Right 'Round, Baby!

How has it been 2 months since I've blogged?!?!?! I should be ashamed of myself. Really, I've just been so busy I don't even know what day it is! Ready for a crazy ride? And away we go!

• Between rehearsal schedules, co-ops being moved or put off, nasty sick kids and a mama (once, and thank God, only once!), and throw in extras like fund raisers and concerts and life in general, I would actually forget what day it was. How does that happen? Very easily apparently. I let the boy go home from the park with a friend one day. When I was talking to hubby he said, " I thought we were going out for the baby's birthday." Well, crap. We are on spring break this week and I need it! A little down time to rest some. I may go take a nap when I'm done with this!
• I was blog trolling yesterday. One of the blogs promised to blog every day. The last one was in 2010. There was one with a family that stopped blogging in 2014. It's kind of sad. Made me realize how long it had been since I've blogged. I'll try to be better, but refer to the bullet point above and try not to judge too harshly.
• My Christmas present to myself was a yoga series called Namaste Yoga. It's by a woman named Kate Potter and I love it. It's the series that got me into yoga and realized how great it is for your body. I love the way it makes me feel strong. It is the standard to which I judge all other yogas. I may do yoga before I take a nap. Ooo, a nap from shivasana...
• Because I've been doing more yoga, my carpets have never been cleaner. They get vacuumed at least every other day. There are 5 long haired females in this house. The dog and the cat are the worst! We have a Dirt Devil that just works, works, works. The only bad thing is that after each run of the vacuum, the canister has to be emptied. Somebody needs a haircut.
• Ok, let's get political, because you know I'm gonna. This whole religious freedom thing that is going on in 2 states was inevitable. Big Sis and I were having a conversation. I said I don't like being pushed or bullied into something I don't want to do (not from her! She would never do that!) I said it makes me push back. So, what did people think was going to happen? You take away the rights of one group while shoving the rights of other groups down their throats. Did you just think they were just going to sit back and let it happen? We all have rights. Business owners have a right to decide who they want to do business with and who they don't. On the other side of that, consumers have the right to spend their hard earned money where they please. If someone doesn't want to do business with you, move on. So here comes the "But you've never been discriminated against before." Worse than just general discrimination, I've been discriminated against for what people THINK I am. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin. Yeah, nobody knows what I am, but they think they do. But I digress. Yes, I understand what this law means. I understand it's not about businesses and consumers. But you can't legislate love and acceptance, to or from either side.
• And on to other topics. Not having cable or satellite means that we don't get to watch a lot of the popular shows. But you would be surprised at what great shows are on the antenna channels. We get a channel called Heartland that plays a lot of old TNN shows like Crook & Chase. They also play music videos and I get to hear a lot of artists I don't usually hear on the radio. One show I really like is Texas Music Scene. They had a band on called the Trishas. They were so good. The band is 5 super talented women. They have one band member that plays guitar and sings while she is playing the bass drum. It sits at her feet and she hits the pedal when she needs to. I highly recommend that you look them up.
• Big Sis, Pop and I are taking a vacation! Good grief, is that like the Clampetts coming to Beverly Hills? We have never, ever taken a vacation just the 3 of us. We are headed to the beach for a few days. That's shocking, right? 3 Hawaiians going to the beach. I am super excited about this trip. The beach, the pool, the shopping, the eating. But, most of all, I am excited about seeing their faces! Oh, I miss their faces. To spend some time. What a precious gift that is, but thrown away so easily.

That's about all I have right now. The scent of cinnamon French toast is coming from the kitchen. I don't eat it, but I can still sit and spend some time!

Perspective

That's what it's all about, right? Well, that and the Hokey Pokey. Now, THAT is what it's ALL about. Hanging with my dance mamas one night, I realized that I have lived in this area for 20 years. Well, crap. How the hell did that happen? It started to clear the picture a little. Or muddy the water. Your choice.

• We lived in 3 places during the first 10 years of marriage. We've lived in our current home for 10 years. That's half of my marriage!! Whoa!!!
• My FIL will be 73 this year. That means when we got married he was 53. Hubby and I are getting closer and closer to that age.
• In the first 12 years of our marriage we owned 10 vehicles between us. It might be 11, but I lost count. In the last 8, we've owned 3.
• When we bought the mini van 8 years ago, it had 70,000 miles on it. We've put 100,000 miles on it on that time. Since it's an '04, we've put less miles on it per year than the previous owner. And we are in the van ALL THE TIME.
• I used to never leave the house without hair done and make up on. Now, y'all are lucky I don't show up everywhere in my "good" pajamas.
• I never wanted to get married or have kids. Then I met a guy. And married him. And had 3 babies with him.
• I always liked small cars. I was afraid to drive large vehicles. We're in the market for a Suburban or Tahoe for me.

I bet you can come up with a couple of things yourself. I'm gonna go shake it all about and turn myself around..

Keeping Up with the 7's

I did a 7 blog on the family side of this, so I guess it's time to get to 7 here. And there's an update to the previous blog. I know you all want to read that!

• Hubby has been out of town. He comes back tonight and I am soooo excited about that. It's been a long 5 days without him. He went fishing with his dad on a trip they used to take every year. His dad has been worried about making the trip by himself so when he asked hubby to go, hubby jumped at the chance. Please spend time with your parents if you can. They are precious and can never be replaced. They had a great trip. They caught fish and got to catch up with some friends that his dad hasn't seen in awhile. The weather was mostly good, just a tad on the chilly side. The norm is for them to have dinner at a seafood place Thursday night, a fish fry Friday night, and you're on your own Saturday night for dinner. Hubby and his dad had some friends invite them for dinner. Awesome. I'm so glad they had a great time. That makes it an even better trip.
• Every October I use that social site to counteract the attacks from Big Pharma about breast cancer awareness. I always get 1 whackadoo that messages me that I am spreading fear to people. No, I'm spreading facts. I always do my research before I say anything. I am not one that just reads it on the internet and takes it as gospel. Thank you, no. Please educate yourself about whatever treatments are available to you. Don't take the doctor's word for it. Do you know how, when, and where your doctor was educated? You should check that out and see what standard of care he was taught. Usually, it's the same old, same old that has been taught for years with no updates. But, please, always do your own research!
• There was a young lady who publicized the fact that she was going to take her own life because of a very aggressive cancer. She said there was no treatment. That is a huge decision. I don't agree with it. There are so many doctors out there that are curing cancer with alternative treatments. Curing. Without debilitating, deadly chemo and radiation. Curing cancers just like the one she had. Curing cancer. How great is that? Now, if the FDA, Big Pharma and the government would get off their case, that would be amazing. But, if they did, there would not be nearly the profits they are making now. It's all about money. And it should be about people like this young woman who thought there was no hope. That's why I do my posts every year.
• For those of you that read the last blog, here's the update. You thought I was going to save it for last, didn't you? I sent out an email of performance dates for my kiddos. She sent me one back saying she would try to get the kids to a couple. Holding my breath for that, but I digress. She also said that my niece was probably singing with her school at 1 of the events my kids are dancing at, but the chorus teacher didn't usually put out a schedule until the last minute. Ok, whatever. When I said that the group had performed before us the year before, all of a sudden there was a schedule. See, I know people that have kids in the same group. There is a schedule. I just don't like to be jacked with, I really don't. That's what pisses me off the most. Stop playing the game, stirring the pot, or whatever you want to call it. Be honest and stop trying to make yourself look like you are the victim. Own your shit. And, please, Thisoldmarine, if you're reading this, I would LOVE it if you would leave a comment. Really, really.
• I am so ready for a break. Our nonstop dance schedule can be exhausting. Our nonstop school schedule is exhausting. I much prefer a more relaxed school atmosphere, but when the kids get older, it's a little harder. There is so much that has to be done. When I start to feel that way, I just remember that this is not the norm for all time. My big girl is a junior this year. I don't know where the time went, and really I don't care. I just know that it's gone. I read an article that said having your kids in all the activities they want to be in is bad for them. I agree. My kids would be in everything if we had the time, money and inclination. But we don't. And guess what? They are happy kids. They are focusing on something they love and it makes me happy that they're happy. They are finding their way through life as well adjusted young women and man. And I wouldn't trade a minute of what we do. 
• The holidays are coming up. This is my time of the year for my mini-meltdown. It seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Thank goodness for self-medication.
• We are thinking about a Christmas without gifts under the tree. Hubby and I have talked about going some places we want to go to and doing some things that we've wanted to do, but just haven't. There is a wonderful luau at Disney that we think the kids would love. I want them to see Cirque Du Soleil. We'll see. Hopefully, it'll work the way we want it to.

