Selling My Soul

It has been one of those days. You know the days. The days where I feel unworthy and not good enough and therefore sink down into a deep depression that just makes me want to sleep the day away. Yeah, that was me. My day started out rough and the ending is kind of bumpy. Thanks in advance for listening to me bitch.

I had a breakfast meeting this morning. It was good company and good food. It was at the house of my Juice Plus upline. I had sent her an email telling her that I am just not cut out for this. I have one customer. I cannot get anyone to commit to a seminar, a webinar, looking at a DVD. Not one damn thing. So, I am all done. It is a great product that I firmly believe in. We will continue to take it and I will lead those that are interested to my friends that are selling. I'm just not doing it anymore. So, anyway, all was well until my upline's upline started in on having a story to tell about the product and how it has changed your present and your future. At the beginning of the meeting she asked me how I was doing with it and I responded that I had hit speed mountains. Not speed bumps, those were too small. While she's telling us her business story and how she makes over $100,000 a year, I started to get angry. It was mixed with heavy doses of frustration. I asked how was I supposed to tell my business story.

My business story consisted of no customers and no one wanting to even come to a presentation. What kind of story was I supposed to tell them about that? That if you work really hard you could make jack shit? Yeah, they want to hear that. Then she told me I was doing things the wrong way. Really? You want to get in my face right now, when I am a woman on the edge, and tell me I'm doing it wrong? Let me tell you where to put your wrong. I'll even draw you a picture. She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to work with my upline more. When the hell am I supposed to do that? In between schooling my kids, running to dance, co-op, and volunteering at church? You find me the time, you sanctimonious bitch, and I'll do it. How about a little help besides telling me I'm doing it wrong. I left. It was all I could do to not burst into angry, frustrated tears and knock her out. I chose the high road for once. Then, as I'm leaving she says, kinda snotty, "It's time to do the mommy thing." I am so much better than that. Just keep walking is what I kept repeating.

When I got home, most of the school work was done. Hubby was home and had taken care of the bible and science. The kids did the rest of their stuff. To unwind just a bit, I signed onto my Facebook. That didn't make it any better. All over was how my friends were earning Swagbucks. Kiss my ass. I have gotten to the point that I think that Swagbucks is a ginormo rip off. My friends are earning left and right while I am barely scraping by. Thank goodness they don't charge you for it. Swagbucks is a search engine that you can earn Swagbucks for searching the internet. My friends don't go directly to any sights any more even if they know the address. I started doing that. The problem is that I could never get to the website I wanted to get to. I have earned a big whopping 9 swagbucks, while my friends are cashing in for gift cards left and right. Hubby got two of those today, but that's my next story.

Apparently, you have to download widgets and toolbars and all kinds of crap to start earning the big bucks. I just am not a free gift card kind of gal I guess. I'm not willing to download all that for the sake of earning a couple of bucks. If you are, bully for you and I hope you are earning lots and lots of money. Earn on, everybody. It is just a big rip off. You shouldn't have to download all that to earn points. So, I'm done. Thing number two today that I have had to wash my hands of.

To top it all off, there was hubby and the big girl. The big girl had a couple of things she had to look up for her language arts. It was a three British coins and what the American equivalent was. I couldn't find it to save my life on the computer. I was so frustrated by this time, I just told her to skip it. It was more than my overloaded brain could take. What did hubby do? He sat down at the computer, searched and earned those two Swagbucks I mentioned earlier, and found what I couldn't. I grabbed a blankie off the bed, a pillow, went out to the couch while they did the big girl's language arts and cried myself to sleep. My frustration level was so high by this point I just couldn't focus. I was snarky and it was best if I just walked away and was by myself for awhile.

I was sure the nap would help. It would have if the baby hadn't brought her lego box out and sifted through it over and over. It would have if the boy hadn't decided to dig through all the pegs for his LiteBrite right next to the couch. It would have if the boy and the baby hadn't started screaming at each other how one was cheating and the other wasn't playing fair. They were in the baby's room for that one, but it carried all the way into the living room. It would have if the TV hadn't kept getting turned up after I would turn it down. It would have if I could have just gotten to sleep for more than about 10 minutes at a time before being rudely interrupted.

Today, I was not willing to sell my soul for a couple of bucks, a gift card, or British coins. My day has consisted of frustration overload. It's almost over. I think I'll go run a nice, hot bubble bath and cry my eyes out like I've been wanting to all day. Thanks for listening and for offering the comforting shoulder I've been needing all day.