Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Over and Done
I fucking hate the holidays. Ok. I'm going to rant, you're going to sit down and read, and we'll both feel better when this is over. Big Sis and I have had long, involved discussions about how messed up people are, but bring on the holidays and stupid rules the roost. There is no room for feelings in this war called "The Holidays". Guess what? I'm not playing. Big Sis and I believe that all families are dysfunctional, some are just more functional. We are highly functioning dysfunctionals. My in laws, well, that's another story. And guess what, that's what you get to hear now.
The back story to this is that this has been going on for at least the last six years or so. And it has never resolved itself. I could point fingers, but when you do that, you have three pointing back at you. I have accepted responsibility for the things that I have said and done by apologizing. Apparently, though, I'm the only one that sees that every situation has two sides.
My BIL, who is hubby's brother, and his wife, my SIL, don't like that I'm opinionated. Big Sis very eloquently said, "We all have opinions. We're all opinionated. Some are just louder at expressing those opinions." Good grief, I love her. My MIL doesn't like that, in my mind, I'm never wrong. I'm not stupid either. I do the research before I open my mouth. But the kicker here is that I'm both of those. I have an opinion because I have a brain. And I don't just let my brain rot. I read, I watch TV, I try to keep up with technology and what's going on in the world. Most of the time, my opinion is better anyway. But if I have ever hurt you with my words, if you let me know, I will apologize. It is not always my intention to hurt you. I have humbled myself several times with family and close friends.
Our original plan was to spend Thanksgiving at home and over to my M and FIL's on Saturday, after everyone else had been there Thursday. Now we aren't going at all. We probably won't be spending Christmas there either. Or any other holiday. My MIL, after saying that she wasn't getting in the middle and didn't want to be in the middle, told my SIL that I ranted and raved after they left on Halloween. I did rant and rave. And I'll be more than happy to do it again to my SIL. She did this after saying she didn't want to hear either one of us talking about each other. She didn't want to be in the middle. She isn't in the middle. She clearly chose a side. But I expected that.
Apparently my SIL and MIL talk almost every day. I don't know about what, but I can imagine. I'm glad that they have a great relationship, but there has been no effort for that to run this way as well. My MIL had made a snippy comment about me never calling. Don't worry. I don't call anyone. But, just so you know, the phone lines run both ways. I know this because my husband works for the phone company. She also has complained that we don't get over there enough. Um, see, the roads? They're the same as the phone lines. They run both ways, too. What. Ever.
Done. So, so done. I no longer feel comfortable in their home. I will not be attending family functions and we don't know when the kids will get to see them. Hopefully soon, but I won't be dropping them off. And, again, it's all my fault for breaking up the family. Hubby asked if she was going to blame me as well. Hubby asked her if I was the only one involved in the trash talk and all the uncomfortable get togethers. She did admit that, no, I wasn't the only one. Boy that was close. Then my sweet, sweet hubby said, "I wish you knew Cristy like I know Cristy. I wish you knew the real woman. I wish you knew how she really is."
We've amputated. Right now it hurts like hell. The wounds are fresh. Soon we'll move forward, when it's time to heal. I know hubby is hurting. This is his family, after all. We have always said it was us against the world. His father said "forsaking all others". We need to. It's way past time.
The back story to this is that this has been going on for at least the last six years or so. And it has never resolved itself. I could point fingers, but when you do that, you have three pointing back at you. I have accepted responsibility for the things that I have said and done by apologizing. Apparently, though, I'm the only one that sees that every situation has two sides.
My BIL, who is hubby's brother, and his wife, my SIL, don't like that I'm opinionated. Big Sis very eloquently said, "We all have opinions. We're all opinionated. Some are just louder at expressing those opinions." Good grief, I love her. My MIL doesn't like that, in my mind, I'm never wrong. I'm not stupid either. I do the research before I open my mouth. But the kicker here is that I'm both of those. I have an opinion because I have a brain. And I don't just let my brain rot. I read, I watch TV, I try to keep up with technology and what's going on in the world. Most of the time, my opinion is better anyway. But if I have ever hurt you with my words, if you let me know, I will apologize. It is not always my intention to hurt you. I have humbled myself several times with family and close friends.
Our original plan was to spend Thanksgiving at home and over to my M and FIL's on Saturday, after everyone else had been there Thursday. Now we aren't going at all. We probably won't be spending Christmas there either. Or any other holiday. My MIL, after saying that she wasn't getting in the middle and didn't want to be in the middle, told my SIL that I ranted and raved after they left on Halloween. I did rant and rave. And I'll be more than happy to do it again to my SIL. She did this after saying she didn't want to hear either one of us talking about each other. She didn't want to be in the middle. She isn't in the middle. She clearly chose a side. But I expected that.