That's my 7. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Here's hoping y'all are educating yourselves, taking ownership, and enjoying your lives. Peace! 

Stupid Is as Stupid Does...Or, My Adventures with My EX Sister in Law

So I got this email:

B is having a birthday party here at the house on Nov 1st. She would like to
invite the big girl, the boy & the baby. Would they be allowed to come?  Not sure of
the time as of yet, just wanted to be able to give you time to think about it.

I changed the names because I don't do names. Anyway, this is from my EX sil. I always capitalize the EX because it makes me happy. Keep in mind a couple of things:

1. There is no love lost between the 2 of us. AT ALL. I can't stand her and she can't stand me back. I'm ok with that.
2. I had texted her when the big girl was having a birthday party. She didn't respond. Hubby and I didn't want to be like that. So we responded with the following. 

If the party were somewhere other than your home, we would be more than happy to have the kids attend. But thank you for the invite.

We don't go to her house. My in-laws loaned my bil and my sil quite a bit of money to buy the house. Like, half the house. My other bil (hubby has a ton of brothers) did most of the work that needed to be done. As soon as it was completed, she told her hubby she was divorcing him. That's not suspicious at all, is it? We don't go there in protest. That, and the first time hubby and I went to see the house, she didn't even greet us. Didn't say hi, bye, or kiss my ass. I thought it was a nice response. This is what I got back.

That is fine I will let B know.

I thought it was over at that. And I was good with that. I should have known she would pop my happy bubble. This is what I got later this afternoon. All I could think was "Really?"


However I would like to say that I have let my children come to your house without an issue, ever though I do not care for you, because I want the children to have a relationship with you and your family. Because to me it is important for the children to stay connected with their family. B is quite upset and said seriously my own Aunt said that. I hide nothing from my children and let them know exactly how I am talked to by others. She is very hurt. However since you have decided that your children are not allowed to be at my house then I have now decided the same for my children. If they are to get together it will only be at E's. I am sorry that you have made it come to this for both you and my children. 

Did you read the last line? Somehow, she makes a decision and it's my fault. I'm a bit confused by that. It's not the first time. We had a dispute about birthday parties. Yeah, did I mention we're both really mature? Anyway, she decided that they were not having birthday parties for their kids anymore and it was my fault she had to make that decision. Um, what? And because I can not leave well enough alone, I responded.

And again, AGAIN, you decide that you cannot leave well enough alone. Or even ask what the deal is. Instead, you involve children in adult business. We aren't coming to the house for a few reasons:

 

1. We are not "drop and leave parents". Never have been, never will be. As much love as you and I have for each other, do you really think that would be ok?
2. You didn't bother to greet hubby and I the one and only time we were at your home. You couldn't even take the time to come and say hello, but when your friend got there, you dropped everything. How's that for family?
3. We do not agree with your decision to not pay back D and E for the money that you borrowed from them, knowing that you were going to divorce their son.

But since I have you here, why don't you tell your kids this. You have never been about family and you never will be. You have no idea what "family" means. I send you a list of dates to come see the kids perform, and Not one time did you bother to show up. The only reason B saw them was because D and E brought her. You couldn't even come to recital on $5 day. Your excuse of having no money is old and tired. Surely, you could come up with $15 or $20 for the family to come see them. Do we get the same courtesy of a performance schedule? No. We show up for our performance and B is coming off the stage. Thanks for the heads up that our niece is going to be there!

You always say you want them to have a relationship with "their family". How many times have you picked up the phone, texted me or hubby, or emailed us to schedule time for the kids to be together? Let's count them: 0. Absolutely not 1 time. The kids get together because we are the ones that do the scheduling and the planning. Not you. 

 

Many years ago, you made the decision to not have birthday parties for your kids because of the issues we had. I got the blame for that as well. YOU made that decision, not me. You take responsibility for your actions and your words. You need to take responsibility for making this decision as well. I didn't do this. YOU made up your mind, so you get to take the blame, not me. If you want them to get together only at D and E's, then so be it. But YOU made that decision. Own it. By making this decision, though, you are going against your belief that "it is important for the children to stay connected with their family." And so you know, the last time the girls were at the parents' house, B wanted the next sleep over to be at our house. I have no issue with that. Now you get to explain to her that it's your fault she can't come. You're hurting the kids, not me.

 

Slow your roll when you come at me. When you point the finger of blame you have 3 fingers pointing back at you. And if family was so important to you, you would know the correct way to spell E's name.

 

See how mature I am? I know, I know. Walk away. Fuck that. I am not a walk away kind of gal. I am an in your face, shoot it from the hip, kiss my ass kind of gal. I am so excited to see the next response. Are you sitting on pins and needles like I am? We'll see how it goes.

Rules of the Road

When the big girl was a baby, hubby and I made a deal. I would birth the babies and he would teach them to drive. I have a feeling his learning to drive experience was different from mine because he said "ok". He can be such a sucker. 15 years later, I think he's realizing that he got the short end of the stick. I like to say that hubby teaches her how to drive and I teach her how NOT to drive. There are some observations that need to be made, so hang on while I tell you how absolutely horribly you drive!

• Turn signals are NOT optional equipment. Want to know how I know? They come standard in EVERY car you buy. You can even get a ticket if you don't use it, or it's not working. And, really, I have no idea where you are going, so if you use your blinker, I won't ram my minivan into your trunk. And when you want to change lanes, it lets other drivers know that you are exiting one lane and entering another. That could prevent a lot of road rage as well.
• The left lane is for those drivers that are traveling the fastest, or at least faster than the 10 mph UNDER the speed limit that you want to drive. You can get a ticket for driving too slow, specially in the fast lane. It impedes traffic and can cause an accident. If your turn is coming up, but not for miles, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!! Trust me, it isn't those speed demons that are causing the issues, it's you! And when other drivers creep up to your rear end, that means move, not go slower.
• So, let's talk about this tail gating thing. When my grandmother died many years ago, I wasn't able to get a flight into the closest major airport, but I was able to get a flight into my hometown, and then ride with my brother in law. I am not sure that is ever an experience I care to repeat. Holy cow! I have had drivers get so close to back bumper, I felt like I was cheating on hubby! When I can see the color of your eyes in my rearview mirror, you are way too close. Some drivers think that NASCAR drafting rules apply. And I get the whole "if I get as close to you as I can, then I'm sitting in the wind break and saving myself some gas." I am not your way to better gas mileage. I'm one of those that will tap my brakes gently a couple of times to let you know that you are way too close for not buying me a drink first. Then I'll tap them a little more forcefully. Then I just get mad and slow down and become one of those drivers in bullet point number 2. I have even backed off when I realize that I'm closer than I need to be.
• Use your brakes. There are these great lights on the back of your car that are red and when you hit your brake, it lets me know that you are slowing down. Again, I am good, but even I am not intuitive enough to know that you are slowing down. Only you can prevent me from running into your bumper and then beating the crap out of you because you didn't use your brakes. And, like blinkers, brakes are NOT optional equipment. If your lights don't work, you can get a ticket! Oh, the things you learn when you read my blog.
• The right of way isn't always yours. How many of you actually read the handbook that the DMV releases? Show of hands? I am a geek, so I did. Who has the right of way when you and another driver stop at a stop sign at the same time? Whoever is on your right is the correct answer. If you are across from each other, it's whoever doesn't have to cross traffic. For example, if you are making a left hand turn and I am going straight, I have the right of way. I am not crossing traffic, but you have to cross my lane of traffic when you turn. At a light, if you have a green arrow and I am making a right hand turn, I must yield the turn. You should turn into the inside turn lane, but many people don't do that. They turn wide, so just wait. Please. 

I could go on and on, but I won't. Most of the problems on the road boil down to an "I am so much more important than you" attitude. We all have to share the road. So share, dammit! Except for bicyclist. They really suck. Why would you pull your bicycle into the road when traffic is flying at 55 mph? Because of all the damn signs that say "Share the Road". It's a 2 way street, buddy. Oh! See what I did there? And remember the slogan from years ago. "Arrive Alive" And don't get in my way or I'll use really bad language as I pass you and honk my horn at you and show you how tall my middle finger is. And my kids are in the van. Let's not be a bad influence on them! 

