That's What I Mean...

I love to read. I read almost everything but historical fiction. I don't love biographies, but I like a couple of them. I just picked up Barbara Eden's yesterday from the library. They were holding books for me, which is not a big surprise. I also have Patrick Swayze's and Lisa Niemi's. I've started that one, but it needs to pick up soon. I get reading inspiration from lots of places. Friend's posts on Facebook, the library "knowledge portal", a particular subject we're learning about in school, wherever. But I also get inspiration from my friend, Hillside Hollow. Her tastes aren't always mine, but she has yet to pick a bad book. She keeps a running list on the side of her blog. If I am lacking inspiration, I go there.

The last book I got off her lists is The Christmas Chronicles: The Legend of Santa Claus by Tim Slover. Very good book. It was only 160 or so pages, but they flew by. I finished it in about an hour and a half. I highly recommend it. It could also be read to the family to help explain Santa and they hows and whys involved. I was thinking about reading it to my kids. I still haven't decided yet.

There is one passage at the end that struck a particular chord with me. It's true, unfortunately.


 "Alas! Too few are now the places where the Straight Road may find purchase on the earth. For as Saint Nicholas predicted, the demon struck at Christmas, and struck hard. Unable to come at Klaus himself, it has assaulted humanity. Hundreds of years of simple gifts freely given out of the fondness and mirth in Klaus's soul, gradually at first, and then more rapidly, have turned into a frenzy of commerce and competition, until many grow heartsick as Christmas approaches. And that is the demon's work."

That's what I mean. It has become something ugly and mean and we wanted no part of that. So we took no part in it. It isn't too late to change and start over and we needed to. We needed to break the cycle of commerce and competition. And we were the better for it.

The freezer is stocked, we have extra batteries for the Wii remotes, and you should see the pretty roast I bought for New Year's Day. We are going to eat the broccoli from our tower, which is big and beautiful. We are going to add our cowpeas from the tower to the black-eyed peas. We are going to drink sparkling grape juice at the stroke of midnight. We are looking forward to a new year and new traditions. What are you looking forward to?

Big Top

I am here, there, and everywhere these days. I wish I meant physically. My emotions are over the top, I want to cry and beat someone, or I am over the top happy and want to cry and hug someone. It fluctuates from second to second. Meanwhile, the bullshit gets deeper and deeper and deeper. That cave in Tahiti is looking better and better and better.

Big Sis says she done. She's tired of playing the game, everybody else wins. I let them win, too. By taking myself out of the game. You will hardly ever see me throw a game. I needed to throw this one. It was either that or throw someone, and that would get me jail time. I'm almost thinking it's worth it. I'm hard headed enough to convince myself, too.

Hubby's brother has been sending him messages on Facebook. Amazingly, he hasn't asked to be his friend. Wonder what that's about? He's asked me twice, but I've declined both invitations. The first message was actually kind of nice and we thought, ok, maybe. It said he loved my hubby and always would. Yeah, the second one, not so nice:

                       dido. WHY ARE YOU SO ANTIFAMILy?

Um, the first word confused me. I thought he left out an "l". No, he meant "ditto". The rest of it made me want to cry, then scream, then beat the holy living hell out of him. Antifamily? Who's the asshole now? I wanted to respond. I wanted to send an email back and make a fool of myself. I didn't. Good thing. Hubby called me a little while later and asked if I had. No, but I wanted to. Badly. Good for you, hubby said. Hubby called him. And stood his ground and told him to back off. BIL said hubby hadn't been to the parents house and hadn't spoken to the brother that is between them. Hubby said been there twice and spoke to brother last night. Quit talking about things you don't know anything about. If you have anything to say about me, talk to me first. Phones work both ways, too. He should know, he's the phone man. Oh, yeah, and SIL should stop using her sons FB account to take digs at me. Yeah, she's classy that way. Go away!!

I have been trying so hard to take the high road. That is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am a throw it down, in your face kind of gal. I guess you already knew that, though. My flesh screams at me to yell and scream that they know nothing. It won't do any good. We have remained quiet, except my blog. They can kiss it if they think I'll be quiet on this thing. At the park, I said "The view from the high road is AMAZING! It's boring as hell up here, but the view is worth it." Just want them to go away. And on to better topics...

Hubby had some vacation time he needed to take before the end of the year. It was just a couple of days, but it was amazing. We took a drive about an hour north of us to buy his Christmas present. We are all about instant gratification. We could have ordered it online, but then there's the wait as it ships. Who wants to do that? Hubby got a solar kit. It isn't much. It's only 45 watts, but it's enough to power our shed. Hubby is like a kid. He prepped the kit, cleaned the shed out some, rearranged some things, and realized he didn't have a good battery to store the power. So off we go, 9:30 at night, to the big box store so he can buy a battery. That man is crazy and I love him. You should have seen the smile on his face. And if he wasn't at work right now, he'd still be smiling.

This summer when I was home, my mom gave me some jewelry that had been sitting in her jewelry box, just looking pretty. One of the things she gave me was a ring that had belonged to my grandmother. Correct me if I'm wrong, Big Sis, was it her wedding ring? The diamond had actually belonged to my great grandfather. He bought it with moonshine money. People always look at me crazy when I say my grandfather ran moonshine. Well, hello, different time. When he had it, the setting was a locomotive and the diamond was the headlight. It was cut without electricty. Too cool.  My mamaw had it reset. I wanted to wear it right away, but we needed to have the prongs checked first. Prongs are good! The next issue was that my grandmother had these little skinny fingers. So do my mom and sister. Beautiful hands. The big girl got them, too. They skipped me and I have chubbier fingers. I had to wait for the weather to get cooler and my fingers to shrink a little so I could wear it comfortably. It's cooler. I love wearing it. It connects me to the past and to my grandmother, who I love very much. And miss every day. I look at my finger and I feel like she's with me. Just makes me happy.

When I blog, I usually have my headphones in. Music inspires me. Before when I plugged in, I either had to wait 'til hubby got home or put my phone where I could see it light up or feel it vibrate or both. Not with my iPhone. I am so liking this phone. I still would like a QWERTY keyboard, but I wouldn't trade this thing for another phone. Hubby is eligible for an upgrade now. He's pretty sure he's going to get one. Beware the power.

That's all I've got now. Hopefully, it's enough. If I don't see you before Christmas, make it a merry one. And screw the haters. They don't know you like I know you.


 

Getting It Off My Chest

Gotta love a random blog. That means I got stuff on my mind. Hang on, y'all!

• Hubby and I seem more stressed out this holiday season than ever before. We know why, and we're doing what we can to counteract it. It acts like a poison and tries to work it's way between us. The one thing that hubby and I have always agreed on is that we need to talk our way through it. Don't pull any punches and be honest but not hurtful. I will say it has led to some pretty amazing discussions. My man is incredible. If we can weather this storm, we can weather anything. Prayer helps, too, so while you're at it, if you could add us to your list, that would be awesome.
• High horse alert: Lowe's is catching flak because they have pulled their ads from TLC during the show about Muslims. A Christian group has bombarded Lowe's with complaints that the show is nothing but Muslim propaganda. Looks like I'll be shopping at Lowe's alot more. Between Sister Wives and this show, I may be boycotting TLC. Wait, I kinda already am since we got rid of satellite. That was easy.
• All of my spices are now all organic. Love it. My friends and I have all been on this health kick for about the last two or three years. I have one friend that has concentrated on bread and grains. I have another that has concentrated on getting all the sugar out of their diet. We all have those things that concern us the most. You already know I focus on the produce aspect. And since I love to cook and herbs and spices have such a great benefit, that was area number 4 hundred something. I love it! my spice rack looks so pretty. I ordered a Hawaiian black sea salt that is beautiful. It's almost a sweet salt. Lovely! I bought these cute little spice jars to put some of them in. I got those on sale and I had a coupon. I bought in bulk. You should see my great big bag of oregano. Glad I didn't get busted for that one, hehehehe.
• I do all of that because we hit spells when we are horrible eaters. Hubby and I had date night, we had a very busy weekend, and I could go on and on. By the time the weekend was over, the kids were complaining that they wanted mama cooked food, hubby was complaining that he wanted mama cooked food, and I was compaining that we needed a chef. Wait, I guess that would be me. On the band wagon, off the band wagon. Around and around we go. 
• Between soap, spices, curriculum, and a couple of other things, for someone that doesn't like to order stuff from the internet, the UPS, FedEX, and postman may have to go on my Christmas card list. If I had a Christmas card list. Which I don't. It got to be one more thing. And that had to go. 

I guess that's all the damage I'm gonna do for now. See, I said for now. Catch ya on the flip side!

Unlisted Number

I know, I know. I'm a bad blogger. My blog called Big Sis the other day. It told her I needed to sit my punk ass down and blog. Strange part of that is that I got the same call. It's like it wanted to make sure it covered all the bases. Well, ok then, here we go.

