Season of Suck Ass

It's the holiday season!! Fucking great. I hate the holidays. Actually, I hate what comes along with the holidays. Families pulling this way and that way. Look at me, no look over here. Jealousy and trying to keep up with the rest of the world. Screw that. After the heated discussions of the last holiday season, I can say I had the best Thanksgiving and Christmas in many years last year. This year will suck all over again.

Bis Sis said she is going to miss Mermie. Oh my God, me, too. She said they used to plan their menu together. Us, too. We would talk on the phone for at least an hour talking about what sounded good this year. This is what I'm doing different, these are the standards that we're still having after all these years. For many years, I would make broccoli rice casserole because it reminded me of my mom. We'll have it again this year, but it will be revamped. I wanted to make it for her. She asked me where I got some of my ideas. My Better Homes and Gardens and LOTS of cooking shows.

I loved the Thanksgiving and Christmas phone calls. She didn't really want to talk to me, but she did. Then it was all about her babies. She would always send a check for Christmas. It's easier than sending gifts, and I could get the kids what they wanted. The best gifts always came from Mermie and Uncle Jesse and Mamaw and Papaw. It's just the right thing to do. She would ask what she got them and I would tell her. Then she would ask the kids how they liked it. Too funny. She was always flumoxed about what to get the boy. With 6 granddaughters, a grandson threw her for a loop. That always made me giggle.

We did get to spend a Thanksgiving with her a few years ago. I kind of took over the kitchen. I couldn't help it. It's what I do. It was a fantastic holiday. The kids got to spend great time with her. There was no drama. There was no stress. There was just family eating great food and being thankful for being together. There was way too much turkey and pie eaten and it was wonderful.

I know the firsts are always hardest. It doesn't really get any easier. It just gets easier to pretend you're too busy to think about it. Make sense? I know if my mom were here, she would tease me about being Suzy Homemaker. I know she would ask me how I make my pomegranate compote. I would tell her to quit eating that crappy cranberry sauce in a can and make her own. It is so good. We would both have broccoli rice casserole, but mine would have brown rice and homemade cream of mushroom. We would both eat too much and complain about it while we ate leftovers. She would spoil my kids something awful and I would let her. I would wish I was in her beautiful kitchen and so would she!

Have a great holiday season. Pardon me if I don't perticipate like I want to. I just can't. There will be joy this season. There will be no drama on our part. There will be too much food and full, full, bellies and hearts. There will be some sadness and some tears. There will be a wish on my part. Oh, how I wish, I wish, I wish...