Ups and Downs

The word is out. We are on the move. When I did my "Shuffle" blog and said I missed Texas, I had no idea what God had in store for me. Over the holidays I found myself pushing away from Him to wallow down in my junk. He never left me. Even as I pulled away, He gathered me close. I have been reading some books lately that are helping me regain my relationship. The next stage of our lives will provide ample opportunity to lean on Him. For instance:

I am grieving. Although I am happy about the opportunity, I am leaving life as I have known it for 15 years. The last 4 have meant more to me than I could even explain. I have been surrounded by an amazing group of women I call my park mamas. The friends and relationships that have been formed and forged are some of the most influential in my life in one aspect or another. They are a fountain of beauty and intelligence and humor and knowledge and love and support and friendship and so many other things. I could not have gotten through my homeschooling journey without them and all my homeschooling friends. I am grieving the loss of the physical presence of my friends. We still have facebook and texting and calls. But I will miss the hugs and the reassuring touch and the pats on the back. My heart hurts to think that it will be a very long time before I see these women again.

I will miss my youth kids. They are such an amazing group of kids. They are like my own. I am the mama bear. I will protect them and fight for their rights in our church. They started a praise band that is full of so much talent. I am so proud of them. They have a new youth director that has some great plans. I just hope they happen. I hope those kids can come to love him and he loves them. I just know that those kids will always be in my heart. It's like asking me to leave my own kids home. I am grieving for the loss of the kids in my life and not being able to feel their joyous spirits.

I am blessed. I am going back to the state I grew up in, the state I still consider my home after all these years away. It's more than just Whataburger and Taco Bueno, too. If you are not from Texas, you just don't understand. It's pride to the nth degree. It's coming home. I am joyous about that.

I am blessed. I am going to be closer to my mother and my sister. I am excited that they are excited. My sister made these little squeaking noises the whole time I was talking to her on the phone. They were squeaks of joy. My mother is so excited about spending time with her grandkids, I may not see them for the first six months we're there. I am excited about cookouts and long weekends and chickens and the Rockin' C. I am joyous about that.

There are ups and downs with this change. I am divided, but starting to make peace. I am looking forward.