A Farmer and His Dog

You know the song. There was a farmer who had a dog. And Bingo was his name-o! Yup. This blog is about bingo! My mom loved bingo. When she would go play, we weren't allowed to tell her good luck. We always had to tell her break a leg. Like she was going to be in a play. Because she was totally weird. When I was about 18 or so, I would go with her to the VFW and play. Nothing like playing bingo around a bunch of horny, drunk, OLD men when you are young and nubile. I'll tell you one thing for sure. There is no better place to make you feel pretty. But in a gross, I think my granddad just chatted me up kind of way.

Hubby and I have started playing bingo again. We played a few times when we first moved out here. We only played a few times because the workers were rude. They were complacent about their jobs because their jobs were secure I guess. Old people love bingo and we live in the land of old people. We swore we would never go back. We finally found another place and loved it. The people were super nice, the volunteers were super nice, and I won pretty often. They closed. Apparently, someone liked the money coming in way too much to share like they were supposed to. We haven't played in years, but got a wild hair one night and decided that's what we wanted to do.

Wouldn't you know the only place to play was the place we swore we wouldn't go back to? We went back. And we are actually pretty glad we did. It's owned by someone else now and most of the original workers aren't there anymore. I don't know that any of them are there. There is one super sweet lady from the place that closed and I'm glad she's there. And you play free on your birthday! I like free bingo! Here are just a few observations from our last few trips.

• Bingo has changed A LOT since we last played. There are more games and that's not always a good thing. They play pull tab games. It's little cards (OK, some are actually pretty big, but whatever) and you pull a tab back to expose the bingo cards you play. They are extra games. I wish they would list them on the program so I know when I get a nap and when I don't. Some pay upwards of $4,000 if you bingo on the right number. I am a bingo purist. I don't like them. Yes, you can win some serious cash, but the odds are greater that you won't. Some of those babies are expensive. Some are only $1. But you could dollar yourself half to death. Really, though, the only tabs I like to pull are on a beer can. But that's me.
• Since the pull tabs are extra, the volunteers go row by row, calling out the name of the game they're selling and you can tell them if you want one, or more. They walk by calling out things like "Birds! Get your birds!" "Pink Fastball! Anyone for a Pink Fastball?" My favorite by far is the Super Ball game. Oh, yeah, you know I'm going there. "Super balls. Get your Super Balls!" Um, are they like Superman's balls? Able to leap a building in a single bound? Are they hairy? Do they hang low? I would love a job I could get away with calling out "Super Balls! Get your Super Balls. Because your balls just aren't that impressive!" 
• They have a security guard at the door. I guess it's in case they get robbed? If you could see the guards, though, you would not feel very safe. I sat 1 number away from $1,000 last night. If I had won, I can tell you I could keep a mugger away better than he could. The guard even carries a gun. I'm wondering if he's like Barney Fife and carries his bullet in his pocket. With his super balls, maybe?
• There was a funny on that social media site. It said "What did 1 saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up before someone thinks we're nuts!" There were a bunch of nuts at the hall last night. And ladies, bathing suit tops are not general wear. Leave them for the beach or the pool. Sometimes it's like being at Wal Mart! A bra, however, is a must. Unless you want your boobs to be your super balls. Yup, I am using that for all it's worth. I just cannot help but giggle every time!    
• I like to make sentences with some of the numbers. The caller says "B4". I say "Before what? That lady puts on a bra?" Hahahahaha! The caller says "O69". I say, well you know what I say and you can bet your bra it has to do with super balls!

Honestly, though, we have a really good time playing bingo. We have met some really sweet people there. Most of the volunteers have a smile on their face and will go out of their way to help you. We're really glad we decided to start playing again. Every night is a different special, so if you pick the right night, you can actually play bingo cheaper than you could go to dinner and a movie. And the entertainment in the non-smoking section is amazing! Besides, if it wasn't so much fun, why would the farmer name his dog after the game?

Rage Against the Machine

• One night at Disney we met up with some friends. It was my friend's son's 21st birthday and it was the Food and Wine Festival and it was Eat to the Beat, which is the concert series that runs with F&W. While P and I were waiting for everyone to get through Test Track, a very nice man from England sat next to me. He was enamored with my southern accent and liked the fact that I am from Texas. And a conversation about music began. Crazy, right? We started talking about all kinds of music and he asked me about Rage Against the Machine. He asked if I agreed or disagreed with their lyrics. My response, "You know, when you're 18 and uninformed, you kind of follow along with whatever your crowd agrees or disagrees with. But in all honesty, I never really listened to the words and just liked the way the music sounded. I still listen to them, but I couldn't tell you where the politics in their songs lies." All of that to say, it's a random, winding blog!!! But with a title like this one, I just had to tell that story.
• Since my mom died, I have anxiety attacks. It is so hard for me to get out the door and I am squealing into the parking lot in the nick of time. If you need a getaway driver I am sooooo your chick.
• I find it interesting that my dad hasn't called or texted me since his great grandbaby was born. Not even really his. It's my stepmom's. It's almost like he forgot that he has 7 other grand kids that love him and would actually like to hear his voice once in awhile. And wishing your daughter happy birthday on Facebook is just wrong. Try a phone call. Apparently, not only do I have anxiety issues, I have bitchiness issues, too.
• Hubby was at work one day and witnessed a car wreck. It wasn't horrible, and everyone walked away. There were gawkers, including a hairstylist. While watching the cops and firemen work, she struck up a conversation with hubby. She was commenting on how much she really likes firemen, but cops are jerks. They're too macho for her. Y'all should meet pilots and bull riders. I guess when you have a dangerous job, you suddenly think your dick is huge and your shit don't stink. 
• I am still reading through my giant stack of books. I'm down to 5! I actually left one on the hold shelf at the library and didn't pick it up. I knew I wouldn't get to it any time soon, so I can check it out when I have the time. Now to find the time.
• Apparently, the mainstream media has started to place blame for the recent violent rampages and attempted mass killings on the violence in Hollywood. They do this and turn around and praise Hollywood stars for their great performances in the latest blockbuster action flick. What a yucky cycle that is. Is anyone else paying attention? If you aren't, start. The msm wants nothing better than to keep you distracted. From what are they distracting you? Checkout the next bullet point.
• VA scandal and the exchange of prisoners. While I understand that we have to bring everyone home and while I understand that all charges are being investigated (sure they are. I believe everything the government tells me), again, pay attention. I always say "Do your own research." That would apply here as well.
• Has anyone shopped at Aldi's? I've been in there a couple of times and I still have no idea what everyone is talking about. We don't eat much of what they sell. I did find out they have grass fed beef, but have you looked at it? I. Just. Can't. Do. It.
• The storms around here can get pretty powerful in the summer. Yesterday, we lost power 5 times in a 1 hour period. When that happens I have to reset the time and date on our old answering machine or the message light flashes and flashes. We don't use it, but I still have the last birthday message from my mom saved on it. If we lose power and I have to reset the time and date on it, it plays the message. It breaks my heart. It starts out with her slurry voice and I know what is going on. She was dying. And I miss her. And I love her. And I think my anxiety level just went up 1000%. Is medical marijuana available yet?

And that will be a topic for the next blog. You know where I stand on that!
  

Sick Day

I had trouble sleeping last night. When I did sleep it was almost like Mr. Sandman only left a miniscule bit of sleeping dust instead of the 25 pound bag I normally like. I slept fitfully and way too lightly and woke up with a migraine. Do you know how much I had to do today? Poor hubby was helping out today, but he got stuck doing it all. He's the greatest. My headache is below migraine status now, but it's still a headache and it's pissing me off. My headaches are triggered by my nutrition and a little bit by my environment. It used to be that my allergies caused some of my migraines, but since I've been eating better the last couple of years, not so much. Now my allergies are to the junk that's in processed food. And confession time: I had a fried bologna sandwich on white mountain bread. That is about as processed as you can get. Ugh! No wonder I have a headache. So, to fill some of my quiet time while everyone else except the dog is gone, I'm going to blog. You are so lucky!