• The amputation has been completed. There will be no holidays for the forseeable future with the in laws. It's just easier. Hubby and I are still talking about when and if the kids will be able to see their grandparents. Before you rush to judge, take a breath. Hubby's point is that he feels like he missed out growing up without grandparents. How would he know is my question. How do you miss something you never had? My point is that if I am not welcome, neither are my kids. And they may say that I'm welcome, but I'm not always treated like that. What are they saying to my kids? Better be not a damn thing. It's better to not grow up with all that toxic junk than to grow up with grandparents. Still debating. 
• We painted our bathroom!! I have hated the wall paper from the second I laid eyes on it. So now, almost 7 years later, it's mostly gone. I say mostly because there are a couple of spots that you can see we should have painted better. Oh, well. It's mostly gone. Now if I could get the cabinets replaced. I'd settle for the cabinet doors. If we were going to rip out the cabinets, we would have waited to paint. The next big project is the kids' bathroom. But we would do the cabinet before we paint. And, unfortunately, they have the same tacky wall paper. One step at a time.
• I like to coupon. It saves us quite a bit of money at the grocery store and for Christmas and all that stuff. What I don't like is signing up for a giveaway and getting spammed to within an inch of my life. The spam has been bug nuts crazy. I can't even remember what I signed up for that opened the magic spam portal. I better win whatever it was!
• We are satellite free right now. It's kinda nice. It's still a little freaky to not have TV in our bedroom. It was my timer for so many things. I used the shows and then the commercial breaks as a sort of countdown. We are still working on the whole antenna thing. We have an indoor one, but the reception isn't always the best. Still not going back for awhile. 
• While we had satellite we DVR'd quite a bit of stuff. But when we cancelled, it shut down the whole box. We couldn't even watch the stuff we recorded. The things I'm the most upset about are Hawaii Five-O and Burn Notice. I would have liked to watched the Matisyahu concert I recorded, but it doesn't do me any good to whine about it now. Doesn't mean I'm not whining, just means it doesn't do me any good. 
• I have been trying desperately to clean up all the yucky piles. Clothes that are clean, clothes that need to get hung up, curriculum I was given, curriculum I need to sell or get rid of, junk on my desk, junk around my desk. I'm starting to feel a little penned in. Wish I had a magic wand.
• And now to get up on my high horse. This time of year government offices get all wonky because of one simple phrase: Merry Christmas. Really? You take down the Ten Commandments and now if for any reason someone says those two dreaded words, they could be fired. Do they not realize that nowhere in the Constitution does it say that there is a seperation of church and state? It says the government won't force you to follow a religion. And if people are going to say Merry Christms, they aren't necessarily foisting Christian beliefs on people. Lots of people say Merry Christms that aren't Christians. They also celebrate Christmas with that cool dude in the red suit. Get over it, people. Stop being so damned sensitive. Good grief.

That's all I've got for now. Hopefully, my blog won't have to call again. Ratting me out to my sister. Could be worse, it could have ratted me out to my mom. As long as it doesn't tell her about that time I...just kidding. You know I'd blog about it and she'd find out eventually. MERRY CHRISTMAS, y'all!

The. Best.

Thanksgiving. Ever. Except one. AMAZING!!!!!!

Over and Done

I fucking hate the holidays. Ok. I'm going to rant, you're going to sit down and read, and we'll both feel better when this is over. Big Sis and I have had long, involved discussions about how messed up people are, but bring on the holidays and stupid rules the roost. There is no room for feelings in this war called "The Holidays". Guess what? I'm not playing. Big Sis and I believe that all families are dysfunctional, some are just more functional. We are highly functioning dysfunctionals. My in laws, well, that's another story. And guess what, that's what you get to hear now.

The back story to this is that this has been going on for at least the last six years or so. And it has never resolved itself. I could point fingers, but when you do that, you have three pointing back at you. I have accepted responsibility for the things that I have said and done by apologizing. Apparently, though, I'm the only one that sees that every situation has two sides.

My BIL, who is hubby's brother, and his wife, my SIL, don't like that I'm opinionated. Big Sis very eloquently said, "We all have opinions. We're all opinionated. Some are just louder at expressing those opinions." Good grief, I love her. My MIL doesn't like that, in my mind, I'm never wrong. I'm not stupid either. I do the research before I open my mouth. But the kicker here is that I'm both of those. I have an opinion because I have a brain. And I don't just let my brain rot. I read, I watch TV, I try to keep up with technology and what's going on in the world. Most of the time, my opinion is better anyway. But if I have ever hurt you with my words, if you let me know, I will apologize. It is not always my intention to hurt you. I have humbled myself several times with family and close friends.

Our original plan was to spend Thanksgiving at home and over to my M and FIL's on Saturday, after everyone else had been there Thursday. Now we aren't going at all. We probably won't be spending Christmas there either. Or any other holiday. My MIL, after saying that she wasn't getting in the middle and didn't want to be in the middle, told my SIL that I ranted and raved after they left on Halloween. I did rant and rave. And I'll be more than happy to do it again to my SIL. She did this after saying she didn't want to hear either one of us talking about each other. She didn't want to be in the middle. She isn't in the middle. She clearly chose a side. But I expected that.

Apparently my SIL and MIL talk almost every day. I don't know about what, but I can imagine. I'm glad that they have a great relationship, but there has been no effort for that to run this way as well. My MIL had made a snippy comment about me never calling. Don't worry. I don't call anyone. But, just so you know, the phone lines run both ways. I know this because my husband works for the phone company. She also has complained that we don't get over there enough. Um, see, the roads? They're the same as the phone lines. They run both ways, too. What. Ever.

Done. So, so done. I no longer feel comfortable in their home. I will not be attending family functions and we don't know when the kids will get to see them. Hopefully soon, but I won't be dropping them off. And, again, it's all my fault for breaking up the family. Hubby asked if she was going to blame me as well. Hubby asked her if I was the only one involved in the trash talk and all the uncomfortable get togethers. She did admit that, no, I wasn't the only one. Boy that was close. Then my sweet, sweet hubby said, "I wish you knew Cristy like I know Cristy. I wish you knew the real woman. I wish you knew how she really is."

We've amputated. Right now it hurts like hell. The wounds are fresh. Soon we'll move forward, when it's time to heal. I know hubby is hurting. This is his family, after all. We have always said it was us against the world. His father said "forsaking all others". We need to. It's way past time.  

Aaaaaacckkkk!!!!!

Just had to let it out. Craziness abounds and the holiday wonkies don't make it any easier. Ready? Here we go:

• My friend Hillside Hollow got hit by a car in a parking lot!! OMG!! She broke her leg!! Egads!! The man didn't see her 'til he hit her. Hillside Hollow- I hope you get well soon. Bless your heart (and that is not the "you're so stupid" one. That's the "you poor thing, I cannot believe what happened to you" one.)!! There is a website, that I will come back and link to because I forgot to do it before I started this blog, that you can go to and sign up to send meals to families. If you can't actually be there, like you're in another state, they have an option for that, too. What a blessing. Many prayers your way...
• The baby is spending the weekend away and since hubby was getting off work when we were in town, we met up. We took both vehicles to our drop off point, hung out for a little while, then headed home. I followed hubby and we took the back country way home. I like to go that way. As we headed around a curve, a car in oncoming traffic was coming around at a high rate of speed. In our lane. Hubby swerved to the right, I slammed on my brakes and my horn, and the driver pulled back into his lane. Accident averted. Didn't stop me from screaming at the top of my lungs "IF HE HAD HIT YOUR FATHER, I WOULD HAVE KILLED THAT MOTHER FUCKER!!" Yeah, my kids were in the van. Nice move, mama.
• We did almost no school this week. Tuesday we ended up with errands to run. Wednesday we stopped at the new art supply store and ended up there for over an hour. Very nice people. Very willing to educate. Very, very helpful. But that didn't help us get home any quicker. So out comes the big eraser. Again. And being just a little depressed doesn't help my motivation at all. I seem to find excuses to not school. I have decided that there are certain days I can't run errands. No matter what. See what I mean about holiday wonkies.

I feel much better now. I know there's more, but it's late and I'm tired. Long day tomorrow, but aren't they all. Peace!! 

Happy Holidays

Don't I wish. I just read a really stupid article on how to cope with family drama, yours and everyone else's, over the holidays. It gave 5 "tips" on how to cope. It was bullshit. I specially liked the way they said everyone brings their own baggage, but we need to expect the best. Whatever. I can barely control myself. Why should I expect others to behave? So hubby and I have come up with our own strategy. We are not participating this year in family get togethers. Why? To make ourselves miserable? Fuck that.

Our Thanksgiving this year will be a two-parter. We will start at our house. It will be lovely. Turkey, stuffing, brussel sprouts, broccoli rice casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, Hawaiian rolls, and pie, pie, pie!! There's a couple of other things on that list, but that's the heart of it. I'm looking forward to some quality family time and dinner in jammies if I want. I may not shower. Ok, ok, I'll shower. Then a couple of days later, we go to my inlaws, minus my outlaws, and do it all over. That means my FIL's stuffing twice. I'll be making his recipe for our own turkey, then I get to enjoy it at his house. Yummo!! He gave out the recipe a couple of years ago and whenever I've made a turkey since then, it gets stuffed. And it is completely different from the both of us. He's not so much on a lot of spices and I season it to within an inch of it's life. I think mine's better, but that does NOT slow me down when my FIL makes it. Just don't tell him I said it.

Christmas we haven't discussed yet. I know this is hard on hubby. I can tell how stressed out he is. I'm trying to combat that stress and just love him and love on him. I hate what the holidays have come to represent for us. We are trying to change that. A couple of Christmasses ago, we opted out of Christmas Eve with the family. Between hubby working Christmas Eve and services at church that we attended, it would have been almost 9 by the time we made it. I know that's not fair yo everyone else, so we skipped it, trying to do the right thing. After several years of waiting for my SIL, we didn't want to do the same thing. Yeah, we got trashed instead. I wish I meant drunk, but I mean torn to pieces by the people that are supposed to love us. Yeah, I said it in the first paragraph and I'll say it again. Fuck that.

