Dis and Dat

I'm back to making lists. Who am I kidding? I have to or it didn't happen. Calendars are my friend. Most of our stuff goes on my phone calendar since I always have it with me. Then they get transferred to paper when I get home. I even add it to the lesson plan book so I know how to plan for each day. Big sigh.

• For the last couple of months, if hubby hasn't been working on a Saturday, he's been hunting. Lazy Saturday mornings are one of my most favoritest things, but I haven't had very many. Even with hubby gone, we've had one activity or another it seems. When I do have a lazy morning, I like to watch Soul Train. That is one of my very favoritest shows. It's all the reruns from a bygone era. I get to hear great music. I get to see so many artists that have gone on to make great music or some we never heard from again. I get to see classic performances. And I get to dance like a fiend in my bedroom! Then I get to collapse in my bed with a cup of coffee when it's all over. This past Saturday it was Elton John before he was Sir Elton and Morris Day and the Nights. I never knew that Philadelphia Freedom was the name of the tennis club where Billy Jean King played. The things you learn from watching Saturday morning TV. It was a lovely morning!
• I almost had a break down at the park the other day. I was talking to friends and the subject of crying came up. I told them that I had cried in front of my kids, but not the deep sobs of mourning. I said the words "When my mom was dying..." I knew she was and there was nothing I could do about it. Not one thing. All those feelings came back and almost swamped me. It was all I could not to just explode into blubbering. I just had to keep talking or I was losing it.  
• We got our taxes done. Yea for refunds! Now we wait for the IRS to start processing returns. We have gotten to the point we don't even itemize anymore. Our deductions aren't enough to matter. When we would take our taxes to people it would cost us an arm and a leg. They don't give you prices up front. $250 later and all for forms that said you didn't qualify. Forget that. I've already been looking at curriculum. Duh.
• It has come to my attention that I am spoiled. Again, duh. I love being spoiled. To quote Big Sis "I didn't spoil me." I could claim it wasn't my fault, but I let it happen. I didn't kick, or scream, or throw a fit. And I'm ok with that. 
• Hubby and I took time for date night last night. We went to dinner and a movie. It sounds cliche, I know, but we had the best time. We got to spend time with each other having real conversations, and not always about the kids. I sat and watched a couple next to us. The guy was watching the basketball game and never took his eyes off the game. The gal was talking, talking, talking. Really? A little courtesy would be great. Hubby said the couple behind us sat playing on their phones the whole time. Why? I just think that's sad. I don't understand it. I'm spending time with my favorite person and I don't want to ignore him. We got to hold hands and rest our hands on each others legs under the table and kiss and stare into each other's eyes. Ok, not so much the eye thing, but normally there is so much going on at our table we don't get to just be. At home, he sits at one end of the table and I sit at the other. That makes it sound like our table is 20 ft long, doesn't it? It's not. I don't understand the need to be distracted. Aren't we distracted enough? Crazy I tell you.

That's about it for now. I think I'm gonna go spend some time with my man. No more distractions.

Scrambled

My mind, not eggs. Although, I did overcook 6 eggs the other day. That's bullet point number 1, so more on that in a minute. I've been trying to be a good girl and keep a list, but that's been hit or miss. We're going all over the place today. Ready?