• Talking to some of my homeschooling friends, we are a little freaked out about high school for our kids. I sit and look at the work that my kids have to do and there is so much. The curriculum that my kids use is very tough and I can guarantee you that we do more than the average student would. The boy will be an 8th grader next year and the big girl will be a junior. They will share a couple of subjects next year, but, good gravy. And if I decide to follow the guidelines the state outlines for homeschoolers to get college tuition money, which is discriminatory and someone should sue, the load is twice as heavy as public school. How in the world is it all going to get done? And then there's the foreign language. Our attempts at Spanish and Latin have been huge flops. They are interested in German, so I may look into that. So much to think about my head is starting to hurt. Which would be my cue to move to another topic.
• I found out that there are some pretty great channels available on our Roku. I added History, A&E, and the Smithsonian channels. I could watch "Duck Dynasty" if I wanted to. But I don't want to. I wish AMC had a channel and I could watch "The Walking Dead". That would be amazing!
• A plane disappeared. A whole plane and nobody was doing a very good job of finding it. Now there is satellite evidence of a debris field and nobody can get there to check it out. I like the meme that's been showing up on that social site. It says "The NSA can track your cell phone and know where you are, but they can't find a whole plane?" My heart aches for those that lost loved ones on that plane. I cannot imagine the pain and grief. When my mom died, at least I knew it was happening. It still sucks, and it still hurts, and I still think it's the stupidest thing that could have ever happened. But this was sudden and unexpected. I never want to know that feeling and I pray that I never do.
• I have a huge stack of books to read. And they just keep piling up. I've had to recheck some. Others had holds so I had to turn them in and get back in line. I started a couple of them, didn't have time to read them, so I read the first 5 chapters and the last 5. If there was a question about what had happened, I flipped through until I answered it. I despise reading like that. Sometimes, though, it's just the way it has to be.

That's about it for now. I think I'm going to nap. And take another Advil. And see if I can get hubby to bring me a cheeseburger.

Clearinghouse (Oh, How I wish It Were the One Where You Can Win Lots of Money!)

I used to like short titles to my blog posts. It would make me happy that I could wrap up my thoughts in 3 words or less. Like playing "Name That Tune" only with titles instead. Now I find myself looking at my titles and wondering if there's room enough in the header! Anyway, I digress, again. Duh! That's what I do.

• The one thing I don't like about not having satellite or cable is lack of Olympic coverage. I know, we can watch it online. But that means either watching it on the computer and the tiny screen, or, unplugging the Roku to use the HDMI cord and plugging the computer in to the TV. Basically, more effort than I'm willing to put in to it. Of course, it's never too much effort to bitch about it.
• I am almost done with Breaking Bad. I am in the last season on Netflix. There are only 8 episodes of that season on Netflix. The other 8 are supposed to come out some time this month. For those of you that watch that show, is it bad that I have never had any sympathy for Walt? I mean, never. Not even from the beginning? He kind of rubbed me wrong. But now that he is so freaking full of himself, I just want someone to shoot him. Dead. As a door nail. And I hope it's Jessie that does it. Is that wrong? Gosh I hope not, because that's what I want. And I have no problem with spoilers. If you need to tell me what happens I am okie dokie with that. And that wasn't sarcastic, by the way. I know. That's a first. But it was also a hint!
• I have been having this pain in my foot since about December. Do you know how much you use your feet? A lot. Every day! And mine hurts almost too much too walk some days. So I went to the podiatrist. He was a total asshole. I have arthritis, which makes me happy because it wasn't a fracture. Only I could be happy about that. I even said that to the doctor. He said, "No, this is much worse. This stays with you forever." I said, "No it doesn't. I can fix this for the most part. I'm just glad I don't have to wear a boot. Those things are expensive and I can't drive with it."  He basically told me that I have arthritis because I am old and fat. He didn't actually come out and say those words, but he said it differently. In an assholish kind of way. Like you can say that in any way and not come out of that conversation an asshole. So, I am back to minimal sugar and gluten and dairy, which I am used to, and easy on the dancing. That last part is going to kill me. Too much jumping and landing on my feet. And I have to have good, supportive shoes. That means shoe shopping!!! There is always a bright spot! Even from an asshole.
•  Movies like Battleship make me proud to be an American. I love it when the world is in jeopardy and the US saves the day. Go us!! Independence Day is another one of those movies. Who winds up finding out how to defeat he aliens? We do!! Go us!!!
• We got our taxes done. Ours are simple and easy. We don't have many deductions, and we only have 1 W2. We use our tax refund as a savings account. It's money we can't touch until the check gets here. Except this year. This year we had to write a check to the bankruptcy trustee for the full amount. And when all the dust has settled, he'll send part of the check back to us. They have to settle whatever claims our creditors have made against us. We're hoping that we fell through the cracks and we get all of it back. We can hope, right? And pray.
• I started the Blood Type Diet. I hated it. It wasn't hard. It was really easy. But so many veggies!! It's not that I don't like veggies. You should see the haul I bring home from co-op twice a month. And fish played a large roll. I am not a fish eater. I like catfish, which wasn't on my list. I do NOT like tuna, which was a large part of the diet. UGH! I could have meat a couple times a week, and turkey was ok. I am on board with that. I am doing a modified version of it now, not so heavy on the meat, easy on the gluten, and making my own salad dressings. The salad dressings are amazing and don't have added sugar. And my thumb doesn't hurt so much any more. Now to get my foot feeling better.
• Our Disney passes expired and we are sad, sad people. That was one of those things we did when we got our taxes back. Big. Sigh. We're hoping to get enough back that we can get passes and pay for them monthly. We'll see. I'm hoping for paid in full. And praying.

That should be it. I can now delete the note on my phone. And start another one. Because that is how I roll.

The Voices in My Head

I have always said I have voices in my head, but the meds make them manageable. I'm just kidding, though. I don't take meds. I dance to the beat of my own drummer, instead. He's pretty funky. I know, the drummer could be a woman. But he's not. And he is F-I-N-E. Ready to talk to the voices? You don't get to talk to the drummer, though. He is all M-I-N-E!

• My new favorite song: Do My Thing by Estelle featuring Janelle Monae. Yes, I do. It's the big girl's recital song for jazz. It is going to be sooooo good. My friend N looked at me while our girls were dancing and said, "Holy cow, look at your girl! She rocks." Well, duh. Which is what I said to her. The song is about how what I do is what I do. If you don't do my thing, don't hate me because it's what I do. Start doing your own thing. And, again: well, duh. Very empowering with a great beat, You should see me dance around my room to it. I am amazing!
• We have thought about getting Stella a friend. Our schedule is so crazy and we think she has a bit of separation anxiety. Maybe a friend would help with that. Except that means 2 animals to take care of. Do we want that responsibility when you go and read the 2nd sentence of this bullet point? On a bright note, our company schedule for recital practice is pretty light, so we do have some free time we weren't expecting. But, there is that 2nd animal to care for thing.
• My friend T at Hillside Hollow posted a great link on the social site. It was a list of books that are going to be movies. I had read some of the books, but not nearly enough of them. I opened another window on my computer and went straight to the library website. I am so excited for them to come in. I will make time to read. 
• I finished all the episodes of Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. Hubby ended up hooked, too. We have decided that as soon as season 6 comes out on DVD, we shall own it. And there's only 1 more season to go. Say it isn't so! I did start Breaking Bad. Holy cow, what those guys go through. I just finished season 1. I'm hoping to start season 2 tomorrow, but we'll see. I might just read.
• Hubby and I have decided that with every paycheck, we need to do one of the little repair jobs that needs to be done to our vehicles. This week I should get a new linkage for my transmission. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. No more duct tape! I get a little worried when it rains that the duct tape will start to peel and I'll be stuck somewhere until hubby can come retape it. Like at the park. Because we got stuck at the park. And we had to wait for hubby. Which is why I never drive away from my friends if we are the last ones somewhere. And which is why I always try to find a parking spot I can pull straight through or I can back in. At least if I'm stuck in drive, I can drive. I think the next check will be brakes for hubby.
• Our weather has been crazy. We went from possible record lows early in the week to possible record highs by the weekend. I am so confused. And my sinuses are, too! Ugh, the pressure!

I think that's about it for now. It's not exciting or glamorous, but there you go. That's some of the voices. Maybe one day I'll share the drummer. Probably not, though!