If you go back and read the blogs from previous years about the holidays, they're all the same. Not playing this year. We are working on healing ourselves. We are working on healing our family pod. We are going to get over ourselves and everyone else. In our jammies. With a great big turkey. And stuffing. And pie, pie, pie!!!

Really?

I have just found out the real truth about why they are not going on the fishing trip and I am not real happy about it. I do not and will not be a part of Dennis' fishing trip that he has been planning for over a month now and was so excited about going on to be canceled. I feel that this is very wrong after all that they have done for the both of us for you to cancel the trip for something that you had planned only on Tuesday and I had tried to get you to schedule at another time when the two boys would be home. Never did I think that you would be so childish and controlling to take the joy out of something for the parents and I will not be a part of it. So there for the meeting will not take place this Friday whether they are going or not. You and I will come up with another date within the next two weeks, but it will not be this Friday. This was a very mean and hateful thing for you to do.



That was the email I just got from my sister in law. Below is my response.



If you knew the truth, you would not have sent this email



Yes, Maureen, it is time to amputate.

Taking It Back

So begins the exchanges and volleys that mean the holiday season is here. In my last post, I said I was done. Well, I may be doner than I think. I'm done playing the game. I don't play games well. To try to prevent a seasonal melt down, I sent this to my SIL:


You and I seem to have a history of chronically misunderstanding each other and reading more into things than need be necessary. As the holidays get closer, I know that I get more and more stressed out thinking about how much time we have to spend together and I know you aren't always comfortable with the idea either. I don't want our relationship to cause yet another rift in the family and, worse, another rift between brothers. We've been there, done that, and we could right a book and sell t-shirts, but that won't get us any closer to settling things and at least coming to a cease fire or a truce of some sort.


I propose that Friday evening, if you have time, while we are dropping our girls off, you and I spend some time trying to figure it out. Maybe that will make the holidays better for both of our families and better for us. I can't drop off until after Z's dance class. It's over at 6:30 and I'll be at the parents house no later than 6:45, barring any unforeseen circumstances.

Let me know what you think.

It's time. It's time to clear the air. It's time. Notice I didn't say where. I just said we could meet. But because my SIL has to throw a wrench into everything that wasn't her idea, I got this back from her:


I am sorry, but I do not think that the parents house is an appropriate meeting place for us. I would rather not have the children around when this conversation goes on. I am trying to keep things as cool as possible around the children because I know that they are really good friends and it does not matter how we feel about each other that needs to stay that way. However, I do feel that maybe a better time would be when the boys could watch the children and we go get a coffee of soda or water and take it to the park or something. Just a suggestion.


No time like the present. Why wait? I said no, Friday was the day. We could leave the kids at my IL, go grab a coffee, and talk. If we continue to put it off, we'll never do it. The relationship will never be what it was, and I'm ok with that. We do however, need to find some common ground. We need to stop this incessant back and forth of she said/she said. Are we in middle school? We act like it.

I called hubby to read my e-mail to him before I sent it. He happened to be at his parent's house for lunch. He said it was a great idea. As long as I didn't get into too much of a heated discussion. Strike one against you, buddy. My SIL also mentioned a heated discussion. I hope she was talking about herself. Then my MIL said she hoped my SIL didn't come home with a bloody nose. Are you fucking serious? So nobody thinks I can have a conversation with out smacking someone down? All of you that I have heated discussions with that I beat down into the dirt like a dog, please stand up. Anyone? Anyone? That means I can have a reasonable discussion, so all you naysayers can kiss my ass. I know, it's the attitude. But, c'mon, I am an adult. I know how to behave.

I was also told that this would be a waste of my time. My SIL accepts no responsibility because she never does anything wrong. I have to try. I have to know that I gave it an effort to bury the hatchet, figuratively not literally. That is how I take some of the control back. I have to have a way to let go of the resentment, the feelings of betrayal, and all the other ick. I don't want this year to be like all the rest. But here's something to think about. My SIL is going to have Thanksgiving at her house. She invited my MIL and FIL. But she didn't invite us. Our husbands are brothers. Wow. It's that kind of crap that sets me off.

We'll see what happens. I am hoping for understanding. I am hoping that I can get this crap off my chest. I am hoping that although I don't want to be her friend anymore, we can be cordial and at least have conversations that don't end "heatedly". I am hoping for better holidays. I am hoping to win the Powerball so we can move to Texas and have Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Come on, Powerball!!!!

I Promise

The holidays are coming up. I get so needy at the holidays. I miss my family terribly. Hubby's family drives me crazy. And I get all holiday wonky. Poor hubby has to deal with me and I know he rolls his eyes at me behind my back. It's ok. He has that right. I can be quite the drama queen. Shocking, I know.

This year I am striving to be better and not let shit get to me. Usually I wallow in it. I roll and roll until I am covered head to toe in misery and hurt and rejection. I sink down in a deep depression that engulfs me and chokes me and won't let me breathe. I am a pain in the ass. I am a bitch. And I don't want to be that way this year.

I will take a few minutes to feel sorry for myself a little. I am sad that we will not be spending this Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. I am sad that my nieces won't be having a New Year's Eve sleepover at my house, gorging themsleves on finger foods and sparkling grape juice. I am sad we weren't there for my niece's Halloween themed birthday party. Or my niece's 15th birthday coming up.
 
This year I am going to be thankful for the time I have had with my family. This year I will look forward to the time I get to spend with them in the future. I will be grateful for small favors. I will not pitch a fit over stupid people and stupid things. I will not act like aforementioned stupid people. I promise.

And if I do get caught up in all the drama, I promise to blog about it.

Where Have I Been?

Not on my blogs and shame on me. Just trying to regroup with another school year and many obligations. Still trying to work school around stuff and stuff around school. And being lazy. And playing Wii Just Dance 3. And reading. And sitting on the couch playing Angry Birds 'til my thumbs are sore. Where you been?

• Loving my iPhone!! I should have done this earlier, but I'm glad I waited because I got a pretty good deal. I had the big girl video a dance we are learning in my hip hop class. Then I emailed it to two other ladies in my class. From my phone!!! I like being able to get online when I want to. I like being a hotspot. That puts a little extra strut in your walk right there. Loving that!! I could really get all gushy, but you already know. Love it, love it, love it!!
• The chicken pants tree is no longer. It had to be done. It has been on the honey do list since last summer. It looks really good, but I'm so sad that it's trimmed. It was our little quiet spot. Our little romantic rendezvous. Now we'll just have to find another spot. It did get rid of a ton of mosquitos and wasps, and all kinds of critters. Hubby said the mosquitos were horrible. I cannot imagine and I'm glad I wasn't home when he did it. If he had asked for help, I would have helped him because it's the right thing to do. Bugs, ugh!!
• I hurt my knee. Not hurt had to go to the doctor hurt. Hurt as in stiff when I tried to bend it. Sometimes I couldn't bend it. Wanna know how I hurt it? Just Dance 3. That damn game. But it is so much fun. I like it more than Just Dance 2, and that's saying alot. What's driving me crazy is this. I can whip just about anybody on that game. I go full out. I dance it like I was performing it. I have high scores on most of the dances. Why am I having trouble in my hip hop class? Ohmigosh, you would think I had never danced a day in my life. I stepped on my own foot the other night and almost knocked myself over! What the hell is that? I told my dance teacher I was going to bring my Wii remote and see if that helped. Driving me crazy!
• Our youth director is no more. He was let go yesterday. While I am not unhappy about the decision, I feel for his family and for whatever bonds have been formed between him and the youth. I don't want the kids to feel any sort of abandonment. They've had it hard with several leaders leaving on short notice. He will hopefully be at the Halloween party and be able to have some closure. 
• Ok, this is my blog so here comes a minute of bitching: a few weeks ago (yeah, I know, let it go, but sometimes it pops into my head and it rubs all over again), the kids were goofing off at band practice and I had to get on to them. They don't have an adult leader, so they run themselves. Most of the time it works for them. Sometimes I have to open my mouth. But that's rare. Anyway, I said, "Don't make me be the voice of reason." I meant by being the responsible one and they needed to settle down and get to work. Which they did. But a friend of mine looked at me and laughed. I was sort of offended, and kinda still am, I guess. I have the reputation of being happy go lucky, all smiles, and a party on the go. But I also have the reputation of being tough but fair, loud but loving, and the voice of reason when everyone wants to do their own thing and that's not possible. I will step in and make a decision if I have to. I think I make a pretty good leader. So, there, ha!

That's about all I have for now. It's good to be blogging again. I am inspired by my fellow bloggers that have kept at it and those that have returned to it after a short abscence. And I love the sound of my own voice. Reasonable or not.

Head in the Clouds

After having to hear about it for weeks now, I finally did it. I got an iPhone yesterday. I didn't get the 4S, because I wasn't willing to shell out that kind of money. We did shell out some cash, but we also got the warranty. I gotta have that. You never know and when you shell out cash like that, you want to protect it. Makes it sound like I spent millions doesn't it? I didn't. But I did spend our piano tuning money.

My phone that I had was on it's last legs. It would shut itself off randomly, and sometimes not so randomly. Every time I sent a text, I would have to wait and see if it would shut off. One day, I literally turned my phone on 12 times. Since that's my line with the world when I am out and about with my kids, I wanted a phone that I could depend on. We'll see how this goes. So far, so good, but it hasn't been 24 hours yet.

I like that I'll be able to get online when I need to. I like that I can listen to my tunes when I want. I like the cool headphones and wall charger that came with it. My phone is white, my case is purple. I'll get an Otter Box in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that'll help if the kids drop it while they play games. If they can get it away from me. Good luck.