Apparently my SIL and MIL talk almost every day. I don't know about what, but I can imagine. I'm glad that they have a great relationship, but there has been no effort for that to run this way as well. My MIL had made a snippy comment about me never calling. Don't worry. I don't call anyone. But, just so you know, the phone lines run both ways. I know this because my husband works for the phone company. She also has complained that we don't get over there enough. Um, see, the roads? They're the same as the phone lines. They run both ways, too. What. Ever.
Done. So, so done. I no longer feel comfortable in their home. I will not be attending family functions and we don't know when the kids will get to see them. Hopefully soon, but I won't be dropping them off. And, again, it's all my fault for breaking up the family. Hubby asked if she was going to blame me as well. Hubby asked her if I was the only one involved in the trash talk and all the uncomfortable get togethers. She did admit that, no, I wasn't the only one. Boy that was close. Then my sweet, sweet hubby said, "I wish you knew Cristy like I know Cristy. I wish you knew the real woman. I wish you knew how she really is."
We've amputated. Right now it hurts like hell. The wounds are fresh. Soon we'll move forward, when it's time to heal. I know hubby is hurting. This is his family, after all. We have always said it was us against the world. His father said "forsaking all others". We need to. It's way past time.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Aaaaaacckkkk!!!!!
Just had to let it out. Craziness abounds and the holiday wonkies don't make it any easier. Ready? Here we go:
- My friend Hillside Hollow got hit by a car in a parking lot!! OMG!! She broke her leg!! Egads!! The man didn't see her 'til he hit her. Hillside Hollow- I hope you get well soon. Bless your heart (and that is not the "you're so stupid" one. That's the "you poor thing, I cannot believe what happened to you" one.)!! There is a website, that I will come back and link to because I forgot to do it before I started this blog, that you can go to and sign up to send meals to families. If you can't actually be there, like you're in another state, they have an option for that, too. What a blessing. Many prayers your way...
- The baby is spending the weekend away and since hubby was getting off work when we were in town, we met up. We took both vehicles to our drop off point, hung out for a little while, then headed home. I followed hubby and we took the back country way home. I like to go that way. As we headed around a curve, a car in oncoming traffic was coming around at a high rate of speed. In our lane. Hubby swerved to the right, I slammed on my brakes and my horn, and the driver pulled back into his lane. Accident averted. Didn't stop me from screaming at the top of my lungs "IF HE HAD HIT YOUR FATHER, I WOULD HAVE KILLED THAT MOTHER FUCKER!!" Yeah, my kids were in the van. Nice move, mama.
- We did almost no school this week. Tuesday we ended up with errands to run. Wednesday we stopped at the new art supply store and ended up there for over an hour. Very nice people. Very willing to educate. Very, very helpful. But that didn't help us get home any quicker. So out comes the big eraser. Again. And being just a little depressed doesn't help my motivation at all. I seem to find excuses to not school. I have decided that there are certain days I can't run errands. No matter what. See what I mean about holiday wonkies.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Happy Holidays
Don't I wish. I just read a really stupid article on how to cope with family drama, yours and everyone else's, over the holidays. It gave 5 "tips" on how to cope. It was bullshit. I specially liked the way they said everyone brings their own baggage, but we need to expect the best. Whatever. I can barely control myself. Why should I expect others to behave? So hubby and I have come up with our own strategy. We are not participating this year in family get togethers. Why? To make ourselves miserable? Fuck that.
Our Thanksgiving this year will be a two-parter. We will start at our house. It will be lovely. Turkey, stuffing, brussel sprouts, broccoli rice casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, Hawaiian rolls, and pie, pie, pie!! There's a couple of other things on that list, but that's the heart of it. I'm looking forward to some quality family time and dinner in jammies if I want. I may not shower. Ok, ok, I'll shower. Then a couple of days later, we go to my inlaws, minus my outlaws, and do it all over. That means my FIL's stuffing twice. I'll be making his recipe for our own turkey, then I get to enjoy it at his house. Yummo!! He gave out the recipe a couple of years ago and whenever I've made a turkey since then, it gets stuffed. And it is completely different from the both of us. He's not so much on a lot of spices and I season it to within an inch of it's life. I think mine's better, but that does NOT slow me down when my FIL makes it. Just don't tell him I said it.
Christmas we haven't discussed yet. I know this is hard on hubby. I can tell how stressed out he is. I'm trying to combat that stress and just love him and love on him. I hate what the holidays have come to represent for us. We are trying to change that. A couple of Christmasses ago, we opted out of Christmas Eve with the family. Between hubby working Christmas Eve and services at church that we attended, it would have been almost 9 by the time we made it. I know that's not fair yo everyone else, so we skipped it, trying to do the right thing. After several years of waiting for my SIL, we didn't want to do the same thing. Yeah, we got trashed instead. I wish I meant drunk, but I mean torn to pieces by the people that are supposed to love us. Yeah, I said it in the first paragraph and I'll say it again. Fuck that.
