Parenting Sucks

Notice I didn't say being a parent sucks. It doesn't. I love my kids and I love being a mom. It's the decions that suck. Some days, I just don't want to be the parent. I want to be young and irresponsible and make decions based on wants instead of need.

Our big girl is getting to the age that some of her activities conflict with other activities and we have to leave her. Or we don't want to sit around for an hour while she takes voice or practices with the band or dances or whatever. We have talked about getting her a cell phone. Is that not the scariest thing? Your child needs a cell phone? I would have loved to have a cell phone when I was a kid. I don't remember hogging the phone at home, but I remember Big Sis hogging it. Mermie had to finally get us our own phone line. I would like for it to be that simple. Just add a line at the house and call it good. Hubby gets a discount on a home phone. Cell phones are the bane of my existence. I'm not giving mine up, just so you know. Unless we get a free one when we add the big girl in a couple of months. Then I get the free one and she gets mine, because that's the way the world works. When the kids start driving (I cannot believe I just went there), they get hand me downs, and hubby and I get the new.

I had to drop my tap class. I love my tap class. This year, schedule wise, we would have been in the same predicament as last year. It would have left us with a very long Wednesday and four snarky people at the end of the day. Or we would have to drive home to turn around a couple of hours later and make the trip again. Not doing it. It's over an hour round trip. That's great for listening to a book on CD, but not so great for trying to get anything done. I don't like feeling like I have to hurry and get things done because I have to leave the house again. We plan trips with multiple stops so we don't have to go to town too often, or just for one thing. It saves time and gas that way. So do I give up something I love so the baby can dance? Well, yeah, that's what parents do. I would rather see her face light up with joy. That gives me more joy than any other thing. I love for my kids to be happy.

How do I make all their dreams come true? How do I make sure that they are well rounded individuals? I love them. We have been blessed that we have found pretty inexpensive ways to foster their dreams. Dance is our big expense. It really isn't that bad, and we get alot for our money. I like that. We have a friend giving the voice lessons, and we got a great deal on it. The big girl gets lessons from a classically trained singer and we get to help someone work her way through college. Book club for the big girl at a local library, chess club at a different library for the boy. Both of those are free. Foster the love of books in the big girl and get the boy to develop thinking and reasoning skills.

Will we buy them their first car? No, but we'll help them. They need to get a job and their own money and learn how to handle their own fundage. Will we pay for college? We'd like to be able to. Depending on where they go, we may need some hefty grants and scholarships. We will do what we can to help our kids reach and surpass all their goals and dreams. If we keep making right decisions.

Griping

That's what's on the agenda for today. You would think after not posting for awhile I would come up with a really great political post or even a thoughtful, rambling post. Nope. Tonight, you get bullshit. Ready? Let's go.

• Many years ago, after the boy was born and really for a short time after the baby was born, I had really let myself go. I wore my glasses all the time, my hair was always up in a scrunchy, I rarely wore makeup, and my clothes were to cover my body. I know people were wondering how in the world I could have gotten pregnant and if my husband was blind. I started to realize that hubby works hard for this family and he didn't deserve to come home to a slobby wife. I try to make my self presentable when he comes home and when we go out. I want him to be proud to be seen with the beauty that he married. That being said, what is the deal with women walking around in tank tops with bra straps showing, hair as messy as can be and up in a scrunchy, and flip flops? Do you not know how awful you look? They have these things you can now buy almost anywhere that will clip to your bra straps. It keeps your straps from showing. Flip flops lead to jiffy store feet. You know what that is don't you? It's black feet like you were walking barefoot in the convenience store. Nasty, ala Britney Spears. And do something with your hair. Make yourself look good, you make yourself feel good.
• There is a preacher in Gainesville that is having a Koran burning. I am highly opposed to burning books. I am highly opposed to terrorism as well. I know. There are peace loving Muslims out there. Where? I don't see them trying to foster warm fuzzy feelings about their peace loving religion. I know there have been many wars fought in the name of God. If you look at the history of many of those wars, they had nothing to do with God. God was used as an excuse. In this case, Allah is being used as an excuse. He is being used as an excuse to fly planes into buildings, to kill innocent people that disagree with rhetoric, and to keep our soldiers away from their families. All I have to say is we all have a right to protest in our own way. (Original comment deleted at hubby's request)
• I have said previously that I would not say a negative word about hubby. I changed my mind. Monday was mow the yard day. I like to mow what we like to call the back 40. I wish it was forty acres in the back of 1160, but it's the other half of our acre that's just yard. I like to mow it because I don't have to go around anything but myself. I make big squares, then when I've mowed enough it turns to these funky elliptical things because I mow crooked. Hubby is much better at backing up the mower and getting the corners. He doesn't freak out when he has to squeeze the mower through this teeny opening to get past the back patio and over to the tree. He works our 6 six year old, very poorly maintained, shakes and makes all kinds of weird noises lawnmower like it's a brand new, zero radius machine. He drives the lawn mower like he drives his work van. You can tell the man is confortable and confident with his driving skills. I have to make snake patterns back and forth to get a tiny patch. He's cutting most of the yard around the house in reverse. Whatever, dude, what...ever.
• I start dance tomorrow. Lovin' it. I have missed it so much. I haven't put my shoes on since class last year. I am so excited to see my dance friends. I am so excited to hear the tippity tap, tippity tap. I love to tap dance. It is amazing and energizing and fun, fun, fun. You should take a tap class, or any kind of dance that you are interested in, at least once. None of that nonsense about no rhythm or grace or any other excuse. It's not about that. And you eventually get just a little bit of that anyway.