I also signed up for the data plan that makes me a personal hotspot. You should see the smile that comes over my face when I think of that phrase. "Personal hotspot". You should see hubby's smile. That makes me feel good. I'm a personal hotspot. Yes, yes I am and thank you for asking.

And I didn't lose anything. Now I need to figure out the calendar and setting it up and adding things to it, because trust me, I need a calendar with me at all times. As quickly as ours fills up, I need the master copy with me. Another great use for my iPhone and one less thing I have to carry with me. Those Angry Birds get heavy, you know.

We'll see how the next 24 hours go. I hope this phone doesn't start turning itself off. I'd hate to have to kill it. But on a bright note, it could be Angry Birds fricassee for dinner. Not that I've ever made a fricassee. First time for everything!

Groovin'

I sit here surrounded by school books, lesson plan book, and various pens, pencils, and erasers, and instead of doing what I should be, I'm blogging. I got a text from Big Sis, oops, I mean my blogs, earlier and they said I could work out some stress here. Duh, why didn't I thnk of that? I have a smart Big Sis, I mean, blogs.

• I have been doing "Breast Cancer Awareness" posts on Facebook. These are not establishment friendly, but what did you expect from me? I'm not usually establishment friendly. I am trying to educate people about alternatives. I am trying to educate people about where their money goes. I am trying to educate people about not following the status quo and saving their lives. Can you tell I'm a little passionate about that? As always, I suggest you do your own research. And, joy, I found a place that will do a thermogram for a very reasonable price. It pays to have alternatives.
• I have been reading again. I love it! For awhile I didn't have a chance to read. You would think that waiting for one of my kids while they were dancing I would have time. Not when I know most of the moms that are waiting for their kids. Lots of talking going on instead. We have a couple of hours between some of those dance classes. You would think I could read then. Yeah, no, that doesn't happen either. But I am making time in our packed schedule. I have expanded my horizons to include some non-fiction as well. And even though I am not a Gator fan, I am going to read Tim Tebow's biography.  I am almost done with Dean Koontz's Frankenstein series. Then who knows what. At this point we are more surprised when there isn't a message from the library that I have books in. 
• I was doing an online bible study, but I have to say, that isn't for me. I like the physical presence of people. Some of these women have great insight. You can tell that they have really studied the bible and the history in the bible. It kind of made me feel inadequate. I don't feel like that very often. I am continuing on my own with that particular study. I may take a trip out to the bible store and see what they have out there. I may walk the maze of silence while I'm there. I could always use some quiet time. 
• I am a chocolate snob. It's time to clean out the candy dishes since we are coming to "candy season". We don't keep much candy or eat much candy. You can tell by how old some of ours is. The other night hubby went to get a piece of candy out of the chocolate dish (yes, I have two candy dishes. One for chocolate and one for non-chocolate. Chocolate will take on the flavor of the fruity candy, so I seperate them.) and put one back thinking it was that nasty Palmer's chocolate. I could have slapped him for even suggesting that. Poor guy. You would think after almost 17 years of marriage, he would know better. That man is crazy.
• I am getting an iPhone in the next couple of days. The 4S is out, but that means that the 4G has been discounted by $100. At least the one I want has been discounted. I'm getting the big mama 32 gig. I would get the big daddy 64 gig, but I don't need that much. I know the processors are faster and the camera is better on the 4S, but I'm looking at my bottome line. That extra hundred bucks means an Otter Box for my iPhone. I just cannot rely on my phone anymore. I never know when it will work and when it won't, so it's time to break up. The big girl is as excited as she can be. She gets my iPod. Look out world. 

So there you go. Nothing too strenuous. But now I have to make dinner. It's clean out the fridge night. Veggie co-op is this week and I need the room. Too many containers hogging the shelves. Then I get to lesson plan. I am such a procrastinator.  

Random

I don't really have enough stuff for a whole blog about any one thing, so you get a random blog tonight. Yippee!!

• Say what you will, I don't care. I'm getting an iPhone. It's time. We are eligible for an upgrade and I need a new phone. Mine schizzes out and shuts itself down. I had tossed around the idea of a Blackberry Torch, but the iPhone just makes sense with having iPods. Games, apps, and music would just transfer right over. The big girl would love that because she would get my iPod. Mine is bigger than hers and she cannot wait to get her grubby little paws all over it. And, big news along the lines of cell phones and the big girl. She got a cell phone today. She wanted one that she could get online with. Yeah, no, that is not happening, but thank you so much for asking. She does have unlimited texting and I have a little more piece of mind. Bonus!
• I have Pitbull playing on repeat on my iPod right now. Ever listen to Pitbull? The man's voice makes me feel like a twinkie- creamy in the middle. I have to say my favorite song is Pause. He is a dirty, dirty, dirty dog and I am OK with that.
• I go from Pitbull to church. Yeah, I did that. After having a conversation with someone at youth one night and stating that I always get what I want, I called myself a spoiled brat. I didn't make me spoiled, I just continued the tradition. The youth director looked at me and said, "That statement just explained a lot about you." He doesn't know the half of it. I was also raised by a single mom in the '70s when divorce still wasn't that common and was still frowned upon in certain circles. I was brought up to be strong, tenacious, and driven. I am loyal and friendly and funny and smart and beautiful and so much more than he will ever know. I was raised with a strong love and devotion for family. I just smiled and said, "You think?" If he only knew.
• Shame on me, but I have not been focused when it comes to my grocery shopping, menu, and food budget. We were horrible last week and ate out alot. I am embarrased about how many times we picked something up. Ugh! I'm supposed to be planning now but I'm blogging instead. I do know what we're having for dinner tomorrow. I have a beautiful pork roast that I'm putting in the crock pot with some fresh squeezed orange juice and apples. I haven't been couponing like I should. I've shopped the sales, but I haven't had the right coupons, or I let them expire instead of using them. I definitely need to get back on track. I don't like feeling like I'm throwing money away. Fine, I'm getting back on track (said while kicking the dirt).

 See, that's all I got. It looks right nice together.

Thank You, God!

I have made it a policy to never talk about whatever issues hubby and I may have with each other on a personal basis. My relationship with him is MY relationship with him. It works for us and whatever doesn't, we fix. When hubby and I were in the engagement era, we talked about what was important in a relationship. What were the deal breakers and the deal makers. The big issue for me was, is, and probably will always be communication. If we can't talk about something, we're done. We may not always agree, but we always talk about it. 

I have also been very vocal in the fact that God hand picked my husband for me. He put us in the right place at the right time with the right circumstances. He knew that the two of us desperately needed was each other. He knew that by bringing the two of us together, we would have an amazing life together. He was right.

Without going into too much detail, things have been strained around here to say the least. When the kids and I were in Texas, hubby worked every day except one. He may have had one other day off, but the important part here is that he worked almost 5 weeks straight. He took several days off to bring us home. I have never been happier to see someone than when we picked him up at the airport. He hasn't had a decent day off since we've been home. He may have had 2 full weekends off work, but that meant full weekends at home. all work and no play makes hubby a tired, snarky man.

When hubby works overtime, that means that I work overtime. And do not, for one second, think that I am doing nothing at home but cruising Facebook. First you have to catch me at home. When I am home, I'm working. And trying to snatch 10 minutes here and there to read. And teach the kids new chores. This week our new chore is laundry. I am happy about that. The kids not so much. I could go on and on. By 8 o'clock I am ready for my kids to go to bed. Now. Goodnight! Suffice it to say that all work and no play makes mama a tired, snarky woman.

Hubby's working so much overtime so we can pay off our debt. We wracked up a ton of it when he was contracting and we are trying, desperately sometimes, to have enough money to put gas in the vehicles and pay the bills. We hope and pray that we can have about 90% of our debt paid off in a year and a half. Right now, though, we are tired, we are snarky, and for awhile we weren't talking about the issue, but we were great at dancing around it.

The dam finally broke last night. Just one small whispered statement from hubby and we were able to talk about what's been happening, how damn tired we both are, how much we miss each other, and how glad we were that we were finally talking about it. It was like the weight of the world was gone. We weren't just talking, we were communicating.

I love that man. I love that he works hard for his family. I love that when he holds me his arms go all the way around me. I love that, no matter what, we can always talk about it. And I love that my man was hand picked for me. 

Letting Off Some Steam

Want to know what I like about having my own blog? One of the many reasons? I don't have to follow grammar rules if I don't want to. Crazy, I know. I used to want to be an English teacher. The English language is so confusing and if I can help just one student get through it. Ok, if I can help my 3 get through it and maybe a couple of their friends, that'll do. I don't teach grammar every year. I don't have to so that's a huge blessing. But sometimes, it rears it's ugly head. Anyway, ready for bullet points?

