Good News/Bad News

It's all in how you look at it. It all depends on which side of the fence you're on. Is it good? Is it bad? Sometimes it's a huge relief. Sometimes a gigantic let down. This is both for us. We have decided that the move to Texas is not happening at this time.

It's a relief that we can move on with our lives and all that entails. We can make plans. We can participate in some things that we were waiting to sign up for. Life can go back to our normal. That's good and bad. It's all a matter of perspective. People have asked why we wanted to move to Texas. Let me tell you my Easter story.

I asked hubby to call his parents and find out if we were doing something for Easter. Sure, I guess, we'll do a ham. Next question, what time? Whenever. I should tell you that question was asked more than once. The same response was given every time, whenever. See, I'm pissed off all over again. Will it always be this way? Will I always feel this much resentment at the way our family pod is treated? Probably. Moving on...

Sunday about 12:30, as I'm cooking brussel sprouts, hubby calls his parents to let them know we'll be there about 2. Want to know what the response was? "Oh, we wanted to eat about 1." Really? Then why the hell didn't you say that the FOURTEEN TIMES THAT QUESTION WAS ASKED? You're supposed to read that last part with your teeth clenched and yelling at the same time. That's what I did when hubby told me. Fine, can't do a damn thing about it now. Hubby tells his dad that we will be there as soon as we can, probably around 2. We left about 1:30, pulling in about 2. Know what?

They had already eaten. They couldn't even wait for us. We ate Easter lunch BY OURSELVES AT MY IN-LAWS. See previous instructions above about reading capitalized print. I was so angry. How do you excuse that? My MIL knew she'd fucked up, too, by how quiet I was. She said, four times (I know, I counted), "We thought we'd go ahead and let the kids eat." Yeah, but the adults, too? What the hell is that? Whatever. It was so much better that I kept my mouth shut. I was so angry I was on the verge of tears. Not sad, unhappy tears. Angry, pissed off, I will wrap my fingers around your throat and revel in sight of your eyes popping out of your head tears. I'm still as angry as I can be about it. Gee, can you tell? At least I only used the F word once, so far. I told hubby if he left my side for one minute, until I calmed down, I would not be held responsible for the damage that would ensue.

It gets better. Not really, but you know me. Not only did we have to eat Easter lunch by ourselves, my nieces and nephews were watching us, waiting for us to get done so they could hunt Easter eggs. You're going to feed the kids then let them harass us to hurry up? I finally growled loud enough to make them go away. Angry, angry, angry.

Hubby and I took a walk around the lake and through a nearby neighborhood. I had to. It was either that or my head was going to rocket off my shoulders. I ranted, I raved, and hubby just listened. Well, he fished, too, but that was alright. That was our cover story. I was not only angry, but disappointed and sad and hurt. This day was not about me.

To me, it was about my kids spending time with the cousins they never get to see. We live 30 minutes from them and never see them unless there is a family gathering. My MIL said as we were leaving, "We don't see much of you anymore." Why do I want to come over? Why do I want to subject my kids, my family, myself to feeling like we are second class to every one else? Why do I want to listen to your vicious diatribes against anyone that doesn't agree with what you say and what you want? I don't.

So, why do I want to move to Texas? To be surrounded by family that want to spend time with us. To be around family that won't eat without us. To be around family that loves and respects and cares for us. To get away from the uneasy feelings when there is a family gathering. To celebrate with love. To spend time with nieces that I barely know, but would love to see grow up into the beautiful women I know they will be one day. To spend time with my mom and my sister that I miss terribly every day. That was made even worse by the possibility of being close to them again. To have my kids spend time with their Mermie that they think hung the moon just for them. For my boy to be able to snuggle with his Auntie, because she is his snuggle bunny. Because I grew up and learned to love and live in the great country of Texas, and would love to give that gift to my kids. Because, on days like Easter, I just want my mommy.

Why do I not want to move to Texas? Because I have fantastic friends that have surrounded my family with the love and respect that isn't coming from our blood relatives. Because we are supported by people that genuinely love my kids, as I love theirs. Because my heart would be wrenched from my body if I had to say good bye to them. Thank you, my friends, for the love and caring that you have shown us. Thank you for the sympathy, the empathy, the rantings and ravings you have allowed me, the broad shoulders, and the fantastic fellowship and prayer.

So, as I listen to Kenny Loggins singing "Celebrate Me Home" that just popped up on my iPod, I'll sign off. This one has taken alot out of me. I think I need a nap. And some Kleenex. And my mommy.