That's it I guess. It's late and I'm tired. I'll try not stay gone so long next time. See ya' on the flip side.

Long and Winding Road

Not really. Just a long winded me. I've got another rambling blog. I can't seem to settle on one topic, so you get whatever happens to come out of my mouth. Or out of my keyboard.

• Last night was book club. I had a really good time. I like having the opportunity to maybe read some things I haven't read before. I also got to see some friends that I haven't seen for awhile. And the best part, I've already read the book for next time. I am really glad I do not have to fight the library. I am so tired of fighting them. At least the kids have turned in their books and are fine free. The people that work there drive me crazy.
• I have felt a little off kilter lately. I'm not sure why or what to do about it, but I have this foggy feeling. I don't feel disconnected, I just don't feel completely connected. Hubby said he's noticed, but he knows I get this way sometimes. I wish he knew why so I could fix it. If I've been a little snarky with you, sorry.
• I still have a hole in my backyard where the pool is supposed to go. I told hubby I'm done. I cannot be attached to the thought of a pool in our back yard. I have half a mind to ship the liner back and get my money back. I'm ready to fill it in and ge have my yard again.
• It's rained so much I haven't been able to use my clothesline. It is a blessing to have the rain, but my electric bill is higher now. On a bright note, it was so sunny today, I got to hang two loads out. I even managed to get them both in the house by the time the sky opened up and let it fly. Gotta love the rain.
• Lots of rearranging going on here. I have to clean out the big girl's closet, clean out ours, move a computer and a desk, get rid of a computer and move another desk, and buy a couple of dressers. Yeah, that shouldn't take long. I'll squeeze it in between bonbons and soaps. I don't remember the last time I watched a soap. I don't think I've ever had bonbons. I did just have a piece of ice cream cake that was really good. But it was dessert after dinner, not a mid day snack.
• I couldn't text for two days. I could receive, I just couldn't send. Hubby and I were looking at something and realised that some how some of the numbers weren't quite right. We fixed it and I can text now. I love texting. I hate paying for it, but I like having the option.

It wasn't too bad, was it? I tried not to keep you too long. Of course, after the boredom sets in, trouble shows up. I feel like that Mayhem guy in the Allstate commercials. Only cuter.

Random Blog

I'm in a rambling mood tonight. I've been watching too much Fox News, too much reality TV, and reading too many books. Wait, scratch that last one. There is no such thing as reading too many books. On with the show...