• I don't watch The View. I absolutely cannot stand to listen to the mostly liberal panel spout nonsense. Joy Behar and evolution are two topics that should never go together. She said at one point that evolution should be taught to every child because it had been proven a fact and to not teach it was the same as child abuse. No, it's still a theory because it's never been proven. Even Darwin said he was wrong. Keep up, people. There I go off topic again. Michael Moore was on ranting and raving about who knows what. I only caught the clip on the internet of him squabbling with Elisabeth. I think what set me off was that he wanted Osama Bin Laden brought back to the states and tried instead of killed. I'm afraid I agree with Elisabeth. I don't think so. He said something along the lines of we needed to show the world that if you attack us, we will hunt you down and bring you to trial and punish you to the fullest extent of the law. Dumb ass!! Frankly, I like being part of a country that if you attack us we will hunt you down and kill you. Until you're dead. And instead of dumping the body in the ocean, we hang it high for all his friends to see. Then he said the war was over. Is that why our soldiers are still there? Is that why we still have men and women dying over there? Is that why thousands of families are seperated, some permanently? Because if the war is over, they can come home now.
• Our illustrious leader has a jobs plan. How's that working for you and where was it three years ago when you took office? First you give half a billion dollars (it looks like this: $500,000,000) to a company that is supposed to produce solar panels. Instead they declared bankruptcy. Then they got additional money and still failed. It must be great to be a friend and political supporter of the person who sits in the White House. Maybe that's my problem. I should start saying nice things about him and he'll give me money. Yeah, I'll take my chances, but I appreciate the offer. Green jobs, remember the prediction about that? Only about 3500 have been created. Thousands went to China, though. Wait how does that help us? And then, to promote the jobs bill that he so eloquently hyped, he goes to a production company in NC. A company that just opened a factory in Costa Rica so it could save money on employee costs. A company that shipped jobs over seas. One day, he'll get it. Not today apparently, but I have hope. Of course, he may be out of office by then.
• Political correctness is killing this country. Everyone should have a piece of the pie. Let's not hurt anyone's feelings. Shut up, shut up, shut up. We are making excuses for behavior that is unacceptable. We are coddling our future generations, raising them with a feeling of entitlement. We shouldn't hurt each other's feelings. We probably shouldn't. Tact is a great thing. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't tell it like it is and get over it. We are all Americans, why do we have to identify each other by our ethnic background? Isn't it illegal to discriminate because of that? Then why does it matter? There isn't a block for stupid or not stupid. That should be more important. Grow a pair, people, and use them.
• Big debate on arsenic in our apple juice. Did Dr. Oz scare the American public into not drinking apple juice? Considering they can use 48 different pesticides on as apple, I think arsenic is the least of our worries. The FDA allows more arsenic in apple juice than water. Want to know why? Because we drink more water than apple juice. Exposure to arsenic through apple juice is less likely to happen than exposure by drinking water. That's just stupid. Who's drinking apple juice? Children are. Smaller bodies should be exposed to smaller amounts of arsenic. Arsenic is naturally occuring, but not as a poison or pesticide that can kill you. Did you know that most potato growers grow their own, seperate crop of potatoes? Too many pesticides used on potatoes that go to the general public. Think about that next time you open a bag of potato chips. Just don't serve them with apples or apple juice. Inform yourselves. 

Break the cycle of stupid. Please, for my sake, for your sake, for our chidren and future generations. Or, really, just for me. Whatever works.   

Super Woman

I started this blog last night, but it morphed into something else. I don't like when that happens.

Now that public school is back in session, my kids stand out a little more. Ok. A lot more. We get the "Is school out today?" I don't know. Is it? "Got your helpers today." Just today, though. When we get home, I'm going to hang them back on the hook in the pantry. Crazy people. The question I get most often is "How do you do it all?" One step at a time. And for the record, there are a ton of things that don't get done at all. You should see my poor, unmopped floors I keep saying I'll get to. Or the boxes that I still need to tape up and get out to the shed and out of my kitchen. Or the closets that still need to be rearranged. Or the myriad of other things that aren't done. But what I usually say is "I'm Super Woman."

Some days it's more about what I can get done as opposed to getting it all done. Yesterday, we only did part of our school work. I needed to take a nap. By "needed", I mean that I sat down on the couch and fell asleep. When I got up, I wasn't in the mood to school. Keep in mind we had activities in the morning and didn't make it back home until after 12. The kids did their math and language arts, we just didn't do our together stuff. Lovely. That means we have to try to get it done today. Which would be great if we didn't need to go to the dance store and get shoes for my kids that they need for class. Tomorrow. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Then we're headed to my BIL's to see his new house. We don't have any other time to do that. If we wait until we have time, it'll be next month and that's just rude. So when is all that school work going to get done? When it gets done is the best answer I have right now. I'll manage to squeeze it in. 

I need to sit and make a menu for the next two weeks. I had nothing on the menu for last night. I'm not sure why, but that's the way it was. I couldn't figure out what in the world I was going to make for dinner. Hubby picked up Chinese. Some days I just cannot get my stuff together. Yesterday was apparently that day. So sometime between now and Saturday when my current menu "expires", I have to do that and plan the grocery trip. And search all the ads. And print all the coupons. It'll get done.

My house is constantly untidy. Ok, ok, it's a mess. I see things I need to get done. It took me almost a week and a half to get my bathroom cleaned from when I originally said it needed to be done. And it still isn't done. I need to sweep, mop and clean the tub. The shower is mostly clean. There are parts that are hard for me to reach so hubby has to clean those. Good luck with that. My poor kitchen floors. We won't go there. The next part of handing off the chores is the laundry. I need to teach the big girl how to do that. And put laundry baskets in the kids' rooms so I can stop hollerin' about the laundry not being in the hamper. My list gets longer and longer.

And when do I get me time? And when do I get hubby time? I have to be wife/mother/lover/friend/teacher/chef/chauffer/maid/housekeeper/woman and how many more hats can I wear at one time. None, really. Too much hair. I want a big, floppy, straw, beach hat. I can just put the labels around the brim. Hubby must think I've forgotten his name. Hell, half the time I can't remember my own name. So, in answer to the original question, I don't do it all. I do what I can in a day and hope I don't forget the important stuff, like telling my family I love them. I may not be Super Woman, but I am a great gal!   

Uncontrolled

I'm sitting here with Godsmack's "Whatever" BLARING through my headphones. I am a rocker chick at heart. I love screaming guitars and a heavy bass line. Rock drummers are super sexy. Oh. So. Yummy. You ever listen to Godsmack? So speaking to me right now. I'm doing the best I ever did. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I ever did. Now go away. Here I go getting off topic again. Well, kinda.

Great lunch today. We had a potluck and lots of new families showed up. I tried to introduce myself to all the new people. One lady came, ate with her boys, then took her fruit and left. I had been working my way over to her, but stopped to speak to a couple of people. I felt bad about that. We pride ourselves on welcoming people to our group. Hopefully, she'll come back and give us another shot at making her feel welcome.

Lots of friends we hadn't seen in awhile. Love seeing them again and spending some time. My friend C asked me a question. Was I content about not moving to Texas and all that entailed? Content was an interesting choice of words. Truth is, I am. I can't change it. I can whine and pout and throw a fit, but it won't do any good. It might work out some frustrations. This was not the opportunity for us. Whatever God has planned for us is happening here. For now. The doors would have opened for us. I can't control the situation any more than I can control myself. That's what it's about really. Control.

I have had to let go of more control in the last five years than I thought possible. Sometimes it feels really good. Sometimes it makes my flesh scream. But, I gotta. I still have a great amount of control in several areas. I am very vocal about the fact that I like to fold my own clothes and hang them up. I like it done a certain way. It's just easier for me to do it than to redo it after someone else has folded it. And everybody would rather let me do it because it's less they have to fold. Except my socks. I refuse to match any more socks including my own. I like to load the dishwasher, but not unload. I'm picky about how the dishes go in. I cannot watch other people load their dishwashers. I just want to go behind them and reload it. It's like a jigsaw puzzle. It all fits a certain way. Ok, so maybe my OCD is a little worse than I let on.

I also had to learn the fine art of compromise. That was not something I knew much about before. I used to be really hard to live with. Now, I'm pretty easy going. Unless I have to tell you three times to do something. Then I'm swatting your ass to get you to move. I have had to learn the fine art of seperating teacher from mom, but even that is tenuous at best. They do crossover and intermingle. It's not always easy and I am not always good at it. I have to take a deep breath because someone is defying me. But they really aren't, and isn't that more the point? I have to make myself stop and listen. We do have some rules that are unbreakable, but not many. I started small, like not having to do all 25 questions when you can show my in five or ten that you understand the concept. I have worked my way up to bigger things. I am learning how to give up control.

I see the relationships of hubby's brothers' marriages and I don't get it. The things that they say to each other just baffles my mind. Then again, it isn't my marriage. As easy as it is to stand and be indignant about something, I don't have a clue as what the real dynamic is. I don't live with them, thankfully. I called hubby the other day to talk me off the ledge, as my friend M would say. I was upset about something I have no control over. If I were her, I would... If I were him, I would tell her... I didn't, and still don't, have the full story. I only had one small snippet. I don't want the full story. My flesh does. But it isn't my business. It doesn't and shouldn't matter to me at all. I can't control what they do and say. I sure can't control myself half the time. If the world only thought the way I did, what a great world it would be. Or even more warped than it is already.

It has taken me a long time to be content. I am content with where life has led me and where it may lead. I am content about being here, with my friends, with my family, with my life. Do I wish I was in Texas with my family? Yes. Does that mean that I wish the job had worked out? Yes. But it was not to be. Yet. I am content with loving and being loved. I'm still working on that control thing. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I ever did. 

Bitchy or Just Bitchin'?

I do not have a clue. Sometimes I just want to tell myself to shut the hell up. Then sometimes I'm high fiving myself. Either way, buckle up, 'cause here we go. I hope you're wearing tall boots. But not the great leather pair, just some regular gardening or wading type. See, there I go again.

