Happy Holidays

Don't I wish. I just read a really stupid article on how to cope with family drama, yours and everyone else's, over the holidays. It gave 5 "tips" on how to cope. It was bullshit. I specially liked the way they said everyone brings their own baggage, but we need to expect the best. Whatever. I can barely control myself. Why should I expect others to behave? So hubby and I have come up with our own strategy. We are not participating this year in family get togethers. Why? To make ourselves miserable? Fuck that.

Our Thanksgiving this year will be a two-parter. We will start at our house. It will be lovely. Turkey, stuffing, brussel sprouts, broccoli rice casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, Hawaiian rolls, and pie, pie, pie!! There's a couple of other things on that list, but that's the heart of it. I'm looking forward to some quality family time and dinner in jammies if I want. I may not shower. Ok, ok, I'll shower. Then a couple of days later, we go to my inlaws, minus my outlaws, and do it all over. That means my FIL's stuffing twice. I'll be making his recipe for our own turkey, then I get to enjoy it at his house. Yummo!! He gave out the recipe a couple of years ago and whenever I've made a turkey since then, it gets stuffed. And it is completely different from the both of us. He's not so much on a lot of spices and I season it to within an inch of it's life. I think mine's better, but that does NOT slow me down when my FIL makes it. Just don't tell him I said it.

Christmas we haven't discussed yet. I know this is hard on hubby. I can tell how stressed out he is. I'm trying to combat that stress and just love him and love on him. I hate what the holidays have come to represent for us. We are trying to change that. A couple of Christmasses ago, we opted out of Christmas Eve with the family. Between hubby working Christmas Eve and services at church that we attended, it would have been almost 9 by the time we made it. I know that's not fair yo everyone else, so we skipped it, trying to do the right thing. After several years of waiting for my SIL, we didn't want to do the same thing. Yeah, we got trashed instead. I wish I meant drunk, but I mean torn to pieces by the people that are supposed to love us. Yeah, I said it in the first paragraph and I'll say it again. Fuck that.

If you go back and read the blogs from previous years about the holidays, they're all the same. Not playing this year. We are working on healing ourselves. We are working on healing our family pod. We are going to get over ourselves and everyone else. In our jammies. With a great big turkey. And stuffing. And pie, pie, pie!!!

Really?

I have just found out the real truth about why they are not going on the fishing trip and I am not real happy about it. I do not and will not be a part of Dennis' fishing trip that he has been planning for over a month now and was so excited about going on to be canceled. I feel that this is very wrong after all that they have done for the both of us for you to cancel the trip for something that you had planned only on Tuesday and I had tried to get you to schedule at another time when the two boys would be home. Never did I think that you would be so childish and controlling to take the joy out of something for the parents and I will not be a part of it. So there for the meeting will not take place this Friday whether they are going or not. You and I will come up with another date within the next two weeks, but it will not be this Friday. This was a very mean and hateful thing for you to do.



That was the email I just got from my sister in law. Below is my response.



If you knew the truth, you would not have sent this email



Yes, Maureen, it is time to amputate.

Taking It Back

So begins the exchanges and volleys that mean the holiday season is here. In my last post, I said I was done. Well, I may be doner than I think. I'm done playing the game. I don't play games well. To try to prevent a seasonal melt down, I sent this to my SIL:


You and I seem to have a history of chronically misunderstanding each other and reading more into things than need be necessary. As the holidays get closer, I know that I get more and more stressed out thinking about how much time we have to spend together and I know you aren't always comfortable with the idea either. I don't want our relationship to cause yet another rift in the family and, worse, another rift between brothers. We've been there, done that, and we could right a book and sell t-shirts, but that won't get us any closer to settling things and at least coming to a cease fire or a truce of some sort.


I propose that Friday evening, if you have time, while we are dropping our girls off, you and I spend some time trying to figure it out. Maybe that will make the holidays better for both of our families and better for us. I can't drop off until after Z's dance class. It's over at 6:30 and I'll be at the parents house no later than 6:45, barring any unforeseen circumstances.