• I have read and read this summer. It has been wonderful. I can't even tell you everything I've been reading. I did read the Sookie Stackhouse books. Those were a fun read. I saw the HBO series before I ever knew there were books. I've requested the season 1 and 2 from the library. I did finally get to attend a book club meeting. I've been on the email list for at least a year now, but couldn't make the meeting. I even read the book. I've been reading the next book while I read about two or three others as well. I've read a lot of smut this summer, too. Just some really quick reads that are a little fluffy and some super sexy stuff. Books, books, books. I could never have a Kindle. I love holding the book, feeling the pages, hearing them turn.
• I've been watching a bunch of trash on TV. Summer is not good for me. I spend my days lazing around reading books and watching TV. It's too stinking hot outside to do anything else. I have to say that I am a Real Housewives of New Jersey fan. My favorite has to be Jacqueline. I like them all, but I seem to relate to her better. It is like watching a train wreck. You just can't stop watching while things just get crazier and crazier. I like most of the Real Housewives, except Atlanta. I just can't relate. It's a great marketing tool, but it's not for me.
• Computers suck. My desktop blew the modem somehow. We're having issues getting one to work. I find that funny since hubby installs them on almost a daily basis. I need a printer for my laptop, and I can get online with my laptop and print, so the modem thing is no big deal, except it IS a big deal, and I want it to work. Everytime I turn on my laptop for the last two or three days, my McAfee tells me it's having issues, but every time I try to fix it, it doesn't fix. Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! Like I said, computers suck.
• It's been raining here. It's not just the nice gentle showers I like. It's that pounding, blinding, scare the wits out of you thunder storms. I guess a storm isn't a storm without lots of lightning. We have had some serious boomers over the house. We love to have the rain since June and July were so blasted dry. It's been extra hot here, too, so the rain feels good in the afternoon. At least it feels good until the sun comes back out and it gets ultra sweltery. The rain keeps hubby working, though, so all I have to say is rain, baby, rain.
• I was having a conversation with someone one time and we were discussing writing and I think I got dissed. The comment was "I don't write all that flowery stuff." I have some pretty long sentences that tend to be flowery, so I was wondering if this person was talking about me. I'm pretty sure they've read my stuff. If not, sorry I brought it up. If so, to each his own. I still enjoy the way you write.
• I have been downloading songs left and right. I know there are tons of sites that I could get free music from, but I still choose to use iTunes. I get a gift card every couple of months and pay for it that way. That way I don't get a surprise on my credit card. The big girl has asked for some songs. Hubby even asked for one. Ok. I like having new stuff to listen to. I did splurge and buy Eminem's new CD. It is fantastic. I really wanted the not so much potty mouth version. I know that's weird coming from me, but it just gets to be too much. I couldn't find the clean version so I can't listen to it with my kids, but I can put it on my iPod.

That's about it, I guess. Just stuff. I'm sure I've left out a lot like my opinion of the first lady's trip to Spain. I told you I've been watching too much Fox News. You should check it out sometime. Curl up on your couch, grab a bowl of popcorn and a good book, and flip between the housewives and the news. There's an idea.

Oh, Baby

I want another baby. I have had baby fever for quite awhile now. I have wanted another baby pretty much since I had the last one. As the doctor was tying my tubes, I was bawling my eyes out. Hubby was the one that didn't want any more and he talked me into closing the factory. Lack of funds and poor management, two factors in today's economy as well, were both important, but not the main reason, hubby wanted to do that.

I do great pregnancies. It's the delivery hubby doesn't much care for. I do C-sections. Frankly, after 48 hours of labor with my first baby, mostly in my back, and an epidural that took awhile to take, I have no interest in natural childbirth. That is so not my thing. My next two were scheduled. I loved that part. I had a date. I knew when I had to have everything done by and most of it was. So much easier than the waiting around of natural. But after three, hubby was done with me being opened up. It was too much for him.

I would love to carry another child, but we are very open to the idea of adopting. The issue with adoption is the money. Please know that when I say we can't afford it, that means that I have $36.24 in my checking account until payday. We cannot afford adoption. Unless, by some miracle, a baby fell into our laps, that option is limited to us. Foreign adoption is really out of the question. We wouldn't mind that, but once again, fundage is prohibiting that route.

I have a couple of friends that just found out, or have known for a little bit and are just now sharing, that they are pregnant. I see pregnant women everywhere. I miss that feeling of moving baby inside me. I miss holding that little squiggler. Or a little snuggler. I miss the milestones. I miss the bottles and the diapers and the up all night. I miss taking the huge diaper bag everywhere we go. I miss trying to change the poopiest, messiest diaper with 2 wipes and prayer. I miss the baby food and first tastes. I miss it all. I feel like I could do one more, and I was cut off too soon.

If it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm not sure how, but if not, then it wasn't meant to be. My heart is ready, my body is ready, my soul is ready. I'm ready.

Traveling Feet

One thing that hubby and I have always had in common is our love of travel. We love to go here, there, and everywhere. I really wanted hubby to stay in the Air Force so we could travel for free. It wasn't what he wanted, so he didn't, and I'm good with that. You would think that as much as we like to go, we would at least have a passport. We don't, but we have some new ideas about traveling.

When we take a vacation, we usually visit family. That's great, but we don't usually go anywhere. Well, we go to dinner and shopping, but we don't go see local historic sites, or even some not so local. We just hang out and talk and visit with people. We are planning on doing some different things next time.

