Nothing like staring it in the face. Nothing like taking the bull by the horns. I could metaphor this half to death, but instead I'll just get on with it. I use this blog as my therapy, so what happens here, stays here. This is MY place to let it all hang out and feel safe about it. Here I go.
Hubby and I are firm believers that when our kids are involved in a program, we need to be involved. We can monitor content, make sure our kids are safe and cared for, make sure our kids are getting what they need from the program. Hubby and I have been volunteering for the last year and a half with our youth program. We have enjoyed getting to know all the kids. It has been awesome to be accepted by them, loved by them, trusted by them. That last one is hard to earn. But we have two other kids that aren't ready for that program yet.
Once again, we are involved with a program with a small group of core volunteers while no one else from the church steps up and takes advantage of an amazing opportunity. Once again, I am burned out and exhausted and overwhelmed at times. This was not what we signed up for, but we knew what we were going to get. Our church has talked about change and even hired a company to help us change. But what I feel like we've gotten is Obama on a smaller scale. Pay us lots of money and we'll give you very little in return.
Case in point: our new youth director. As a person, he seems very sincere. As a youth director, he's starting to irritate. I am a very type A personality. Can you tell? Anyway, get in, get it done. I am not one for lolly gagging when there is work to be done. I like to get the work done so I can rest on my laurels. He hasn't done that. He has slowly worked his way around, observing, trying to figure out the dynamics. Here's a clue: I'm the loud mouth that will fight with you and go toe to toe for what I believe is right for the kids. I am the one that will express my opinion and express it loudly. Here's my opinion now: jump in. Take control, do your job, let the kids know that you are there for them. Quit hanging back and let the kids know that you want this job and you want them.
We have been so busy with our youth kids that our younger two have made the sacrifices. That is so not fair to them. While hubby and I volunteer, they are watched by people that don't love them nearly as much as we do. While they are adequate babysitters, they can't possibly give our kids what they need. We keep hearing reports from two of them that the baby is giving attitude. She was, don't get me wrong. But hubby and I took control of that. I'm not sure what they are talking about now. I asked the boy, who is always up for a way to get his sister in trouble, what was going on. He has no idea. Hubby and I are tired of hearing it.
We have decided that a changes need to happen. One is that hubby will stop volunteering. Our youngest two need some parental attention, so they are going to get it. We have relinquished their care to others for too long. Our youth director may need to step up now that he is the only male. But our focus is on our family. Our focus is on what's best for our kids. I am going to pull back some, and hopefully make room for someone else to step in. I doubt anyone will, but the new youth director has a wife that may be able to fill my shoes.
We lost focus for awhile. We feel like we need to change the direction of the race we are running. We feel like we cannot possibly do our best for the youth, for our family, if we are conflicted about our responsibilities. We need to stop, take a breath, and listen for guidance from the one who needs to be guiding us. God is who leads us, but we have been trying to lead Him. So, with some sadness, but also with great joy, we are convicted once again to put our (my) pettiness aside and put our attention and our efforts where they should have been all along.
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