• I have church issues and we all know it. I shouldn't judge lest I be judged. (Cricket, cricket, cricket) I belong to a Facebook group that is homeschoolers in the county I live in. There is one lady on there that posts some of the stupidest stuff. I don't know her, I have never met her, but there's a chance I will meet her Friday. Please pray that I will not slap the shit out of her. There is always the distinct possibility. She was looking for a church in the area. This is a small county, but we have some decent size churches. Her family does much better in a megachurch environment. Compensating for something? I don't know. Is that like the bigger the truck, the smaller a man's penis is? Just asking the question. I guess some people like that environment. Then she said she didn't mean to offend, but their family would like a megachurch that didn't have a female pastor. I think the reason this rubbed me the wrong way is that our former associate pastor, who is a very good friend, is female. I will tell you that she can out preach any man I have ever heard. The woman can be in leadership, just not a pastor. Ouch!! I wonder if this woman wears pants. 
• I have been unpacking boxes. I unpack a box every other day or so. I have a huge pile to give away and whatever doesn't go, goes to the thrift store. I could save all this stuff for a yard sale, but I just do not have it in me to hang on to it. I finally got to the box that had all our movies in them. I am giving away anything that is on VHS. I just do not want to hang on to them anymore. We have VCRs, I just do not want the movies taking up the space. I emptied four boxes, divided clothes into a giveaway pile for a friend of a friend and just give away. I organized some books and curriculum in to high school and middle school and elementary. Anything elementary that the baby isn't going to use goes the way of the give away or trash pile. Everything has got to go that doesn't need to stay. The next box is my shoe box. Not alot going in the trash pile there, let me tell you what.     
• We changed pick up libraries. I took the kids to a different library than we normally go to. They were giving away a Nook since the library has started loaning e-books. The nice volunteer that checked out my books for me saw a note that our regular library put on our accounts about not waiving fines unless you talk to the head librarian or her bitchy crony. That was an interesting discussion about the women at our regular library. Apparently, I am not the first or last to have problems with that library. I am one among many. Almost makes me feel slutty. I tried to change the info on my account online. You can't do it. I had to go to the library. The lady that changed it is one of three I will deal with or talk to. She was very sad. So was I looking at her. I almost changed my mind. But the new library is much closer and I like the people.
• I have a friend that is a little upset with me that I don't have time in our schedule for a play date with our boys. Sometimes it be's that way, to quote Pink. It's not that our extras are many, they are just at funky times. 3:30 and 4 in the afternoon, 10 in the mornng. It is what it is and I'm not changing a schedule that took me forever to straighten out. There's always Friday at the park. We do have one day during the week that we have nothing scheduled. I'm leaving it that way, too. If I have the time or inclination that day, I'll call you. I purposely left that day open for some much needed down time. I cannot make everyone happy, but I can make me happy.
• My big girl has started wearing foundation. OMG. It was a hard decision for hubby and me. That is just one more step closer to growing up. She's too pretty for that stuff. But didn't our parents tell us the same thing? Hubby tells me that all the time. I love that blind man. You should have seen her with her face all done. SHIT!! It's ok, though. Hubby and I own guns. And we are not afraid to use them.

There's the run down. I know there was more, but I didn't write it down. I am, however, going to go download some songs I've been jotting down. See ya' on the flip side!

I'm Still Doin' It

I am oh, so tired, but my mind is racing 800 miles an hour and I will not sleep until I empty the brain a little. I know it's been awhile and I apologize. It just seems like so much is going on, and we haven't even gotten busy yet. I'm still licking some wounds, trying to get over myself, and take care of everyone else all at the same time. Sometimes I have to kick myself and remember that this life, as much as I want it to be, is not about me and what I want. Enough of that and on with the brain emptying...

• Loved, loved, loved going to Texas. We were there for five weeks. I think with all that time spread in front of me, I got complacent about spending time with family and friends. As much as I enjoyed the time I did get to spend, I missed a few opportunities. Spilled milk now. I got to spend some time with my high school/blogger friend that I really enjoyed. Loved the conversations and the sharing of stories. I got to spend time with my childhood best friend and her son. How stinkin' cute is he? I got to spend time with my beautiful nieces. There is never enough time for that. I would not trade that time for anything.
• Love, love, love being home. I missed hubby something awful. When I am away from home, the best thing in the world is coming home and sleeping in my own bed, surrounded by my own things. 
• I did get to share some of my hippie ways with my family. I tried not to step on too many toes. My kids weren't allowed to have certain things and I took a little flack. I got a little frustrated when I got argued with. My response at one time was "I can go down the list of ingredients and tell you about the horrible effects each one has on your body." Big Sis took us to a health food store. My kids and I took a deep breath and felt so at home. Big Sis and my nieces said "What's that smell?" I laughed. That is the smell of health and wellness. Too funny. Should have heard my kids giving the run down when one of my nieces would say "What's this?" My kids would start explaining. I just smiled. Little health nuts.
• Back into the grind we are. School started, extras starting soon, more extras being planned. Why? Because sometimes I cannot leave well enough alone, that's why.
• We had a very productive youth council meeting the other Sunday. It was eval time for our youth director. The youth council sat down with our senior pastor to do the eval. We tried not to make it Bitch Fest 2011. We gave examples when a topic would come up so we weren't just nagging old biddies. I have to say that it felt good to get it off our chests. And, on a bright note, he seems to have opened up to us a little more. Communication is the key. That's all we've been wanting. And the same respect he's been asking for. You gotta give to get.
• I have filled up my request list from the library. I've filled it three times since we've been back and we've only been back for three weeks. You should see the pile of books I have. I am reading Betty White's If You Ask Me (And You Probably Won't). Funny!! Next is a book about military wives at Fort Hood, Texas and life while their husbands are gone called You Know When the Men Are Gone. Then on to Dean Koontz's Frankenstein. I've been wanting to read that for quite some time and the request line at the library finally got short enough for me to request it. If you can't find a book at the library, I probably have it.
• I was looking through some old blogs and found this recipe. I am so doing this one again. I am making stock tomorrow just so I have some to use. I'm thinking Wednesday. I even have fresh limes, just picked today. I am also thinking about making a sweet potato pie. I have lots of sweet potatoes and I like pie, so there you go. Coming over? Bring some beer.

There you go. I think my tank is drained enough I can sleep, thank goodness! I'm gonna go snuggle next to my snoring hubby and go to dreamland. I spend enough time in lala land. Time for a change of scenery. Peace!

Long Vacations Rock!!

Oh, vacation, my old friend. I love you so. Most of the time when we actually get to take a vacation, it's a week, maybe a week and a half, and we shove as much into that small amount of time as we can. Not this time. This time, our vacation is 5 weeks. Count 'em. I said 5 weeks. The big drawback is hubby isn't with us. Somebody has to work to pay the bills, and, thankfully, it isn't me.

We're in Texas!! I love Texas. I could wax poetic all day long about the greatness of my homeplace, but there is only so much cyber sace alotted to each person. Suffice it to say that I am in Texas heaven.

I got to meet up with some high school friends. That was fun. There has been a reconnection through Facebook, but it was great seeing them in person. To be able to hug them was fantastic. I'm ready for round two. I need to plan that soon. Some friends were missed due to scheduling conflicts, so I really want to try to see them.

We went to the rodeo! I love me some rodeo. You'll have to read the other blog for those harrowing incidents. My kids aren't scarred for life, though, and are actually asking to go to another one. Hopefully that one will be minus the dead horse. I shudder to think about it.

And we've been to the pool. Who would have thought this little bitty town would have such a great pool? The kids and I are planning to go back probably Wednesday. I'm not sure yet.

The highlight for me, though, has been seeing Mermie and Big Sis. I miss them so much living half way across the country. I even get to spend a whole day with Big Sis. I am so excited about that. You have no idea.

No pics to post yet. I don't have my lap top and have to hijack a computer to blog. When I get home, though, you better be prepared. The return reservations have been made. A mini vacation for the trip home has been planned. And I cannot wait to get my hands on hubby. Poor hubby better take his vitamins.

Hope

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/beautiful-truth/


I cried and cried. As tears poured down my face, I have resolved to do better, to be better, to spread the word. It is a beautiful truth.

Don't Believe the Hype

I have always said that this is my blog. This is my online journal where I let it all hang out, so to speak. This is where I use my voice for good as well as evil. I have also said that I don't care if you agree with me. I really don't. You don't like what I write, read something else. I have not been completely honest. I have avoided certain subjects because I didn't want to offend some people that are very important to me, namely my family. But this has been weighing on my mind. Since I'm leaving soon to go visit said family, I guess I better get this off my chest so I don't explode while I'm there. That never ends well. That would lead to me packing up three kids and heading back east. And lots of hurt feelings. That part sucks. So here goes.

My mom has breast cancer. It is Stage 4, inoperable and has metasticized to her bones. She had a lumpectomy and removal of several lymph nodes. That's when they found the rest of it. The diagnosis has never scared me. It may have upset me, but I have never been scared that the cancer would kill her. I would have loved to go to her doctors appointments with her to question the doctor. I would have loved to turn the doc upside down and inside out to see how my mom was going to be treated and why. I know several people that have inoperable cancer (which just means that you can't operate. I mean, what are you supposed to do, go in and scrape every bone in her body?) and have lived with it for over 20 years. The disease has not progressed. Many of them have seen a regression of the cancer. Why?

Proper nutrition and no chemo or radiation. A recent study suggests that more people die from the effects of the chemo and radiation than the cancer it treats. Chemo is no more than poison. Some chemos given to children contain components of DDT. Do you remember DDT? It was dropped into the jungles of Vietnam during that war and used as a pesticide. It has been banned by the federal government due to it's toxicity. But they are making chemo drugs for children with parts of it. Most of the chemo drugs out there cause cancer themselves. The side effects are hair loss, loss of appetite, leukemia, and death. Death? I thought the side effects of diarrhea and constipation were a turn off. Malnutrition was the number one killer of chemo patients for many years. Radiation for some cancers leave you scarred and burned for life. It also tears down all the good, healthy cells along with the cancer cells. What happens when you don't have good healthy cells? Um, death? Yes! Why would anyone knowingly put themselves through that?