Goodbye, and Good Luck

2013 is almost over! Thank God!! What a crappy freakin' year this has been. It has seen:

1. Home mortgage refinance- what a joke that is! Sure our payment is almost cut in half, but Wells Fargo created a 40 year loan for suckers like us and didn't forgive the $55,000 our home is upside down. Our property is worth $45,000 at this time and is unlikely to gain any value in the next 3-5 years. Really, you bunch of crooks? And the refi delayed the bankruptcy. If we had declared, they wouldn't have refinanced us and we would be stuck with an awful payment.
2. Bankruptcy- that is a painful process, for sure. I get it. I really do. But the process itself sucks ass. And to have to delay just threw us for a serious loop and almost left us more broke, and broken, than when we started. The loss of any available overtime hurt our bottom line and almost broke hubby because he has a harpy for a wife and an asshole for a boss.
3. Strife between hubby and wife- yeah, it rhymes. I needed a little joy. The first 2 came between us so badly at times, I wonder that anyone makes it through the process. We have seen some serious stuff during our time together, but the stress from the above can be a killer, for people and a marriage! Hubby sat one weekend and almost had a breakdown. I do not use that term lightly.  
4. Family sucks!- and I mean mine, too. My only bright spot: Big Sis!!! Go, Big Sis!! Hubby's family needs a serious beating, and sometimes so does mine. Forgetting birthdays, judging our choices on raising our family, not taking responsibility for their words and actions. What. Ever.

I am optimistic about 2014. I won't say "It can't be any worse" because that when it rains. For days. And floods the world. But I do have high hopes. High hopes that hubby and I got through 2013 and 18 years of marriage. Hopes that our family can grow stronger and smarter. Hopes that we win the lottery and can buy that island in the South Pacific. Come on, 6 numbers!!!

Happy New Year!!! May it bring you peace, and joy, and fruitfulness, and prosperity, and much, much love!!!!!!!!!

The More Shit Changes, the More Shit Stays the Same

It's a Christmas wonkies, random kind of blog night. I got a little gin and tonic working, so there's no telling what I'm gonna say. Woot, let's get a move on!

• We bought a Roku. Best $50 we ever spent. I am not kidding. One of the channels we added was Netflix. We stream Netflix in the living room through the Wii, and wanted something in the bedroom. I have added so many shows to my list. House of Cards is a great show. I watch that in the morning while I'm taking some quiet time for myself. When I get caught up with that, Breaking Bad is next, followed by Drop Dead Diva. I haven't been able to watch some shows because of our lack of cable, which I am more than ok with, but also because of the kids. Breaking Bad isn't something we can sit down and watch as a family. Some of the channels are added were crap and got deleted almost immediately. I had added a channel of war movies. Yeah, that was a bust. Just a reminder that sometimes, free means crappy.
• One of my favorite shows that I am finally getting caught up on is Sons of Anarchy. Oh my, Jax has an amazing ass!! Sometimes, I just hit pause and stare at it's loveliness. But it's also just a good show. I even have hubby hooked on it. We are almost done with season 5. As soon as 6 comes out on DVD or Netflix,  whichever comes first, hubby and I are all over it. I have a friend that won't spoil the show for me. I am all about spoilers. Which brings us to number 3.
• I am all good with spoilers about Walking Dead on that social site. Again, I have to wait 'til the season updates on Netflix or hits video. The big girl and I are almost done with season 3, I think. We have time over Christmas break to spend snuggled under the covers in my room catching up. I see the spoilers and it gives me an idea of what to expect. I have friends that just can't stand it. I say bring it on!
• Today was the last Christmas performance for my kids dance company. As much as I love my kids dancing, I am looking forward to having a couple of Saturdays off. Rehearsal for recital starts in January, so Saturdays off are a rare thing around here. Hubby and I bought a camera and it took me forever to get the hang of it. I finally got video today, because I am slow. The first or second performance the batteries died. My fault. I forgot to check. Grrrrr. But I got it today. They were amazing...
• So now I get all political, because that's what I do. There is talk of raising minimum wage. Do we all understand what the impact is when minimum wage goes up, especially n this struggling economy? That means that businesses will raise their prices. Why? Because they won't eat the cost of extra wages. We get to do that. If they have to pay people more money, but can't really afford that, guess what happens then. They lay people off. That means higher unemployment. What happens when they've laid off as many people as they can and still can't make it? They close their doors, laying off the rest of their staff, and unemployment goes up again. The price of everything goes up. Transportation prices will go up. If that happens, food prices go up, clothing prices go up, housing prices go up. And at that end, guess what happens? People can't make a living on minimum wage because everything is too expensive. Do you see a big, ugly cycle forming? I do. And in the meantime, let's distract the public with things like naked pop stars on construction equipment and reality stars giving opinions in magazine articles. It's a distraction from the important stuff. Now you know.
• I live in the snowbird capital of the freaking country. Do you know what a snowbird is? It's retired people that live up north, but come down south during the winter. Just like birds, they head for warm weather. I am so ready for them to go home. They clog up our roads. They drive super fucking slow in the fast lane and pull out in front of you because they are 800 years old and don't need to be driving. They fill up the restaurants and stores and complain about having to sit near or be around kids. Just send us a check for the extra tax revenue you give us and stay home please. And thank you.
• I think I am in adrenal fatigue. I looked at the signs and I have all but 2 out of 10. Ugh! I am so tired all of the time. I think part of it is stress. Goodness knows I don't have enough of that! I have been researching and most studies point to magnesium as the thing to help bring the adrenals back to normal function. On a bright note, magnesium also helps during menopause and it helps with headaches. Hopefully, I can kill 3 birds with one pill. My next research project is progesterone. For many years, estrogen was thought to be what women need during peri-menopause and menopause, but research now points to progesterone. It is widely believed that excess estrogen leads to breast cancer. Do not get me started on my mother and estrogen, or I will get super pissed off because that's what she was treated with many years ago. I can't even go there, I get so angry.

That's about all I have for now. I think I need another drink. I'm not going to tell you I already had 2 drinks while I was writing this. Wait, I think I just did. And I need to go wrap some presents. I am excited about this Christmas. I'm almost ready. How about you?
  

Throwing in the Towel

I am done. Stick a fork in me. I cannot do it one more day. Only I will. Time moves on. Life will carry on with or with out me, because that's what life does. And that's the problem.

I despise the holidays. The last few years have been much better without the family drama. Only there is still that little bit of guilt tripping. Hubby gets it when he goes to his parent's house. His mama kind of mopes around making comments about cleaning and cooking "in case people show up." Big. Sigh. He finally told his mama that if she wanted to see him and the kids on the holidays, she would need to call me. And talk to me. And invite me over. We'll see how that goes. But that isn't the reason I'm done.

I miss my mom. Holy cow, every day is a struggle to get out of bed. Every day is a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. But the holidays just rip out my guts. We always called each other and talked about menus. We always called and talked about what the plans were. We always talked about the inordinate amount of drama that came about at the holidays. We always talked. I miss that.

When hubby and I first moved out here, I incorporated as many of my family's traditions into our holidays as I could. The first time I made broccoli cheese casserole, he kissed me. I love him. We started some traditions of our own, and as the kids started coming we added/changed/got rid of some as well. But always there were those things that made me feel like I had my family around me. One of the biggest parts of my life is gone now. And I am filled with angst and yuck.

We are scheduled pretty tightly until the end of the year. It is what I have to do to keep the feelings from overwhelming me. The busier I am, the less time I have to think about it. I have friends that say "You are so organized." No, it's me trying to maintain control of those few things I can control. I don't feel like I can control my emotions very well. I feel like I am on the brink of breaking down so often. I have had to walk out of the kids' practice a couple of times just to have a moment.

I am so tired of being strong. I am so tired of being the one that has to take care of "it", whatever "it" may be. I feel like I need some time to just be. To just breathe. To just grieve. To just...

So I'm taking it. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm taking some time for me, just for me, to readjust my attitude. To readjust my mind. To recharge my batteries. And to drink beer. And eat some chocolate. Beer and chocolate make it all better. I just need to be quiet for just a few minutes. Then I'm putting one foot in front of the other. Again and again and again.

Because Big Sis Made Me!

Not really, but I got a text last night. It said, and I quote, "For the love of all that is holy! Blog, woman, blog!!!!" I love that woman like nobody's business! I had planned to blog yesterday, but I ran out of time yesterday. So, to make Big Sis happy (and clear out a note in my phone), here we go.