• I usually try to keep 18 eggs for us. Once we fill a carton, I set it aside and let it sit in the fridge for at least a week. Boiled eggs are one of those things we can take with us that are easy to make, easy to take, easy to eat. They have to sit at least a week, preferably closer to 2, before I can boil them, though. If the egg is too fresh, the white sticks to the shell when you peel it and you're stuck with just yolk. I don't mind that, I'm weird. Well, I have some to boil, so I did. And burned them. What the hell? How do you burn boiled eggs? You leave the pan on high and forget about it. Then, apparently, the eggs will explode when all the water boils out and they get too hot. Thankfully it wasn't an all over my kitchen explosion, more of a busting out of it's shell kind of thing. That was enough. It would have been ok, but I had also turned the toaster oven on to warm up before I put a sweet potato in. I didn't put the potato in, but the toaster oven just warmed it's little heart out. That'll teach me to do history and science with my kids. From now on, they're on their own! Not really, but it was kind of humiliating for me, the kitchen diva. Just goes to show, you should set your kitchen timer to get your attention. Maybe that would work.
• Moisturizing jeans? Really, Wrangler? I know that denim can be a little dehydrating to your legs. What I want to know is what kind of moisturizer is being used? The chemicals can kill you. Think of all the dye, the processing and now moisturizer? I think no, but way to be inventive.
• I made deodorant last night. I'm not sure it will be antiperspirant as well, but we'll see. I have a crystal deodorant I've ben using, but really those are hit and miss. We have one day of dance where we are at the studio for 4 1/2 hours. While I am not dancing that day, (well kind of, but I'll talk about that later), the waiting room gets very crowded, with standing room only being the norm. Many times I've made my kids sit on the floor to open some chairs. You get a room full of women laughing about stuff and watching Mr. Matt dance and the temp goes up. I can usually smell myself after hour 2. I don't want to do that. I have 2 friends that swear by it, so I'm going to try it. And there aren't any chemicals. It's cornstarch, baking soda, and coconut oil. Add essential oil for fragrance if you want. I'll let you know how it works.
• I went to the dermatologist. I have contact dermatitis. How the hell did I get that? You know it's bad when I lift my pant leg to show the doctor and she recoils and says "Ewww!!" Thanks. I needed to know I was gross. Don't try to cash that check. She wrote me a prescription for a cream. It has helped tremendously! I still itch. I'm still sore from the scratching. But it is clearing up, thank God! My legs and elbows are still bad, bad, bad, but not BAD, BAD, BAD. I have a feeling when all this is over, I'll be buff puffing to get rid of the scab scars. That sucks. I think it was all the junk I was eating during the holidays. Nothing else has changed. I think all the junk changed my bodies pH, and voila! But somebody has to eat the Unjunked candy. Why can't it be me? Because sugar no like me...
• I am ready for a new tattoo. I am unhappy with the way the color has faded on mine. I am unhappy with the way the writing has faded. I want to cover it with flowers and have it recolored. On my other arm I want my kids' Hawaiian names with maybe some flowers. We'll see.
• I have put some really unflattering things about our POTUS on the social site. I have a couple of friends that actually like him and voted for him. Why, I don't know, but I didn't say all my friends were well informed. It gets kind of awkward when I see them after I post. It won't stop me. If you want to have an intelligent debate, we can. All I ask is that you bring facts to back up your assertions, not just feelings. I have some feelings, too. He's an idiot. That's how I feel.
• I want a dog. I don't know why, but I do. So there. I don't want huge like a great dane or tiny like a yorkie. I want something in between. And I will walk, it, and feed it, and name it George. Probably not George.

That's it for now. Who knew I had it in me? I did!

I'm Back, For a Minute Anyway

The start to this one is political. I tell you that so you can back out now. Just sayin'.

