is willing to sign an executive order that is illegal. This is to take away a very important right granted to us by the founders of our country. The right to bear and keep arms was given to us to keep this country's government from taking over every aspect of our lives and making this a monarchy. Make yourselves aware of what is going on before you jump my shit. Even if you like him, do the research yourselves. Look up the Constitution, read it, and know what it says before you say anything. I gave you the chance to bail.
• I have a weird rash. Like all over my body. It itches like mad! It started small, as two spots on my shoulders. Next thing you know, it is everywhere. My legs, hips, butt, and back are taking the brunt of it. I have scratched until my hands ache. Thank goodness I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I've tried to treat it nutritionally, but, really, until I know what it is, I can't treat it. I've been throwing things to the wall and seeing what sticks. So far, nothing but Neosporin and a big ass bandaid have kept me from shredding my left leg.
• I got a Ninja for Christmas and I love it! We make chunkies, which are really thick smoothies. I even made sorbet in it. We went last weekend and picked strawberries. We picked 30 pounds! I thought we only had 20! We froze at least half of them and have been steady eating the rest. The sorbet was strawberries, milk, and honey. So stinking good. It has handled every thing we've managed to throw at it. It came with 2 pitchers, but they're like my two PC bar pans. They are always dirty. Drives me nuts. I have to make sure that each time I run the dishwasher, I have at least one of them in there.
• The season of suckass is over. You can't tell that from the huge pile of Christmas stuff in my kitchen. The tubs are outside, but so far the stuff hasn't made it there. I wish it would sprout legs and pack itself away. That would save me a huge chunk of time. We had a quiet Christmas, which is what I have come to like. For the first time since I don't know when, we skipped the Christmas Eve service. I just did not feel like I could make it through. I would have been a huge slobbery, snotty mess and I was not up for that. I also didn't want to put my family through it. Or anyone else for that matter. I had a slight panic attack, so we just stayed home. We ate dinner and opened presents and watched movies and waited for Santa to come. And I needed that. And my zebra robe. I love my zebra robe.
• Every Christmas since we've had iPods, we all get an iTunes gift card. I am the one that will blow through all the money and nobody else gets anything. I told everyone not to bring me their card unless they had a list. I get whatever's left over, so make it good. I got a couple of new apps, the kids got some new apps, and even hubby got one. I also got music. Sweet, glorious music. I'm listening to Winger's Seventeen right now. I am a child of the '80s and I will forever love my hair bands. I also got some Jason Mraz, Bruno Mars, Rhianna, Run-DMC, and Pitbull. Oh, Pitbull. I had a friend translate part of a song for me. I only speak enough Spanish to get me in to trouble, but not out of it. I read it better than I understand it spoken. He is a bad, bad boy. I also got Chris Wallace's Push Rewind. The big girl and I are really liking that right now.  
• I have actually had time to read and cross stitch. What the hell is that? I finally finished the picture stitching for a piece I started back in 2005. Yeah, I know. Whatever. Now I'm working on the backsticthing. I have really enjoyed it. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. We watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy before we went to see The Hobbit. Yes, I know those were after The Hobbit, but we did it anyway. I had lots of time to stitch then. I have to keep my hands busy or I tend to start to clean and wander off. Or fall asleep. Then we had long mornings of no school or anything else, so I read my brains out. I finally finished the Septimus Heap book, Magyk. I'm requesting the next one. I got a nice stack of books before we took our Christmas break. I also won a $25 gift certificate for Harlequin, so I ordered some books. Those came in about a week before Christmas.

Alright, that's all I've got for now. Felt pretty good.