• My children have lost their minds today. When that happens, their butts usually get sore and their electronics and privileges get taken away. When the dog barks to go out, that should be the cue for all involved to get that done. Apparently, this morning they were clueless, which led to me yelling and dropping the f-bomb a couple of times. My big girl thought she could fuss back at me until I came storming down the hall. That shut her up good and proper. I told them next time they had to go, I should lock their bathroom and not let them in. I'm not really, but it sounds good, doesn't it? Crazy ass kids!
• You know I have to weigh in on this whole insurance debacle. We have the stupidest President ever. I am so scared for this country. Not only did he outright lie about keeping our insurance if we liked it, but now that he got caught, he's telling the insurance companies to give the policies back. Which he can't do. And he's an idiot. The insurance companies said ok, but it's going to cost more money if we do that. Who do you think is going to pay for that? We are!!! Yea!! This whole thing is incredibly stupid. "We have to pass it before we find out what's in it"? And why did we let them pass that? Shouldn't that have been clue number 1? It's not that everyone needs insurance, it's that insurance needs to be revamped. Get a clue, POTUS!
• Our bankruptcy is finally filed. The paralegal called yesterday and said we were assigned a great trustee. Thank. Goodness. The bad news? We have to pay for vehicles. That are already paid off. I hate that part. The good news is that he reduced the amount we have to pay and spread the payments over 12 months instead of 10. Now we wait for a court date. Ugh! I hate driving to the big city. The traffic is horrible and people are crazy. Almost done, almost done! The amount of stress this has caused is insane. But that's for the next bullet point.
• The stress made hubby almost have a mental breakdown. I am not joking at all. He spent one weekend kind of shaking and freaking out. It was a tad scary. I can only imagine the stress he was under with his wife harping about not working overtime, and his boss harping he needed to. So I took myself out of the equation. I realized the pressure was too much, so I backed off. If he had to work it he had to work it. If we had to delay filing because of it, then fine. I wasn't bitching about it anymore. I'm still not. There's not much I can do about it, so what good does it do? And really, overtime only lasted a month anyway and there wasn't that much. But that led to some tension between the 2 of us. I hate that. We've worked through most of it and we'll keep working through the rest. It is what we make it. We can make this a deal breaker or we can not. We choose not, but after 18 years and a ton of crap during that time, we can get through anything and be stronger on the other side.
• I want a camera. A real, bona fide, takes great pics and video camera. My 2 oldest have a ton of performances coming up and I would like to get them on film. My phone is ok for pics and videos, but when there is lighting on the stage like a concert or where they'll be performing, it sucks. Really, really sucks. At the concert series at Epcot this year, I was looking at some of the pics and videos people were taking on their phones, and they were really good. And they were able to get a great pic even when zooming from a pretty good distance away. We've been looking online and in stores and every time we go into a store, I head to electronics. The kids' first performance is the day after Thanksgiving and I don't see it happening. Stupid bankruptcy...
• We did spend a little money and got a Roku. We watch Netflix through our Wii, but it's in the living room. Which means no Netflix in the bedroom. Do you know how many times the kids have been watching something and I just wanted to watch Sons of Anarchy? I can't do that with the kids. Besides, seeing Jax naked is a pleasure I want to have all by myself. Meow!! Now I can. And when hubby is watching crazy people preparing for the apocalypse, the big girl can be watching zombies and the people that fight them. Best $50 we ever spent. Love it!
• I have been revisiting the Blood Type Diet. I like that book. It has been very on target for the way I need to eat. I don't think that because the book says so, but because it highlights things I have already discovered about my body and what is the proper nutrition for it. Hubby started reading it, too. We have discovered we are opposite eaters. He is a B and I am an A. I need a mostly vegetarian diet and he needs a carnivorous diet. There are very few things that are on his list and mine. We're making a list and checking it twice to see what we can eat that's the same and how we need to prepare our meals. It's going to take some time and some work. We're going to try it for a little bit and see how it goes.

That's all I've got for now. I guess that means I need to start a new note!

7 Kinds of Hot Mess

I love that expression: hot mess. What does it really mean? I don't know, but that's what I feel like. It's time to work out the kinks, and I don't mean the 50 Shades kind.

1. Speaking of the trilogy of the year, did you hear who's playing the lead in the movie? Charlie Hunnam. Oh. Hell. Yeah! That man is soooo fine. If you have no idea who he is, watch Sons of Anarchy. He's Jax. I'm not sure the book will translate well to film. If you don't want it to be porn, the sex will have to get toned way down. But the sex plays a major part in the books. And if the truth be told, I may not even see it. It's kind of irritating when they take a popular book and mess it up on screen. We'll see.
2. 2 of my kids didn't get birthday cards OR calls from my side of the family, except for Big Sis, who is awesome at that stuff. If you've spent any time reading my blog, you know that I have a very acrimonious relationship with hubby's family and rarely have anything good to say about them. I always thought my side was the one to step up. WRONG! My kids are heart broken. No call from my dad or my step dad. Not a card. Nothing. I have to say that although the social media site is great for keeping in touch, it is highly impersonal. I may wish lots of people happy birthday on it, but it's not usually the people that are in my life. My kids got NO COMMUNICATION AT ALL!!! What the hell is wrong with you people?!?! These are kids!!!
3. Since we're talking about my step dad, it is time for me to get real about that relationship. The truth is, there is no relationship. I wasn't in Texas while he and my mom were together except for visits. There were a couple of times I was packing my shit to go home when my mom stepped in. He made my mom happy and I will always be grateful for that. But he and I are like oil and water. I could use the excuse that the time difference and our busy schedule make it hard to call and keep in touch and it does. Sometimes, it's 10 o'clock here before I have time to make a call. By then, I'm going to bed. I am not up for conversation. I even asked if the kids could be pen pals with him like they were with my mom. He nixed that idea, saying he wasn't good at writing. So you don't want to try? Nope. Well, put me in my place. I get it. But then I get a voice mail the other day. He's bitching at me because I haven't called. Why would I? You don't bother to call me, but when you do, you're going to shake my tree? Screw. Off.
4. I have been in a depressive rut lately. Between the bankruptcy and the loan modifying, hubby hasn't been able to work any overtime, even when it's available. That makes our budget extremely tight. Like, not making it to the next payday tight. Running the cars on fumes 'til payday, hoping the food lasts since I have hungry people that live here and wondering when the hell this stuff is going to be over. We still owe the attorney $700. Freaking yea. And what did we do? We let the kids take more dance and try out for company. Why? Because we thought it would be ok with the expense, since we got a lower house payment and weren't paying the credit cards. Well, that may backfire with the whole no overtime thing. I have eaten everything I can. Did you know that a 6 piece nugget at McD is a buck? Do you know how much I campaign against them? Do you know how many nuggets I've eaten lately? A lot. In multiples of  6. Or 12, which is a multiple of 6. The stress level is high in our house right now. I quit working out in the morning and I've gained 10 pounds. My dermatitis is back and now I'm mad. Mad enough to get back to eating like I need to and getting this 10 pounds off! I dance one day a week and walk with my friend N while our kids dance. It's so nice to be moving again. All that sweat makes me feel better. Damn endorphins.
5. All of this angst may be a part of the fact that I am not being spiritually fulfilled at church. We haven't been all summer and I don't feel like going back. Except my kids are missing it. I am making an effort to get them to youth even though they are late. They get there in time for the lesson and to hang for a little with their friends, so bonus. Hubby and I don't want to church shop, but we both feel like we need some connection as well. We had thought about starting a bible study group, but when is that going to happen? Like our days aren't busy enough. And just what is a cowboy church? We have a couple in our county, but they aren't that close. Maybe I should call and ask. Anyway, our pastor just isn't doing it for us and neither is the congregation. They are loving and wonderful, but we are just done. The last time we were at church was announcement day, which is when they announce which pastors are staying at the church and who's leaving. Ours is staying. Hubby and I looked at each other and knew that was our last service for awhile. 
6. I know part of the problem is that I have control issues. You would be amazed at what I have let go of over the years. But you would also be surprised at what I hang on to. Like starting sentences with unnecessary conjunctions and ending them with prepositions. Or not letting auto correct fill in the word for me, even when it's right! No, I have to type that bad boy out. I CAN DO IT SO LET ME! At least my kids get to dress themselves now. Mostly. On a good day.
7. This high school stuff is for the birds. There is so much work the big girl has to do, and sometimes not enough time in the day. Our state has great homeschooling laws, but the state agency that regulates the scholarship money apparently thinks we sit around picking our noses all day. We have to jump through hoops that public/private school students don't. And it makes me mad. Like you couldn't tell. Our days are super packed with school work. She has a study/finish my work day. It also coincides with chore day, so she is not happy about that. Neither am I, but it's what we do.

I made 7!! And I feel like a weight has been lifted. Now to get the rest of this weight off. Like off my shoulders, but specially off my hips!