• I think it is awful that the President is willing to sign an executive order that is illegal. This is to take away a very important right granted to us by the founders of our country. The right to bear and keep arms was given to us to keep this country's government from taking over every aspect of our lives and making this a monarchy. Make yourselves aware of what is going on before you jump my shit. Even if you like him, do the research yourselves. Look up the Constitution, read it, and know what it says before you say anything. I gave you the chance to bail.
• I have a weird rash. Like all over my body. It itches like mad! It started small, as two spots on my shoulders. Next thing you know, it is everywhere. My legs, hips, butt, and back are taking the brunt of it. I have scratched until my hands ache. Thank goodness I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I've tried to treat it nutritionally, but, really, until I know what it is, I can't treat it. I've been throwing things to the wall and seeing what sticks. So far, nothing but Neosporin and a big ass bandaid have kept me from shredding my left leg.
• I got a Ninja for Christmas and I love it! We make chunkies, which are really thick smoothies. I even made sorbet in it. We went last weekend and picked strawberries. We picked 30 pounds! I thought we only had 20! We froze at least half of them and have been steady eating the rest. The sorbet was strawberries, milk, and honey. So stinking good. It has handled every thing we've managed to throw at it. It came with 2 pitchers, but they're like my two PC bar pans. They are always dirty. Drives me nuts. I have to make sure that each time I run the dishwasher, I have at least one of them in there.
• The season of suckass is over. You can't tell that from the huge pile of Christmas stuff in my kitchen. The tubs are outside, but so far the stuff hasn't made it there. I wish it would sprout legs and pack itself away. That would save me a huge chunk of time. We had a quiet Christmas, which is what I have come to like. For the first time since I don't know when, we skipped the Christmas Eve service. I just did not feel like I could make it through. I would have been a huge slobbery, snotty mess and I was not up for that. I also didn't want to put my family through it. Or anyone else for that matter. I had a slight panic attack, so we just stayed home. We ate dinner and opened presents and watched movies and waited for Santa to come. And I needed that. And my zebra robe. I love my zebra robe.
• Every Christmas since we've had iPods, we all get an iTunes gift card. I am the one that will blow through all the money and nobody else gets anything. I told everyone not to bring me their card unless they had a list. I get whatever's left over, so make it good. I got a couple of new apps, the kids got some new apps, and even hubby got one. I also got music. Sweet, glorious music. I'm listening to Winger's Seventeen right now. I am a child of the '80s and I will forever love my hair bands. I also got some Jason Mraz, Bruno Mars, Rhianna, Run-DMC, and Pitbull. Oh, Pitbull. I had a friend translate part of a song for me. I only speak enough Spanish to get me in to trouble, but not out of it. I read it better than I understand it spoken. He is a bad, bad boy. I also got Chris Wallace's Push Rewind. The big girl and I are really liking that right now.  
• I have actually had time to read and cross stitch. What the hell is that? I finally finished the picture stitching for a piece I started back in 2005. Yeah, I know. Whatever. Now I'm working on the backsticthing. I have really enjoyed it. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. We watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy before we went to see The Hobbit. Yes, I know those were after The Hobbit, but we did it anyway. I had lots of time to stitch then. I have to keep my hands busy or I tend to start to clean and wander off. Or fall asleep. Then we had long mornings of no school or anything else, so I read my brains out. I finally finished the Septimus Heap book, Magyk. I'm requesting the next one. I got a nice stack of books before we took our Christmas break. I also won a $25 gift certificate for Harlequin, so I ordered some books. Those came in about a week before Christmas.

Alright, that's all I've got for now. Felt pretty good.

Stupid People Piss Me Off

I should probably just shut up, but good luck with that. I posted on my social site that my mantra for the season is "You're argument is invalid because you're stupid". Yea, I say and think that A LOT! For example:

Mt friend KS posted a pic of a shirt that poked fun of the whole end of the world thing. The last line said that Mayans were extinct. Honey, it was on from there. One of her "friends" posted that the Mayans were not extinct, as she was one of them. Um, ok it was a joke. She went on and on. She posted links. People made fun of her. People tried to tell her it was just a joke. And she was adamant that Mayans still existed because she was one of them. She was mixed, but still Mayan. Somehow, corn got brought into the conversation. I offered to bring popcorn to the show because it was getting good. That was soooo the right thing to do. Over 100 comments later, she apologized for hijacking the post and we all went on with our lives. Can we not take life so seriously? Life will get serious when we least expect it. Chill. And stop being stupid.

My hopefully soon-to-be-ex SIL is as stupid as they come. I have known that since the beginning, but it took years for everyone else to catch up. She is dating. Although the divorce is not final yet, she has a new man. Her husband's best friend. Also, he is the soon-to-be-ex husband of her now former best friend. Ow, I think my head hurts. She has turned her kids against their father by having him come get his stuff, including the dog, then telling the kids that he just came and got the stuff that meant something to them because he's mean. She will get hers one day. Wish I could be there. There is a special place in hell for people that manipulate their children. Stupid ass.  