If you go back and read the blogs from previous years about the holidays, they're all the same. Not playing this year. We are working on healing ourselves. We are working on healing our family pod. We are going to get over ourselves and everyone else. In our jammies. With a great big turkey. And stuffing. And pie, pie, pie!!!
Our Thanksgiving this year will be a two-parter. We will start at our house. It will be lovely. Turkey, stuffing, brussel sprouts, broccoli rice casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, Hawaiian rolls, and pie, pie, pie!! There's a couple of other things on that list, but that's the heart of it. I'm looking forward to some quality family time and dinner in jammies if I want. I may not shower. Ok, ok, I'll shower. Then a couple of days later, we go to my inlaws, minus my outlaws, and do it all over. That means my FIL's stuffing twice. I'll be making his recipe for our own turkey, then I get to enjoy it at his house. Yummo!! He gave out the recipe a couple of years ago and whenever I've made a turkey since then, it gets stuffed. And it is completely different from the both of us. He's not so much on a lot of spices and I season it to within an inch of it's life. I think mine's better, but that does NOT slow me down when my FIL makes it. Just don't tell him I said it.
Christmas we haven't discussed yet. I know this is hard on hubby. I can tell how stressed out he is. I'm trying to combat that stress and just love him and love on him. I hate what the holidays have come to represent for us. We are trying to change that. A couple of Christmasses ago, we opted out of Christmas Eve with the family. Between hubby working Christmas Eve and services at church that we attended, it would have been almost 9 by the time we made it. I know that's not fair yo everyone else, so we skipped it, trying to do the right thing. After several years of waiting for my SIL, we didn't want to do the same thing. Yeah, we got trashed instead. I wish I meant drunk, but I mean torn to pieces by the people that are supposed to love us. Yeah, I said it in the first paragraph and I'll say it again. Fuck that.
If you go back and read the blogs from previous years about the holidays, they're all the same. Not playing this year. We are working on healing ourselves. We are working on healing our family pod. We are going to get over ourselves and everyone else. In our jammies. With a great big turkey. And stuffing. And pie, pie, pie!!!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Really?
I have just found out the real truth about why they are not going on the fishing trip and I am not real happy about it. I do not and will not be a part of Dennis' fishing trip that he has been planning for over a month now and was so excited about going on to be canceled. I feel that this is very wrong after all that they have done for the both of us for you to cancel the trip for something that you had planned only on Tuesday and I had tried to get you to schedule at another time when the two boys would be home. Never did I think that you would be so childish and controlling to take the joy out of something for the parents and I will not be a part of it. So there for the meeting will not take place this Friday whether they are going or not. You and I will come up with another date within the next two weeks, but it will not be this Friday. This was a very mean and hateful thing for you to do.
That was the email I just got from my sister in law. Below is my response.
If you knew the truth, you would not have sent this email
Yes, Maureen, it is time to amputate.
That was the email I just got from my sister in law. Below is my response.
If you knew the truth, you would not have sent this email
Yes, Maureen, it is time to amputate.
Taking It Back
So begins the exchanges and volleys that mean the holiday season is here. In my last post, I said I was done. Well, I may be doner than I think. I'm done playing the game. I don't play games well. To try to prevent a seasonal melt down, I sent this to my SIL:
You and I seem to have a history of chronically misunderstanding each other and reading more into things than need be necessary. As the holidays get closer, I know that I get more and more stressed out thinking about how much time we have to spend together and I know you aren't always comfortable with the idea either. I don't want our relationship to cause yet another rift in the family and, worse, another rift between brothers. We've been there, done that, and we could right a book and sell t-shirts, but that won't get us any closer to settling things and at least coming to a cease fire or a truce of some sort.
I propose that Friday evening, if you have time, while we are dropping our girls off, you and I spend some time trying to figure it out. Maybe that will make the holidays better for both of our families and better for us. I can't drop off until after Z's dance class. It's over at 6:30 and I'll be at the parents house no later than 6:45, barring any unforeseen circumstances.
Let me know what you think.
It's time. It's time to clear the air. It's time. Notice I didn't say where. I just said we could meet. But because my SIL has to throw a wrench into everything that wasn't her idea, I got this back from her:
I am sorry, but I do not think that the parents house is an appropriate meeting place for us. I would rather not have the children around when this conversation goes on. I am trying to keep things as cool as possible around the children because I know that they are really good friends and it does not matter how we feel about each other that needs to stay that way. However, I do feel that maybe a better time would be when the boys could watch the children and we go get a coffee of soda or water and take it to the park or something. Just a suggestion.