Because when you hear the word cancer, you freak out. When it's you it's directed at, you really lose your mind. I cannot blame anyone for that. The doctor is not God. Only God knows when our time is up. It's not written in stone and given to us when we're born. We don't have an expiration date etched into the bottom of our foot with a lot number. Important questions need to be asked. Did your doctor say "cure" or did he say "containment". When the doctor spouts quality of life bullshit, does the doctor mean your's or her's? Is there a chance that the cancer can come back, bigger, badder, stronger because of the damage you are doing to do to my body? Are you going to treat me holistically or do you give a shit about my overall well being?

Your body is a temple. Treat it right, feed it right and this disease can be gone, and yes, even cured. With the proper treatment, instead of poisons pumped into your body, you can outlive and overcome anything thrown your way. Most doctors do not care or give a crap about nutrition when it comes to cancer patients. If they did, they would be out of a job in most cases. I can't remember where I found the article, but I'm looking for it so I can link it, about a doctor that sued a patient because the patient left his practice, sought alternative therapy, and was cured. The doctor sued for several hundred thousand dollars, the exact amount he would have made had the patient undergone the prescribed treatment. He lost, thankfully.

There is so much good, quality, solid information about heat therapy instead of chemo. There is so much good, quality, solid information about nutrition. There is so much good, quality, solid information about antineoplastin therapy. But all of this is ignored, controlled, and even contained. And for the record, the Susan G. Komen Foundation is not about finding a cure. It's about informing people about breast cancer. Guess what? We know it's there. Find a proper cure that doesn't kill people. Fund research and development of therapies that are helpful and healthful.

I have always said that you need to do your own research. I have never compromised about that. I am very vocal about that issue. Do your research with an open mind. Closed minds equals closed lives.

I never worried about the cancer diagnosis. That, I could fix. The chemo, that's a more difficult problem. That will take longer than I have time to spend with my mom. I have sent several emails to her and my sister, but have never gotten a response from them. Did they read them? I don't know. I would like to think that they did. I hope they did. I hope they read this with an open mind and know that I want my mom to live many more years. She has two daughters that love her to the moon and back and a thousand times more than that. She has seven grandkids that think she hung that moon just for them. And I hope that I'm still welcome to visit after this blog. This is one of the hardest I have ever written, knowing that it will upset people that I love more than my own life. 

I'm getting down from my soapbox now. For a minute. Wait til I get started about flouride!

Virtuous

You read my blog. You know I'm not talking about me.No, this is about something much more important. We are not moving to Texas. It sucks. I could expand on that, but why? Just suffice it to say it ain't happening. The most important word to add here is: YET.

We were so excited when we got the news that hubby had gotten the job. We weren't as close as I'd like to be. We were still a couple of hours from my sister and about 3-3 1/2 from my mom. But that's alot closer than four states. I pictured cookouts and holidays and my beautiful nieces spending as much time with us as they could. I pictured seeing my friends, many of whom I have reconnected with lately and am very excited about that. We even found a house. 20+ acres, 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, 2 bonus rooms, and 2 ponds. We were gonna get chickens and goats, maybe a milk cow. We were thinking about buying 2-3 more towers and starting an organic co-op.

I am not a patient person. After four months of delay and more delay on the horizon, it was fish or cut bait. We cut bait. Sometimes, you just have to. We have not given up. Hubby is even looking in (shudder, shudder) Oklahoma. That's big for this Texas girl. That would put us closer still to Mermie. We just aren't looking right now. Right now, there is more overtime on the horizon than we can think about and the very real possibility of paying off some bills. That would make our move so much easier. Because we are moving one day. Just not today. I need to be patient.

Who am I kidding? I don't know what patience is. I'd rather jump in and fix it, get it done, quit wasting time. Wasting time is like wasting money. There isn't enough of either so I'd rather not. They say patience is a virtue. It's just not a virtue I have.

Taking a Breather

Don't I wish I had time for a breather! It has been a bit of a whirlwind the last couple of weeks. That and hubby has been working his cute tushy off. That means I work overtime, too. I do have a list so I hope that makes up for being gone so long. I think stress is starting to creep up on me because I defnitely need to vent. So here I go...

• We missed a house payment. Believe it or not, we did it intentionally. We were trying to get me to Texas to visit my mom. We needed the money for expenses and everything else. We ended up getting caught up on some other bills instead, so really it was ok. We have made late payments before. The bank just sends a slip for the next month and a reminder that we missed a payment. Wells Fargo is our mortgage company. Don't let them hold your mortgage. Bunch of damn crooks is what they are. Anyway, I guess since they're in hot water for illegally foreclosing on houses, they suddenly decided now was the time to start the documentation process. I told the last person that called, she was the fourth in a week and a half, that nothing had changed and they could leave us alone. When the money hit my bank, I would write them a check. I also told her that I had written down the dates, times, and names of the people that had called. I also had a record of the messages they left on the answering machine. If they didn't leave me alone, I was going to file a harassment suit. They actually waited four days until they called again. I told them that since it was my birthday, I didn't have to talk to them. Then I told them to have a happy my birthday and hung up. See if I ever make a payment on time again. Push me again, assholes.
• Sarcasm is what I do best. I'm not sure how I got so damned good at it, but I'm teaching my kids all the necessary skills to be sarcastic as well. The boy has doen a fine job. Sometimes, stuff comes out of my mouth so fast, I don't have time to stop it. Not sure if I'm changing that, just thought I'd bring it up.
• Jack Kevorkian died. I think that's sad. I really don't care for late night talk shows anymore, but I'm sure he was the butt of many jokes. I think he was a highly misunderstood man. When he first came to the forefront of the news, he was looked at as a quack. I think he just wanted to help people die with some dignity. Other doctors would tell of how the people Kevorkian helped die could have had many more years with the proper treatment. What would the quality of those years be, though? What kind of treatment? It wasn't the doctors' choice. It was the patients'. 
• I think apathy has become the fastest spreading disease this country has ever seen. We have let the media and TV and the internet dictate our behavior and what's acceptable. I'm breaking that chain. I can't cure everyone of the disease, but I can prevent my kids, my family, and myself from getting it. Hubby and I are raising our kids to use manners and kindness. They hold doors for people, they pick up things that someone may have dropped, and we even pick up clothes from the floor and dressing rooms and put them back on hangars when we're shopping. I have a hard time going to the junior's section at one of my favorite department stores. I could be there for hours hanging stuff up and folding it. Drives me crazy to see all that. People should take better care of things. They should have more respect for other people. There is no discipline it seems. I'm hoping for a pay it forward kind of thing. See someone help out then do something nice for someone else. Maybe, just maybe, there can be a remission of apathy.       
• Tired of waiting for the job in Texas to open again. Hubby is going to call his Texas boss and kind of lay it on the line for him. Need something to happen now or we're moving on. We just cannot continue on this path. We need the wheel to stop turning. Then we figure something else out if we have to. I don't want to be jaded with this process. Kinda can't help it, though.

That's all I've got for now. It was a short list, but it feels good getting it off my chest. Now, hubby and I sit and make a menu. We're going a little more vegetarian this summer. We'll see how that goes. I'm going blog stalking for ideas. Peace!

Teaser

Been away awhile. Sorry about that. I've had a bunch to do on the other blog, and for once, we were busy. Go figure. For now, though, I gotta go cook crab legs for hubby for his birthday. I will be back. And I have a list.

To The Extreme

Many of my blog titles are either names of songs or albums. If it wasn't that, it would be names of books. There's this little section at our local chain bookstore that is, shall we say, for mature audiences only. I could pull titles from there, but you might get the wrong idea if I titled a blog Big, Spankable Butts. That would get your attention wouldn't it? See, I get all distracted. That's not really what this blog is about.

I watch way too much reality TV. I blame MTV. It all started with "The Real World". I really enjoyed maybe the first 7 or 8 seasons of that show. Then all TV went into a frenzy and decided that the majority of programming should be reality based. That's not why I watch TV. I watch TV to get away from reality. I have to say, though, that some of those people are seriously whacked out. It makes me realize how "real" my life is. And how happy I am about it.

I am very disappointed in "Extreme Couponers". Not all of the people on that show are looney, but the majority are. They make the rest of us couponers look crazy, too. See here's the way I coupon. I don't stockpile things we don't eat or use. Why? We eat a much healthier diet than most people on that show. I don't stock up on "healthy" waters or frozen pizzas or laundry soap. Well, I got stuck with laundry soap, but I'll use it and I probably won't have to buy it for another 6 months, but that's a different story. I stockpile, toilet paper, paper towels, toothbrushes (but not paste. We use a natural toothpaste, too). I used to stockpile deodorant, but we switched that. I stockpile things I know go fast in our home. I don't stockpile Koolaid because I could get it free. I don't buy many canned or boxed items. I won't use those for overage because there is always one more step. Donating what we don't use or eat. I don't need to add one more stop in my day, if you know what I mean. And if I'm not buying it because we don't eat it, I'm certainly not buying it so I can feed other people junk. I think the people on that show have some issues and need professional help. They are one step away from hoarding. 

