A Farmer and His Dog

You know the song. There was a farmer who had a dog. And Bingo was his name-o! Yup. This blog is about bingo! My mom loved bingo. When she would go play, we weren't allowed to tell her good luck. We always had to tell her break a leg. Like she was going to be in a play. Because she was totally weird. When I was about 18 or so, I would go with her to the VFW and play. Nothing like playing bingo around a bunch of horny, drunk, OLD men when you are young and nubile. I'll tell you one thing for sure. There is no better place to make you feel pretty. But in a gross, I think my granddad just chatted me up kind of way.

Hubby and I have started playing bingo again. We played a few times when we first moved out here. We only played a few times because the workers were rude. They were complacent about their jobs because their jobs were secure I guess. Old people love bingo and we live in the land of old people. We swore we would never go back. We finally found another place and loved it. The people were super nice, the volunteers were super nice, and I won pretty often. They closed. Apparently, someone liked the money coming in way too much to share like they were supposed to. We haven't played in years, but got a wild hair one night and decided that's what we wanted to do.

Wouldn't you know the only place to play was the place we swore we wouldn't go back to? We went back. And we are actually pretty glad we did. It's owned by someone else now and most of the original workers aren't there anymore. I don't know that any of them are there. There is one super sweet lady from the place that closed and I'm glad she's there. And you play free on your birthday! I like free bingo! Here are just a few observations from our last few trips.

• Bingo has changed A LOT since we last played. There are more games and that's not always a good thing. They play pull tab games. It's little cards (OK, some are actually pretty big, but whatever) and you pull a tab back to expose the bingo cards you play. They are extra games. I wish they would list them on the program so I know when I get a nap and when I don't. Some pay upwards of $4,000 if you bingo on the right number. I am a bingo purist. I don't like them. Yes, you can win some serious cash, but the odds are greater that you won't. Some of those babies are expensive. Some are only $1. But you could dollar yourself half to death. Really, though, the only tabs I like to pull are on a beer can. But that's me.
• Since the pull tabs are extra, the volunteers go row by row, calling out the name of the game they're selling and you can tell them if you want one, or more. They walk by calling out things like "Birds! Get your birds!" "Pink Fastball! Anyone for a Pink Fastball?" My favorite by far is the Super Ball game. Oh, yeah, you know I'm going there. "Super balls. Get your Super Balls!" Um, are they like Superman's balls? Able to leap a building in a single bound? Are they hairy? Do they hang low? I would love a job I could get away with calling out "Super Balls! Get your Super Balls. Because your balls just aren't that impressive!" 
• They have a security guard at the door. I guess it's in case they get robbed? If you could see the guards, though, you would not feel very safe. I sat 1 number away from $1,000 last night. If I had won, I can tell you I could keep a mugger away better than he could. The guard even carries a gun. I'm wondering if he's like Barney Fife and carries his bullet in his pocket. With his super balls, maybe?
• There was a funny on that social media site. It said "What did 1 saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up before someone thinks we're nuts!" There were a bunch of nuts at the hall last night. And ladies, bathing suit tops are not general wear. Leave them for the beach or the pool. Sometimes it's like being at Wal Mart! A bra, however, is a must. Unless you want your boobs to be your super balls. Yup, I am using that for all it's worth. I just cannot help but giggle every time!    
• I like to make sentences with some of the numbers. The caller says "B4". I say "Before what? That lady puts on a bra?" Hahahahaha! The caller says "O69". I say, well you know what I say and you can bet your bra it has to do with super balls!

Honestly, though, we have a really good time playing bingo. We have met some really sweet people there. Most of the volunteers have a smile on their face and will go out of their way to help you. We're really glad we decided to start playing again. Every night is a different special, so if you pick the right night, you can actually play bingo cheaper than you could go to dinner and a movie. And the entertainment in the non-smoking section is amazing! Besides, if it wasn't so much fun, why would the farmer name his dog after the game?