Let me know what you think.

It's time. It's time to clear the air. It's time. Notice I didn't say where. I just said we could meet. But because my SIL has to throw a wrench into everything that wasn't her idea, I got this back from her:


I am sorry, but I do not think that the parents house is an appropriate meeting place for us. I would rather not have the children around when this conversation goes on. I am trying to keep things as cool as possible around the children because I know that they are really good friends and it does not matter how we feel about each other that needs to stay that way. However, I do feel that maybe a better time would be when the boys could watch the children and we go get a coffee of soda or water and take it to the park or something. Just a suggestion.


No time like the present. Why wait? I said no, Friday was the day. We could leave the kids at my IL, go grab a coffee, and talk. If we continue to put it off, we'll never do it. The relationship will never be what it was, and I'm ok with that. We do however, need to find some common ground. We need to stop this incessant back and forth of she said/she said. Are we in middle school? We act like it.

I called hubby to read my e-mail to him before I sent it. He happened to be at his parent's house for lunch. He said it was a great idea. As long as I didn't get into too much of a heated discussion. Strike one against you, buddy. My SIL also mentioned a heated discussion. I hope she was talking about herself. Then my MIL said she hoped my SIL didn't come home with a bloody nose. Are you fucking serious? So nobody thinks I can have a conversation with out smacking someone down? All of you that I have heated discussions with that I beat down into the dirt like a dog, please stand up. Anyone? Anyone? That means I can have a reasonable discussion, so all you naysayers can kiss my ass. I know, it's the attitude. But, c'mon, I am an adult. I know how to behave.

I was also told that this would be a waste of my time. My SIL accepts no responsibility because she never does anything wrong. I have to try. I have to know that I gave it an effort to bury the hatchet, figuratively not literally. That is how I take some of the control back. I have to have a way to let go of the resentment, the feelings of betrayal, and all the other ick. I don't want this year to be like all the rest. But here's something to think about. My SIL is going to have Thanksgiving at her house. She invited my MIL and FIL. But she didn't invite us. Our husbands are brothers. Wow. It's that kind of crap that sets me off.

We'll see what happens. I am hoping for understanding. I am hoping that I can get this crap off my chest. I am hoping that although I don't want to be her friend anymore, we can be cordial and at least have conversations that don't end "heatedly". I am hoping for better holidays. I am hoping to win the Powerball so we can move to Texas and have Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Come on, Powerball!!!!

I Promise

The holidays are coming up. I get so needy at the holidays. I miss my family terribly. Hubby's family drives me crazy. And I get all holiday wonky. Poor hubby has to deal with me and I know he rolls his eyes at me behind my back. It's ok. He has that right. I can be quite the drama queen. Shocking, I know.

This year I am striving to be better and not let shit get to me. Usually I wallow in it. I roll and roll until I am covered head to toe in misery and hurt and rejection. I sink down in a deep depression that engulfs me and chokes me and won't let me breathe. I am a pain in the ass. I am a bitch. And I don't want to be that way this year.

I will take a few minutes to feel sorry for myself a little. I am sad that we will not be spending this Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. I am sad that my nieces won't be having a New Year's Eve sleepover at my house, gorging themsleves on finger foods and sparkling grape juice. I am sad we weren't there for my niece's Halloween themed birthday party. Or my niece's 15th birthday coming up.
 
This year I am going to be thankful for the time I have had with my family. This year I will look forward to the time I get to spend with them in the future. I will be grateful for small favors. I will not pitch a fit over stupid people and stupid things. I will not act like aforementioned stupid people. I promise.

And if I do get caught up in all the drama, I promise to blog about it.

Where Have I Been?

Not on my blogs and shame on me. Just trying to regroup with another school year and many obligations. Still trying to work school around stuff and stuff around school. And being lazy. And playing Wii Just Dance 3. And reading. And sitting on the couch playing Angry Birds 'til my thumbs are sore. Where you been?