When we go to Texas, we are going to take a couple of days to go to Austin and the capitol. I would love to see the Governor's mansion and all that stuff. I would like go to the bridge and watch the bats, if you can still do that. I would like for the kids to see UT. It might give them Longhorn fever, you never know. And then a drive down to San Antonio to see the ALAMO. I would love to go to the River Walk and La Villita. And, of course, a huge mall. Is the mall still on the River Walk? See, it's been so long, I don't know if half of that stuff is still there. I would love to stay at the hotel right there on the River Walk. We could take the little boat tour. Lots of stuff to do.

When we go to Tennessee, we are going to Pigon Forge and Gatlinburg. We have been to Cade's Cove and seen the little town that's there and all the pretty deer. We didn't see any bears, but there's always next time. But I want to go to Dollywood. I really like Dolly Parton. Gatlinburg is so much fun. I might suck it up and go on the tram. I'll need to be highly medicated, but valium is a great thing. I just want to walk the shops and exhibits and take the kids to Ripley's. Yes, I know there is one close to here, but it's not the same.

Many of my friends this summer have been traveling fools. I have one friend whose husband sells insurance for a major company. They have incentives to meet to win trips. They went to Vienna this year after a two week camping trip up the East coast and a day in St. Augustine. Last year they went to Italy. What a great way to travel. One friend has a hubby that is an accountant. He had to go on a business trip to NYC. She got to go, too. After his meetings they got to visit and do the tourist thing. I have another friend that makes a two week trip to the Keys every year. I know yet another traveler that goes on a vacation with her in laws every summer. Their excursions are cruises to Mexico and the Carribean, among other things.

Hubby and I want to travel our great country. After our Hawaii trip we are saving for round two and three and so on. We want to go to South Carolina and rent a beach house. We would love to see Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. The Grand Canyon is another place we want to take the kids. Crater National Park in Arkansas and Grandfather Mountain in Georgia are two more. Our ideal life would be to travel the country in an RV and school on the road. The things we could see, the places we could go. What an amazing adventure that could be.

The Simple Life

I think that it's ironic that as I sit here listening to my iPod that is about to die so I must type quickly on my computer while my air conditioner is blowing nicely, I'm about to post on a simpler way of life. I'm nothing if not oxymoronic, or just moronic. It is what it is, whatever that is.

But seriously folks, at the park on Friday, a couple of friends and I were talking about a simpler, easier, slower life. Of course, by simpler, I mean so much harder than the life I live now, but more meaningful. We talked about each of us having a 20 acre plot and living a life closer to Little House on the Prairie than the current 2010. We can't afford it on our own, but together, pooling our resources, we could give it a go.

We talked about growing our own food. To have control of what goes on our food as it grows, to know the seeds haven't been genetically modified, to use compost we created, is a dream of ours. We are working on our compost first. We are researching compost bins. We are looking at different designs and different bins to try and decide if we want to build or buy. Right now, building is winning, but we aren't done yet. I dream about how beautiful my grandmother's garden always was. I think about what a great gardener my mother is. She can make dead plants come to life. I kill house plants.

We talked about having our own animals. We want goats and chickens. The kids and I want alpacas, but we need to start small. Farm fresh eggs are the best. And if you feed your chickens organically, they are so much better. And I am over the "not eating the chicken I named" thing. If it comes to eating or that chicken hanging around, I know which one wins. The goats we want for milk and hair. You can make cheese from the milk. I wonder if you can make butter? I've never heard of goat butter. Maybe there isn't enough fat? That's a research topic right there. We talked about cows, but that is a lot more work than I am after. They need more room than I want to give them.

Hubby talked about fruit trees and bushes. We can't grow apples because it's way too hot here. But we can grow citrus (duh), and avocados, and pomegranats, and some nuts (there's a bunch of those in our home), and some others. We can grow most veggies as well. He talked about a small orchard. We could can and pickle and jam and jelly.

We talked about a hard way of life. We talked about the care and tending the animals would need. We talked about the care and tending of the gardens and orchards. But we talked about the freedom that way of life offers. We talked about working hard, but reaping the benefits of eating food you grew. We talked about slowing down and spending time with family.

Do I think I could ever do that? I think I would like to try. I think I would like to try to garden successfully and raise animals. We are trying those things one at a time. We are starting with compost, then a garden, then chickens. We'll see how it goes, though. Baby steps, baby steps. My next one is home made bread. I hear there is an art to it. We'll see how I do.