During a conversation that hubby was having with the aforementioned brother, the brother asked if we were going to be at the parents' house for Christmas. Really?!? Not so much, but thanks for asking. Even MIL asked hubby if we were going to be there. How about I would rather get my foot caught in a bear trap and gnaw my own foot off to get out of it? Hubby politely (because he's so much better than I am. Really, he is. I would have laughed out loud and said something HUGELY inappropriate and stupid) told both of them no, but thank you. The stress of the last holiday season and all of the hard feelings that are still there need to be reconciled before we can even think about spending what should be a joyous time together.

People are jumping on the gun control band wagon. I guess if you're going to jump on a band wagon, you might as well play drums. Play it loud enough, people won't be able to hear reason. We don't need more gun control. We need to stop giving the spotlight to people that shoot up malls and schools and movie theaters and whatever else. Report the news, give some FACTS, then let it go. Too many want to be famous and will go out like that if they have to. Too many see the reports and decide, in their delusional fog, that that seems like a great way to go. Guns didn't go into that school and pull their triggers. A man who had serious mental problems did that. And it doesn't matter that I don't need an assault weapon to hunt with. They aren't made for that. They're made for assaulting, stupid. Good thing that's correct grammar or this blog could be taken the wrong way. It's not about the guns, it's about the people that use them for stupid things.

Can we talk about how the holidays brings out the stupid in people? You've dealt with it. Hell, we've all been stupid at the holidays. My kids get 1 present from each set of grandparents, 2 from hubby and me, and 1 from Santa. Nothing over the top. Nothing that costs more than about $30. Maybe $40, depending on how good Santa is to them. He has lots of overhead, you know, with all those elves. I cannot even imagine what it costs to feed those reindeer.

We've all been stupid. Hell, I'm there every day. Stupid is as stupid does. I just try to remove myself before it gets filmed. I could talk about how stupid that is, but that is a whole blog in and of itself.

Low key this year for us. I miss my mom. Time doesn't make it better. That's just stupid. It just makes it easier to pretend it didn't happen. Grief is something else, I'll tell you what. Enjoy your holidays. Hug your kids. Spend time having fun and making memories that bring warmth to the heart. That is NEVER stupid.

Shhhhhh...

I'm still here. It's the holidays and I need some quiet time. Give me a bit and I'll be back.

I Got nothin', Well, a Little Something...

I need to blog, but I just don't know what to blog about. Even my list is boring. There's some political stuff (I canNOT believe that we have to relive all this crap for another 4 years. Really, people? He fucked us the first 4 years with no kiss, and here we go again. If this keeps up, I'm going on the dole. Then the bitches can pay for me!), some school stuff (I have ideas for field trips, it's just getting off my tuckus to make some calls and get it done.), some family stuff (we really are pretty boring. Good grief!), and some random stuff (cricket, cricket, cricket).

I just want to write. I have tons of stuff to keep me occupied, but I'm done with being occupied. I have all these characters and story lines. Sometimes the characters won't get out of my head until I write them down. I started a notebook to put them in. That way I don't lose track and I can get them out of my head. November is write a page a day month or write 1000 words a day or some kind of writer's month. It was also blog every day month, but that didn't happen either. I also haven't had much time for me. We were sick and now we have to play catch up. I know where we need to be by the time we break for Christmas, and by gosh, by golly, we're going to be there. But that cramps my writing time.

I just bought a Ninja. Not the dress in black, Japanese bad ass Ninja, although that would be cool. The food processing, smoothie making, and in this case, dough making Ninja. I don't plan on making a lot of dough and I have a big stand mixer for that anyway. I do like some homemade pretzels, the soft kind with all the salt and a little bit of mustard. Crackers are fun and tasty. They don't last, but they are good. I'm hoping for smoothies that will boost my energy. Hubby is excited about that, too. I have a friend that loves hers. It's my Christmas present, but I'm opening that bad boy today. Look, a spark of interest.