I refuse to watch "Sister Wives". Are you serious?!? I love Big Sis, but if she ever wanted to marry my husband, too (which she wouldn't because she is so much smarter than we give her credit for), I would have to bitch slap her to death. I am the baby. I never really had to share. And I do not share my man with anybody for any reason. Period. Now if he wants to marry someone else, I have no problem with that. After he signs the divorce papers and I get 3/4 of everything. I'm nothing if not fair. And since I know for a fact that God brought hubby to me and me to hubby, I ain't sharing my treat with nobody. I don't even turn the TV to that channel when that show is on.

"Real Housewives" they ain't. The way they live their lives and raise their kids just makes me angry. Come back to the real world. Not that show on MTV, but the really real world. They are so far removed from right and wrong, good and bad. Selfish, selfish people they are and raising another generation of people just like them. I watch that show as an affirmation of what we are doing is right.

I've tried to watch shows like the current "Real World" or (God forbid) "Jersey Shore". I've even tried to watch shows like "Big Brother" and "Amazing Race". Just so done with boozing it up, fighting, back stabbing. Tired of man and women trying to find the right someone and kissing and dating 25 people at one time. I would never and my man better not. But until I get my own reality show, there just isn't much to watch. Must be why we're getting rid of satellite when we move.

I'm Still Here

Sometimes, I find myself focusing more on one blog than the other. Some days, I'm lucky to blog at all. Who am I kidding? Some days I just fall into bed after everyone else and am grateful I got through it. I've had a lot to do on the other blog, but mamashublog was starting to feel left out.

• Reading my brains out. I love to read. I have so much on hold at the library, they cut me off. You can only have 30 holds and I'm there. I have 3 things waiting for me, so I need to go pick them up. I'm hoping a bunch will come off my hold list so I can order more. Some of the books I'm reading now or just finished are "Young Adult" books. Way out of my normal reading zone, but I'm liking what I'm reading so far. The big girl has been reading a pretty decent series about a girl that goes to an all girl spy school. It's also a good way for me to know what the she's reading. I did let her read the "Twilight" series. I have no interest in that one. I recently read Lemonade Mouth. Disney made a TV movie based on it and a friend of hers had read it. There were a couple of parts that I'm not ready for her to read, but soon. The kids even recorded the movie for me to watch before they can watch it. I guess I need to get to that. 
• Hubby and I cleaned up parts of the yard yesterday. I didn't go to youth or praise band, but that's ok. We cleaned up piles that have just been laying around, collecting ants and who knows what else. We cleaned up weeds and rocks and the wood pile and burned some scraps that have just been sitting around. We still have much, much work to do outside, but I am grateful for the start. It was hot, that's for sure. Hubby and I knew that we would be outside for a long time, so we actually put sunscreen on. Pretty darn glad, too. At one point, hubby was trying to free fencing from the grass that had grown over it and disturbed a wasps' nest. He got grazed on the eye, so straight into the house we went. He's very sensitive to wasp stings, so I filled him full of Benadryl and plopped him down on the couch. Yeah, he was hating that (NOT!)
• I've been looking at the grocery stores in the area we are moving to. More specifically, I've been looking at their coupon policies. Are you watching the new Extreme Couponers? Most of them are so full of shit. One pair of sisters cleaned out all the dental floss, were given one more coupon, but couldn't get more floss because they had cleaned out the shelf. And then they said they weren't ashamed of it. I think some people get a God complex of sorts. I can go into any store and not pay more than $50 for more than $500 worth of groceries. Ok, but why do you need such a big stock pile? One lady fed all of her teenage son's friends when they came over. That I get. Teenage boys eat ALOT. I don't understand stockpiling diapers when you don't have kids and don't plan on having them anytime soon. I don't understand buying 1,000 boxes of cereal because you have coupons. Sure, you got it for free, but what did you pay for your coupons? What did you pay in paper and ink to print?  Crazy people. Just another show that makes a group look weird. I belong to two groups that always look like freaks: homeschoolers and couponers.
• Looking forward to the summer. The kids and I want a pool where ever we land. Here or Texas, we don't really care. We went swimming with friends the other day and it was lovely. I am more convinced than ever that the baby is taking a refresher swimming course, that's for sure. You don't use it, you can lose it. I've even looked up to see if there's a Y in our new town. There is!
• I am not sad that Oprah is leaving. Bye! Have a great life! She used to make so much sense to me. but the last several years, I just don't care what she has to say. I used to make my kids go play in their room when she came on. Now, she's rarely on in our house. I don't even care for most of the books that she reads. There are a couple that I read before she did. That was weird. She has destoyed as many companies as she's helped. It's called the "Oprah Effect". When she reveals a favorite product, some companies are just not equipped to handle the influx and have to shut the doors. Well, there you go. And really, I have a brain. I don't need her to think for me. Look what a great presidential candidate she backed.

Alright, I guess I'll quit griping now. Ok, I'm ready to get started again. Next time, maybe.

Vindicated, Sort Of

It's no surprise or shocking at all when I say that I love my kids. I'm talking about not only the three that I birthed, but the 20something that come to our youth group. I treat them all like I treat my own kids. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not so much. It dependes on the situation.

It's also no secret or surprise that our new youth director and I don't get along. He seems to think the volunteers are there to undermine him. We're not. We aren't his employees to hire or fire or reprimand, either. We're there for the kids, not him. But we are willing to help him because it helps the kids. But we aren't sheeple that follow along, either. That's where the issues started, at least for me.

After our last youth council meeting, I wrote an email stating some objections to some things that were happening that I didn't feel comfortable with. People tend to forget that most of our kids have been through the confirmation process at our church. At the end of the process, they became full members of the church. They deserve, and rightfully so, to be treated as such and not as a bunch of kids that don't know their heads from their asses. They may not know, but they don't deserve to be treated that way. In response to my email, I was called silly and discontent. Wow, you dumb ass. That means that you didn't read the email, you picked out what you wanted from it and attacked me personally. You know I didn't sit still for long, but at least I didn't attack him personally or his character. I could have...

Sunday was a little discombobulating for me. First time to see him since the email. I wanted to beat him, but I refrained. I actually just didn't speak to him. I walked around him, I kept my mouth shut (shocker) and my head down (even bigger shocker). But what came out of his mouth was the biggest shocker of all. He stood up in front of all those kids and basically changed his stance to mine. What?!? You're asking them instead of telling them? You're asking them to pray about their roles instead of demanding they take one? You could have knocked me over with a feather.

The next shocker was that he gave credit to another volunteer for the change in his opinion. At this point, I don't care. He did the right thing. He also gave credit to the youth council. The youth council consists of the adult volunteers and the youth that have volunteered to represent their peers. It was a very confusing night for me.

So, I was right (duh). I think he couldn't quite admit that. It's alright. One day he'll see me for the genius I am. Keep up, man, keep up.
  

I Stand Alone

I like Godsmack. I have been a rock chick since I heard the first few notes on the album Van Halen. My favorite of theirs is Awake, but Cryin' Like a Bitch runs pretty close. But this blog isn't about music; I digressed. Big surprise there. Hubby and I have been sick this week. Hubby more so than I, poor thing. Anyway, we have been up at all hours of the night. During that time I caught a movie I can't remember the name of and it doesn't really matter. A question got asked in the movie and the answer had me thinking. Yes, we are all in trouble now. It's not as important to know what you stand against, but what you stand for. Well, crap. Get all philosophical on me while I am sleep deprived. That means I'll think about it for days.

I know I stand very firmly for family. My family is very important to me. But family isn't just those people that you share blood with. Family encompasses all those that love you and you love. I have friends that I wish I could bring with me when we move. I love them, their kids, and all their little quirks. More importantly, they love us right back. Family is the people that you love and love you back despite the quirks. People that will be there for you and with you. I love my family.
I love my country. I am not happy with the people that represent us, but I am proud to be American. I was raised during the Cold War, when patriotism was an every day thing. Now it seems that we can't even be proud for fear of hurting the feelings of people from other countries. Get over it, you big bunch of wusses. I cry when I hear The Star Spangled Banner. I love the Pledge of Allegiance. I love the way the Old Glory looks when she waves in the wind. Amazing. I love that in our relatively short life as a country we have accomplished much and helped many.

I think we all need to take responsibility for ourselves. Break the cycle, so to speak. It doesn't matter how you were raised or your circumstances. The only person we can ever really be responsible for is ourselves. Had a crappy childhood? Move on. Get over it. Excuses just keep you down. Use whatever it is to make you better, help you overcome the burden. Or wallow around in your misery and get bitch slapped by me. Either way, I'm good. Our circumstances after the fact are no one's fault but our own. Cowboy up and ride.

I believe that if this country went back to a simpler way of life, we would be much better off. I'm not talking Little House on the Prairie simple. Why is it so important to have the big house, big car, big TV? Why is it so important to have the latest and greatest. I think technology is killing us and making us lazy. I see us riding around in chairs like in Wall-E, dependent on food in a cup we drink with a straw and weighing 800 pounds. This comes from the woman who is typing this blog on her laptop computer, with a wireless connection, and playing Words with Friends on her iPod. Remember, when you point the finger of blame, you have three fingers pointing back at you. I would give it all up. I have been made fun of because I make meals from scratch, feed my family organic food, and homeschool. Who are you? Laura Ingalls? No, bitch, I'm not that sweet. Get in my face again about doing right by my family and I'll knock you in the dirt. What I actually said was "Jealous much?" That shut her up.

I believe that love and compassion are amazing things. I believe that people can and do care about others. I believe that we can turn this country back into something incredibly great. I believe that humility and pride can go hand in hand. I believe that Jesus died for me and you. I believe that there is nothing more wonderful than hearing my kids laugh and seeing them smile. I believe and I have hope and I have dreams.

What do you believe?