Jumbled Stuff

It is time for a random blog. I've been taking some notes and you get the joy of trying to follow my zig zag trail. I love an adventure. Don't you?

• I am digging Rhianna right now. I have not been a huge fan in the past, and really, I'm not running out buying all her stuff and stalking her on fan pages. She just has some songs that are speaking my language right now. Stay is killing me!! I will always dance to We Found Love no matter where I am. Full out. Like NOBODY is watching me. Or maybe like EVERYBODY is watching me. Hmmm, there's a thought isn't there?
• Hubby and I have found a new source for jigsaw puzzles. We were in the mall, kidless for a couple of days and hit the dollar store for something. We had been wanting to work a puzzle, but have you looked at the prices for puzzles? For grins and giggles we checked the toy aisle. Jackpot! They had several, so we got three. They are 500 piece puzzles and we had a great time working them. And they were $1! I even sent hubby back to the store for 2 more. He ended up going to the big box dollar store where things are not generally a dollar (see what I did there? That was nice) instead of the place where everything is a dollar. Even their 500 piece puzzles were $1. I have to be careful, though. I could $1 us half to death with puzzles.
• We went to Disney for the big girl's birthday last week. That girl turned 15!! What the hell is that? I haven't aged a bit!! Anyway, I have noticed a trend. Those awful high waisted shorts are back in style. I just got to the point I like low rise jeans, don't put me back in mom jeans!! Not only are they ugly, but as far up as they go, is not how far down they go. In other words, the waist may come up to your ribs, but there's 8 miles of ass hanging out of the bottom! What's worse is that parents are letting their tween and young teen daughters wear them. I guess they don't check the back. And again, a trend is a trend because we allow it. Just slap a price tag on it and send it out the door. I was telling hubby this while we were filling our water bottles. And there was a girl wearing them standing there. Well, crap. But know what she did? She adjusted her shorts so they covered her butt more. Thank you!
• I joined a homeschooling Disney group. They are having a meet and greet soon and the kids and I are thinking about going. They've set up a scavenger hunt and a meet and greet then go do what you want at the park. They have several trips a school year or sometimes post that they are going if anyone wants to join. We are so structured this year, it'll be fun to maybe have a little spontaneous down time. 
• And now to get political. I have a friend that sells insurance. She and I were discussing ObamaCare. She mentioned that Native Americans would qualify for free insurance. Free, huh? Not interested. But you know I had to ask. I could say the devil made me do it, but it wasn't him. It was all me. "You know it isn't free, right?" Well, damn. She tried to insist that I wouldn't have to pay anything. Why could she not leave it alone? "Of course I'm paying for it. Every time they take money out of hubby's paycheck, I'm paying for it. The best part, though, is that every body else is paying for it, too. That's where our taxes are going. Thank you for paying for my insurance." And then I changed the subject. Needless to say, we don't talk about insurance anymore. I think that's for the best.

Well, there you go. I get to delete a note in my phone! Yea! And the journey wasn't that bad. There was barely a bump.    

A Pinch of This, a Dash of That

Don't you wish this was a recipe blog? I do, too, actually. That would mean I've been cooking. Let's not get excited, ok?

• Hubby and I just had a mini staycation. It was lovely. He dropped the kids off Monday morning, he was off Tuesday, and hubby will pick the kids up on his way home tonight. School is getting ready to start and then co-op, then dance. We all needed a little down time. Hubby and I had planned to go to Disney, but the weather told us we should stay home. We went to dinner, worked a jigsaw puzzle and hung out in the garden. It was amazing. It doesn't sound like much, but it was nice to just be, take a breath, and hold hands. We snuggled on the couch, listened to music, played games, and just spent some time. Lovely, lovely time.
• I should be spending my time catching up on some things while the kids are gone, but I find myself blogging instead. I need to get some laundry done, organize the book shelf, vacuum the living room. Yeah, I'm blogging, watching Downton Abbey on DVD, and I'm going to read when this disc is done. And eventually I'll get a shower and brush my teeth. Maybe...
• I have a huge stack of books I need to get to. School is right around the corner, like 5 days from now. Maybe between the rest of the stuff I have to do. Or maybe instead of the stuff I have to do.
• A bit of excitement during our time off. I got a text from a friend a little after 11, asking if we were ok. That should be clue number 1 that something was wrong. We looked out the front window and above the tree line, the sky was glowing, blazing orange. The propane plant had exploded. It's about 5 miles from us. Then my phone just went crazy with texts from friends asking if we were ok. I couldn't answer them because we were on the run. I grabbed the important papers, threw on a bra and some shoes while hubby corralled the dog. We eventually stopped on a hill and watched the flames and the explosions of the small tanks. After about 45 minutes, it was all clear and we got to go home.
• Downton Abbey  is one of my favorite shows. I borrowed this from the library and I only get it for 3 days. It is such a good show. I love the clothes, but I have to say that the formlessness (is that a word?) drives me a little nuts. I'm not saying they should wear skin tight clothes since that's not what they wore. I love the hats!! I have so much hair, it's hard to find a hat that fits. My head is actually kind of small (my ego, however, is HUGE), but the amount of hair makes it almost impossible. It's a good thing I like big, floppy hats because that's about all that fits me. And if I may be frank? I would love someone to dress me!! I know it sounds horrible, but oh, to be pampered that way...

That's all I have for now. I'm going to watch the rest the season and eat some lunch. Right now I'd settle for someone to do the laundry, much less dress me. Ah, the life...

Finally, A Summer That Doesn't Suck That Much!!

Boy, do I ever need one of those!! 2 summers ago it was my mom with breast cancer and last summer we buried her. I'm still pissed off about that. I think I always will be. But I digress. Duh. Things have been moving along at a nice little clip this summer. It isn't much, but I will take a silver lining every chance I get.

I have read my brains out this summer. I haven't read the classic fiction I keep swearing I'll get to, but I've been reading none the less. My request list at the library is constantly full. I've requested books and movies and CD's and whatever else I can get my greedy hands on. I have a list from all my book sites that I've been using to request books. Summer is my only real reading time. I may take a book with me to dance, but I usually end up talking with my dance mamas instead of cracking open the book. During school, I'm so busy schooling my kids, my reading list falls to the wayside. I picked up 10 books yesterday and what was my first reaction? Yea, I get to request 10 more things!! But I gotta do it soon, since we start school at the beginning of August. I've even been making the kids trade TV and video game time for reading. The downside? I don't want to do anything else. Not make dinner, not work out, not anything. I have to drag myself off the couch to get anything done. Know what helps with that?

Bowling. The last few summers, I've signed the kids up for Kids Bowl Free. We would use it sporadically, and have fun. This summer, we've been going bowling with a group of friends. I have added and deleted kids from my account to take friends with us that aren't signed up. It has been amazing! My sweet friend, K, signed hubby and me up under her family pass, so we even get to bowl for free. The kids have had a great time. I even have my friend N and her daughter bowling with us. I'm not a great bowler, but I enjoy it and so do my kids. Hubby's only been able to go a couple of times, but at least he got to go. The kids have really made an effort to improve their skills and it shows. The big girl even broke 100 yesterday. Go on with it!

As much as I love my kids, I am with them all the time! What helps with that? Drop off days!! My friend M has been having drop off days at her house. I think she's nuts, but she would have to be to invite a ton of kids to her house and let the parents go. For 4 hours! Do you know how much napping I can get done in 4 hours? A ton! Last time I went to the big box book store, grabbed a couple of books off the shelf, copped a squat and read my brains out. It was awesome. I did need a coffee, because that much reading makes mama sleepy. If I could have curled myself in to a ball in that chair and napped, it would have been 10 times better. I think management would have frowned on that. One week I went to a movie. All by myself. I didn't have to share popcorn or my drink. I got to spend the afternoon with Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel. Um, hell, yeah! And the best part? Hubby is off for the next drop off day. We're going to go eat sushi. With out the kids! Oh, yeah...

This has been the year of stress for us. Between the loan modification, foreclosure, and the bankruptcy and a million other things, I have found that my attention span has shortened. My stress level just will not allow me to focus on more than 1 major life event at a time. As soon as we get through one thing, I can focus on the next. Sometimes. It has been a blessing to have friends that help, whether they know they're helping or not. It has been a blessing to have a mini vacation, if only for a couple of hours. And know what we're doing today? We're going swimming with friends. Working on my tan and swimming? Sign me up for that!!   

Refi, WiFi, Me, Oh, My!