• Loving my iPhone!! I should have done this earlier, but I'm glad I waited because I got a pretty good deal. I had the big girl video a dance we are learning in my hip hop class. Then I emailed it to two other ladies in my class. From my phone!!! I like being able to get online when I want to. I like being a hotspot. That puts a little extra strut in your walk right there. Loving that!! I could really get all gushy, but you already know. Love it, love it, love it!!
• The chicken pants tree is no longer. It had to be done. It has been on the honey do list since last summer. It looks really good, but I'm so sad that it's trimmed. It was our little quiet spot. Our little romantic rendezvous. Now we'll just have to find another spot. It did get rid of a ton of mosquitos and wasps, and all kinds of critters. Hubby said the mosquitos were horrible. I cannot imagine and I'm glad I wasn't home when he did it. If he had asked for help, I would have helped him because it's the right thing to do. Bugs, ugh!!
• I hurt my knee. Not hurt had to go to the doctor hurt. Hurt as in stiff when I tried to bend it. Sometimes I couldn't bend it. Wanna know how I hurt it? Just Dance 3. That damn game. But it is so much fun. I like it more than Just Dance 2, and that's saying alot. What's driving me crazy is this. I can whip just about anybody on that game. I go full out. I dance it like I was performing it. I have high scores on most of the dances. Why am I having trouble in my hip hop class? Ohmigosh, you would think I had never danced a day in my life. I stepped on my own foot the other night and almost knocked myself over! What the hell is that? I told my dance teacher I was going to bring my Wii remote and see if that helped. Driving me crazy!
• Our youth director is no more. He was let go yesterday. While I am not unhappy about the decision, I feel for his family and for whatever bonds have been formed between him and the youth. I don't want the kids to feel any sort of abandonment. They've had it hard with several leaders leaving on short notice. He will hopefully be at the Halloween party and be able to have some closure. 
• Ok, this is my blog so here comes a minute of bitching: a few weeks ago (yeah, I know, let it go, but sometimes it pops into my head and it rubs all over again), the kids were goofing off at band practice and I had to get on to them. They don't have an adult leader, so they run themselves. Most of the time it works for them. Sometimes I have to open my mouth. But that's rare. Anyway, I said, "Don't make me be the voice of reason." I meant by being the responsible one and they needed to settle down and get to work. Which they did. But a friend of mine looked at me and laughed. I was sort of offended, and kinda still am, I guess. I have the reputation of being happy go lucky, all smiles, and a party on the go. But I also have the reputation of being tough but fair, loud but loving, and the voice of reason when everyone wants to do their own thing and that's not possible. I will step in and make a decision if I have to. I think I make a pretty good leader. So, there, ha!

That's about all I have for now. It's good to be blogging again. I am inspired by my fellow bloggers that have kept at it and those that have returned to it after a short abscence. And I love the sound of my own voice. Reasonable or not.

Head in the Clouds

After having to hear about it for weeks now, I finally did it. I got an iPhone yesterday. I didn't get the 4S, because I wasn't willing to shell out that kind of money. We did shell out some cash, but we also got the warranty. I gotta have that. You never know and when you shell out cash like that, you want to protect it. Makes it sound like I spent millions doesn't it? I didn't. But I did spend our piano tuning money.

My phone that I had was on it's last legs. It would shut itself off randomly, and sometimes not so randomly. Every time I sent a text, I would have to wait and see if it would shut off. One day, I literally turned my phone on 12 times. Since that's my line with the world when I am out and about with my kids, I wanted a phone that I could depend on. We'll see how this goes. So far, so good, but it hasn't been 24 hours yet.

I like that I'll be able to get online when I need to. I like that I can listen to my tunes when I want. I like the cool headphones and wall charger that came with it. My phone is white, my case is purple. I'll get an Otter Box in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that'll help if the kids drop it while they play games. If they can get it away from me. Good luck.