No time like the present. Why wait? I said no, Friday was the day. We could leave the kids at my IL, go grab a coffee, and talk. If we continue to put it off, we'll never do it. The relationship will never be what it was, and I'm ok with that. We do however, need to find some common ground. We need to stop this incessant back and forth of she said/she said. Are we in middle school? We act like it.
I called hubby to read my e-mail to him before I sent it. He happened to be at his parent's house for lunch. He said it was a great idea. As long as I didn't get into too much of a heated discussion. Strike one against you, buddy. My SIL also mentioned a heated discussion. I hope she was talking about herself. Then my MIL said she hoped my SIL didn't come home with a bloody nose. Are you fucking serious? So nobody thinks I can have a conversation with out smacking someone down? All of you that I have heated discussions with that I beat down into the dirt like a dog, please stand up. Anyone? Anyone? That means I can have a reasonable discussion, so all you naysayers can kiss my ass. I know, it's the attitude. But, c'mon, I am an adult. I know how to behave.
I was also told that this would be a waste of my time. My SIL accepts no responsibility because she never does anything wrong. I have to try. I have to know that I gave it an effort to bury the hatchet, figuratively not literally. That is how I take some of the control back. I have to have a way to let go of the resentment, the feelings of betrayal, and all the other ick. I don't want this year to be like all the rest. But here's something to think about. My SIL is going to have Thanksgiving at her house. She invited my MIL and FIL. But she didn't invite us. Our husbands are brothers. Wow. It's that kind of crap that sets me off.
We'll see what happens. I am hoping for understanding. I am hoping that I can get this crap off my chest. I am hoping that although I don't want to be her friend anymore, we can be cordial and at least have conversations that don't end "heatedly". I am hoping for better holidays. I am hoping to win the Powerball so we can move to Texas and have Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Come on, Powerball!!!!
You and I seem to have a history of chronically misunderstanding each other and reading more into things than need be necessary. As the holidays get closer, I know that I get more and more stressed out thinking about how much time we have to spend together and I know you aren't always comfortable with the idea either. I don't want our relationship to cause yet another rift in the family and, worse, another rift between brothers. We've been there, done that, and we could right a book and sell t-shirts, but that won't get us any closer to settling things and at least coming to a cease fire or a truce of some sort.
I propose that Friday evening, if you have time, while we are dropping our girls off, you and I spend some time trying to figure it out. Maybe that will make the holidays better for both of our families and better for us. I can't drop off until after Z's dance class. It's over at 6:30 and I'll be at the parents house no later than 6:45, barring any unforeseen circumstances.
Let me know what you think.
It's time. It's time to clear the air. It's time. Notice I didn't say where. I just said we could meet. But because my SIL has to throw a wrench into everything that wasn't her idea, I got this back from her:
I am sorry, but I do not think that the parents house is an appropriate meeting place for us. I would rather not have the children around when this conversation goes on. I am trying to keep things as cool as possible around the children because I know that they are really good friends and it does not matter how we feel about each other that needs to stay that way. However, I do feel that maybe a better time would be when the boys could watch the children and we go get a coffee of soda or water and take it to the park or something. Just a suggestion.
No time like the present. Why wait? I said no, Friday was the day. We could leave the kids at my IL, go grab a coffee, and talk. If we continue to put it off, we'll never do it. The relationship will never be what it was, and I'm ok with that. We do however, need to find some common ground. We need to stop this incessant back and forth of she said/she said. Are we in middle school? We act like it.
I called hubby to read my e-mail to him before I sent it. He happened to be at his parent's house for lunch. He said it was a great idea. As long as I didn't get into too much of a heated discussion. Strike one against you, buddy. My SIL also mentioned a heated discussion. I hope she was talking about herself. Then my MIL said she hoped my SIL didn't come home with a bloody nose. Are you fucking serious? So nobody thinks I can have a conversation with out smacking someone down? All of you that I have heated discussions with that I beat down into the dirt like a dog, please stand up. Anyone? Anyone? That means I can have a reasonable discussion, so all you naysayers can kiss my ass. I know, it's the attitude. But, c'mon, I am an adult. I know how to behave.
I was also told that this would be a waste of my time. My SIL accepts no responsibility because she never does anything wrong. I have to try. I have to know that I gave it an effort to bury the hatchet, figuratively not literally. That is how I take some of the control back. I have to have a way to let go of the resentment, the feelings of betrayal, and all the other ick. I don't want this year to be like all the rest. But here's something to think about. My SIL is going to have Thanksgiving at her house. She invited my MIL and FIL. But she didn't invite us. Our husbands are brothers. Wow. It's that kind of crap that sets me off.
We'll see what happens. I am hoping for understanding. I am hoping that I can get this crap off my chest. I am hoping that although I don't want to be her friend anymore, we can be cordial and at least have conversations that don't end "heatedly". I am hoping for better holidays. I am hoping to win the Powerball so we can move to Texas and have Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Come on, Powerball!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)