I have to take a nap EVERY DAY. I am old. It gets to be about 2 o'clock and my eyes just want to slam shut. Not good when you're driving, but it keeps me on my toes. It's that whole depression thing. The holidays normally suck for me because I can't be with my family. This year is super sucky. A cave to hide in until it's over would be much appreciated. We finally got the Christmas stuff out, but it took us another 3-4 days to open the tubs and get it done. The tree that I put in our room didn't get decorated for another couple of days. Depression is for the birds.

I think it would have been amazing to win the powerball. Can you imagine the size of the shoe room I would build? Can you imagine the shoes I could buy to fill that bad boy up? Amazing!! I think a Hawaiian/European vacation would be in order. I want to go to Hawaii, Fiji, Tahiti, Tonga, Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal, England, Ireland, Scotland, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, and I know some of those aren't in Hawaii/Europe, but if I'm planning a vacation, I am going to plan a VACATION!! And somewhere in there I may help some of the poor people, because I'm nice like that.

Reality television is the downfall of our society. Multiple wives, rich housewives that have no idea about the real world, redneck beauty queens, redneck Muslims (what the hell?), and now Amish that "keep the peace" in their towns. Shut up!! Go back into the backwards hole you crawled out of. We need to take our television programming back. There is no way Sugar Woowoo should be such a huge hit. It's the train wreck mentality. It's happening and is so gross you can't look away. Yeah, yeah I can. I just don't watch.

See, it wasn't much, but it was a little something. I'm going to make some oatmeal and get my day going. And bonus, I feel a little better. I love it when that happens!     

Death Sucks

I interrupt this season of thankfulness to rid myself of angst. I am going to be as real as I can because I need to be. Death sucks ass. I don't mean for the ones who died, I mean for the ones left behind. I do believe that I will go to Heaven when I die, but this blog isn't about my spiritual side. I firmly believe that a relationship with Jesus Christ is how you get to Heaven. I firmly believe that many of my relatives had that and I will see them again. This blog is about my physical side. The one that got left behind and now has what feels like a big rock sitting in my heart. The one that is this close to tears every day, just waiting for that one thing to set me off. The side that prays when I do go off, people won't look at me like I've lost my mind.

The grief is overwhelming at times. It just swamps me, like a tidal wave. Have you ever been sucked down by a wave? I have. The summer I was 10 we went to Hawaii. My cousins taught me to body surf. They also said not to get too comfortable on the wave. I did, and it sucked me down. Straight down. I had no idea which way was up or which way was down. I couldn't see anything but churning water and sand, and none of it clearly. I tumbled and bumbled and I didn't know how to get out of the wave. When I thought I my lungs would explode, the wave spit me out. I skidded up the beach, sand scraping me, reminding me not to get too comfortable again. That's how grief is. It sucks you in and you can't breathe because of it. Then, when you can't catch your breath, it spits you out onto the beach and scrapes you and makes you raw and buries itself in places you didn't even know you had.

I hate it. I hate that my mom is gone. I hate that my kids didn't have more time with her. I hate that it's Thanksgiving and I can't call her to talk about our meal. I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!!

I have several friends that have recently lost loved ones. Fathers, grandmothers, great aunts that were like grandmothers, and a son. We all grieve differently. For me, I feel like if I start, I may not stop. Some days I just want a quiet house, a bubble bath, and some serious crying time. I need to purge, but I don't do that well with other people. Truth be told, even though I have cried in front of and with my children, I'm scared if they see me like that, it would scare them. My heart aches for my friends and what they must be feeling. I wish that they never had to go through this.

Being human, I know that what we miss is the physical. We miss the voice and the touches. I miss the sly remarks and the twinkle of trouble in my mom's eye. I miss her laugh. I miss her hugs. I miss her. This side of me wants her back! This side of me wants to kick Mom's doctors in the ass. This side of me wants everyone to shut up about how she's in a better place. I know she is, that isn't the problem. The problem is that I don't want her there. I want her here! But I know I can't have her here.

I am thankful for my blessings. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband, loving children, and a nice home. I'm thankful that we will have a special meal together that was prepared by all the hands in this home. I am thankful. But, I have this other side...