Growing Up

Growing up sucks. Let's face it, it's hard. You have to figure out who you are, what you believe in, who you can trust and believe. And all the while, you have hormones raging through your body making thinking almost impossible. Everything is an ordeal. Everything is important. At least when I was growing up it was that way. Now I have to watch my big girl go through it. If I could put my kids in a bubble so nothing would ever hurt them, I would. I know this is about the big girl and I should probably put this on my other blog. But that one is linked to Facebook and I don't feel like everyone and their brother reading it. My followers are one thing. Most of you know my big girl.

We are dealing with body image issues. Ack! Hubby and I have tried very gard to keep most of the junk out of the lives of our kids. We don't focus on the outside, but tell them that what is important is what's on the inside. We tell them that God made them the way He wants them. Everything was going fine until one of the big girl's friends got ahold of her. Really? I could ring her scrawny little neck. Here's what happened.

We were going swimming at a friend's house. The big girl says as we are getting ready to leave, "Can I wear parts of two different suits?" I should have said yes, but I have isssues. One of them is finding half of an outfit in the wash. I go crazy trying to find the other half. When I can't, when I find out it didn't get worn, it bugs me. I'm working on my issues, so back off. Besides, this is about her, not me. I ask her why and she says, "I have isssues with my body". Thank you for being honest, but you could have knocked me over with a feather. Since when is what I want to ask her, but not with the other two kids there. It took a couple of days to get to a point where we could be alone, but I certainly didn't want to advertise this conversation. This is how that went.

Apparently, her friend AF has been calling her chubby. Have you seen my big girl? Chubby is far from what she is. You have to realize though that when AF turns sideways, she disappears. The big girl is curvy. She has the body of a 15 year old and she's only 11. Match that with her beautiful face and I'm in trouble. Of course, hubby is a gun owner. Just throwing that out there. AF even had the big girl running around the park one day doing exercises to shape up. Are you kidding me? I could smack her. I asked the big girl why she did what her "friend" told her to do. She took a second and said, very eloquently, "I don't know. I think about it now and know how silly it was, but at the time I wasn't thinking about that". Thank you for your honesty.

This opened up a great conversation about what a true friend is. It opened up great conversations about body image. It opened up great conversations about how magazines and movies and TV shows use lots of tricks to make people look beautiful. It opened up great conversations about insecurities and mean girls. We talked for almost an hour about these things and how they affect her and her confidence. In the end I told her that nobody has the right to tell her how she should feel about her body. I told her to not let her friends determine what she thinks about herself. Real friends would not say those things or act the way AF did. I told her I had to talk to AF's mother. She was alright with that.

When I talked to her mom, it went really well. I thought. I let her know that those topics were not to be talked about anymore. I let her know that those names she was calling my daughter were unacceptable. Then she said, "She has mentioned before to my daughter that she thought she was fat". My response: "Irregardless of what my daughter has said, calling her chubby sure didn't help". Do not excuse away the actions you know were wrong. You know how she is and how she gets. Do not think for one second that I will not step into that relationship and nip it in the bud if I need to.

I am grateful and thankful that I have a relationship with my daughter that allows open discussion. I am grateful and thankful that she feels comfortable enough to talk to me about her life and what she is going through. I am grateful and thankful that she stood up to her friend at the park the Friday after our conversation and told her her actions were unacceptable and not appreciated. I am grateful and thankful that I am the mother to such a beautiful and wonderful child of God.

I am praying that she takes our conversations to heart. I am praying that she realizes that she is beautiful, inside and out. I am praying that she always comes to me with her problems. I am praying that growing up will not be so hard on her. I am praying, I am praying, I am praying.