Up All Night

Insomnia has plagues me for years. It's like that friend that annoys you. You know the one. Great company for the first hour or two then you're ready for a break? Lately, I can't get insomnia to go home. I tell it to go somewhere else, you don't have to go home. Just get away from me. Not working.

I had a friend tell me just wait until I start the "change". I can't stand that. It's bad enough now. I need encouragement and comfort, not a slap in the face. And I think I'm already "changing". I'm always hot, too, and then there comes that comment again. I'll show you waiting for change. And snarky does not even come close some days. I try very hard to not take it out on my kids and hubby. It's not really their fault. Sometimes it is. Hubby and I got in a fight shortly after we were married while we doing dishes. My comment was "Will you grow a brain?" I know, not nice. That's how I feel some days. Can everyone just grow a brain?

When I lived in Vegas, insomnia wasn't that big of a deal. I still had it, there were just more options when I had it. I could just throw some pants on, hair in a scrunchy and off to the casino up the street. Or the jiffy store. Or really anywhere else. Even WalMart had slot machines and video poker. Not much actually closed in that town. I would pump $10 in a video poker machine, have a drink or two, then go home when my money was gone. Some nights I won a decent amount of money and cashed out. Most nights, I lost it and went home $10 poorer.

When I lived in Austin, I would go for road trips. That has always been a good way to wind down. I would just drive around for an hour or so. I would explore some areas that I had visited only a couple of times before but wasn't really familiar with. I would find the back roads or short cuts to wherever. Gas was cheaper then, too. At 99 cents a gallon or cheaper, I could afford to drive a little. After about an hour I would head home and go to bed. I loved that town. I was incredibly lonely most of the time, but the town itself was amazing.

This was certainly not the bustling metropolis it is now when hubby and I moved here almost 15 years ago. Most of the stores and restaurants that we have now weren't even here then. There was no casino, no 24 hour stores. Most of the streets would roll up before the sun went down. There wasn't much to do but sit up and flip through channels until I fell asleep. That's pretty much what I do now. Only I also have the option to blog (doing that now), send emails (did that last night), facebook (will probably do that later). I really just want to go to sleep.

Here's the plan for tomorrow. No caffeine except that first cup of coffee in the morning, no caffeine containing foods or drinks after 2 pm, and no naps. The nap part is going to kill me. We have youth tomorrow night and I like a nap before we tackle that. Wish me luck and happy dreams.