I needed a break. I felt a lot of pressure to deliver a great blog, but found that for a while, all I could do was gripe and bitch. That's no fun. I put tons of pressure on myself, can you tell? Let's see how I do this time.

All these wonderful programs the POTUS has implemented to help the middle class, like Cash for Clunkers, have done nothing to help us. Not one thing. We either made too much money (I have no idea what that means), or didn't have enough equity, or our provider for whatever didn't participate in the program, or a million other excuses I could use. Then it happened. We got behind on our house payment. Hubby worked his butt off with overtime and on call to catch us up, but it got to be too much. I looked into several refi and modification programs and none of them fit us or would work for us. Then I saw a story on the local news one day. I don't watch a ton of news, but I was glad I was watching that day. We found out our loan was a Fannie Mae loan and that started the ball rolling. This is where I openly and blatantly state : I DESPISE WELLS FARGO BANK AND THE CROOKS THAT RUN IT!!! Glad to get that off my chest.

Wells Fargo makes the modification process torture. It's almost like they want you to get fed up and either pay them or walk away from your house. We were so close to just walking the hell away. I had even gone so far as looking to sell the chickens so we didn't have to take them with us. They stalled and dragged their feet at every opportunity. They even recalculated hubby's payroll stubs. Apparently, his company that employs 1,000's of people is full of idiots that have no idea how to figure payroll. WF even recalculated one wrong! They wanted a signed letter from a company representative as to why it was wrong. Until hubby explained it to our counselor and she explained it to them. They wanted a signed letter about every little thing. I had to write 2 letters explaining that I homeschool our 3 kids and don't work outside the home. They dragged their feet so long, we're in foreclosure. The good thing? They modified our loan! Our mortgage is almost half of what it was and our interest rate went down 2 1/2 percentage points. We make our first payment today. Next up, bankruptcy. That is a process you know I'll be blogging about.

Everywhere you go is free WiFi. I rarely use my phone where there is no internet service. I've even had hubby just pull up to the redheaded little girl's hamburger joint so I can just use the WiFi. My local grocery store has it, the big box book store at the mall has it. Even the mall has it! My big girl has figured out the password to the WiFi at 2 libraries that we frequent. She's going to be such a good little computer hacker when she grows up. What I'm finding though, is that technology isn't always our friend. I really want to go back to the days where you can get a cell phone that just makes a call. That's it. I don't need a smart phone. It's nice having one, but I don't need one. I don't want to be tracked. I don't want to be marketed to. I refuse to use the self check lanes at stores. I'll stand in line for an hour before I use one. People need jobs, and that takes jobs away. I don't want to give my phone number and email everywhere I go anymore, so I don't. I just give then my first name and make them add any last name. Smith is nice. Bitch is better.

Lately, 2 separate airlines, South West and American, have had to delay or cancel flights because of a glitch in their computer systems. Hotels around the airport filled up quick. Some airports brought out cots for those stuck at their airports. Have you seen the movie Battleship? It was a little cheesy, but we still liked it. If you haven't seen it, here's a spoiler alert!!! What saves the day and planet earth? A 70 year old battleship that was built to last. What did the sailors complain about? Out of date technology they had no idea how to use. Thank goodness for the old timers that were volunteers on the ship that had actually WORKED on the ship. Ever try to call a company that has a computer answered system? We've all been lost in that hell. "I'm sorry. I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." Because you're a computer!! All of our cars are run by computers. Have one of those mother boards fry and see what happens. Been there, done that, had Big Sis push my car out of traffic with hers because of it!

Lots of stress in our home because of the modification and the bankruptcy. Combine that with my mom's birthday, my birthday, mother's day, and grief and anxiety and stress and that makes me a lean, mean, eating machine. Ok, maybe just mean and machine, but not so much the lean. Since February, I've gained 12 pounds. What the French, toast? I cannot keep food out of my mouth. I have done so well the past year keeping the stress and emotional eating at bay. Not so much lately. I know what to eat. I know how to eat for my body. I know what will break my body down. My body doesn't care. Not one damn bit. If it's sweet and delicious (it doesn't even have to be delicious), I'm going to eat it. If it's salty or savory or, my favorite, crunchy, I am all over it. Do not let me loose at a buffet. Good grief, there isn't anything left for the rest of the restaurant. The craving for a cigarette has taken hold, too. I am not going there again. Hubby asked me if I wanted him to stop and get a pack. Well, yes, but I will smack you if you do. I do not need to weigh 180 pounds and be smoking. Again. You should have seen that poor sweet potato chocolate cake. It never had a chance of making it through the night. Good thing I had help with that one.

My contract for my phone expires in a couple of months, and hubby's by the end of the year. We may be switching to phones that text only. If we can find them. I am going to try a cleanse and up my coconut oil intake to try to get rid of the sugar and food cravings. I'm working out because I want to be in the Gold Company at our dance studio and I want to be in top shape for that. Come September, our loan mod will be final and the bankruptcy well under way. By the end of the year, I should be a lean, mean, dancing machine. Hopefully not glued to my smart phone with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. And a drink. I could really use a drink...

  

Old Enough to Know Better

I really hate it when I tell somebody something and they disregard me. I think I got this. Really. If I say it, I mean it. I may say it in a hateful, mean way if you piss me off, but I am aware of my opinion. I'm not always aware of what's coming out of my mouth until it's out, but still. Case in point.

This past weekend was our dance recital. It was amazing!! My kids rocked it and I have to say, I did, too. During practice one day, we were talking about that social media site almost everyone belongs to. One of my dance mates was talking about unfriending people. I said I wasn't going to unfriend her. She went on to say that she disagrees with 90% of what I put on there. She was speaking politically. She said that we all have our delusions. She even said "Poor, Cristy." Um, ouch. I'm sure my opinion is the right one. You can't get me to agree with her politically, but that's ok. I even told her that. I just agreed that some of us are delusional and that we all live in our version of a perfect world. That kind of shut her up. She asked me one night at recital if I watch "The View." My response: not if I can help it. I'm pretty sure I know what I mean when I say that. That kind of shut her up for a minute, too. I just don't talk politics with her and we get along just fine.

I had to get a haircut before recital. I was wearing a side braid with some cool colored braids weaved in. It was heavy and I needed to lighten the load. Thursday morning, hubby and I go run errands and a haircut was one of them. We walked in to a chain place and the woman at the counter asks for my name. I give it to her. She asks for my phone number. I ask why. It was their way of tracking us. I don't like to be tracked. I know. Every time I log onto a website or print a coupon, I'm being tracked. That doesn't mean I can't limit what I want to limit. She asked for my email and address so they could send me coupons. No, thank you. She was a little taken aback when I declined. She took it in stride, though. The guy cutting my hair, though, is a different story.

The big girl did my hair for recital. We had put it together beforehand to see how it was going to work out. We figured out how much needed to be cut off and still be long enough for all the extras. I told the guy to cut off 3 inches. He insisted on 4. I was insistant that it would be 3. I explained to him, twice, what was going on and that 3 was all that could be cut off and still be long enough. He insisted on 4. I asked, calmly, for another stylist or 3 inches, one or the other. He cut 3 inches off. He said I need to come in more often to get a haircut. I said I know. Then he started in on how I think I may be saving a dollar, but it was important for hair health, blah, blah, blah. See, I know all that. I just interrupted him and said, politely, "Dude, I homeschool 3 kids. It's not the money. It's the time. Let's talk about something else." I won't be going back to him again. I'm pretty sure that I know what I mean. I even informed him that I had worn my hair long probably longer than he had been alive and it was time for him to hush. Politely, of course. I didn't want to come out bald. I could go on and on about how much of an arrogant ass he was, but that would be the whole blog.

Our next stop was the grocery store that was next to the hair place. They've started using digital coupons. You can sigh up on their website and have coupons sent straight to your phone and attach it to your debit or credit card. The cashier asked me if I had any. I said no, I don't like to be tracked, but thank you for asking. She continued with her spiel. Again, no, thank you, but thank you for asking. She looked like she was going to start again. I held up my hand, looked her straight in the eye, and said "No, thank you!" I handed over my printed coupons, paid for groceries, and out the door we went.

Hubby asked if eveyrone had lost their minds. I said hell, yea! I think I handled myself pretty well for being so damned aggravated. I didn't yell, I didn't scream. I did fuss a little, but that was because I was prodded. And prodded. And prodded!! It was definitelt an interesting day. I am thankful I got a nap or that evening could have ended badly!