I also signed up for the data plan that makes me a personal hotspot. You should see the smile that comes over my face when I think of that phrase. "Personal hotspot". You should see hubby's smile. That makes me feel good. I'm a personal hotspot. Yes, yes I am and thank you for asking.

And I didn't lose anything. Now I need to figure out the calendar and setting it up and adding things to it, because trust me, I need a calendar with me at all times. As quickly as ours fills up, I need the master copy with me. Another great use for my iPhone and one less thing I have to carry with me. Those Angry Birds get heavy, you know.

We'll see how the next 24 hours go. I hope this phone doesn't start turning itself off. I'd hate to have to kill it. But on a bright note, it could be Angry Birds fricassee for dinner. Not that I've ever made a fricassee. First time for everything!

Groovin'

I sit here surrounded by school books, lesson plan book, and various pens, pencils, and erasers, and instead of doing what I should be, I'm blogging. I got a text from Big Sis, oops, I mean my blogs, earlier and they said I could work out some stress here. Duh, why didn't I thnk of that? I have a smart Big Sis, I mean, blogs.

• I have been doing "Breast Cancer Awareness" posts on Facebook. These are not establishment friendly, but what did you expect from me? I'm not usually establishment friendly. I am trying to educate people about alternatives. I am trying to educate people about where their money goes. I am trying to educate people about not following the status quo and saving their lives. Can you tell I'm a little passionate about that? As always, I suggest you do your own research. And, joy, I found a place that will do a thermogram for a very reasonable price. It pays to have alternatives.
• I have been reading again. I love it! For awhile I didn't have a chance to read. You would think that waiting for one of my kids while they were dancing I would have time. Not when I know most of the moms that are waiting for their kids. Lots of talking going on instead. We have a couple of hours between some of those dance classes. You would think I could read then. Yeah, no, that doesn't happen either. But I am making time in our packed schedule. I have expanded my horizons to include some non-fiction as well. And even though I am not a Gator fan, I am going to read Tim Tebow's biography.  I am almost done with Dean Koontz's Frankenstein series. Then who knows what. At this point we are more surprised when there isn't a message from the library that I have books in. 
• I was doing an online bible study, but I have to say, that isn't for me. I like the physical presence of people. Some of these women have great insight. You can tell that they have really studied the bible and the history in the bible. It kind of made me feel inadequate. I don't feel like that very often. I am continuing on my own with that particular study. I may take a trip out to the bible store and see what they have out there. I may walk the maze of silence while I'm there. I could always use some quiet time. 
• I am a chocolate snob. It's time to clean out the candy dishes since we are coming to "candy season". We don't keep much candy or eat much candy. You can tell by how old some of ours is. The other night hubby went to get a piece of candy out of the chocolate dish (yes, I have two candy dishes. One for chocolate and one for non-chocolate. Chocolate will take on the flavor of the fruity candy, so I seperate them.) and put one back thinking it was that nasty Palmer's chocolate. I could have slapped him for even suggesting that. Poor guy. You would think after almost 17 years of marriage, he would know better. That man is crazy.
• I am getting an iPhone in the next couple of days. The 4S is out, but that means that the 4G has been discounted by $100. At least the one I want has been discounted. I'm getting the big mama 32 gig. I would get the big daddy 64 gig, but I don't need that much. I know the processors are faster and the camera is better on the 4S, but I'm looking at my bottome line. That extra hundred bucks means an Otter Box for my iPhone. I just cannot rely on my phone anymore. I never know when it will work and when it won't, so it's time to break up. The big girl is as excited as she can be. She gets my iPod. Look out world. 

So there you go. Nothing too strenuous. But now I have to make dinner. It's clean out the fridge night. Veggie co-op is this week and I need the room. Too many containers hogging the shelves. Then I get to lesson plan. I am such a procrastinator.