Oh, Baby

I want another baby. I have had baby fever for quite awhile now. I have wanted another baby pretty much since I had the last one. As the doctor was tying my tubes, I was bawling my eyes out. Hubby was the one that didn't want any more and he talked me into closing the factory. Lack of funds and poor management, two factors in today's economy as well, were both important, but not the main reason, hubby wanted to do that.

I do great pregnancies. It's the delivery hubby doesn't much care for. I do C-sections. Frankly, after 48 hours of labor with my first baby, mostly in my back, and an epidural that took awhile to take, I have no interest in natural childbirth. That is so not my thing. My next two were scheduled. I loved that part. I had a date. I knew when I had to have everything done by and most of it was. So much easier than the waiting around of natural. But after three, hubby was done with me being opened up. It was too much for him.

I would love to carry another child, but we are very open to the idea of adopting. The issue with adoption is the money. Please know that when I say we can't afford it, that means that I have $36.24 in my checking account until payday. We cannot afford adoption. Unless, by some miracle, a baby fell into our laps, that option is limited to us. Foreign adoption is really out of the question. We wouldn't mind that, but once again, fundage is prohibiting that route.

I have a couple of friends that just found out, or have known for a little bit and are just now sharing, that they are pregnant. I see pregnant women everywhere. I miss that feeling of moving baby inside me. I miss holding that little squiggler. Or a little snuggler. I miss the milestones. I miss the bottles and the diapers and the up all night. I miss taking the huge diaper bag everywhere we go. I miss trying to change the poopiest, messiest diaper with 2 wipes and prayer. I miss the baby food and first tastes. I miss it all. I feel like I could do one more, and I was cut off too soon.

If it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm not sure how, but if not, then it wasn't meant to be. My heart is ready, my body is ready, my soul is ready. I'm ready.