Marriage

My MIL accused me and hubby of something the other day. We were sitting outside on her front porch, watching hubby play with the kids. They were laughing, I was teasing them about who knows what. Then she said it. "You have the closest thing to a perfect marriage I have ever seen." Uh-oh. Is that like a curse? Is that as bad as tattooing someone's name on your body? We then proceeded to talk about the marriages of two of her other sons, which are in shambles due to many, many reasons. I could talk about those for days, but that's not the reason for this blog. We talked about why our marriage works. Here's what I came up with.

Communication is key. I was in a relationship before hubby that was horrible. I was told what to do and what opinion to have. For those that know me now, you probably can't believe that, can you? When hubby and I met, I told him if we couldn't communicate at any point, there was no reason for a relationship. But I don't just mean talking. Communicating is about so much more. It's about listening. I don't mean hearing. I mean hearing and understanding together which equals listening. We don't have to agree, but we have to listen. We have to be able to communicate for our relationship to work. Does that mean we don't argue? We can argue with the best of them. We've even had a couple of knock down, drag out fights, just without the actual knocking down and dragging out. If we have to walk away for a minute, or minutes, then we do. But we come back and try to finish it without judgement and yelling. We try to see the other's side of things. Do we always agree? No, we don't. But we can compromise. That is a great word.

Compromise is very important. We can communicate all we want, but if we don't meet halfway sometimes, it can still be a failure. I may not like what he wants to do. He may not like what I want to do. But if we communicate the reasons, we can come up with a compromise. I don't always have the reasons, but I try to explain anyway. Hubby has to take a few minutes sometimes to collect himself. But as long as we listen and try to understand, we can come up with a compromise. I've even gotten better at compromising with my kids. It doesn't always have to be my way or the highway. Did I say that out loud?

Honesty is the best policy. I cannot, and will not, do anything without hubby knowing. If I can't tell my hubby whatI'm thinking or doing, if I try to hide something from him, I feel bad. I get physically ill, from a belly ache to a head ache and stuff in between. I don't even bother anymore. I call him. I'll tell him what I'm thinking about and get his opinion. That way, we both have a say in the decision. He says it's so I can blame him. But he knows it's always his fault whether he agreed or not. I can always make it his fault. Do I always do what hubby says? Hell, no. I'm no lap dog. But he can talk me down from the ledge like nobody's business. I tend to be very spontaneous while he tends to want to think about it.

There would be no marriage without love. I could quote that great verse from the bible, but I won't. I love my husband. He loves me back. There is no better feeling than being loved by my man. I love the way he looks at me, touches me, kisses me. Hold on, I'm getting a mental image I would like to explore. Yes, there's that, too. But what I'm talking about goes so much deeper. My heart aches when he's not with me. He still makes my palms sweat and I get nervous around him when we're on a date. Crazy, isn't it? I know that God hand picked hubby for me and I take that very seriously. And with love, comes the most important aspect of our marriage.

Respect is, by far, the most important aspect of our marriage. Love without respect isn't love. Communication without respect is one sided. Compromise without respect is being beaten down. Without respect, there can be none of the above. We support each other when making decisions about raising the children, spending money, or just spending time. I know that when I speak, he is actually listening and taking in the things that I am saying. That is a two way street. I don't just dismiss things as they come out of his mouth. He doesn't do that to me. We make time to spend together, just us, to connect and foster that feeling of respect. We touch, we cuddle, we connect with each other physically, mentally, and emotionally. That leads to a greater respect for each other. It just makes it better.

I'm not trying to brag. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your marriage or relationship. I just know what hubby and I do and what works for us. It has led to a 15 year marriage that works and is going strong. We have put our faith in God, who created this union, to guide us where we need to go. We try to do the best we can by and for each other. We just love being together.