Rules of the Road

When the big girl was a baby, hubby and I made a deal. I would birth the babies and he would teach them to drive. I have a feeling his learning to drive experience was different from mine because he said "ok". He can be such a sucker. 15 years later, I think he's realizing that he got the short end of the stick. I like to say that hubby teaches her how to drive and I teach her how NOT to drive. There are some observations that need to be made, so hang on while I tell you how absolutely horribly you drive!

• Turn signals are NOT optional equipment. Want to know how I know? They come standard in EVERY car you buy. You can even get a ticket if you don't use it, or it's not working. And, really, I have no idea where you are going, so if you use your blinker, I won't ram my minivan into your trunk. And when you want to change lanes, it lets other drivers know that you are exiting one lane and entering another. That could prevent a lot of road rage as well.
• The left lane is for those drivers that are traveling the fastest, or at least faster than the 10 mph UNDER the speed limit that you want to drive. You can get a ticket for driving too slow, specially in the fast lane. It impedes traffic and can cause an accident. If your turn is coming up, but not for miles, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!! Trust me, it isn't those speed demons that are causing the issues, it's you! And when other drivers creep up to your rear end, that means move, not go slower.
• So, let's talk about this tail gating thing. When my grandmother died many years ago, I wasn't able to get a flight into the closest major airport, but I was able to get a flight into my hometown, and then ride with my brother in law. I am not sure that is ever an experience I care to repeat. Holy cow! I have had drivers get so close to back bumper, I felt like I was cheating on hubby! When I can see the color of your eyes in my rearview mirror, you are way too close. Some drivers think that NASCAR drafting rules apply. And I get the whole "if I get as close to you as I can, then I'm sitting in the wind break and saving myself some gas." I am not your way to better gas mileage. I'm one of those that will tap my brakes gently a couple of times to let you know that you are way too close for not buying me a drink first. Then I'll tap them a little more forcefully. Then I just get mad and slow down and become one of those drivers in bullet point number 2. I have even backed off when I realize that I'm closer than I need to be.
• Use your brakes. There are these great lights on the back of your car that are red and when you hit your brake, it lets me know that you are slowing down. Again, I am good, but even I am not intuitive enough to know that you are slowing down. Only you can prevent me from running into your bumper and then beating the crap out of you because you didn't use your brakes. And, like blinkers, brakes are NOT optional equipment. If your lights don't work, you can get a ticket! Oh, the things you learn when you read my blog.
• The right of way isn't always yours. How many of you actually read the handbook that the DMV releases? Show of hands? I am a geek, so I did. Who has the right of way when you and another driver stop at a stop sign at the same time? Whoever is on your right is the correct answer. If you are across from each other, it's whoever doesn't have to cross traffic. For example, if you are making a left hand turn and I am going straight, I have the right of way. I am not crossing traffic, but you have to cross my lane of traffic when you turn. At a light, if you have a green arrow and I am making a right hand turn, I must yield the turn. You should turn into the inside turn lane, but many people don't do that. They turn wide, so just wait. Please. 

I could go on and on, but I won't. Most of the problems on the road boil down to an "I am so much more important than you" attitude. We all have to share the road. So share, dammit! Except for bicyclist. They really suck. Why would you pull your bicycle into the road when traffic is flying at 55 mph? Because of all the damn signs that say "Share the Road". It's a 2 way street, buddy. Oh! See what I did there? And remember the slogan from years ago. "Arrive Alive" And don't get in my way or I'll use really bad language as I pass you and honk my horn at you and show you how tall my middle finger is. And my kids are in the van. Let's not be a bad influence on them!