Tommyland

Tommy Lee, the drummer from Motley Crue and ex of Pamela Anderson, had an album out a few years ago called Tommyland. If I'm not mistaken that's also the name of his house in California. But this blog isn't about him, it's about a little boy in our after school program that we participate in. And that's not his real name, by the way. All names have been changed to protect the innocent, or the not so innocent.

Tommy can be a very nice boy. But he can also be quite the handful. Tommy has some developmental issues, for a lack of a better term. There are times that he is disruptive and loud and he really needs to be somewhere else. I think there are some sensory issues. Sometimes loud noises or noise for an extended period of time can really set him off.

He was really bad last week. He was so bad, I thought we were going to have to call his mother to come get him. He was actually told that she was going to be called, but he settled down enough that we let him stay. But he still had his moments.

Two weeks ago, he threw the baby down on the ground, not once but twice. Keep in mind that I call her the baby because she is the youngest of my three and she will always be my baby. But she is less than 20 days away from 5, so she really isn't a baby baby anymore :(. Anyway, she will let you pick her up because she can be very lazy. And she let Tommy pick her up. And then he dropped her. On purpose. And then he picked her up again, without her wanting him to, and dropped her again. Tommy is in second grade and isn't very big. She didn't have far to fall. But he dropped her on purpose two times. Her brother, who isn't much bigger than Tommy, was furious. He yelled at Tommy while cuddling his sister. He can be such a great big brother. I thought he was going to hit Tommy.

We had two teenage volunteers that week. And they were both outside and saw what happened. One of them is a total sucker for the baby. He would carry her around all day if I'd let him, but sometimes he has to work, too. He couldn't get there fast enough to prevent the second one, but I thought HE was going to hurt Tommy. I'll call him B. A is our other volunteer. He is there consistently. Tommy ran off and A chased him. Tommy knocked his glasses off. And A was not happy about that either. So here comes A,B, Tommy (crying and trying to pull away from A), the boy and the baby (being carried by B. Sucker). Yeah, I needed to see that parade come at me.

Tommy got put in time out. I'm not allowed to beat the shit out of any of the kids but mine. I think it sucks, but who am I? He still was very wild that day, but since I didn't really see any of the incidents, and the baby was alright, I couldn't really do much else. I know, you think it's a cop out. But do you really think I would take Tommy's side against my baby? No. And I don't have much recourse except calling his mother. But we were close to being done for the day, and his mother was going to be there soon anyway.

B has become very good at handling Tommy. He talks very sternly to him. And Tommy seems to respond to that. He handles him without putting his hands on him. It's all A can do not to beat him. And I understand that reaction, really and truly. But I have a mantra that I repeat over and over to myself that all of the volunteers use now. "Jesus loves Tommy". It isn't much, but it helps us focus on the real reason that we are doing this program.

Tommy and his mother both go to our church. His mother is as sweet as she can be. You can tell that sometimes she is a little overloaded. But she is a single mom with a child that has a sensory disorder. If you have never been around a child with a sensory disorder, sometimes it is not pretty. They get overloaded and sometimes just can't handle things and they react. Not always in a good way, but they do react.

And here's another story about how good my boy is. I like to brag on my children as often as possible. But when the boy is good to the baby, it's specially brag worthy. Tommy wanted to talk to the baby and be her friend. But she hid behind her brother every time Tommy came around. She doesn't want anything to do with him, not that I blame her.

Tommy says, "Why won't she be my friend?"

The boy, "Because you picked her up and dropped her. Twice."

T, "But I said I was sorry, and I am. Why doesn't anyone want to be my friend?"

TB, "Because you do mean things, Tommy. If you would try to be nice, you would have more friends."

T, "Will you talk to her and ask her if she will be my friend now?"

TB, "Hold on." Conversation between the boy and his sister. "She said no. Now please leave her alone. She's scared of you. Stay away from my sister."

T, "But I won't drop her again. She's so cute. And I always wanted a little sister. Do you think she would be my sister?"

TB, "No, Tommy. You need to show her that she can trust you. You have to be nice and say nice things. And you have to do that with everybody, not just her. Be nice and you will have lots of friends and maybe someone will want to be your little sister. Now leave her alone or I'm telling my mom. And she'll tell your mom. And then you'll be in trouble."

He can be such a good boy when he wants to be. So now we are doing the Tommy watch. We have all decided that he has a couple more weeks for us to evaluate his behavior. He actually did improve today after the boy talked to him. And when I'm firm with him, he backs off. He is starting to realize that he can't get away with much with us. I'll keep you updated. In the mean time, if you are so inclined, please pray for our band of merry volunteers. Sometimes it takes awhile for the mantra to get through and ease the tension in the jaw. But, Jesus loves Tommy. Jesus loves Tommy. Jesus loves Tommy.